Hug Yourself…We All Need Some Self-Love

Editor’s Note: When I picked up Wes and Anna’s article on self-love I knew they were sending it to me personally. Anna has been aware of some upending events in my personal life recently and she sent this unsolicited piece to remind me that sometimes you need to check out of the chaos and just be kind to yourself. Thanks Anna and Wes for knowing how to support a friend. Sending hugs your way.

 

Hug Yourself….We All Need Some Self-Love

Be kind to yourself 

By Anna Hessel with Wes Hessel

 

You Only Have One You

In tumultuous times, self care, self love, and choosing to be comfortable in our own skin are as important as ever.  Here are some ways to stay positive and upbeat in a negative world:

  1. Remember that Joe Biden, not Donald Trump, is President.
  2. Reading relaxes – curl up with a good book, the Good Book perhaps; read a newspaper or magazine, read blogs (especially this one).
  3. Comfort foods are comforting in moderation and fruits and veggies will keep you healthy.
  4. Exercise: it gives you endorphins, and endorphins sure do make you happy.
  5. That glass of wine, margarita, martini, or Kahlua can be a comfort but do not over do.
  6. Prayers and meditation are a healing balm to a weary soul.
  7. Get a manicure, pedicure, facial, massage, or body wrap – think of it as an investment in yourself.
  8. Use a facemask, take a bubble bath, or a hot shower.
  9. Look at art, it is calming and thought provoking – in a gallery or museum can add to the impact.
  10. Cook or bake a new or old favorite recipe, and then actually eat it, or share it with others.

Let It Out

  1. Light some scented candles, just not so many that you burn the place down, because only a fire in a fireplace or grill is comforting. Opt to meet your fire department at their next open house, not before.
  2. Smile – it takes less muscles to grin versus frowning.
  3. Realize it’s okay to not be okay. God gave us emotions for a reason – controlling them is not always for the best.
  4. Embrace the sadness as you work through the pain – God has your back.
  5. Take a dip in a pool – as long as it’s actually open.
  6. Enjoy a sauna or whirlpool – ditto.
  7. Contact a friend; real friends don’t judge – they encourage, commiserate, and help you to see humor, if there is any, in a given situation.
  8. Call clergy or a help line if things get too difficult for you to deal with on your own.
  9. Scream loud, it actually helps – just do it in an appropriate place; in line at the grocery store, the dry cleaners, a church, theater, or at the department of motor vehicles (tempting though it may be) are not on the list of appropriate places.
  10. Listen to music, it soothes the soul and the savage beast – or is that breast?

You’re Worth It

  1. Hear children’s laughter.
  2. Laugh at something funny or silly – laughter really is the best medicine, after all.
  3. Binge watch favorite shows, take in a movie, find new favorite shows, or watch your favorite film (mine is Legally Blonde but there are many more movies that I love). Give me a chick flick anyday.
  4. Take a break from social media drama – yes, this means you, Facebook.
  5. Do an act of kindness for someone, because being nice never goes out of style.
  6. Compliment someone.
  7. Clean out that closet, and donate what you don’t need – one person’s trash is another’s treasure. Let’s not fill up those landfills.
  8. Dance and don’t care who is watching.
  9. Sing your favorite song loud, even if it is off key.
  10. Take a class – it shows you have some.

Try Something

  1. Go for a walk or a drive, nature can comfort even the most frazzled nerves, but always on designated paths or roads, unless you’re the off-road type.
  2. Turn everything off.
  3. Talk to Alexa – her and I have had some wonderful conversations.
  4. Have a date night – if you don’t have a significant other, date yourself.
  5. Pet an animal – ‘fur-babies’ are an uplifting lot.
  6. Play a board game with friends, but don’t argue over what Free Parking is for, or who gets the dog or the top hat.
  7. Get dressed up, wear a silly hat, or some Betsey Johnson boots.
  8. Play in the snow or the sand.
  9. Redecorate – do something different to spice up your decor. I, however, do not recommend painting multiple color stripes on the walls.
  10. Deep clean the whole house – spring cleaning isn’t just for spring.

