Believe It or Not, There’s a Word for That!

By Darlene Mitchell March 7, 2024 March 7, 2024 D. S. Mitchell, Home, Household Hints, Modern Life, Money Saving Tips, Positive Vibes, Useless Information

Believe It or Not, There’s a Word for That!

By D.S. Mitchell

Basement Cabinets

I was cleaning out an old cabinet that had been relegated to a darkened corner of my basement when I uncovered a treasure trove of nearly 500 fossilized Reader’s Digest, Vogue, Glamour, O, Style, and AARP, magazines. Yes! What a glorious way to spend a rainy Thursday, scrounging through dusty boxes of outdated magazines, I laughed. I gauged how long it would take me to flip through every page of this unanticipated bonanza and figured I could do it in a single day, if I devoted myself to the task fulltime. Obviously, I’ll need pee and refueling breaks.

Pretty Packaging

Why would I be so interested in old magazines, you ask. First of all, I love touching that slick paper that they used to make magazines out of. Second, I love the fact there is this encyclopedia of near useless information, wrapped up in astoundingly pretty packaging. Just Awesome! Anyway, my ulterior motive was to find a few interesting filler topics for my calamitypolitics.com website. I found a motherlode. The first one I decided to share with my readers came from Reader’s Digest, the September 2017 issue (there was no writer credit given in the magazine). A great piece on “whatta’ ya call this?” In alphabetical order,

aglet (aiglet): an aglet or aiglet is a small sheath, often made of plastic or metal, attached at each end of a shoelace, a cord, or a drawstring. An aglet keeps the fibers of the lace or cord from unraveling; its firmness and narrow profile make it easier to hold and easier to feed through eyelets, lugs, or other lacing guides
ferrule: the circular metal part holding the eraser to a pencil
glabella: the area of skin between the eyebrows and above the nose. The term also refers to the underlying bone that is slightly depressed, and joins the two
lunule: the white or wedge-shaped part of the fingernail
peen: the round or wedge-shaped end of a hammer-i.e., the part that doesn’t hit the nail
petrichor: the way it smells when rain falls on parched earth
philtrum: the vertical groove between the base of the nose and the border of the upper lip.
phosphene: the light you see when you close your eyes and press your fingers to them
punt: the indention in the bottom of a wine bottle, a punt is also a wooden boat with no keel, stem, or sternpost, and is constructed like a ladder, and it’s even a football kick
rasceta: the lines and wrinkling on the inner surface of the wrist
souffle cup: a paper of plastic cup for ketchup, mustard, and other condiments
Snellen test: the test during an eye exam involving reading from large to smaller letters
tittle: a small written or printed stroke; the dot over a lower case i or j
wamble: a weaving or rolling motion, stomach rumbling

That was fun. Did you learn anything? Of the fifteen listed I knew only one.

2024’s Worst New Year’s Resolutions

By Darlene Mitchell January 14, 2024 January 15, 2024 Cate Rees-Hessel, Distractions, Happiness, Humor, Modern Life, New Years, Positive Vibes, Useless Information

2024’s Worst New Year’s Resolutions

By Cate Rees-Hessel

Editor: At the beginning of each year many of us examine our lives and in many cases decide we need to make some changes; thus the New Year’s Resolution List. So with that said, here are Cate’s 2024’s worst New Year’s Resolutions.

