Women of a Certain Age-The Next Generation

Women of a Certain Age-The Next Generation…

You may be a woman of a certain age if you used hair curlers

Women of a Certain Age –

The Next Generation…

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

  1. If you ever had a man in a boat in your toilet tank…you might be a woman of a certain age.
  2. If you ever drank a Tab…
  3. If you ever wore hose from an egg…
  4. If you ever wore a $5 dollar tube top from Woolworths…
  5. If you know what was on the lunch menu at Woolworth’s Restaurant…
  6. If you ever ate lunch at Woolworth’s Restaurant…
  7. If you ever ate at a lunch counter…
  8. If you know what a lunch counter is…
  9. If you ate a chocolate Popsicle (nope, not a Fudgesicle) …
  10. If you know what stairs up, stairs down means…
  11. If your first tablet was an Etch A Sketch…
  12. If your tablet is made of paper…
  13. If you ever wore a floral maxi…
  14. If you ever owned a poodle skirt…
  15. If you ever had a tiger in your tank…
  16. If you know who had a dog named Tiger…
  17. If you can recall the Brady Bunch wedding…
  18. If you owned a Schick Love Light…
  19. If you know what a Love Light is…
  20. If you owned a turntable, eight-track, or cassette player…
  21. If you know what a turntable, eight-track, or cassette are…
  22. If creamy ever creamed, you…
  23. If you ever used an Avon Funburger…
  24. If you know what an Avon Funburger is…
  25. If you ever mixed blue eye shadow with water…
  26. If you wore blue eye shadow…
  27. If you used peach peppermint Lip Smacker…
  28. If you owned a Cinnabar Frost lip color pencil…
  29. If you owned anything Estee Lauder in an aqua turquoise case…
  30. If you used tinted Clearasil…
  31. If you wore Clinique Pore Minimizer makeup…
  32. If you carried a disposable lighter for your eye liner pencil in your purse…
  33. If you think “Zoom” is a TV show from the 70’s, not an online meeting portal…
  34. If you ever had a cream pack…
  35. If you know what a cream pack is…
  36. If you can finish this line and name that tune: “Hey, Hey…”
  37. If curlers in your hair caused you shame…
  38. If you still own curlers…
  39. If you ever drank from a garden hose and lived to tell about it…
  40. If you only think of pickle as a food, not a sport…
  41. If “who wears short shorts” is not you anymore…
  42. If you have ever been a Lustre-Crème Shampoo girl…
  43. If you think turkey neck is a soup ingredient…
  44. If you still, make turkey soup…
  45. If you move slower than a sloth…
  46. If you think Alexa and Siri are among your bridge game partners…
  47. If you still play bridge…
  48. If much of your wardrobe came from the mall and department stores, not Amazon…
  49. If you think Robert Redford is sexy…
  50. If you own white gloves that aren’t for winter…
  51. If you call your purse a pocketbook…
  52. If you can name all four of the Golden Girls…
  53. If you can remember when Hallmark was only cards…
  54. If you remember when Olay was Oil of Olay…
  55. If you ever used a rotary dial or push-button landline…
  56. If you know what a landline is…
  57. If you watched Luke and Laura’s wedding…
  58. If you remember “The Guiding Light” and Bauer burgers…
  59. If a section of your closet is dedicated to shoes you can only sit in…
  60. If you know “Shake and Bake” is not a new variation of Hot Yoga…
  61. If you husband owns a leisure suit…
  62. If you owned an original Barbie doll…
  63. If your Barbie dream house had cardboard furniture…
  64. If you can remember when Barbie was just a fashion doll, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  65. If you always realized he’s “just Ken”, you might be a woman of any age…

You Might Just Be a Woman of a Certain Age

You Might Just Be a Woman of a Certain Age – Again…

If you remember seeing this baby new, you are a woman of a certain age

You Might Just Be a Women of a Certain Age – Again…

Editor: Our society loves giving descriptive monikers to the various generational age groups. The beginning of the 20th century gave us the Greatest Generation (1901-1924), and the Silent Generation (1925-1945). most representatives of these two age cohorts have now passed. Currently, the largest age group in the United States are the Baby Boomers; Boomers I (born between 1946-1954) and Boomers 2, sometimes known as ‘Generation Jones’ (born between 1955-1964). After the boomers came the Gen X’ers (born between 1965-1979), the Millennials (born between 1980-1994), Generation Z (born between 1995-2010), and finally Generation Alpha (born between 2010 and 2025). Every generation has its unique memories, see if any of Cate’s memories trigger a smile.  

