Wandering Thoughts

Wandering Thoughts

Wandering Thoughts

D. S. Mitchell

Thinking Aloud

I’ve spent most of the afternoon potting plants. I’m putting my beloved lake house up for sale and I noticed the deck needs a bright summer look so I went on a buying spree in Home Depot’s garden section. LOL. My dear neighbor came over with his wheel barrel when he saw me struggling with my blooming treasure and made quick work of the unloading. Brilliant blue Witches Hat, a dozen baskets of gorgeous red petunias, and 8 giant pots of amazing white Snow Thimble.

Getting the picture; red, white, and blue; the 250th anniversary? Anyway, none of this matters except that I do very little on Sunday, except play in the garden, eat gummies, canvas the internet for conspiracy theories, and write for Calamity Politics. The Calamity Politics part of it is where I am right now. Some days focusing on a particular topic is easier said than done, so please bear with me as random thoughts bounce around the page as I play with what’s hopefully going to be an article for Calamity Politics.

Misfiring Electrons In My Brain

Mom Said

My Mom used to say, “People will ignore facts, dismiss science, and argue the unarguable; if it’s in the interest of their pocketbook.” I thought for years that she had come up with that on her own, but then one day I saw the quote attributed to New York Yankee catcher, Yogi Berra. Whoever the source I think it is particularly astute. I wonder what she’d say about Donald Trump making at least 8 billion dollars since the first 19 months of his second term? I won’t mention his kids cuz they seem to be everywhere snagging US government contracts, causing protest rallies as far away as Albania. Since when is this alright?

Yogi Berra

When Yogi Berra left this world we lost the greatest baseball comedian-philosopher of all time. I didn’t say that, I read it somewhere. In addition to the first quote noted above he had a million more; such as, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”  “Nobody goes there any more, it’s too crowded.”  “You can observe a lot, by watching.” “The future ain’t what it used to be.” “Never answer an anonymous letter.”  “It’s like deja vu all over again.” “He hits from both sides of the plate.  He’s amphibious.”  When queried about where he wanted to be buried, he said, “Surprise me.”  Yogi Berra had a zest for life that even death couldn’t stop. While men like Yogi Berra continue to bring smiles to our faces men like Donald Trump and his cronies are literally trying to break the American spirit.

Start Writing

What about encouraging some blowback? If you haven’t written a letter to your Mayor, your local newspaper Editor,  your State Legislators, or one of your Federal Legislators, you should do it immediately.  It is a great way to get what’s bothering you off your chest.   The Letter to the Editor is especially rewarding because you can present your beef to the community and garner a few minutes in the spotlight. While you’re fired up, make some poster board signs for the next NO Kings protests, get your drum, your voice amplifier, your comfy shoes and be ready for the biggest protest in US history.

Continue reading

On the Radio

On the Radio

On the Radio

By John Curran

 

I try to lighten the load but one thing I have to have is my little Sony transistor radio. And so I turned it on and was listening this morning to a woman make a very interesting point. She was talking about how now since we got this big momentous date on the calendar called 250 that it’s just the greatest time and ‘n excuse for a big national party, not like no backyard BBQ thing this go ’round, no sir this one gotta be BIG, bigger more and more and more even, than it ever was. Yet at the same time, this woman went on, it’s pretty damn ironic that for a lot of people probably so what might not be a more logical response to the real ongoing real that is actually, not fake news here, actually happening. I mean this woman was saying that in point of fact this particular anniversary could and may well one day be looked at as maybe the most terrible time, the most perilous time, the time most in need of real solid brains and leadership and instead we got this ongoing dog and pony show, this delusion, that everything’s ok when, a whole lotta people sure ain’t with that one, no mo, no one wants this shit, says the woman, who then pointed out the irony of it all. That’s when I tune out. Irony? What’s that? Anyway, I think I know what she’s saying. Pretty cool, I tend to agree. I ain’t got nothing for Kid Rock anyway. So pretty dumb. Take it from a dumb guy, one who ought to know. Radio. It’s what I know.