Resolving AGAIN to lose weight – this is the most common resolution. It lasts until maybe mid-January most of the time. I no longer bother to resolve to do this, I just resolve to eat healthy, stay hydrated, and exercise.
Resolving to join a gym but never visiting there – canceling can be a major hassle.
Resolving to get a permanent eyeliner and lip liner tattoo. Nope. I’ve resolved to get up ten minutes earlier in the morning to line my eyes and sometimes I even skip the lip liner.
Resolving to get plastic surgery or Botox in order to appear younger. I instead will embrace the beauty of aging.
Resolving to clean out your closets, ridding yourself of any and all junk. A good idea but overwhelming if you decide to do it all at once – try doing it in smaller sections.
Resolving to never, ever, ever again, drink, soda, alcohol, or expensive coffee beverages. Let’s face it, not going to happen – just remember moderation is the key here.
Resolving to only drink diet soda. Are you aware of the chemicals in those?
Resolving to play the lottery. Don’t gamble on this one – just start a savings account instead.
Resolving to give your boss a piece of your mind – this is the same as resolving to join the unemployment line.
Resolving to be adventurous. Skinny dipping in winter, bungee jumping over a frozen lake, twerking in public – this is called stupidity.
Resolving to accept as many blind dates as you can – this is also called stupidity.
Resolving to drunk text your ex on New Year’s Eve or maybe Valentine’s Day – this is called beyond stupidity.
Resolving to stop reading the labels at the grocery store. Since the majority of boxed, canned, frozen, and even alleged fresh foods are GMO these days, this is not a wise resolution. Preservatives, artificial colors, and the like don’t make for a happy New Year, either.
Resolving to start jogging 5 miles a day. No, just no – start slow and stay safe. Maybe a walk around the block today and two blocks tomorrow.
Resolving to skip COVID vaccine boosters. You will have plenty of time to read the books you are resolving to read while you’re in quarantine, presuming you are not in a hospital on a ventilator. Whatever you do, don’t binge watch the last six seasons of the “The Apprentice” – you are already sick.
Resolving to dance like nobody is watching in front of a window – no, nope, not good-somebody is always watching.
Resolving to give that creepy date a second chance; after all Valentine’s Day comes shortly after New Year’s. I think not – this won’t end well; creeps just get creepier.
Resolving to conquer your fear of heights by taking flying lessons or trying a zip line. My fear is that this too will not end well.
Resolving to invest half of your paycheck in cryptocurrency. You may want to rethink this one, because the last I heard all those hot cryptocurrency guru’s are serving 99 to life.
Resolving to take pickleball lessons, learning to play the tuba, or enrolling in a circus arts course at the community college- think these over before you shell out any money. I think you’d be alright with the pickleball classes, but I’d definitely forget the tuba training and the high wire act.
Resolving to be a do it yourself plumber – once again, this can’t end well.
Resolving to vote Republican. Don’t go there – ever… No, not ever.
Resolving to buy a boxed set of “The Apprentice” on clearance at Walmart and binge watch it. First of all, why would anyone do such a thing and secondly, why are all those lousy old videos still around? Because they’re lousy of course.
Resolving to never again attend a multi-tiered market party no matter the hype, to find out why, see below.

Another, I Saw it on the Internet

By Darlene Mitchell December 12, 2023 December 23, 2023 2024 Election, Charity, Distractions, Donald J. Trump, Ethics, Humor, Legal & Criminal, Lies and Corruption, MAGA's, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Outrageous, Useless Information

Another, I Saw it on the Internet

I Saw it on the Internet

By D.S. Mitchell

Picture Perfect

A philosopher once said, ” A picture is worth a thousand words.” Well, the X prez is a liar, a thief, and a fraud; and here’s pictures to prove it. The man who tried to topple the U.S. government in 2020 is still at it. My question is why do so many MAGA followers believe anything this criminal narcissist says? I can almost understand why politicians like Cruz, Graham, and Hawley, who benefit both financially and politically, continue to cling to Trump’s coattails. What I don’t understand, however, is how so many common sense Americans have been hornswoggled into believing this fat toad, with his elevator lifts, his mango makeup, and his self-aggrandizing rhetoric, is working for them. Everything Trump stands for is in sharp contrast to what the average American needs; simple things like, work safety, clean water, safe food and drugs, ethical government, affordable health care, a strong social safety net, equal rights for all. So what is it? What is the hook that keeps the minions swimming with him?