Get Out And Get Going…

  1. Window shop, and maybe even stop in to buy something special.
  2. Go to the grocery store on free sample day. Costco has samples everyday.
  3. Volunteer – it helps you and someone else.
  4. Watch a Little League baseball, or pee wee football game, go to your local high school musical, or attend a dance or piano recital, just not as one of those parents.
  5. Drink a glass of champagne while wearing your best outfit – celebrate you.
  6. Stomp your feet, it’s fun – just make sure the surface you’re doing it on can withstand it.
  7. Ride a bike, motorcycle, or snowmobile. How about a Qubi?
  8. Go horseback riding.
  9. Do yoga, water aerobics, barre, spin class, Pilates, or another group exercise – twitch those hips (not twerk)
  10. Take a dance class – ballet, ballroom, and belly dancing are always fun and great exercise; work those endorphins as per Elle Woods.

Prescribe Yourself a Chill Pill

  1. Take a deep breath and exhale.
  2. Watch a sunrise or sunset. How about both?
  3. Stretch – physically or emotionally.
  4. Do something out of your comfort zone but keep it within reason. Getting arrested is not what I’m suggesting here; but maybe try a Karaoke night out.
  5. Visit your place of worship, local library, or neighborhood park.
  6. Attend an online or live event, such as a concert, lecture, or play.
  7. Challenge someone to a short race. It doesn’t matter who wins – you’re in the running.
  8. Walk, dance, or sing in the rain – umbrella or rain slicker optional.
  9. Clear out the kitchen cabinets and donate to a food pantry.
  10. Visit an elderly person – it will make their day and they may just share their wisdom with you.

It’s The Little Things

  1. Count your blessings, even when things are rough – sadness and difficult circumstances will not last forever; this too shall pass.
  2. Thank heaven for being alive.
  3. Smell a bouquet of flowers or your favorite fragrance.
  4. Laugh at yourself, that’s okay to do.
  5. Go to a planetarium, zoo, or aquarium – kiss a dolphin.
  6. HUG! If no one else is available, just wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze – you deserve it.
  7. Write a letter, article, or essay.
  8. Paint something but make sure you own what you chose to paint.
  9. A walk around the block can cure the blues, especially with a dog, friend, or significant other. I don’t recommend walking the cat – just give them a pat on the way out the door.
  10. Wash and wax the car – maybe vacuum it, too.

And Now For Something Completely Different…

  1. Watch cats stretch.
  2. Watch puppies or kittens play.
  3. Order take out, wear your jammies, and watch a black and white show or film.
  4. Look at your high school yearbook and smile at your hair style, then recreate that do. Try on your high school cheerleading outfit, letter jacket, bell-bottom jeans, or other apparel of years gone by.  I certainly don’t mean to boast but the earrings I wore to prom I can still fit in.
  5. Prepare something from a basket of strange ingredients and pretend you are a “Chopped” competitor.
  6. Be silly, not stupid.
  7. Stand up to someone that irritates you, but do so with dignity and class.
  8. Get naked but not in public.
  9. Check out some fun vintage things – a trip down memory lane is good for the spirit.
  10. Do your old high school or college cheer, even if the uniform no longer fits (see # 74).

Do For You And Others

  1. Throw your bathroom scale in the dumpster.
  2. Donate clothes or personal care items to a shelter, clothing closet, or pantry.
  3. Adopt a senior pet.
  4. Become a foster family.
  5. Walk barefoot in the grass or on the beach; you’ve never seen a “Do not walk on the sand sign”, right?
  6. See live theater and enjoy the magic from the stage.
  7. Eat the cookie.
  8. Try a new hairstyle, a different shade of lipstick, or tie a pretty scarf around your neck.
  9. Remember we have a female Vice President – be very cautious where you walk, because that ceiling has been shattered, and there’s glass everywhere. I just have to recall Kamala Harris stating, “So help me, God”, on inauguration day when I need a boost of confidence.
  10. Collect items for Ukrainian refugees, donate to the cause, and keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