Women of a Certain Age-Culinary Edition

Women of a Certain Age-Culinary Edition

Women of a Certain Age – Culinary Edition

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

  1. If you watch “The Food That Built America” on the History Channel and shout “I bought that!” during the show, you might just be a woman of a certain age.
  2. If you call Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice TV dinners…
  3. If you know what a Jawbreaker is…
  4. If you were unaware that many of the foods you have eaten in the past are GMO…
  5. If you ever ate a Pop Tart without frosting…
  6. If you remember when each of the new M&M colors came out…
  7. If you remember the red dye no. 2 scare…
  8. If you ate fruit off the tree without washing it…
  9. If you refer to a microwave as a microwave oven…
  10. If you ever had Jiffy Pop…
  11. If you remember who helped with the Shake’n’Bake Chicken…
  12. If you still fry chicken…
  13. If you had fish sticks on Fridays…when you were a kid
  14. If you think drinking milk with fish is dangerous…
  15. If you ever drank milk straight from the cow…
  16. If you drank from the garden hose…
  17. If you agree milk comes from a cow or a goat, not a nut…
  18. If you know who Famous Amos is…
  19. If you know Tab was a soft drink…
  20. If you drank Tang because the astronauts did…
  21. If you ever had caramels with white cream layer stripes…
  22. If you ever ate a Sky Bar…
  23. If you have heard of Willy Wonka Oompas candy…
  24. If you recall the Banquet chicken commercial with the hot chicken…
  25. If you recall the commercial with the stuck to the box pizza…
  26. If you ever drank Diet Rite cola…
  27. If you know what “Schweppervesent” means…
  28. If you remember Swanson Dinners and still eat their potpies..
  29. If you recall when Pringles were new fangled…
  30. If you know who Mrs. Fields is…
  31. If you think Dolly Madison snack cakes are named after Dolley Madison…
  32. If you know who quipped “good cracker”…
  33. If you know what tuna had their mascot looking for “good taste”…
  34. If you had a Charlie Tuna mug…
  35. If you have a Pillsbury Doughboy doll and poke its tummy…
  36. If you ever had the Goober Grape jelly and peanut butter combo in a jar…
  37. If you ever opened a can of pork and beans and had to search for the tiny piece of pork…
  38. If you remember the “Hostess is wholesome” commercials…
  39. If you know who the Jolly Green Giant is…
  40. If you know what’s “mmm mmm good”…
  41. If you know what choosy moms choose…
  42. If you recall the commercial with the chocolate bar bumping into the peanut butter…
  43. If your baloney has a first and last name…
  44. If you ever ate a fried baloney sandwich…
  45. If you ever ate butter on saltines…
  46. If you ever had turkey or tuna croquettes…
  47. If you made meatloaf on Mondays…
  48. If you ever ate ham loaf…
  49. If you ever had a hot beef sandwich with gravy fries…
  50. If you ever had lunch at the restaurant in Woolworth’s, you might just be a woman of a certain age…

47 Things More Pleasant Than Trump 47

47 Things More Pleasant Than  Trump 47

47 Things More Pleasant Than Trump 47

Editor: I have been avoiding the TV news recently; because his name, the sound of  his voice, his tweets, his quotes are the rantings of a demented old geezer that ‘otta be in a forensic unit at the Florida State Hospital instead of pretending to run the 21st century government of the United States. Before Trump sank into the depths of a terrifying dementia he was a thieving grifter who had fooled a lot of people for a long time. He has no respect for the law because he has always broken it and gotten away scot free while making huge sums of money. Now he is scamming the United States government for a whole bunch of cash for those who will claim false prosecution. Only in America. Holy fuck, what a terrible epitaph for this once glorious country. So with all that said, here’s Cate again with a few things she would much rather hear about than Donald Trump.

