The Melania Movie? No, Definitely No.

By Darlene Mitchell May 18, 2026 May 18, 2026 Cate Rees-Hessel, D. S. Mitchell, Humor, Jeff Bezos, Melania Trump, Opinion

The Melania Movie? No, Definitely No.

The Melania Movie? No, Definitely, No.

Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch the Melania Movie

By Cate Rees-Hessel

Get Disco Duck tattooed on my arm – no Melania movie for me…
Hang upside down – no Melania movie for me…
Kiss a rabid bat – no Melania movie for me…
Scoop the litter box – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
Scrub the toilet – no Melania movie for me…
Watch grass grow – no Melania movie for me…
Watch paint dry – no Melania movie for me…
Shave my legs with a dull razor – no Melania movie for me…
Get a bikini wax – its less painful than Donnie Boys’ voice; Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
Eat haggis – no Melania movie for me…
Get caught in the rain wearing my new suede coat and boots – no Melania movie for me…
Enjoy a peanut butter and kale sandwich – no Melania movie for me…
Fumigate – no Melania movie for me…
Have blood drawn – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
Break my favorite vase – no Melania movie for me…
Step on a Lego in stocking feet – no Melania movie for me…
Walk over glass barefoot – no Melania movie for me…
Clean the floor with my toothbrush – no Melania movie for me…
Slip in a mud puddle wearing an all white outfit – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
Pay bills – no Melania movie for me…
Drink warm Gatorade – no Melania movie for me…
Muck the stall of a horse with diarrhea – no Melania movie for me…
Eat a two month old tuna sandwich – no Melania movie for me…
Change a tire in a snow storm – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
Have 25 mosquito bites – no Melania movie for me…
Get a pelvic exam – no Melania movie for me…
Wash my hair with Mr. Clean – no Melania movie for me…
Listen to a grade school trumpet concert – at least the children are actually cute; no Melania movie for me…
Clean out the garage – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
Shovel the driveway while it is still snowing – no Melania movie for me…
Watch one of Ronald Reagan’s old movies – no Melania movie for me…
Fall in a deep hole – no Melania movie for me…
Swim in a pool with a floating swim diaper – no Melania movie for me…
Brush my teeth with lye soap – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
Drink bleach – oh wait, the Trumpster suggested this to prevent COVID; no Melania movie for me…
Pay tariffs – um well, we are doing this despite a Supreme Court order; no Melania movie for me…
Buy a timeshare – no Melania movie for me…
Break a heel off my most expensive pumps – no Melania movie for me…
Take out the trash – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
Listen to Karaoke on dollar shots night – no Melania movie for me…
Dump the contents of my purse in a mud puddle – no Melania movie for me…
Get the heel of my shoe caught in a subway grate – no Melania movie for me…
Have an impromptu Zoom meeting before my shower – no Melania movie for me…
Get permanent marker off my wood desk – Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…
Put a sweaty glass on my coffee table without a coaster – no Melania movie for me…
Take a Lysol bubble bath – no Melania movie for me…
Eat a GMO meal – no Melania movie for me…
Watch a horror movie – oh wait, the State of the Union is horror-ific; no Melania movie for me…
Listen to childish whining – oh wait, that is the same as watching anything MAGA; Melania is not first and certainly not a lady…

We considered canceling Prime Video when we got an email that it was being hosted on Prime…

Holy Shit

By Darlene Mitchell April 27, 2026 April 27, 2026 Humor

Holy Shit

“The cartoon at the top of the page pretty much sums up how Trump approaches dynamite or any other explosive situation; with total stupidity,” Editor

Bean There, NOT Done That. . .

By Darlene Mitchell April 21, 2026 April 21, 2026 Food, Humor, Positive Vibes

Bean There, NOT Done That…

By Cate Rees-Hessel

I recently researched unusual jelly bean flavors. Strange activity you say? Normally, I would agree, but I was looking for a new flavor for my candy dish. You would be amazed how many disgusting varieties of jelly beans have apparently been created or at least proposed. Some bodily function flavors are simply too revolting to even mention, but here is a list of the ones I won’t be putting in my candy dish, and should certainly cause a normal person to widen their eyes. I’ve pretty much decided I’m sending a 100#’s of number 12 to the White House. Marketers call them failed flavors – in my estimation that should apply to the recipients as well…