By Cate Rees-Hessel

  1. If you have ever had a Lilt home permanent…you might be a woman of a certain age.
  2. If you used Bonnie Bell Ten-O-Six lotion as a teenager…
  3. If you know what Ten-O-Six lotion actually is…
  4. If you have spun the bottle…
  5. If you know why the bottle spins…
  6. If you played post office at a party, long before DeJoy played with the post office…
  7. If you used a clothes iron on your hair and still have hair…
  8. If you ever Naired for short shorts…
  9. If you wore double belts, shoulder pads, or cloisonné earrings…
  10. If you still rock big hair and tweeze your eyebrows…
  11. If you have had a half moon or glass manicure…
  12. If you know what a half moon or glass manicure is…
  13. If you remember Perry Mason’s first case…
  14. If you played the game “Dream Date” and got the dud…
  15. If you think Patrick Stuart is sexy…
  16. If you think Eric Estrada is sexy…
  17. If you think Rick Springfield is sexy…
  18. 18. If you think President Biden is sexy…
  19. If your workout routine involved a shaker weight or a ThighMaster (RIP Suzanne Summers)…
  20. If you owned a Fonzie pillowcase…
  21. If you know who the Fonz is…
  22. If you know who the Bay City Rollers were…
  23. If you have put a tiger in your tank…
  24. If you know what TV show had a dog named Tiger…
  25. If you know who Sam the butcher was…
  26. If you watched the pilot for Murder She Wrote when it first aired…
  27. If your Velcro rollers got stuck in your Dippity-do hair style…
  28. If you own multiple sets of hot rollers…
  29. If you own pink sponge curlers…
  30. If you know what curlers are…
  31. If Lady Clairol is an old friend…
  32. If you ever used Freeze hairspray but now use Biofreeze…
  33. If you know the lyrics to the song that starts out “There She Is”…
  34. If you know who Bert Parks was…
  35. If you gave it a ten because you could dance to it…
  36. If you still have a tube of Great Lash mascara in your purse…
  37. If you knew Morris the cat when he was a kitten…
  38. If you refer to fat-free milk as skim milk…
  39. If you refer to Spanx as a girdle…
  40. If you refer to your bra as a brassière…
  41. If your sports car wore a bra…
  42. If your first car was T-bird…
  43. If you had “fun, fun, fun” until your daddy took it away…
  44. If you take a Jell-O mold to every potluck you attend…
  45. If you took home economics in high school…Home what you ask?
  46. If your high school high score earned you a Betty Crocker pin…
  47. If you ever received a Betty Crocker Home Legion pin for your distinguished service in homemaking…
  48. If you know Tickle deodorant came in citrus, herbal, floral and unscented…
  49. If you used Tickle unscented so it didn’t clash with your strawberry perfume…
  50. If you used Tickle unscented because it clashed with your sweet Honesty perfume…
  51. If you knew Connie Sellecca was the official spokesperson for Tickle deodorant…
  52. If you’re tickled pink at my mention of Tickle deodorant…
  53. If you refer to sex as a pickle tickle…
  54. If you don’t understand why it’s called pickle ball…
  55. If you refer to blush as rouge…
  56. If you own a teasing comb…
  57. If you ever ratted your hair…
  58. If you know where Gidget went…
  59. If you ever watched the Mike Douglas show and knew who his co-hosts were…

If 59 is your actual age, or you’re in the neighborhood, you are a woman of a certain age…

35 of the Worst Gifts to Give

35 of the Worst Gifts to Give Gift giving can be hard, Anna Hessel says think before you buy that Weight Watchers membership for your friend, get an Amazon gift card instead.

