Trump, A Dictionary, And An Idea

By D. S. Mitchell

Game Day

I know it is nearly July but it is another rainy day at the mountain, so I’ve got time to play some games. All I need to do, to get a break at Calamity Politics, is take it.  I’m not in the mood to be serious today. I had thought I was going to write an in-depth, thought-provoking, political post about the Iranian threat. However, I’ve changed my mind, for the moment anyway.

A New Game

As I opened the dictionary laying on the table, I got an idea for a new game. Wow. I just invented a new game. At least I think it’s a new idea. I believe I can write a spontaneous, weird and crazy story, using a well-known politician and his family as the centerpieces of that silliness. The idea is that I will use all the words on whatever dictionary page falls open, in the order the words appear on the two open pages.

So, here we go. My source is the “Everyday America English Dictionary”, Edited by Richard A. Spears, et al.  NTC (National Textbook Company) 1987.  Pages 130-131.

Daddy Knows Best

Donald Trump dropped the fountain pen on the desk, and asked, “What’s for dinner tonight?”

“Some form of fowl that Donald Jr, bagged when he was on safari in Texas,” Ivanka answered.

“You are a fox,” Big Daddy Trump gushed, leering suggestively.

“Stop it, Daddy.”

“Do you know what fraction of the federal budget is being spent on Jr.’s security detail?  Some reporter asked, and I had no idea.  Do you know?”

“Oh, Daddy, don’t worry about such stuff.  Just stamp it TOP SECRET,  and if that ‘fake news’ lady asks again, you just tell her it’s, classified.”

“Of course, of course. You’re right, sweetie.  I have more power in my twitter finger than ANYONE in the world!  Especially some ‘fake news’ reporter.”

“We should have that finger insured.  What if there’s a fracture?  It would be a disaster,” she said shaking her head in self-confirmation.

“Careful, Daddy, that glassware is very old and very, very fragile.  Michelle Obama called that glassware historic.”

“Historic?” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

Daddy, please, stop juggling the glassware.”

“Damn!  I don’t know why there’s no carpet in here?  You’d think, the designer would have figured out that somebody might drop something once in a while.  Bad design. Really, Bad.  Bad.”

“Daddy there’s a piece missing.  Do you see the last fragment somewhere?  Maybe we can get Melania to glue them back together.”

He bent down, picked up a large chunk of the broken glassware, and handed it to Ivanka.

“Why is President Washington’s picture frame askew?” she asked, as she stood up.  Reaching out she straightened the painting carefully.

“To be frank, honey, I don’t think I can get Melania to put these back together.  She’s mad about me winning the election.  Remember, I’d been telling her for five years I was just trying to increase TV ratings, and that I would really never run for president.   Then I ran, and won.  She hasn’t given me a second look since election night.”

“That’s too bad, Daddy.  Buy, her something.  Make it something big, maybe, an island.”

“We’ll see, we’ll see,” he said.

“I’m leaving, I promised Jared I’d bring him a giant frankfurter, from that deli on Montana Ave. That was an hour ago, and I’m still here.”

“What about this broken glass?

“Call housekeeping and tell her you accidentally dropped them.”

“But, that’s what happened. Well, sort of.”

“It’s okay to tell the truth,” she said smiling.

“I’ll think of something,” rubbing his chin.

“Before you go, I’ve got a question, did you see that damn, Jim Acosta?

“No Daddy, I didn’t see Jim Acosta.”

“That little creep asked me if my tweet accusing Hillary Clinton of working with the Russians wasn’t a  ‘fraud and a lie.

Ivanka, appeared to check a freckle on her hand, before answering, “Free speech, Daddy.  A lot of people died to secure that freedom.  Remember the freeze.  You remember, when George Washington had to cross that big half-frozen river, and some of the guys fell in, and died.”

“It’s become a frequent problem around here too,” he groaned.

“What? ”

“Free speech.  I may have to dump some of my own troublemakers in the Potomac,”  he growled.

“No, Dad.  General Washington did not throw any of his troops in the Potomac River.”

“Don’t be fresh, young lady.  If I say Washington threw the lying stooges of the ‘deep state’, those saboteurs, those traitors, into the Potomac, that’s what the Hell he did.  Got it?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Ivanka said, rolling her eyes dramatically toward the ceiling.

“I can’t help, but fret, Daddy.  There is so much friction in the country.  If the wrong person, not a friend, overheard you say, that the “Father” of our country killed his own troops, the Dems would be less than friendly.

Ivanka pulled out a compact from her purse, and reviewed her reflection in the mirror, “My hair’s a fright.  The paparazzi, are like birds of prey, hanging on the trees trying to catch me with a hair out-of-place.”

The President took his daughter’s hand, and scuffed his toe against the floor, “Honey, bunny, I’m frightened.”

“I know, Daddy, it’s frightening.  Just hang on.   Jared thinks that you will be impeached before the end of the summer.  Then this whole nightmare will be over.  I’m just wondering how much money we can generate out of this little gig, before your impeachment trial.”

“Yeah.  I’ve heard a pretty loud rumble from the leftist fringe, they are sounding pretty frisky,” the President acknowledged.

“Why is my hair so frizzy?” Ivanka moaned while checking the mirror.

She heard her father’s voice droll on,”Don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to early retirement.  Do you know what kind of severance package they’re going to offer?”  he mumbled, before continuing with, “Didn’t someone  say it was a life-time salary and security detail?”

“I’ll follow-up on those questions, for you,” Ivanka bit her lip, as she put the compact back into her purse, and stared stupidly at her father.

He returned her look with an obvious pout, “I just don’t understand why everyone is so pissed off.  Marching in the streets and screaming all night long.  What the Hell?  Everybody knew I grabbed women by their pussies.  Or, whatever it was, I said.”

“Daddy, stop it.  People are not mad because you grab women by their private parts.

“They’re not?”

“Hell, no.  Everybody is mad because you told them that you were a Prince, and now they have found out you are a frog.  You are not even a heroic Ninja Turtle.  You are, a frog!”

“Oh. They just need a distraction.  Any ideas?  I don’t want to do another “wiretapping” tweet or another “they’re all nice people” comment.  What if I tell everyone that Obama is running a child porn ring out of a Washington, D.C. pizza joint?

“I’m pretty sure someone used that story against Hillary,” Ivanka said slowly.

“I got it!  This is really good.  Where’s my phone?”

“Check your pockets.”

“So, what are you about to Tweet?”

“I’m going to tell my minions that I am purging the ‘deep state’ saboteurs.  Just like Washington and Lincoln, before me.”

“That could be risky,” Ivanka said, patting his hand, “you probably should limit the alternative facts, for a while at least.”

“I’m safe.  They got a committee investigating Russian collusion,  a committee investigating TV and microwave spying devices, a committee investigating Mike Flynn, a committee investigating Bill Barr, a committee investigating money laundering, a committee investigating my use of an unauthorized email server and cell phone, then there’s the committee investigating Chinese loans to Trump Organization.  They’re in over their heads,” he said with a prolonged, belly laugh.

“You know best, Daddy.  Remember, now; there is no insurance on your Twitter finger, so take it easy.  Okay?” she said over her shoulder as she left the Oval Office.

THE END

Thanks for indulging me.  That was fun.   Hope you got a kick out of it.  Something to do on a rainy morning. Give it a try.  Just open the dictionary to any page, and go for it.  You must keep the words in the same order as in the dictionary.  No cheating.

 

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