Jalapeño flavor – why? Because just like garlic and cinnamon you can never have too much jalapeno.
Moldy cheese flavor – I’m allergic to mold- so I’d need my Epi Pen for this adventure.
Fried chicken flavor – I think the mind of whoever came up with this idea is fried, or should be.
Canned dog flavor?- even my pug turned her nose up at this one.
Essence of Bacon – not everything is better with bacon.
Taco flavor – I love a good taco but not in my candy dish.
Febreeze flavor – this is for stinky tennis shoes and wet dog odor on the sofa, not for the candy!
Sausage flavor – um, no, just no.
Gin flavor – Nope. Strawberry Daiquiri has my support…
Sex lube teaser. Nope. But I’m curious; do they make actual sex lube in strawberry daiquiri flavor? Sorry, I’m only kidding.
Fish sticks flavor-again, NO. And, NO, NO, NO.
Gasoline flavor-I forecast some gastric disturbance in the car at a high cost. I’m sending 100#’s to the WH.
Gravy flavor-does it come in a package with turkey and stuffing flavors?
The flavor of old books -Huh? What?
Toothpaste flavor-it seems counterintuitive that a sugary snack would taste like toothpaste. Perhaps wintergreen or peppermint might be better here.
Boba Milk Tea flavor-The Taiwanese might make this one work.
Curdled milk flavor-EWWWW.
Okay, we are really gettin weird with this one; ready for it? Skunk spray flavor-it’s a black jelly bean, but where is the white stripe down the center?
Lawn clippings-a pretty lime green jelly bean. Here’s an idea, how about a fresh lime flavor?
Rotten egg flavor-what the hell?
Centipede flavor – how does anyone know what a centipede tastes like? Or, ever wants to find out!
Bubble gum flavor – but can you swallow it? Why not chew a piece of bubble gum instead?
Anchovy flavor – bet that’s really salty; NOT what I want in a jelly bean, yuck.
Pizza flavor – guess it goes with anchovy flavor; just order a damn pizza; I suggest.
Habanero flavor (“Ass Kickin’” brand, not Jelly Belly) – not sure if my brother who loves spicy food would enjoy these, but bet they kick more than your derriere…

Instead of jelly beans in the candy dish this go around I decided on Andes Creme de Menthe candies; with those pretty shiny green foil wrappers.

26 Things to Make You Smile

By Darlene Mitchell April 10, 2026 April 10, 2026 Calamity Politics, D. S. Mitchell, Happiness, Humor, Positive Vibes

26 Things to Make You Smile

By D.S. Mitchell

I am back at the computer after taking a week off . Before I started this blog, I worried that I wouldn’t have enough to scream about, but I’m finding that I could probably do a dozen posts a day related to the insanity of Donald Trump. Like Megyn Kelly said recently, “send grandpa back to the nursing home.” But I thought, before I start my rant on the collapse of the progressive agenda and possibly our democracy, I wanted to deliver at least two or three posts that are positive and uplifting.

So, here are twenty-six things that make me smile and hopefully you, too:

1.) Touching toes in the sand
2.) Sunsets over shimmering water
3.) Wraparound sunglasses
4.) The Science channel
5.) Kite flying contests
6.) The Muppets
7.) Astronauts

8.) Blowing the wrapper off the straw
9.) Winning at Scrabble
10.) A dog’s cold nose on your hand
11.) Barhopping
12.) Old jeans that fit just right
13.) A lover’s voice
14.) The clatter of skis being loaded
15.) The rumble of a train as it passes
16.) Walking in the rain
17.) The imagination of a six year old
18.) Margaritas at midnight

19.) Finishing the Sunday crossword without cheating
20.) Volunteering for a special cause
21.) The smell of a new car
22.) Roller skating, with helmet and knee pads, of course
23.) My first grade teacher, Miss Gill
24.) A good book
25.) Daddy’s wisdom

26.) The firing of AG Pam Bondi

I know this small Friday distraction did little to take your mind off the continuing chaos at the Trump White House, the Iran War, the price of gas and groceries, even attacks against the first American born pope; but hopefully it gave you a couple minutes respite; and that’s a good thing. Have a gem of a day.

No Kings. Stand up to the billionaires.