Just Breathe…

  1. Invite your in-laws to lunch, you’re in a bad mood anyway.
  2. Go out to brunch with your besties, and drink mimosas or morning glows (mimosas made with wine, my signature cocktail)
  3. Visit your local park district or recreation department, and sign up for classes or events.
  4. Go to a farmers market – spend some time browsing and shopping.
  5. Go boutique hopping with a group of friends – it’s much more productive than bar hopping.
  6. Check into a hotel and be a guest.
  7. Jump in the pile of leaves or snow.
  8. Build a snowman or a sandcastle, or make a snow angel.
  9. Play with dolls, balls, or jump ropes – be a kid again.
  10. Hop on one foot – brush yourself off and start all over again when you fall down.
  11. Just breathe and feel the energy of God’s universe.
  12. Put up a Donald Trump dartboard, and get that pitching arm ready…

60 Beauty Tips For Women Of A Certain Age

60 Beauty Tips For Women Of A Certain Age

As Women's History Month comes to a close, Anna Hessel pokes fun at women of a certain age.

60 Beauty Tips For Women Of A Certain Age

By Anna Hessel

 

Certain Age, Turn The Page…

In honor of Women’s History Month, let’s help us beautiful women of a certain age look and feel our best with sixty ways to be fabulous in your forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties, and beyond…

Ten For Zen…

  1. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize…
  2. Choose dentists wisely – be as discerning as you would with any other doctor, and use teeth whitening products. White teeth take years off your face.
  3. Accessorize; don’t overdo it but definitely use accessories to your best advantage.
  4. Don’t ever wear stained clothes or apparel with holes or tears, unless they are supposed to be there.
  5. Wear clothes that fit and float away from the body. Don’t let frumpy become your friend. This goes double for tacky; don’t look cheap.
  6. Even if you can only afford thrift or mass merchandise store clothes, keep them clean and repaired. Check seams and button holes for the best quality you can afford.
  7. Get manicures and pedicures – chipped polish and talons are not flattering.
  8. Wear a decent bra and Spanx or the like.
  9. Avoid dangerous plastic surgery but non invasive Brazilian butt lifts, face peels, skin tightening, microdermabrasion, and micro-needling can help you look your best.
  10. Don’t smoke.

Twenty And Plenty…

  1. Bathe or shower daily.
  2. Moisturize your eye area; I have used Vaseline and eye cream for years, and it pays off.
  3. Bangs are cheaper and likely safer than Botox.
  4. Get some exercise. I love water exercise; dance, yoga – do whatever your mobility level allows.
  5. Wear whatever you like – age appropriate is what you can rock, however, don’t wear clothes with teddy bears or the like.
  6. Use a good quality neck cream, whatever you can afford, but expensive doesn’t always mean better.
  7. Try to avoid stress but if you can’t destress the best you can.
  8. Be well groomed – razors, tweezers, and waxing are your friends.
  9. Wear makeup – not too much, not too little.
  10. Smile, even if your mask hides it – your eyes show it.

Thirty And Flirty…

  1. Laugh lines mean you laugh and have joy in your life. We have earned every wrinkle.
  2. Go blonde, it gives the illusion of thickness, hides gray hairs, and adds body.
  3. Do not wear socks with sandals, or Velcro closure anything, ever.
  4. Get your rest, eat in color: fruits, veggies, lean protein, and don’t over do sugar.
  5. Don’t over indulge in alcohol but wine can be a mature woman’s friend.
  6. Search the net or magazines for hairstyles that flatter mature faces and thinner tresses. Take a photo to show your hair stylist. Avoid gels, opt for mousse. Condition but don’t over condition. Dry shampoos for bangs and the scalp area are helpful.
  7. Find a skin care regimen that works for you. Never go to bed without washing your face. Wash the makeup and day away but avoid harsh cleansers.
  8. Don’t blot your lipstick.
  9. Matte lipsticks are great under a mask but drying. Don’t forget your lip area – lip masks and balm are very important
  10. Exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate…

Forty And Fun…

  1. Eyebrows need extra care at our age: pencil, gel, henna, and tints are all options to fill in sparse brows.
  2. Mascara both top and bottom lashes; falsies are in style, go for it…
  3. A bit of fragrance adds a feminine touch.
  4. Smart is beautiful.
  5. Have fun – it will take some years off.
  6. Have faith – it shows on your face.
  7. Use heat hair styling appliances sparingly and condition, but be careful of conditioners and hair products that weigh hair down.
  8. Avoid severe hair styles and extra heavy hair spray.
  9. I had read someplace that beautiful Martha Stewart starts each day by applying a face mask. I have begun to adopt this daily routine.
  10. It’s okay to not be twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty or even seventy, beauty is not a number or a size.