Slurping Kool-Aid

“It’s a cult,” the commentators are all saying. Whatever it is the folks, those of us who have not been slurping the Kool-Aid need to beat this authoritarian movement into submission. Despite the obvious inequities of the Electoral College process, partisan gerrymandering, and **third party candidates supported by right wing interests, the many can prevail in this battle, but it won’t be easy. I do not want to see young women forced to bear dead or unwanted babies, I do not want the U.S. military shooting U.S. citizens on U.S. streets, I do not want Christian leaders behaving like the ayatollah’s of Iran, I do not want Social Security or Medicare to end, and I most definitely do not want a phony TV huckster playing king at the head of the U.S. government.

Big Country

Talk to people; remind them of the real issues, not the political BS; such as: bodily autonomy, common sense gun control, ethics in government, the social safety net, religious freedom, LGBTQ+ rights, separation of church and state, national health care, housing the unhoused. I could go on. The list is long but we are a big country and our population has significant needs. Truthfully, in a country of 365,000,000 people and the world’s largest GDP the suggestion of “small government” is an outdated and ridiculous idea. When you hear that phrase think, “service for me and not for thee.” What really the Republicans are saying with the ridiculous notion of ‘small government,’ in this day and age, is we’ll pay for my needs and not yours. Everyone has a need, not just the few; and the federal government has a moral obligation to do the most, for the most. with our tax dollars, including collecting those tax dollars from the wealthy not just the poor.

30 More of the Worst Gifts Ever

By Darlene Mitchell November 3, 2023 November 3, 2023 Anna Hessel, Holidays, Humor, Positive Vibes, Ruminations, Useless Information

30 More of the Worst Gifts Ever

Think before you give. Check out what not to give.

30 More Worst Gifts Ever

Editor’s Note: A small screw up in editing led to Anna’s advice being divided into two separate posts. It looks like I should have combined this submission with the one from October 25th, 2023 and called it, “The 65 Lousiest Gifts Ever.” Anyway, here we go…

By Anna Hessel and the Editor (con’t)

Flushable wipes. (Editor: Sometimes after a hospital stay you leave with a lot of useful items; spare urinals, chucks, gauze, waterless shampoo caps, and flushable wipes. Things that you would rather give away than never use. However, I suggest gifting them to your local animal shelter rather than your Aunt Tilly.)
A 64-ounce bottle of extra strength mouthwash. (Editor: I agree, even the giant size bottle is inappropriate).
A jock strap. (especially bad for your great aunt or grandmother…) (Editor: But what about Grampa?)
Any attire with shoulder pads. (Editor: Good advice, Anna. I didn’t like shoulder pads then, and I’m no fonder of them now).
A homemade pet rock. (Editor: N-o-o-ow, wait a minute, Anna. I belong to my local ‘rock’ club. We paint pictures on rocks and then leave them at different spots around the community for people to find and enjoy. I wouldn’t call any of them pets, but awesome anyway).
A Rubik’s Cube (Editor: I never could figure that gizmo out, so definitely agree, it’s a very bad gift).
A disco ball key chain. (Editor: A bit bizarre, but last year a friend gifted me with a cardinal (the bird) key chain, there’s a button on the bird’s back; push it and the bird tweets. Not suggesting it as a better option, but apparently, key chains are making a comeback as gifts).
A professional house cleaning. (Editor: Anna, I want to tell you, I like a clean house, especially if someone else is swinging the mop. This could be a much appreciated gift; for some of us anyway).
A box of leakproof trash bags. (Editor: Totally disgusting, I don’t think trash bags, leakproof or not, are ever on anyone’s wish list).
A mop and bucket, fresh from the home maintenance aisle at Walmart. (Editor: I agree with Anna on this one. Definitely, in very poor taste).
Disposable razors. (Editor: Yuck).
101 ways to cook kale cookbook. (Editor: Dearest Anna, Kale offers an abundance of nutrients, including potassium, fiber, folate, and calcium. Kale can reduce the risk of heart disease by helping lower LDL cholesterol, or “bad cholesterol”. Not all gifts need to be warm and fuzzy some can be useful).
Fun with artificial colors cookbook. (Editor: I have nothing to say.)
Anything you created at your first pottery lesson. (Editor: Excellent advice, Anna).
A ‘Bedazzler’ or anything you bedazzled yourself. (Editor: I didn’t think you could still buy such a thing, but I was wrong; available on Amazon. So, take Anna’s advice and keep your bedazzling to yourself).
Anything polyester. (Editor: Polyester freed women from the slavery of the ironing board, but now 50 years later women have tossed out both the iron, the ironing board, and the polyester),
Refrigerator magnets in the shape of vegetables or fruit.
Any experimental art.
Kitty litter (especially if the recipient does not have a cat). (Editor: Uhhh. I definitely support Anna on this one. Instead, take your unused kitty litter or animal food to your local animal shelter and gift it to them this holiday season. Please support your local no kill Animal Shelter).
Expired food. (Editor: Not only offensive, but likely dangerous).
Insect spray (Editor: FYI, former heavyweight champion, Mohammad Ali, was believed to have caused himself severe neurological damage by constantly spraying insect killer around himself).
Bat or rat plush toy or pillow.
Cellulite cream. (Editor: This could be touchy; I personally, wouldn’t risk giving cellulite cream to anyone, ever).