Women of a Certain Age

By Darlene Mitchell April 2, 2026 April 2, 2026 Cate Rees-Hessel, Health and Beauty Tips and Hints, Humor, Positive Vibes

Women of a Certain Age:

Fashionista Edition

Women of a Certain Age:

Fashionista Edition

By Cate Rees-Hessel

If Chanel Number 5 is your go to fragrance, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If Channel number 19 is your other go to fragrance, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you are aware Youth Dew started out as a bath oil, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you call Youth Dew perfume a bottle of Estee Lauder, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you remove one piece of jewelry before going out the door, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you ever shopped at Peck and Peck’s, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you own a Bergdorf Goodman sweater or dress, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you own short white gloves not in a winter fabric, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you own long gloves, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you splash on Jean Nate, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you use Vaseline around your eyes before going to bed, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you remember Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers and Ten-O-Six lotion, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If your ever wore stirrup pants, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you ever wore shoulder pads, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you ever wore a body suit with snaps down there, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you own a slip or “girdle”, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you are glad to see skinny jeans go out of style, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you ever wore double belts, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you own a muff (get your mind out of the gutter, please), you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you regret owning a real fur (I do; make a donation to an animal welfare cause and donate the fur item to a theater or museum), you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you own clip earrings, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you own velcro curlers, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you ironed your “Long and Silky” hair with a clothes iron, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you had “Short and Sassy” hair, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you used Lustre-Crème Shampoo, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you match your hemline to your shoes, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you use a point system for jewelry and accessories, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you ever wore go-go boots, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you every wore bell bottoms that would make a sailor proud, you might be a woman of a certain age.
If you wear pearls everyday, you might also be a fan of VP Kamala Harris and yearn for her to be president…

Girls’ School

By Darlene Mitchell March 31, 2026 March 31, 2026 Calamity Politics, Humor

Girls’ School

By John Curran

Hi, I’m Joe, the landscape gardener for this wealthy fat cat Washington, DC so-called power player and we are here on his beautiful estate out here in the Hamptons where he is fixing to have an evening get together for some other fat cats so called power players and their wives or servants in tow. And even though I do do house functions as well as tending to the grounds, Mr. C. has decreed that I make myself scarce for this particular gathering.

You see I am not one of those. I am just a regular ‘ol middle aged black guy from originally the deep south, Podunk, Alabama; and I know how to make myself scarce up here in the Hamptons, going invisible in million dollar shrubbery as the sun is going down over the million dollar horizon and the limousines are pulling up. I slip through the cracks, just a black man, they know what that’s all about, I guess. So, just Joe the gardener, making himself scarce. ‘An it just so happens my favorite hideaway is this cool little grotto type arrangement right outside of and underneath the dining room where the big cat gathering was gonna happen.

I tucked in there, I could hear everything, and I must say these white people just never come with a dull moment, its always entertaining. I sat right back down back up against the wall, last beams of sunlight streaming in on me, all warm and comfy, and took it all in ‘an most interesting it was, the proceedings. Early on I’d kinda’ thought this was gonna be like some big important kind of thing where the actual fate of the entire planet was gonna sorta depend on the state of these very important people’s digestion.

But no, seems otherwise, seems it was more like gonna be a party, with this comedian even, this guy, I’d heard his name, Mr. C. talking ’bout this guy, like serious. But no again, now it’s like this guy is actually the comedian, Hegseth his name I think, Pedro, ‘cept he prefers Pete, says no Pedro for Pete. One of his jokes I guess.

Anyway, there I am in position as where I can hear them arriving. And there’s the usual low murmuring thing rising now a bit in volume as more and more of ‘m pile. And then one more louder voice among the rest, damn they ain’t all even got seated in there yet, and this one guy, already starting in with a veritable non stop one liners and zingers demolition. And so I figured this must be the comedian ‘n he can’t even wait to get started and he’s getting into this theme of demolition like the way a good comic can milk a depressing subject for laughs sometimes for laughs and it becomes like a kind of therapy, facing up like to the bogeyman.

And this guy at least was coming on with it good, he actually sounded a little drunk but damn sure wasn’t stopping him until someone yells out, like a heckler would do, saying, “So Pete, tell us about the girls’ school.” And then, right then, the Pete guy, the sorta comedian, well I could hear as his whole voice tone speaking thing had bouncy along so like suddenly became more like the hissing of some reptiles I have encountered as he says back to the heckler, “okay pal, I guess you were there huh, ’cause ya sound pretty girlish to me. Well, I’m sorry I missed ya, ha ha. And man, it got quiet in that room, and afterwards nobody was laughing much at all. White people, Lawd, I’m saying, I ain’t never gonna figure them out.