Fifty And Nifty…

  1. Parabens, mineral oil, and petroleum, I do avoid but admit to using petroleum jelly. Try coconut oil for a natural alternative.
  2. Avoid chemicals, preservatives, artificial flavors or colors, and processed food.
  3. Wear Betsey Johnson and Norma Kamali; at what age do we stop having fun with our clothes and accessories? Never.
  4. Be cautious and educated before trying a new beauty procedure of any kind.
  5. Tried and true microdermabrasion is a great exfoliating treatment, salon or home based – it gets rid of dead skin cells; use a firming moisturizer to follow.
  6. Products containing retinol, hyaluronic acid, and salicylic acid are helpful. A good facial with extraction will remove blackheads safely.
  7. Avoid adult acne with proper cleansing and use heavy moisturizers, especially those containing oils, in moderation. A little goes a long way.
  8. Minoxidil for women and supplements such as biotin for hair, skin, and nails are excellent for women our age, as our hair thins.
  9. Don’t sleep on your face and keep linens, especially pillowcases, very clean.
  10. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate – drink plenty of water. We filter our tap water and I love bottled water, especially Evian.

Sixty Is Sexy…

  1. Avoid saturated fats, but opt for healthy fats such as nuts, salmon and the like.
  2. Don’t experiment with new skin or hair care before a major event; this goes double for haircuts and beauty procedures.
  3. We all have an overly enthusiastic friend, family member, or colleague that sells a direct market cosmetic line that is working wonders for them, maybe we sell a line ourselves, but don’t feel obligated to buy, use what works for you. Don’t expect to look twenty again; be realistic in choosing skin care but good dermal maintenance is a must.
  4. Pets are a blessing – they help us destress and show lots of love. Show your love to an animal, it will show on your beautiful face.
  5. Maintain excellent posture – don’t slouch still holds true. Hold your tummy in, your shoulders back and down. Strut like you mean it, knee brace and all.
  6. If you can no longer wear stilettos, there are many attractive shoes out there with lower heels or flats.
  7. Make your own homemade beauty products. Find recipes online or experiment. It’s a great way to use up recently outdated fruits, yogurt, cucumbers, or the like. Coffee grinds make a great cellulite treatment but can be a bit of a mess to use.
  8. We all know what Elle Woods says about endorphins: “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.” Sex is exercise – just saying…
  9. Live life like Elle after Warner tells her she is not smart enough for Harvard Law.
  10. “And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance…” Dancing will give you endorphins…

Ready, Set, Grow!

Go for it, beautiful woman of a certain age – you are stunning…

John “Jack” Addison Babcock

Jack Babcock   6/7/1948-2/21/2022

Honoring the life of writer, poetic, Jack Babcock

Jack Babcock   6/7/1948-2/21/2022

“. . .And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.” Rest in peace dear friend, you will be missed.

Editor: It is with deep sadness that Calamity News and Politics announces the death of our dear friend and contributor, Jack Babcock. Jack was a passionate and prolific writer and poet. He had a wonderful sense of humor that drew people to him and he had a very rich social life with many interests and hobbies. He loved birds and animals. He enjoyed playing the guitar, and reading T. S. Eliot. If you’ve visited CNP before you have probably seen some of his postings. Although Jack passed in late February his Memorial Service was held yesterday, 3/5/2022. So today is a good day to laugh a bit and look for the bright side of the situation; that was Jack’s way. You can find Jack Babcock’s books of poems on his Amazon site at this link:

You can find him at https://www.amazon.com/s?k=jack+babcock&ref=nb_sb_noss

POETRY MORSELS

By Jack Babcock 

the bird

the birds
wings cut the sky
another bird proud
has his own
way to fly
cutting the sky
hovering over his nest
as if to say
I am the best
His wings cut the sky
Amazing you and I

********

Bed

I saw on the tube
An ad for a bed
King sized

I’m single bed Jack

It would be nice to do things in two

doing things in one tho is nice
no petty quarrels
no intrigue no spice

one is just fine for now
two is too many maybe

my uncle used to say
that he was a lone angel

so be it. I’m an angel.