35 of the Worst Gifts to Give

Editor’s Note: When Anna Hessel submitted the attached post, I hemmed and hawed a bit, complaining it was “too early” to start thinking of Thanksgiving, much less Christmas. I was reminded however, that in the good ol’ USA, Christmas never ends. As proof of that sentiment, when I went to my local Walmart the other day to pick up a Halloween pumpkin for carving, and a scary doorbell howler to terrorize the Trick or Treaters, I was confronted with reality; not only does Christmas never end in  America, but neither does any other holiday. Wally World had it all; from the giant red heart pillow, left over from Valentine’s Day, to the new pink Barbie Christmas ornaments. There seems to be no apology for the outright commercialization of every holiday in our capitalist society. That is not necessarily a bad thing, just a reflection of America’s unique take on holidays. We like ’em-and the date on the calendar seems to have nothing to do with the enjoyment of the season. Whatever that season may be. So, here is Anna’s suggestions for what NOT to gift this Christmas, or any other day, accompanied by a few of my comments.

 

By Anna Hessel and the Editor

35. The infamous lump of coal. (Editor: I don’t even know where you would find a lump of coal these days. Maybe Joe Manchin could find one for us).

34. A 2023 calendar. (Editor: Totally agree. Who wants to be reminded of the past when the future is racing towards us?)

33. Air freshener, disinfectant, oven or drain cleaner.

32. Weight Watchers gift card. (Editor: Unless of course, it was requested).

31. Deep wrinkle reducing cream with a spackle knife. (Editor: This one could end long established friendships).

30. Au Natural ‘Lumberjack’ cologne just for her.

29. A Limburger cheese scented candle. (Editor:  A cheese connoisseur may feel differently).

28. Deodorant (these really stink as gifts…)

27. A set of encyclopedias. (Editor: This means they were printed before the internet. Just take a minute to digest that…it would be like reading the Archives of Alexandria).

26. Antifungal anything. (Editor: This is definitely too personal).

25. A crochet pot holder crafted at your first crochet class. (Editor: Mine is framed, proudly taking up wall space in my kitchen).

24. A place setting of “china” from the Dollar General.

23. A VHS tape collection  of  embarrassing family moments.

22. An eight track tape of Herschel and the Hillbillies.

21. Socks of any color. (Editor: On this I must protest, I’ve gotten some darn cool socks at Christmas, that I still wear. I’ve got the cute fire fighters pair and the classic cars socks, and of course, the Santa socks, and many more).

20. Purple socks and a crushed velvet Donny Osmond cap. (Editor: I don’t know about this one. I’m kind of into the feel of crushed velvet-and Donny is okay in my book, and I’ve already told you how I feel about socks as gifts-and purple is one of my favorite colors).

19. A GMO foods gift basket.

18. A tie (apologies to my husband because I already bought him one…). (Editor: here again I protest, I’ve already stashed away several awesome ones for my honey).

17. A can of Simoniz. (Editor: I totally agree on this one-unless of course, it’s accompanied with a gift certificate to my favorite auto detailer).

16. A pickleball Ken doll.

15. A pickleball lesson gift certificate. (Editor: Anna, again, I must protest. Pickleball is the “new, great thing” in my little community and I wouldn’t mind learning how to play this outrageously fun looking sport- you can give me one of those gift certificates any day).

14. Artificial flavor favorites cookbook. (Editor: I agree, an abomination).

13. Nose hair trimmer, toenail clipper, ingrown toenail file, pimple popper, earwax remover, or any other gross grooming implement. (Editor: Ohhhh dear, I gave my Dad one of those really lovely grooming kits, in a fancy leather carrying case, just a couple years ago. He said, he liked it).

12. Anything pumpkin spice (don’t be tempted by the fact that the PS stuff is now in the clearance bin…).

11. Membership to the kale of the month club.

10. Dental floss, not even the peppermint flavored variety.

9. Last year’s re-gifted fruit cake. (Editor: I definitely agree you shouldn’t wait so long to re-gift the cake. Now, I’ve heard they have a long shelf life, but I’d recommend if you really want to re-gift the fruit cake you should do it no later than Valentine’s Day).