The Legends of St. Patrick

By Darlene Mitchell March 21, 2026 March 21, 2026 Holidays, Humor, Ireland, St. Patrick's Day, Wes Hessel

The Legends of St. Patrick

By Wes Hessel

Irish You Were Here…

Hello from Chicagoland, where we take our “wearing o’ the green” very seriously; green river, anyone? And I don’t mean the soft drink… Today, with the coldest St. Patty’s (or is that St. Paddy’s?) in about 60 years (the low was in the mid-teen’s this am; no, there isn’t any climate change – NOT!), our thoughts turn to the saint whose day we celebrate, separating fact from fiction.

Lady First…

But first, we mention the other saint commemorated on March 17th, patron saint of cats and their people, gardeners, travelers, widows, and the mentally ill, St. Gertrude of Nivelles. So if you’re having a rodent problem, a prayer to her might be in order…

Not A Pat Answer

As is typically true with so many real world historical figures whose life story is expanded to epic proportions, St. Patrick was a man who did many significant things that historians primarily agree on. The tales and traditions which surround him, however, are the stuff of legend, though they may be rooted (one almost literally) in an aspect of fact.

The Beginning Is A Very Good Place To Start

It is generally accepted that Patrick was a man who lived in the fifth century, born in the area of Britain under Roman control, who went to Ireland when he was in his mid-teens. In his semi-biographical treatise, “Confession of Saint Patrick”, Patrick wrote that he was kidnapped by Irish pirates when he was 16 and taken to Ireland as a slave. He went on to write that he escaped six years later, and eventually made his way home to Britain. Some years after, he had a vision which he believed was God calling him back to Ireland, where he went to serve as a Christian missionary.

The Stuff That Legends Are Made Of

The first of the St. Patrick legends is probably just an amplification of the plausible idea that he taught about the Holy Trinity using a common three-leaf clover, the shamrock. This triple-leafed plant has long since been the main symbol of St. Patrick’s Day, and by extension, Ireland. The second folklore was that the patron saint of the Emerald Isle had banished all snakes from the country – evidence suggests that Ireland never had any snakes to begin with. The third tale is about the saint’s reputed carriage of an ash staff on his journey from his home to return to Ireland to minister. Patrick’s practice, it was said, is that he would thrust his staff into the ground at the place where he would speak about Christianity – one such stop dragged on for so long, it is said, that his walking stick took root.

Celebrate Safe…

Whatever you may believe, raise a glass (Guiness, perhaps?) to the saint associated with the land of blarney, beer, and beauty (not necessarily in that order). Thank you, St. Patrick, for inspiring countless generations with your work to spread the message of a loving God and the green of life.

Moving On

By Darlene Mitchell March 10, 2026 March 27, 2026 Anti-war, Calamity Politics, D. S. Mitchell, Donald J. Trump, Economics, Humor, Lies and Corruption, MAGA's, Protests, Psychology, War, War and Conflict

Moving On

D. S. Mitchell

I went to 27 different grade schools, and it probably won’t surprise you; I’ve been married five times. The only reason I’m confiding these tidbits of ancient information is to cue you to the fact that I’m no stranger to packing up the car and moving on.

So, now you ask, “are you going somewhere?”

“Aahhh, yes, and as always, I have no idea where.”

I came to the charming Southern Oregon town of Grants Pass in 2022, lured by an older double wide mobile home on a beautiful lake front lot. I bought it and have been loving it ever since.

So, now you ask, “why would you leave; if you love it?”

Aahhh, because somewhere deep inside me there is a malfunctioning gene. A gene that will never let me be stay in one place; no matter how well things seems to be going. In fact, the better that things seem to be going all the better reason to move on. Sounds a bit crazy, doesn’t it? Well, I think you’d be absolutely correct. Unhinged, perhaps? Spoiled? Entitled? Probably all of those things and a few more unflattering descriptors, when the truth is known.

On the other hand, in two capitols thousands of miles apart, two sociopathic heads of state show their willingness to throw their soldiers and citizens into their psychopathic conflict. A war with no purpose, other than to keep Bibi out of jail and the Epstein files out of the headlines. A war that conservatively is costing the United State a fuckin’ billion dollars plus per day. That ought to make your hair stand on end as you wait in the unemployment office for an interview, or you struggle over how to pay for groceries, or fill the gas tank. A fuckin’ billion dollars a day; while rural hospitals are closing across this country. Again while Trump and Bibi burn up a billion dollars a day Health and Science Universities across the United States are experiencing dramatic federal funding cuts. Outrageous, scandalous an unbelievable middle finger to civilized nations.