********

living

what’s the point of living
if you can’t
smoke a cigarette
drink a beer
blow some dope
or
drop some acid
what’s the point
Author’s note:
14 years of sobriety

********

baseball

illness

I have 3 illnesses

Schizophrenia
Diabetes
Acute kidney disease

3 strikes 3 strikes and you’re out

But I feel pretty well

Jack lived in suburban NE Portland, Oregon. In 2020 his suburban neighborhood was threatened by wildfires. They were on a standing Fire Evacuation Alert (Red Alert Level 3) for a week. It was pretty scary times here on the west coast. I remember the sky was a sallow yellow and the smoke was blinding. Totally unprecedented devastation.  I thought readers might enjoy Jack’s quirky take on that very dangerous situation.

fire

the red sun

peers thru the smoke

the news is near doom

I haven’t had asparagus in years

or a banana split

the president waves a flag

I hope for one last good meal

Red Alert Level 3.

Jack graduated from U of O with a degree in English and he went on to Lewis and Clark law school. Although his grades had been good enough to get him into law school, he became too sick with Schizophrenia to continue after his first year. Please enjoy Jack’s quirky take on life, and the deep pain of his mental illness. Being smart and doing all the right things doesn’t protect you from mental illness.

Brown Door

the brown door is shut……

I’m mentally ill. I smash the door, howl and scream.

Let me out of this madhouse quoth I.

and behind the brown door are lunatics.

drooling, sneezing, coughing, playing

with themselves.

what do they need?

just not to be put behind the brown door.

they need sunshine and music, laughter.

but, the brown door is shut.

********

Sweet Julia

i compared you

to a movie star

you balked

said you weren’t that attractive

is it possible

you don’t know how pretty you are

Julia

i told someone

i write you letters, poems

they thought that was sweet and kind

nothing of the sort

i do what i have to do

i feel i must write to you

looking at things

my aunt left me

an utrillo print

a few rings

a spode china set

all so pretty

so real, i love them, i loved my aunt

and there is you

my dear

i think i love you too.

********

Well

yotta yotta yata

so it goes

pornography or poetry

yadda yadda ya

whats the diff

it seems important to smile

death has no

yadda yatta

freedom and obscurity

yotta yotta ya

what now my love?

yotta ya.

 

https://www.calamitypolitics.com/2019/02/13/mental-illness-i-m-prism-by-jack-babcock/

https://www.calamitypolitics.com/2020/09/14/fire-by-jack-babcock/

What’s In A Name

What’s In A Name

Change isn't always a good thing, sometimes it gives us a new life

What’s In A Name

By Anna Hessel

 

A New Beginning…

As one of my milestone birthdays quickly approaches, my thoughts have wandered to my birth.  I was privately adopted as a newborn by an older couple that were never meant to be parents.  Through DNA testing and the state of Pennsylvania finally opening original birth certificate availability to adoptees a few years ago, I have been blessed with finding my biological family.  So far I am in contact with two lovely sisters, a beautiful niece, and a couple of cousins and their families, one of whom has become one of my dearest friends.  She has encouraged me to reach out to my other siblings and maintains our family tree with the accuracy of a brain surgeon – a truly amazing lady.

Oh Yeah, I Blend…

My adopted family was abusive and ashamed of my multi racial ethnicities.  I, on the other hand, am thrilled to be an Irish, Italian, Hispanic, Iraqi Jewish Christian.  I was cheated out of growing up with sibling camaraderie and arguments, but I do have dear friends that have become my family.  My spouse and I are truly blessed.

Choose Carefully

When I was adopted, my birth name was changed.  This angered me; a name at birth should remain through a lifetime.  Hopefully parents will take this into account before choosing overly unusual names.  Names are special, and should be treated with reverence.  When we adopted our most recent lovable Puggle, we kept her beautiful name Sasha.  In Hebrew it means defender of mankind.  I will admit we changed our younger cat’s name from Nala to Brioche when we brought her home, to go with our older kitty’s name Latte.  Now Nala is now her middle cat name.  They go together like peanut butter and jelly.