You’ve been waiting for it- here’s the top seven political gifts, NOT to give.

The Donald inaugural commemorative whiskey flask.
The complete ten season box set of “The Apprentice,” (Editor: I saw one episode of that show and that was all I could stand. They actually made 10 seasons of that crap? Amazing.)
Pat Robertson bubble head. (Editor: I think Pat is best left forgotten).
Ron DeSantis bubble head. (Editor: A blip, a blimp, a cowboy boot wearin’ Trump wannabe).
Donald Trump bubble head (oh wait, aren’t they called bobble heads?)
Smelling salts (unless of course one of these bubble heads are on the air…)
A Halloween costume, especially if there is a Trump mask involved.

Please remember that one of the worst possible gifts is the Donald Trump gift set: the set consists of a Trump Chia head And a Trump bubble head, because two of his heads are never better than one.

Friends, Let’s fill our hearts with love and pray for peace in Palestine.

35 of the Worst Gifts to Give

By Darlene Mitchell October 25, 2023 October 25, 2023 Anna Hessel, Distractions, Happiness, Holidays, Holidays, Humor, Positive Vibes, Useless Information

35 of the Worst Gifts to Give

Editor’s Note: When Anna Hessel submitted the attached post, I hemmed and hawed a bit, complaining it was “too early” to start thinking of Thanksgiving, much less Christmas. I was reminded however, that in the good ol’ USA, Christmas never ends. As proof of that sentiment, when I went to my local Walmart the other day to pick up a Halloween pumpkin for carving, and a scary doorbell howler to terrorize the Trick or Treaters, I was confronted with reality; not only does Christmas never end in America, but neither does any other holiday. Wally World had it all; from the giant red heart pillow, left over from Valentine’s Day, to the new pink Barbie Christmas ornaments. There seems to be no apology for the outright commercialization of every holiday in our capitalist society. That is not necessarily a bad thing, just a reflection of America’s unique take on holidays. We like ’em-and the date on the calendar seems to have nothing to do with the enjoyment of the season. Whatever that season may be. So, here is Anna’s suggestions for what NOT to gift this Christmas, or any other day, accompanied by a few of my comments.

By Anna Hessel and the Editor

35. The infamous lump of coal. (Editor: I don’t even know where you would find a lump of coal these days. Maybe Joe Manchin could find one for us).

34. A 2023 calendar. (Editor: Totally agree. Who wants to be reminded of the past when the future is racing towards us?)

33. Air freshener, disinfectant, oven or drain cleaner.

32. Weight Watchers gift card. (Editor: Unless of course, it was requested).

31. Deep wrinkle reducing cream with a spackle knife. (Editor: This one could end long established friendships).

30. Au Natural ‘Lumberjack’ cologne just for her.

29. A Limburger cheese scented candle. (Editor: A cheese connoisseur may feel differently).

28. Deodorant (these really stink as gifts…)

27. A set of encyclopedias. (Editor: This means they were printed before the internet. Just take a minute to digest that…it would be like reading the Archives of Alexandria).