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

47 is the worst excuse for a “president” ever…and I mean E-V-E-R. So with said, here are 47 Things I think are more pleasant than Donald John Trump

  1. A peanut butter and pickle casserole – I will never call “The Donald” president
  2. Stepping on a screw
  3. Gastric disturbance
  4. The fragrance of a garbage truck
  5. Cotton mouth – I will never call “The Donald” president.
  6. Extreme physical pain
  7. A root canal without Novacaine
  8. Cockroachs – I will never call “The Donald” president
  9. Stomach flu
  10. Food poisoning
  11. COVID – I will never call “The Donald” president
  12. Poison Oak and Poison Ivy
  13. Dog poop – I will never call “The Donald” president
  14. Toilet back-up
  15. A sewer back-up
  16. A rectal exam – I will never call “The Donald” president
  17. Sink holes
  18. Razor burn
  19. Rat infestation – I will never call “The Donald” president
  20. Nails on a chalkboard
  21. Cellulite
  22. Stubbing a toe on pointy heavy furniture – I will never call “The Donald” president
  23. Crepie skin
  24. Being mooned by a stranger, or anyone for that matter
  25. A flasher in the produce aisle of the grocery store – I will never call “The Donald” president
  26. A flat tire during a rain storm
  27. Losing water pressure while showering
  28. Black ice – I will never call “The Donald” president
  29. The stirrups, if you are female
  30. Turn your head and cough, if you are male
  31. A kick in the balls – I will never call “The Donald” president
  32. Irritable Bowel Syndrome
  33. Cleaning up hairballs from the sofa
  34. Spending the night in a haunted house – I will never call “The Donald” president
  35. A clogged drain
  36. Arriving at the water park to discover someone threw up in the pool
  37. Finding a dog accident the hard way – I will never call “The Donald” president
  38. A can of warm soda or beer
  39. Running out of toilet paper
  40. A dead battery in subzero temperatures – I will never call “The Donald” president
  41. A gas gauge on E when you are running late
  42. A sprained ankle
  43. My in-laws – I will never call “The Donald” president
  44. A traffic citation
  45. Finding a fly in your soup
  46. The laugh of a hyena – I will never call “The Donald” president
  47. Creepy clown with orange hair – oh wait, that IS “The Donald”…

The Melania Movie? No, Definitely No.

The Melania Movie? No, Definitely No.

The Melania Movie? No, Definitely, No.

Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch the Melania Movie

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

  1. Get Disco Duck tattooed on my arm – no Melania movie for me…
  2. Hang upside down – no Melania movie for me…
  3. Kiss a rabid bat – no Melania movie for me…
  4. Scoop the litter box – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
  5. Scrub the toilet – no Melania movie for me…
  6. Watch grass grow – no Melania movie for me…
  7. Watch paint dry – no Melania movie for me…
  8. Shave my legs with a dull razor – no Melania movie for me…
  9. Get a bikini wax – its less painful than Donnie Boys’ voice; Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
  10. Eat haggis – no Melania movie for me…
  11. Get caught in the rain wearing my new suede coat and boots – no Melania movie for me…
  12. Enjoy a peanut butter and kale sandwich – no Melania movie for me…
  13. Fumigate – no Melania movie for me…
  14. Have blood drawn – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
  15. Break my favorite vase – no Melania movie for me…
  16. Step on a Lego in stocking feet – no Melania movie for me…
  17. Walk over glass barefoot – no Melania movie for me…
  18. Clean the floor with my toothbrush – no Melania movie for me…
  19. Slip in a mud puddle wearing an all white outfit – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
  20. Pay bills – no Melania movie for me…
  21. Drink warm Gatorade – no Melania movie for me…
  22. Muck the stall of a horse with diarrhea – no Melania movie for me…
  23. Eat a two month old tuna sandwich – no Melania movie for me…
  24. Change a tire in a snow storm – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
  25. Have 25 mosquito bites – no Melania movie for me…
  26. Get a pelvic exam – no Melania movie for me…
  27. Wash my hair with Mr. Clean – no Melania movie for me…
  28. Listen to a grade school trumpet concert – at least the children are actually cute; no Melania movie for me…
  29. Clean out the garage – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
  30. Shovel the driveway while it is still snowing – no Melania movie for me…
  31. Watch one of Ronald Reagan’s old movies – no Melania movie for me…
  32. Fall in a deep hole – no Melania movie for me…
  33. Swim in a pool with a floating swim diaper – no Melania movie for me…
  34. Brush my teeth with lye soap – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
  35. Drink bleach – oh wait, the Trumpster suggested this to prevent COVID; no Melania movie for me…
  36. Pay tariffs – um well, we are doing this despite a Supreme Court order; no Melania movie for me…
  37. Buy a timeshare – no Melania movie for me…
  38. Break a heel off my most expensive pumps – no Melania movie for me…
  39. Take out the trash – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
  40. Listen to Karaoke on dollar shots night – no Melania movie for me…
  41. Dump the contents of my purse in a mud puddle – no Melania movie for me…
  42. Get the heel of my shoe caught in a subway grate – no Melania movie for me…
  43. Have an impromptu Zoom meeting before my shower – no Melania movie for me…
  44. Get permanent marker off my wood desk – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
  45. Put a sweaty glass on my coffee table without a coaster – no Melania movie for me…
  46. Take a Lysol bubble bath – no Melania movie for me…
  47. Eat a GMO meal – no Melania movie for me…
  48. Watch a horror movie – oh wait, the State of the Union is horror-ific; no Melania movie for me…
  49. Listen to childish whining – oh wait, that is the same as watching anything MAGA; Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…

We considered canceling Prime Video when we got an email that it was being hosted on Prime…

Holy Shit

Holy Shit

 

Holy Shit

 

“The cartoon at the top of the page pretty much sums up how Trump approaches dynamite or any other explosive situation; with total stupidity,”  Editor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bean There, NOT Done That. . .

Bean There, NOT Done That…

 

 

Bean There, NOT Done That…

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

I recently researched unusual jelly bean flavors. Strange activity you say?  Normally, I would agree, but I was looking for a new flavor for my candy dish. You would be amazed how many disgusting varieties of jelly beans have apparently been created or at least proposed.  Some bodily function flavors are simply too revolting to even mention, but here is a list of the ones I won’t be putting in my candy dish, and should certainly cause a normal person to widen their eyes. I’ve pretty much decided I’m sending a 100#’s of number 12 to the White House. Marketers call them failed flavors – in my estimation that should apply to the recipients as well…

  1. Jalapeño flavor – why? Because just like garlic and cinnamon you can never have too much jalapeno.
  2. Moldy cheese flavor – I’m allergic to mold- so I’d need my Epi Pen for this adventure.
  3. Fried chicken flavor – I think the mind of whoever came up with this idea is fried, or should be.
  4. Canned dog flavor?- even my pug turned her nose up at this one.
  5. Essence of Bacon – not everything is better with bacon.
  6. Taco flavor – I love a good taco but not in my candy dish.
  7. Febreeze flavor – this is for stinky tennis shoes and wet dog odor on the sofa, not for the candy!
  8. Sausage flavor – um, no, just no.
  9. Gin flavor – Nope. Strawberry Daiquiri has my support…
  10. Sex lube teaser. Nope. But I’m curious; do they make actual sex lube in strawberry daiquiri flavor? Sorry, I’m only kidding.
  11. Fish sticks flavor-again, NO. And, NO, NO, NO.
  12. Gasoline flavor-I forecast some gastric disturbance in the car at a high cost. I’m sending 100#’s to the WH.
  13. Gravy flavor-does it come in a package with turkey and stuffing flavors?
  14. The flavor of old books -Huh? What?
  15. Toothpaste flavor-it seems counterintuitive that a sugary snack would taste like toothpaste. Perhaps wintergreen or peppermint might be better here.
  16. Boba Milk Tea flavor-The Taiwanese might make this one work.
  17. Curdled milk flavor-EWWWW.
  18. Okay, we are really gettin weird with this one; ready for it?  Skunk spray flavor-it’s a black jelly bean, but where is the white stripe down the center?
  19. Lawn clippings-a pretty lime green jelly bean. Here’s an idea, how about a fresh lime flavor?
  20. Rotten egg flavor-what the hell?
  21. Centipede flavor – how does anyone know what a centipede tastes like? Or, ever wants to find out!
  22. Bubble gum flavor – but can you swallow it? Why not chew a piece of bubble gum instead?
  23. Anchovy flavor – bet that’s really salty; NOT what I want in a jelly bean, yuck.
  24. Pizza flavor – guess it goes with anchovy flavor; just order a damn pizza; I suggest.
  25.  Habanero flavor (“Ass Kickin’” brand, not Jelly Belly) – not sure if my brother who loves spicy food would enjoy these, but bet they kick more than your derriere…