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102 Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts Ever . . .

102 Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts Ever . . .

Careful what gifts you choose for Valentine's Day

102 Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts Ever . . .

Editor: Usually Anna outlines the perfect gifts and outings for the holidays, however, today she wants to warn you lovers, there are a few things you should steer clear of on the most romantic holiday of the year.

By Anna Hessel

Don’t Even Think Of Buying These For Your Valentine…

  1. A sponge mop from Dollar Tree
  2. An autographed photo of Donald Trump – I would rather have the sponge mop from Dollar Tree.
  3. Slippers in the shape of a unicorn
  4. A night at a Trump hotel – this will surely put an end to your relationship.
  5. Naming a cockroach after your significant other – naming a cockroach after Donald Trump, however, is a different story but to be safe, stick with a virtual adoption of a beautiful animal headed toward extinction.
  6. Any item made by the “my pillow” guy.
  7. A COVID test kit (well, on second thought…)
  8. Any bottle of lotion that has the word “firming” on the label.
  9. A DVD collection of the Bachelor – if the dude was capable of getting his own date, he wouldn’t need a reality check, I mean show.
  10. A “Trumpy Bear” – yes the damn things actually exist, we live in a sick world.

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The Rules of Etiquette, Texas Style

Rules of Etiquette, Texas Style

East Texas Humor

The Rules of Etiquette, Texas Style

I lived in Texas, so it’s okay if I jest about my former home. So, sit back and let me explain to you how not to do things in Texas if you want to be asked to another shin-dig.

By David Shadrick

Personal Hygiene Etiquette

While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.

Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dining Out Etiquette

When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to “bruise” the fruit of the vine.

If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

Entertaining in the Home Etiquette

A centerpiece for a table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good its manners are.

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The Twelve Days of Covid Christmas

The Twelve Days of Covid Christmas

The holidays bring fun but also stress and anxiety.

The Twelve Days of Covid Christmas

Here are some new lyrics for the holiday favorite, “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” please feel free to just sing-a-long.

 

By Anna Hessel

The Twelve Days of Covid Christmas

The First Day – Where’s The Partridge?

  • On the first day of Christmas
  • My true love sent to me
  • ONE pear scented gel hand sanitizer

The Second Day – No Turtle To Slow This Dove Down

  • On the second day of Christmas
  • My true love sent to me
  • TWO bars of Dove antibacterial soap
  • And ONE pear scented gel hand sanitizer

The Third Day – What, No Hens?

  • On the third day of Christmas
  • My true love sent to me
  • THREE French couture face covering masks
  • TWO bars of Dove antibacterial soap
  • And ONE pear scented gel hand sanitizer

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Holiday Decorating Challenges

Holiday Decorating Challenges

Holiday Decorating Challenges

Yes, I admit I am guilty of a bit of tawdry tastelessness when it comes to holiday decorating, but my spouse has me beat hands down.

By Anna Hessel

Its hard to believe the holiday season is already here. As we prepare to celebrate, who can forget decorations? Sometimes I wish my husband would. Don’t get me wrong, I love a tasteful wreath on the door and a holly berry candle glowing on the mantle. And this year, thanks to my recent DNA test, we will be including a menorah along with the family creche. My Significant Other, however, is not a Clinton Kelly when it comes to holiday embellishment.

As I sit watching a Hallmark Christmas movie, I glance up in unmasked horror to see my spouse, attired in a Santa hat and flashing Christmas tree tie, hanging a string of bells on the bathroom doorknob. Curious, but cautious I enter the powder room, which he has transformed into a winter wonderland, as in, “I wonder what the heck happened to my bathroom?”

Gone are the tasteful lace-edged fingertip towels and gold-edged ceramic soap pump. In their place, is Hallmark’s ‘Jolly in the John’. Jolly is a talking snowman, holding a plunger, telling our guests they “look a little flush” and singing the “Potty Song”. My husband loves this little guy as much as he loves his Saab. Jolly doesn’t come alone. Joining good ol’ Jolly is his pet reindeer, another Hallmark creation, sporting a roll of toilet paper on one of his antlers. And, rounding out the tacky trio is Mr. Jolly’s “wife”, a plastic snowwoman soap pump.