8. A bathroom wastebasket. (Editor: I agree this is definitely a personal choice item).

7. A toilet cleaning brush with matching plunger. (Editor: Definitely hovering on disgusting).

6. Name a cockroach after your loved one certificate (suitable for framing). (Editor: However, a framed certificate of a new star named after a loved one, might be fun.)

At some point you knew this was going to turn political. Just so you aren’t disappointed, here’s a few jabs at the former guy and his crew.

5. My Pillow. (Editor: I hear Mike Lindell needs the money; that’s a good reason not to buy one).

4. An autographed mug shot of the Donald. (Editor: I cringe at the thought).

3. Trumpy Bear. (Editor: Yes, it is a real thing and I’d stay away from it, far away from it, especially if you’re an attorney).

2. A slightly used red MAGA hat.

1. A Donald Trump head-Chia Pet style-with orange foliage growing out of its several orifices. (Editor: I understand there is  limited number of the heads, due to low interest in that guy).

 

Whoa, Dave!

Whoa, Dave!

Some days just start off bad and just get worseWhoa, Dave !

I was on Facebook when I saw this post from an old friend and thought I should repost Dave’s story,

“Well I’m in the emergency room now. Ugh!! 😢 Today was not a good day at all. I decided to go horseback riding, something I haven’t done in awhile. It turned out to be a big mistake!
I got on the horse and everything started out fine. Nice and slow, but then we started moving a little bit faster. Before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go, racing pell-mell across the field. I couldn’t take the pace and fell off. I caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. It wouldn’t stop. I hit my head, banged up my back and elbow, pretty good and tore my pants half off me !

Thank goodness the manager at the bake shop came out and unplugged the machine. But, she had the nerve to take the rest of my change so I wouldn’t ride the Elephant or Motorcycle. I was also banned from the Merry-go-round.”

How many of you actually read what I wrote? If you did, paste for someone else to get a laugh!
I had to. Just had to lol!!

Thanks Dave Johnson, for the laugh.

HUMOR: Let’s Find Something To Smile About

 HUMOR: Let’s Find Something To Smile About

Times are tough, sometimes you just need to make time to smile

HUMOR: Let’s Find Something To Smile About

By D.S. Mitchell

 

Back At the Computer

I am back at the computer working on a new post for my www.calamitynewsandpolitics.com website.  Before I started this website, I worried that I wouldn’t have enough to scream about, but I’m finding that I could probably do half a dozen posts a day related to the B.S. and dangerous misinformation but I thought, before I start a fresh rant on the collapse of American democracy and other issues of importance to Western Civilization I should deliver something positive and uplifting.

So, dear hearts here are twenty-five things to make you smile:

  1. Touching toes in the night
  2. Sunsets over water
  3. Wraparound sunglasses
  4. The Science channel
  5. Kite flying contests
  6. The Muppets
  7. Astronauts on Mars
  8. Blowing the paper wrapper off the straw
  9. Winning at Poker
  10. A dog’s cold nose on your hand
  11. Barhopping on a Saturday night
  12. Old jeans that fit just right
  13. Your lover’s voice
  14. The clatter of skis being loaded for vacation
  15. The rumble of a train as it passes
  16. Walking in the rain
  17. The imagination of a six year old
  18. Margaritas at midnight (or any time, for that matter)
  19. Finishing the Sunday crossword without cheating
  20. A morning walk
  21. The smell of a new car
  22. Roller skating
  23. Your First grade teacher
  24. A sexy book
  25. Daddy’s smile

Back to the Fight

Now that we’ve had five minutes of smiles its time to get back to the fight. We have lots of work to do; stop the relentless gun violence, end state’s whittling away of our voting rights, stop anti-democratic gerrymandering that provides power to those who do not have voter support. We must halt the actions of John Robert’s  monumentally corrupt Supreme Court. Time to impeach Clarence Thomas and any other Justice that is in bed with the billionaires. And closest to my heart, the restoration of a woman’s right to choose, by the codification of Roe. We can do it all, we just need boots on the ground working toward these goals. Join the fight for democracy.