For the last week I have watched near 24/7 coverage of Donald and Bibi’s War against Iran. It is here I want to say that despite all my malfunctioning genes and general bullshit over the years my craziness has never cost one person their life; certainly not 185 school girls, leveled a city, destroyed oil fields and stored reserves, or sank ships and their crews at sea. Why aren’t these two guys in jail or a padded cell? How does it happen that these two men, both criminals, run two of the most powerful countries in the world? Where are the restraints? What went wrong in the election? Right now we have two of the most dangerous men in history threatening the world military and economic stability.

Trump while raving illogical “short term pain and long term gain,” he and his brother in pain are running wild with Tomahawk missiles and endless bombing raids against Iran. If congress can’t stop them, the American people and the Israeli public CAN halt this despicable activity, but that requires action. Action on the street. Protests. Screaming our damn heads off. Time to put the American people first, that means affordable housing, access to child care, universal health care, basic income, and superlative public education.

It’s time for the few remaining sleeping Americans to come out of the MAGA coma and see Trump for what he is. Show your disapproval for this president and his fuckin’ foreign wars. Register for the No Kings Protest, and turn out with whistle, drum and sign, March 28, 2026. A goal of 10 million Americans on the street will move even psychopaths to change course. Come on America, PROTEST!

The Trump Stench

By Darlene Mitchell February 16, 2026 February 16, 2026 anti-MAGA, Calamity Politics, D. S. Mitchell, Donald J. Trump, Humor, Lies and Corruption, MAGA's, Republicans, Scandals, Sustainable Sources, Trumpism

The Trump Stench

Editor: When I read Cate Rees-Hessel’s 50 Things She Trusts More than Trump I was motivated to do a bit of a take off on her piece. Forgive me, I couldn’t help myself. Here are just a few of the thoughts that came to mind as I read her piece.

By D. S. Mitchell

We can thank our own Agent Orange for all the environmental deregulation.
Left over unrefrigerated milk found in the WH pantry. Bobby’ll drink it! Bobby’ll drink it! We hope.
MOLD WARNING. Not all mold forms are deadly just the smelly toxic orange variety.
I heard Greg Bovino and Pam Bondi are offering at home body piercing. Och, och, och. Show me your papers!
The government was forced to get supersized Porta-Potties for DHS ‘cuz Kristi Noem and Cory Lewandowski do everything together.
The smell of an outhouse on a hot summer day, has nothing on the Trump White House.
Got stomach acid? I’ve been told the Trump store is running a special on gold sprayed Rolaid packets.
Dirty diapers found in the bushes at Mar-a-Lago’s front gate, apparently left following an Epstein memorial party.
Puppy pee pads? OMG! Where’d they bury that poor puppy? I bet Kristi knows.
The foul odor of used Kitty Litter lingers persistently in the air after every Cabinet Meeting.
A box of sexually transmitted disease video tapes found at the Trump Tower after an Epstein memorial training.
A bag of torn prophylactics found with the video tapes. What do you think? I say party favors.
The stench of a dumpster on a hot summer day smells much like the image of Corporate America taking the knee for their revered Mango Mussolini.
The fermenting odor of the Epstein Files permeates every space Trump enters. You don’t want to get caught in any tight spaces with DJT.
Windmills are killing whales and causing cancer Donald tells us, but he’s got clean coal and Venezuelan oil for us.
The ghosts of the demented Ronald Reagan and the criminal Richard Nixon have nothing on the crazy ass Mafioso king pin currently running our country.
Trump has been given a second term to rape and rob the people of the United States. There’ll be no more emergency PayDay loans for Donnie Boy, now it’s direct hand-to-hand-cash in the billions from the Middle East dictators and potentates and who knows who else.
Some rumors never end, especially the one about how Melania lost her virginity to an ICE agent who dummied up an Einstein visa for her ‘extraordinary intellectual abilities’. How bad does that smell; it’s been rotting in Melania’s closet since 1996.
Trump is a publicly diagnosed power-mad narcissist demanding his name be placed on government buildings and that an arch be built with his name emblazed on it, all while threatening to withhold monies for already allocated major projects unless he gets his monuments. The only monument I want to see Trump’s name on is the one in the above photo.