A purple garland now adorns the shower curtain rod, and the shell toilet seat has been covered with a giant Santa face, gloved hands covering his eyes. Do you blame him?  He has replaced my attractive celery green with chocolate-brown polka-dots bathrobe with a latch hook creation of eight tiny reindeer, a rather unfortunate garage sale find. As I turn to flee this holiday horror I nearly knock over hubby who is nailing mistletoe above the ‘necessary’ room’s door.

Taking refuge on the couch I resume my paused holiday-inspired film. I take a fortifying gulp of my mocha latte and I watch suspiciously as my husband makes his way to the kitchen. There is a devilish glint in his eye, and our bell-collared pug, Maggie, follows close behind. In my better(?) half’s hands I can see he is carrying a pair of Rudolph pot holders and a Grinch tea towel. Visions of plastic glitter sugar plums strung on the stove dance in my head, threatening a migraine.

Did I mention, our cats, Zoe and Latte, are wearing kitty-sized elf ears? Does murdering a spouse still hold a life sentence?

I am the first to admit I have one of those aluminum trees (mine is pink), and a hodge-podge of sentimental ornaments. Yes, I am guilty of  a bit of tawdry tastelessness, but over the years my spouse has acquired a plethora of assorted kitschy Christmas items, right down to the glow-in-the-dark snowman boxers. I do not lie.

We have certainly decked the halls with a unique bevy of holiday decor, but always in the theme of “peace on earth and goodwill toward men.”

I married a man with style…and a love of garage sale finds.

EDITORIAL: Me and Twitter

EDITORIAL: Me and Twitter

EDITORIAL: Me and Twitter

Its the holidays, can we just lighten up. . .

D. S. Mitchell

Twitter and Tweet

I love Twitter. I hate Twitter. I love Twitter. I hate Twi….I know.  I sound a bit confused in my base emotions surrounding this global social sparring arena, and I am. My relationship with the Twitter platform,  reminds me of a couple bad relationships I’ve had in my life. I hate you, I love you, I apparently, “love to hate you”. There is something to be said about high adrenaline.  However it is usually like placing a pile of papers on a table and turning on a fan.  I forgot who said that, but I think it is applicable.

Commitment

To all of the clear thinking, intelligent, brilliant folks that hope for a more tolerant and inclusive world, I love tossing tweets back and forth, and I love you all. So many caring and committed individuals wanting to do everything they can do, to advance society and humanity.

Conversely

The ‘I hate’ side of me, comes out when somebody in the audience decides to suddenly join in, by launching a vile attack.  Why would someone choose to do that?  Hmmm. Good question.  Not all vicious attacks come from  Nigerian trolls, I have decided. Is it because the offender didn’t get any nookie last night, or did Mom yell at him,  did he get a bad grade, was he passed over for a promotion, did he have a fender bender?

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Cosmo Comes Calling

Cosmo Comes CallingIntroducing Cosmos. The talkative crow from Oregon.

Cosmo Comes Calling

Oregon State Police called in on a foul mouthed crow 

By D. S. Mitchell

Down State Noise
Normally, the goings on in Grant’s Pass, Oregon, never gain the attention of the big city folks of Portland, Seattle, or San Fran.   Last week however, we here on the west coast got a bit of a smile as we learned about the antics of a rogue, rough talking, four letter word tossing, crow.  You read that right.  A crow. As the story goes, out of the blue a friendly, albeit attention seeking crow, showed up in town.  According to reports the first place the crow was spotted was on top of the Planet Fitness building, where he would talk to people entering and exiting the facility. Drawing both laughter and a raised finger or two.
Moving On
Apparently dissatisfied with the Planet Fitness digs our talkative and colorfully articulate bird looked around for friendlier faces.  He seemed to find what he was looking for when he found the Allen Dale Elementary School in late November.  It didn’t take long before he was the resident mascot. The news became public when Naomi Imel, an assistant at the school called in the story to the Oregonian on 12/09/2021. Lizzie  Acker 503-221-8052, lacker@Oregonian.com was the featured reporter who followed up on the feathered friend story.

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