Instead of jelly beans in the candy dish this go around I decided on Andes Creme de Menthe candies; with those pretty shiny green foil wrappers.

 

26 Things to Make You Smile

26 Things to Make You Smile

26 Things to Make You Smile

By D.S. Mitchell

I am back at the computer after taking a week off . Before I started this blog, I worried that I wouldn’t have enough to scream about, but I’m finding that I could probably do a dozen posts a day related to the insanity of Donald Trump. Like Megyn Kelly said recently, “send grandpa back to the nursing home.” But I thought, before I start my rant on the collapse of the progressive agenda and possibly our democracy, I wanted to deliver at least two or three posts that are positive and uplifting.

So, here are twenty-six things that make me smile and hopefully you, too:

1.) Touching toes in the sand
2.) Sunsets over shimmering water
3.) Wraparound sunglasses
4.) The Science channel
5.) Kite flying contests
6.) The Muppets
7.) Astronauts

8.) Blowing the wrapper off the straw
9.) Winning at Scrabble
10.) A dog’s cold nose on your hand
11.) Barhopping
12.)  Old jeans that fit just right
13.) A lover’s voice
14.) The clatter of skis being loaded
15.) The rumble of a train as it passes
16.) Walking in the rain
17.) The imagination of a six year old
18.) Margaritas at midnight

19.) Finishing the Sunday crossword without cheating
20.) Volunteering for a special cause
21.) The smell of a new car
22.) Roller skating, with helmet and knee pads, of course
23.) My first grade teacher, Miss Gill
24.) A good book
25.) Daddy’s wisdom

26.) The firing of AG Pam Bondi

I know this small Friday distraction did little to take your mind off the continuing chaos at the Trump White House, the Iran War, the price of gas and groceries, even attacks against the first American born pope; but hopefully it gave you a couple minutes respite; and that’s a good thing. Have a gem of a day.

No Kings. Stand up to the billionaires.

Women of a Certain Age

Women of a Certain Age:

Fashionista Edition

 

Women of a Certain Age:

Fashionista Edition

 