Grillin’ and Chillin’ Safely

Grillin’ and Chillin’ Safely

Grilling is great summer fun, but here are a few tips to make your grilling safe

Grillin’ and Chillin’ Safely

Some practical tips for BBQ safety

By Anna Hessel

 

Wish There Was S’More

As we mourn the end of summer, I find myself once again fondly remembering summers gone by.  S’mores around the campfire were a summer staple – today, s’mores have lost some of their magic since  they are now on labels for beverages, Pop-Tarts, breakfast cereals, and even lip balm.  What’s next, s’mores casserole?  I actually own an indoor tabletop s’mores maker. Yes, they really have such things.  But, it isn’t quite the same thrill as finding that perfect dirt covered stick on the the ground and wiping it off on your pant leg and shoving a marshmallow on it.

Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer

Summers at the lake included the perfect little store, complete with a cooler of Coca-Cola bottles, and its matching Coke bottle opener attached to the wall. Sweet nostalgia; before there were sweetened beverage taxes to think about, or plastic bag charges.  My Aunt Irene had a talent for popsicle-breaking – she would break a banana quiescently frozen confection perfectly down the center.  Also in those days Oreos were Oreo flavored; they didn’t taste like waffles with syrup, red velvet, pumpkin spice, or even birthday cake.  Our environment was not yet destroyed, so if there was such a thing as sunscreen, almost nobody used it. Instead – baby oil and iodine gave us golden tans. Of course, I’m not advocating this now. Current research indicates such behaviors may have caused cancer in many women of my generation; not to mention ex-ray treatments for teenage acne. Flip-flops were called thongs, not bikinis – swimsuit bottoms actually covered our bottoms.  There was no need for waterproof cell phone holders – because there were no cell phones. . .hours at the pool or lake with accompanying boombox, slid happily away.

Hot Time, Summer In The City

We got ready for summer movie dates at the drive-in by setting our hair with a goopy concoction called Dippity-Do and then wrapping sections of hair around empty frozen orange juice cans, or in some cases, beer cans. I hear  you can still get that product on Amazon. In those days, mousse was a chocolate dessert, not a hair product.  Pink flamingos, despite their color, were considered tacky, not haute decor.

Serving Dinner

An American flag, a potted geranium, and a welcome mat were all the outdoor decoration we needed, in those days.  The redwood picnic table held heaping platters of corn-on-the-cob and slices of watermelon.  Tomatoes came from my uncle’s garden, and were perfect on hamburgers, and toppers for cool salads.  Summers were simpler then; a time to relax and renew.  Well, I am going to be going in my usual direction and reach out to the local supermarket for a package of buns, and then I will be going in a different direction to my favorite nail salon for my mani-pedi, because when I reach out, I do it in style…

Chill And Grill

Summer, of course, also means, at least for my better half and his dad, that it’s time to fire up the grill.  My hubby is in his culinary element, the Bobby Flay of our patio.  Decked out in a chef’s hat (received from a Pillsbury promotion), and his “Kiss the Cook” apron (a birthday gift from yours truly), my spouse is ready to smoke up the neighborhood.

Order Up!

No gas grills for my guy; nothing says summer like the taste of lighter fluid on a chicken thigh.  I watch the action from my favorite Adirondack chair, an iced mocha latte at hand, as I bear witness to a wide variety of foods disappearing under the hood of his shiny blue Weber kettle grill.  Tuna steaks, salmon burgers, hotdogs, skewers of various vegetables, watermelon, peaches, and even a foil wrapped banana stuffed with chocolate and butterscotch chips; we can’t eat a summer meal that does not bear grill marks.  Carrying my favorite Pioneer Women platter aloft, tongs strapped to his belt and man’s best friend at his heels, just in case something were to fall off that tray, my loveable grill master cooks with style…

Grill Without Fail

And while you’re all grilling with style, make sure you are cooking safely.  Whether you choose charcoal or gas, these tips assembled by my husband, Wes Hessel, can make you the grill master of safety when you cook outdoors this season:

  1. Start safe by selecting your meats or seafood just before checking out at the store, putting them in a separate section of the cart, and have them bagged individually in plastic to avoid cross-contamination.
  2. Keep your items to cook in the refrigerator until right before you put them on the grill, or if you are grilling away from home, use a well-insulated cooler and ice or cold packs to keep the food temperature below 40 degrees.
  3. Wash your hands before and after working with raw meat or seafood or if soap and water are not available, use a hand sanitizer of at least 70% alcohol. Use separate cutting surfaces for raw meat or seafood, dispose of any leftover marinade or sauce which was in contact with raw meat or seafood, and use a fresh, clean plate for prepared foods.
  4. Use a meat thermometer to make sure items you are cooking reach safe temperatures, per the CDC:
  • 145°F – whole cuts of beef, pork, lamb, and veal (standing time of 3 minutes at this temperature)
  • 145°F – fish
  • 160°F – hamburgers and other ground beef
  • 165°F – all poultry and pre-cooked meats, like hot dogs
  • After grilling, keep the food at 140°F or warmer until it’s served
  1. Keep your grill surface, drip trays, and the like clean to avoid grease fires
  2. Be careful not to put too much food on the grill at one time.
  3. Avoid direct contact of the flame to the food – there is strong evidence that flames touching food can create carcinogens. Indirect cooking methods are a smart way to avoid this risk.
  4. If your grill is gas, regularly check for leaks with a light soap and water solution, and certainly never turn gas on with the lid closed. If a flame goes out, turn off all the gas and wait five minutes with the lid open before relighting.  If you smell gas while grilling, immediately get away from the grill and keep everyone else away, then call your fire department.
  5. If your grill is charcoal, regularly empty the ash pan/receptacle.
  6. If you are using a “starter fluid” such as lighter fluid, always place it on the coals before they are lit. NEVER put starter fluids or any other flammable on a burning fire.  Better yet, use an electric fire starter or charcoal chimney to get your grill going.
  7. Charcoal and propane are for outdoor use only.
  8. Your grill should never be closer than 10 feet to your home or garage; for those of you living in multi-family dwellings, keep the grill well away from any entrances or fire exits.
  9. Avoid placing the grill under building overhangs made of wood-based materials or overhanging branches, nor near deck railings.
  10. Décor is pretty but must be kept away from the grill.
  11. A fire extinguisher should be kept close, and be sure you are familiar with its proper use. If you are not comfortable using one, if a fire occurs, immediately call 911.  A spray bottle of clean water for minor “flare ups” will not cause harm to the food on the grill.
  12. Never leave your grill unattended, even for a minute, especially if there are children or pets around, and do not let them get closer than three feet to the grill. When you are finished grilling, turn off the gas (if applicable), close the lids, and any vents to completely extinguish the fire.  Always make sure the grill is completely cold before properly disposing of used coals and ashes.

These guidelines will keep the rest of your grilling season safe and enjoyable.  I wish you all a safe remainder of summer, full of sunny days and style.

59 Things to Smile About

59 Things to Smile About

Let's talk about smiles today

59 Things to Smile About

 

By D. S. Mitchell

 

1.) The roll of thunder and the flash of lightening

2.) The sound of crows calling
3.) Grandma’s 1940 aluminum cake carrier
4.) Having a flower budget
5.) Toddlers in sandboxes
6.) Homemade tamales
7.) Fresh baked apple pie
8.) Big Sur
9.) Fire trucks all red and shiny
10.) Liquor in crystal decanters

11.) Walking the dunes
12.) Tillamook cheddar cheese
13.) Sails in the wind
14.) Still saving my change in a piggy bank
15.) Making church steeples with my hands
16.) Finding a parking space at the front door
17.) Making Cannabis truffles
18.) Eating Cannabis truffles
19.) A ‘she-shed’ for the garden
20.) Waltzing in the Pittock Mansion ballroom
21.) Scrabble on a rainy Sunday

22.) My Alma Mater, Portland State University, Portland, Oregon
23.) Daddy’s cherished gray ‘Bogie’ Fedora
24.) Snowmobile races
25.) 501’s and a leather jacket
26.) The art section at Goodwill
27.) Lake life
28.) Ping Pong basement championships

29.) Making floral bouquets from flowers collected from the yard
30.) High school football games
31.) White cotton shorts
32.) Being nice when someone calls you vulgar names on Twitter
33.) Astoria Sunday Market, on a sunny day
34.) A drive up mailbox
35.) A dog