26. Antifungal anything. (Editor: This is definitely too personal).

25. A crochet pot holder crafted at your first crochet class. (Editor: Mine is framed, proudly taking up wall space in my kitchen).

24. A place setting of “china” from the Dollar General.

23. A VHS tape collection of embarrassing family moments.

22. An eight track tape of Herschel and the Hillbillies.

21. Socks of any color. (Editor: On this I must protest, I’ve gotten some darn cool socks at Christmas, that I still wear. I’ve got the cute fire fighters pair and the classic cars socks, and of course, the Santa socks, and many more).

20. Purple socks and a crushed velvet Donny Osmond cap. (Editor: I don’t know about this one. I’m kind of into the feel of crushed velvet-and Donny is okay in my book, and I’ve already told you how I feel about socks as gifts-and purple is one of my favorite colors).

19. A GMO foods gift basket.

18. A tie (apologies to my husband because I already bought him one…). (Editor: here again I protest, I’ve already stashed away several awesome ones for my honey).

17. A can of Simoniz. (Editor: I totally agree on this one-unless of course, it’s accompanied with a gift certificate to my favorite auto detailer).

16. A pickleball Ken doll.

15. A pickleball lesson gift certificate. (Editor: Anna, again, I must protest. Pickleball is the “new, great thing” in my little community and I wouldn’t mind learning how to play this outrageously fun looking sport- you can give me one of those gift certificates any day).

14. Artificial flavor favorites cookbook. (Editor: I agree, an abomination).

13. Nose hair trimmer, toenail clipper, ingrown toenail file, pimple popper, earwax remover, or any other gross grooming implement. (Editor: Ohhhh dear, I gave my Dad one of those really lovely grooming kits, in a fancy leather carrying case, just a couple years ago. He said, he liked it).

12. Anything pumpkin spice (don’t be tempted by the fact that the PS stuff is now in the clearance bin…).

11. Membership to the kale of the month club.

10. Dental floss, not even the peppermint flavored variety.

9. Last year’s re-gifted fruit cake. (Editor: I definitely agree you shouldn’t wait so long to re-gift the cake. Now, I’ve heard they have a long shelf life, but I’d recommend if you really want to re-gift the fruit cake you should do it no later than Valentine’s Day).

8. A bathroom wastebasket. (Editor: I agree this is definitely a personal choice item).

7. A toilet cleaning brush with matching plunger. (Editor: Definitely hovering on disgusting).

6. Name a cockroach after your loved one certificate (suitable for framing). (Editor: However, a framed certificate of a new star named after a loved one, might be fun.)

At some point you knew this was going to turn political. Just so you aren’t disappointed, here’s a few jabs at the former guy and his crew.

5. My Pillow. (Editor: I hear Mike Lindell needs the money; that’s a good reason not to buy one).

4. An autographed mug shot of the Donald. (Editor: I cringe at the thought).

3. Trumpy Bear. (Editor: Yes, it is a real thing and I’d stay away from it, far away from it, especially if you’re an attorney).

2. A slightly used red MAGA hat.

1. A Donald Trump head-Chia Pet style-with orange foliage growing out of its several orifices. (Editor: I understand there is limited number of the heads, due to low interest in that guy).

I Wanna Be Barbie, That Girl Has It All

By Darlene Mitchell October 22, 2023 October 22, 2023 #Barbie Barbara Millicent Roberts, Anna Hessel, Arts & Entertainment, Distractions, Happiness, Humor, Media, Modern Life, Positive Vibes, Useless Information

I Wanna Be Barbie

I Wanna Be Barbie, That Girl Has It All…

By Anna Hessel

“Barbie” Boom

Pink is in and so is Barbie. I just saw the new Barbie movie for the first time, and it’s totally awesome. How can you miss with a cast that includes America Ferrera, Rhea Pearlman, Will Farrell, Ryan Gosling, Margot Robbie, and narration by Helen Mirren? I must commend Mattel for having the courage to make this movie happen. Culturally diverse Barbies and Kens abound in Barbieland, including wheelchair and plus size perfect Barbies – I want both of those dolls. I agree the park bench scene with pink Western attired Barbie and the older lady is a scene worthy of an Oscar. This Christmas my nieces and nephews are getting Mattel toys: Barbies, Hot Wheels or Matchbox cars. Toys for Tots will be blessed with Barbies, too.

