Yes, They Have Everything…
Yes, They Have Everything…
Editor: The convenience of online shopping is offset by issues of theft and scamming, beware. Cate and Wes’s recent experience is nothing new but certainly a timely reminder.
By Cate Rees-Hessel
…Including Some Things You Don’t Want
Well, folks, our Amazon account got hacked by scammers, as did my sister’s. And a little while back, we almost had our brand new TV stolen. Thieves are no laughing matter, but a bit of humor here to soften the sting. Be careful online and on your front porch, everyone…
Porch Pirate Palooza
Our 50-inch smart TV had met with an accident, so we bought a new one online – and that’s when the fun began… It arrived two days early and was left on the sidewalk in front of our townhouse – thankfully, we live in a safe neighborhood, however, perhaps the television should have come with a “steal me” sticker on the box. This particular delivery driver is worthy of a Paulette “bend and snap” (for those of you who don’t get this reference, please watch “Legally Blonde”). I’m sure many of you recall a series of commercials some years back asking what “Brown” can do for you – in this case, what Brown did for us was to leave our smart TV in a less-than-intelligent location.
Almost Doggone
A small commotion outside our front door and a doggie bark alert informed us of its “delivery”. Our puggle got an extra Milk Bone for scaring off the would-be thief – my husband, clad in robe and slippers, rescued our new flat screen. The box had been torn open, the contents questionable, so I made a phone call to “customer service”.
Graceland Is Calling
I requested the highest-level supervisor – he said his name was Elvis, from the “Heavy Bulky & Services” department. Well, this certainly has me all shook up, that the King is alive and working in the most interesting section of an online retailer. Well, I guess they do have everything, including a deceased rock and roll icon in their employ…
He Ain’t Nothing But A Hound Doggie
This offshore Elvis assured me I would be getting a discount on my next purchase – his optimism that I might be making a future purchase one can equate to my college cheerleading uniform still fitting. Women of a certain age know this guy is not Elvis or even an ETA. I can almost hear Steve Harvey quip, “You know that dude ain’t Elvis, and he done made up the Heavy Bulky & Services department…” My spouse looked it up on their website, though, and believe it or not, such a unit exists, with only a slightly different name…
I’d Rather Be Jesse’s Girl
To quote the real Elvis, this member of management, “He ain’t no friend of mine”. “Wise men say, only fools rush in”, but I can’t help not falling for this malarkey. “The King” in question sent me an email claiming it was a pleasure to “serve” me – this guy must be an easy date if he considers being yelled at for fifteen minutes pleasurable. As much as I love the “troubadour from Tupelo”, as my husband refers to him, next time I call CS, I want to speak to Rick Springfield, in the Good Looking & Still Alive department. He might not be the highest level supervisor permitted to speak to paying customers, but I like his style…
Say What?
Well, our “they really do have everything” online retailer account got hacked when my husband set up sharing remote access from our old laptop to our new one. The nightmare began with the scammers buying nearly $2000 dollars worth of merchandise, Apple Watches and Nintendo Switches, sent to addresses in New Jersey and Cleveland. We immediately reported the theft and highjacking of our account, then ending up being told we were in violation of their returns and refund policies. Huh?
No, MY order…
My spouse patiently explained to the customer service person that they canceled our forty dollar order that we actually wanted three separate times, after allowing over $2000 in unauthorized purchases to go through, and that their own security team were actually the ones that refunded the scammer purchases that we never made or initiated. We are the victims here…
Primed For Pain
Over the years we have spent a lot of money with this retailer, but they decided to not protect their customer and seemingly indulge the ripoff riff raff. I have a real problem with this. They also canceled our Prime account and offered us a 99 cent one week trial. Did they offer a similar Prime Day special to the thieves that stole our credit information? My husband then asked how we could possibly be in violation of their return policy for purchases that we never made. The CS associate told us this needed to be handled by the security team, who, we pointed out, was the group that initiated the refunds for the products we never ordered or received. This was beyond her level of comprehension, so we posed the question to Alexa to see what we should do about this gigantic mess – she gave us the weather in Tibet and then promptly went off line, probably with a headache like the ones we were getting…
Bot, Bot…
So, once again, we are on a lengthy hold to converse with the security team. A bot keeps disconnecting our call for alleged incorrect responses to a 3 digit code that is supposed to connect us to a human. My shouting “customer service” at the top of my lungs got us to another AI rep. After reaching an actual human, we were told we had verify our account in order to speak to a supervisor – we were subject to taking a test. Guess a $40 toiletries order needs major email and verbal verification, but thousands of dollars in electronics does not. We asked why they didn’t verify the thieves? After much arguing we finally were granted an audience with a manager after several minutes of snappy jazz music, the most pleasant part of the phone call.
Slightly Infuriated
My husband penned a masterpiece “mildly incensed” email to the account protection department, making it clear we will be taking our business elsewhere and also consulting the Better Business Bureau after this tragedy of errors. Perhaps they will offer us a 5 dollar giftcard for our trouble, in an attempt to win our business back. Oh, and of course, our phone call was recorded for training purposes. We are now headed to a physical store to go shopping for our 35th wedding anniversary gifts, which do not include Apple watches. We sure don’t own those smartwatches that we never ordered, but we do still have style…