36.) A cat
37.) Fresh baked bread
38.) First day of school
39.) Last day of school
40.) Wainscotting
41.) Cheese fondue with little bread squares
42.) Having read every book on the shelf
43.) Shiny oak floors
44.) First ski week-end
45.) A Blue Heron in the marsh

46.) Walking hand in hand with a child
47.) Wrapped peppermints in a glass dish
48.) Making pictures out of clouds
49.) Old photo albums
50.) Peanuts and popcorn at the ball game
51.) Oversize reckless, passionate modern art pieces
52.) Never feeling older than 17
53.) Powell’s Books, Pearl District, Portland, Oregon
54.) Spring wildflowers

55.) White curtains, blowing gently on a summer breeze

56.) Looking at childhood pictures in an old photo album

57.) Catching crawdads with my grandson

58.) Lunch with the girls

59.) Snuggling and cuddling with someone special

I hope some of my reasons to smile, made you smile. Tomorrow, Calamity News and Politics will be back covering the Washington, D.C. hotplate, and I doubt  there will be many reasons to smile in that environment.

 

 

Today’s Quotes & Other Shit

Time we stopped and smiled

Today’s Quotes & Other Shit

 

by D. S. Mitchell

I don’t usually talk about my ‘personal’ (real) self, but I am going to reveal a couple of small clues by posting the two following quotes. I have no idea who to give credit to, other than Unknown. Somehow these two quotes came up within moments of me going on the internet this morning.

I have been doing some recent reflection on past behaviors, not all of which I am proud of, HOWEVER, there’s a whole lot of shit that I am damn proud of. With that said, here are the two quotes for 3/10/2021.

“I don’t have to attend every argument that I’m invited to.”  (Unknown)

“Love yourself first because that’s who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.”  (Unknown)

Hugs,

DSM

 

https://www.calamitypolitics.com/2017/03/29/quotes-on-courage/

You Might Be a Woman of a Certain Age

HUMOR: You Might Be a Woman of a Certain Age

 Humor: A Woman of a certain age

HUMOR:

You Might Be a Woman of a Certain Age…

By Anna Hessel

Barbie Blast From The Past

Well, ladies, I’ve been thinking a lot about women of a certain age.  What if we had Barbies to represent our generation:

  • Woman of a Certain Age Barbie – comes with a portable fan, itsy-bitsy tweezers, wrinkle cream, fashionable bifocals, AARP card, and a Dream Condo in a senior high rise. Pull a string and she has a hot flash.  This Barbie sports a few gray hairs in her blond tresses, maybe some stretch marks, fine lines, plastic cellulite (perhaps includes a tiny loofah and CQ-10 cream?), and her tatas are a bit lower.  Silver Fox Ken with grey at the temples and a middle-age crisis convertible, sold separately…
  • Botox Barbie – nothing’s different, her expression is still frozen…
  • Direct Marketing Maven Barbie – comes with BB cream samples and a pink Cadillac…
  • Journalist Barbie – comes with a tiny newspaper, folded to her favorite writer (I wonder who that would be?)…
You Might Be a Woman of a Certain Age…

All this talk of dolls brings thoughts of youthful memories from back in the day…

