Bean There, NOT Done That…
Bean There, NOT Done That…
By Cate Rees-Hessel
I recently researched unusual jelly bean flavors. Strange activity you say? Normally, I would agree, but I was looking for a new flavor for my candy dish. You would be amazed how many disgusting varieties of jelly beans have apparently been created or at least proposed. Some bodily function flavors are simply too revolting to even mention, but here is a list of the ones I won’t be putting in my candy dish, and should certainly cause a normal person to widen their eyes. I’ve pretty much decided I’m sending a 100#’s of number 12 to the White House. Marketers call them failed flavors – in my estimation that should apply to the recipients as well…
- Jalapeño flavor – why? Because just like garlic and cinnamon you can never have too much jalapeno.
- Moldy cheese flavor – I’m allergic to mold- so I’d need my Epi Pen for this adventure.
- Fried chicken flavor – I think the mind of whoever came up with this idea is fried, or should be.
- Canned dog flavor?- even my pug turned her nose up at this one.
- Essence of Bacon – not everything is better with bacon.
- Taco flavor – I love a good taco but not in my candy dish.
- Febreeze flavor – this is for stinky tennis shoes and wet dog odor on the sofa, not for the candy!
- Sausage flavor – um, no, just no.
- Gin flavor – Nope. Strawberry Daiquiri has my support…
- Sex lube teaser. Nope. But I’m curious; do they make actual sex lube in strawberry daiquiri flavor? Sorry, I’m only kidding.
- Fish sticks flavor-again, NO. And, NO, NO, NO.
- Gasoline flavor-I forecast some gastric disturbance in the car at a high cost. I’m sending 100#’s to the WH.
- Gravy flavor-does it come in a package with turkey and stuffing flavors?
- The flavor of old books -Huh? What?
- Toothpaste flavor-it seems counterintuitive that a sugary snack would taste like toothpaste. Perhaps wintergreen or peppermint might be better here.
- Boba Milk Tea flavor-The Taiwanese might make this one work.
- Curdled milk flavor-EWWWW.
- Okay, we are really gettin weird with this one; ready for it? Skunk spray flavor-it’s a black jelly bean, but where is the white stripe down the center?
- Lawn clippings-a pretty lime green jelly bean. Here’s an idea, how about a fresh lime flavor?
- Rotten egg flavor-what the hell?
- Centipede flavor – how does anyone know what a centipede tastes like? Or, ever wants to find out!
- Bubble gum flavor – but can you swallow it? Why not chew a piece of bubble gum instead?
- Anchovy flavor – bet that’s really salty; NOT what I want in a jelly bean, yuck.
- Pizza flavor – guess it goes with anchovy flavor; just order a damn pizza; I suggest.
- Habanero flavor (“Ass Kickin’” brand, not Jelly Belly) – not sure if my brother who loves spicy food would enjoy these, but bet they kick more than your derriere…
Instead of jelly beans in the candy dish this go around I decided on Andes Creme de Menthe candies; with those pretty shiny green foil wrappers.