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

  1. If Chanel Number 5 is your go to fragrance, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  2. If Channel number 19 is your other go to fragrance, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  3. If you are aware Youth Dew started out as a bath oil, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  4. If you call Youth Dew perfume a bottle of Estee Lauder, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  5. If you remove one piece of jewelry before going out the door, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  6. If you ever shopped at Peck and Peck’s, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  7. If you own a Bergdorf Goodman sweater or dress, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  8. If you own short white gloves not in a winter fabric, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  9. If you own long gloves, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  10. If you splash on Jean Nate, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  11. If you use Vaseline around your eyes before going to bed, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  12. If you remember Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers and Ten-O-Six lotion, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  13. If your ever wore stirrup pants, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  14. If you ever wore shoulder pads, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  15. If you ever wore a body suit with snaps down there, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  16. If you own a slip or “girdle”, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  17. If you are glad to see skinny jeans go out of style, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  18. If you ever wore double belts, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  19. If you own a muff (get your mind out of the gutter, please), you might be a woman of a certain age.
  20. If you regret owning a real fur (I do; make a donation to an animal welfare cause and donate the fur item to a theater or museum), you might be a woman of a certain age.
  21. If you own clip earrings, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  22. If you own velcro curlers, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  23. If you ironed your “Long and Silky” hair with a clothes iron, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  24. If you had “Short and Sassy” hair, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  25. If you used Lustre-Crème Shampoo, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  26. If you match your hemline to your shoes, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  27. If you use a point system for jewelry and accessories, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  28. If you ever wore go-go boots, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  29. If you every wore bell bottoms that would make a sailor proud, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  30. If you wear pearls everyday, you might also be a fan of VP Kamala Harris and yearn for her to be president…

 

Girls’ School

Girls’ School

Girls’ School

 

By John Curran

 

Hi, I’m Joe, the landscape gardener for this wealthy fat cat Washington, DC so-called power player and we are here on his beautiful estate out here in the Hamptons where he is fixing to have an evening get together for some other fat cats so called power players and their wives or servants in tow. And even though I do do house functions as well as tending to the grounds, Mr. C. has decreed that I make myself scarce for this particular gathering.

You see I am not one of those. I am just a regular ‘ol middle aged black guy from originally the deep south, Podunk, Alabama; and I know how to make myself scarce up here in the Hamptons, going invisible in million dollar shrubbery as the sun is going down over the million dollar horizon and the limousines are pulling up. I slip through the cracks, just a black man, they know what that’s all about, I guess. So, just Joe the gardener, making himself scarce. ‘An it just so happens my favorite hideaway is this cool little grotto type arrangement right outside of and underneath the dining room where the big cat gathering was gonna happen.

I tucked in there, I could hear everything, and I must say these white people just never come with a dull moment, its always entertaining. I sat right back down back up against the wall, last beams of sunlight streaming in on me, all warm and comfy, and took it all in ‘an most interesting it was, the proceedings. Early on I’d kinda’ thought this was gonna be like some big important kind of thing where the actual fate of the entire planet was gonna sorta depend on the state of these very important people’s digestion.

But no, seems otherwise, seems it was more like gonna be a party, with this comedian even, this guy, I’d heard his name, Mr. C. talking ’bout this guy, like serious. But no again, now it’s like this guy is actually the comedian, Hegseth his name I think, Pedro, ‘cept he prefers Pete, says no Pedro for Pete. One of his jokes I guess.

Anyway, there I am in position as where I can hear them arriving. And there’s the usual low murmuring thing rising now a bit in volume as more and more of ‘m pile. And then one more louder voice among the rest, damn they ain’t all even got seated in there yet, and this one guy, already starting in with a veritable non stop one liners and zingers demolition. And so I figured this must be the comedian ‘n he can’t even wait to get started and he’s getting into this theme of demolition like the way a good comic can milk a depressing subject for laughs sometimes for laughs and it becomes like a kind of therapy, facing up like to the bogeyman.

And this guy at least was coming on with it good, he actually sounded a little drunk but damn sure wasn’t stopping him until someone yells out, like a heckler would do, saying, “So Pete, tell us about the girls’ school.” And then, right then, the Pete guy, the sorta comedian, well I could hear as his whole voice tone speaking thing had bouncy along so like suddenly became more like the hissing of some reptiles I have encountered as he says back to the heckler, “okay pal, I guess you were there huh, ’cause ya sound pretty girlish to me. Well, I’m sorry I missed ya, ha ha. And man,  it got quiet in that room, and afterwards nobody was laughing much at all. White people, Lawd, I’m saying, I ain’t never gonna figure them out.