  • If you can remember crisp brown plaid dresses with Peter Pan collars and decorative buttons, purchased specifically for the first day of classes, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you can remember black patent Mary Janes, complete with white lace trim socks, and the blisters that accompanied them, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you went back to school sporting a summer tan from laying out in the backyard, courtesy of baby oil mixed with iodine, sipping a Tab in a webbed lounge chair beside a boom box, hair highlighted by Sun In, featuring oversize Foster Grants, and a wicker tote bag filled with a splash bottle of Jean Nate, a strawberry-flavored Bonnie Bell Lip Smacker, and a striped beach towel (mine was pink and white), you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you faced the first day of high school attired in Sergio Valente jeans and a ruffled blouse, resplendent with Great Lash mascara, Candie’s clogs, and a mood ring, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you put away your white shoes and purses after Labor Day, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you own a Wonder Bra and wonder what to do with it, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you have ever thrown a Wonder Bra at Englebert Humperdinck or Tom Jones, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you can remember the television going off late at night to the playing of our national anthem, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you ever ironed your hair with a small appliance made for clothes, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you ever used a Maybelline Kissing Potion rollerball, bubble gum flavor, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you call your nail tech a manicurist, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you ever used Jolene bleach, shaved your legs with a Flicker, or wore pantyhose from an egg, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you ever did a basic set with pink sponge curlers, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know what Dippity Do did, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you ever wore strawberry or lemon perfume, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you ever wore a wide-legged jumpsuit with a puka shell necklace and platform shoes, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you own an original lava lamp and beaded curtain, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know what Mr. Whipple squeezed, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know that Charlie is a fragrance by Revlon, not just a faceless gentleman from a popular TV show about three angels, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know who the Tidy Bowl Man is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you are of the opinion that Spanx is just another name for a girdle, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know who “Marsha Marsha Marsha” is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you think regenerative hydration therapy serum is just a fancy name for a face cream, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you buy every wrinkle cream promising results in a week and you still look the same, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know who Bobby Sherman is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you look forward to commercials featuring Tom Selleck and Joe Namath, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If your favorite TV shows have commercials for Medicare Advantage plans and you can remember when the episodes first aired, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you fall asleep during those commercials, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you call the paramedics and expect Bobby Sherman, Randy Mantooth, and Kevin Tighe to show up, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you think Rick Springfield, Henry Winkler, Billy Dee Williams, Danny Glover, Anson Williams, Billy Dean, Barry Williams, John Stamos, Erik Estrada, Patrick Stuart, Jeff Foxworthy, and President Biden are still sexy, you may be a woman of a certain age (and have excellent taste in real men)…
  • If your dream car is a Mercury Cougar or you just are a cougar, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If your idea of a wild Saturday night is a “Golden Girls” marathon, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know who Bobby Sherman is, you might be a woman of a certain age… (Did I already say this?)
  • If you need those designer Depends while reading this, you might be a woman of a certain age… (and I did my job right…)

Ladies of a certain age, we may forget where we left our car keys or grocery list, our eyebrows might be over-tweezed, our bottoms may be a bit lower, but we will always have unique style…

*I’d like to say a special thank you to my favorite comedian Jeff Foxworthy, who was the inspiration for this article.

https://www.calamitypolitics.com/2020/09/13/humor-abolishing-age-appropriate-attire/

 

 

HUMOR: 25 Reasons To Smile

HUMOR: 25 Reasons To Smile

By D.S. Mitchell

Back At the Computer

I am back at the computer making my second post to my Calamity Politics blog, today.  Before I started this blog, I worried that I wouldn’t have enough to scream about, but I’m finding that I could probably do half a dozen posts a day related to the misinformation flooding the ether.  But I thought, before I start my rant on the collapse of Western Civilization I should deliver something positive and uplifting.

So, dear hearts here are twenty-five things to make you smile:

  1. Touching toes in the sand
  2. Sunsets over water
  3. Wraparound sunglasses
  4. The Science channel
  5. Kite flying contests
  6. The Muppets
  7. Astronauts
  8. Blowing the wrapper off the straw
  9. Winning at Monopoly
  10. A dog’s cold nose on your hand
  11. Barhopping
  12. Old jeans that fit just right
  13. Your lover’s voice
  14. The clatter of skis being loaded
  15. The rumble of a train as it passes
  16. Walking in the rain
  17. The imagination of a six year old
  18. Margaritas at midnight
  19. Finishing the Sunday crossword without cheating
  20. A morning walk
  21. The smell of a new car
  22. Roller skating
  23. Your First grade teacher
  24. A sexy book
  25. Daddy’s smile

I know this Saturday distraction did little to take your mind off the continuing implosion of the Republican Party. My Lord, a large share of these folks sound totally crazy, out-and-out bigots, or radicalized MAGA’s. These people seized the capitol. They were incited for months by Donald Trump in his attempt to overturn an election he knew he had lost.  We watched it on television.  Convict the traitorous SOB. Sorry. I wanted to forget politics for a few minutes.