Back in the Day…

I happen to pride myself on knowing my Babs history. I know her middle name is Millicent and I have owned many a Millie. I actually gave my dolls choppy haircuts, marker make up, and even tattoos. Weird Barbie, I understand will be the doll to have this holiday season. Eons ago, I came up with the idea of cellulite Barbie, and, of course, have written about it – you heard it here first, folks.

No Boxing

I played enthusiastically with my collection – no doll of mine stayed in a box. Barbie in her black and pink case accompanied me to my first sleepover and my first day of school. She took mud baths in puddles after the rain, and Malibu Barbie and Ken went to the beach with me. I had the Barbie airplane – she was the pilot, Midge the copilot, and Ken was the flight attendant on my airline.

Be All That She Can Be

Ever the feminist, I campaigned for a Shirley Chisholm and “That Girl” dolls. I already had a nurse “Julia” doll. My fashionista Barbie was a lawyer, astronaut, ballerina, and veterinarian, complete with plastic cat and dog. She was a marine biologist, swimming with plastic dolphins. I had equestrian Barbie, who also ran a day care center. Cute baby Barbies came with my baby sitter set. I had the growing up Skipper; crank her arm and she grew boobs. Lucy in the candy factory Barbie. Hair color change Barbie. Ice Capades Barbie. Farm girl Barbie. Teacher Barbie. That’s just to name a few. Ms. Barbara Millicent Roberts was a professor, first female President of the United States, a senator, and judge. Ken was nurse to her doctor. All of my fashion diva dolls held important positions: opera star, actress, independent film maker, news anchor, author, nuclear physicist, private detective, rocket scientist, and, of course, journalist.

Work in Progress-Setting Up the New Studio

By Darlene Mitchell August 20, 2023 August 20, 2023 Arts & Entertainment, Bill Cook, Calamity Politics, Calamity Video Casts, Culture, David Shadrick, Distractions, Humor, Marijuana, Mushrooms, Opinion, Oregon, Useless Information, Videos, weekly column

Setting Up the New Studio

Work in Progress

Setting up the new Calamity studio

The guys have been busy sweeping, mopping, and cleaning out the area for the new Calamity News Studio. They have been working almost tirelessly getting the big unveil ready for the viewing public. There’s a lot more hard work in front of them, but there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Stop by for a visit and see the progress.

The Before Episode

By Darlene Mitchell August 8, 2023 August 8, 2023 Bill Cook, Calamity Politics, Calamity Video Casts, David Perdue, Positive Vibes, Useless Information, Videos, weekly column

The Before Episode

Well, Bill and Dave are busy today working on setting up the new Calamity News and Politics studio; more space, better lights, better equipment. All around a much better situation. There’s a lot of stuff that’s gotta go before they can bring in the new, however. Unfortunately, Bill is the one that’s doing all the physical work, while Dave gets to talk about all the work that’s going on, due to a recent injury. The guys thought it might be fun for folks to watch them set up their new space. The plan is for the studio to be ready no later than September one. Thanks for watching and come back soon.

Calamity Pirates Talk Wrestling

By Darlene Mitchell July 31, 2023 July 31, 2023 #sports, Bill Cook, Calamity Politics, Calamity Video Casts, David Shadrick, Media, Social Media, Sports, Useless Information, Videos, Wrestling

Calamity Pirates Talk Wrestling

Let’s talk Wrasslin’ with Dave and Bill

So today I was told that Dave (the guy on your left in yellow, wearing glasses, and Bill (the one with the cute smile, on your right) are going to talk about wrasslin’ (wrestling). Dave claims knowledge as the former owner of Buzz Saw Wrestling Federation and I think Bill is just curious. So join the guys for a few minutes of nonsense as they talk about behind the scenes of pro-wrestling.