Jalapeno Cheese Rolls

Jalapeno Cheese Rolls

By D. S. Mitchell 

 

Life Lesson #2

Recently I posted a recipe for Apple Quake (Cake). That recipe and the “life lesson” shared with that recipe is part of a cookbook-biography I have played around with. I didn’t really have a formalized plan for what I was going to do with the material when I started writing down my mom’s recipes and accompanying life lessons. Not atypical for many writers. The working title; “41 Life Lessons From My Mother’s Kitchen”. Now that I am close to my target 41 Life Lessons I decided I would begin sharing these fabulous recipes and common sense life lessons with Calamity News and Politics readers. Here is recipe 2 from my cookbook project.

Book Excerpt:

While I was growing up my Mom owned a busy café style restaurant in NW Portland, Oregon. The “Fifth Wheel” was located on St. Helen’s Rd.  A lunch time favorite were hot deli style sandwiches served, not on bread, but on mouth-watering, scrumptious, homemade Jalapeno Cheese Rolls. The rolls are actually more like hamburger buns when baked. Her’s were famous. Mom’s original version is Top Secret, but a good option is the one I am sharing here. Once you’ve made a sandwich with one of these rolls you will never want a plain bread sandwich again.

JALAPENO CHEESE ROLLS

Ingredients:

1 bag of Self-Rising Hot Roll Mix (use the 48 rolls recipe)

5 Jalapeno peppers (unseeded)

1 Medium Sweet Onion

5 Cloves Garlic

½ Stick Butter

Salt and Pepper to Taste

24 Slices American Cheese

48 oz, Shredded Mexican Cheese

Directions:

*FYI: Handling Jalapeno peppers can be irritating. I suggest wearing gloves. Be sure to keep hands away for eyes, nose and mouth after handling the peppers. Dispose of gloves and immediately wash your hands thoroughly.

1.) Prepare hot roll mix and allow to rise. (Proof at 120 degrees)

2.) Chop jalapeno, onion and garlic in food processor until smooth but slightly chunky.

3.) Sauté processed veggies in butter until soft and season with salt and pepper.

4.) Combine cooked veggies with hot roll mix.

5.) Divide dough into 2 equal portions, setting one aside.

6.) Roll out one of the divided portions of dough on a clean lightly flour dusted counter top. (A large island is perfect.) Be sure to roll dough out until you have got 12 individual 4” wide x 12” long strips. Repeat with the second half of dough. You will have 24 strips of dough.

7.) Warning! DON’T MIX CHEESE INTO DOUGH, LAY IT ON TOP of the dough!! Cheese prohibits dough from rising.

8.) Visualize each strip of dough as 3 sections. Place ½ slice American Cheese in middle of the strip, fold right section of dough over cheese piece. This will make a section of dough on top of the American Cheese.  On this section place another ½ slice American Cheese and top with 1 oz. Shredded Mexican Cheese. Fold remaining dough over the cheese.  Sprinkle remaining Mexican Cheese on top of dough.

9.) Allow dough to rise a second time in the proofer.

10.) Bake using directions on dinner roll package, but allow an extra 5 minutes to compensate for larger roll size.

Life Lesson:

Short cuts.  Shortcuts can be a great thing. They can get you where you want to go more quickly, or they can get you lost.

Trump Impeachment: Agony & Ecstasy

The Senate of the United States is about to acquit president Trump of charges brought against him by the House of Representatives

The Republican Senate is about to acquit Trump of 1) abuse of power and 2) obstruction of Congress.

Trump Impeachment:

Agony & Ecstasy

The Agony

It seems the Trump impeachment has been going on forever.  The never ending developments, obstruction, ignored reality, AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!! That’s me screaming. And we unfortunately know, that no matter the evidence the Senate will ignore it. Some days I can’t stand reading all this garbage and have to stop scanning the internet.  Apparently, if you’re Republican no matter Trump’s guilt, the offense isn’t bad enough.  Voter tampering isn’t serious enough.  AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!! That’s me screaming, again.

Phone Call Perfection

The absurdity of the Trump defense that his July 25th, 2019 call to Ukrainian President Zelensky was “perfect,” makes me want to kick a stump but I don’t want to break my foot.  Trump’s plot to withhold needed financial aid from a desperate Ukraine had two goals. First, he wanted the Ukrainians to announce an investigation into his political rival, Joe Biden and his son Hunter. Secondly, Trump wanted to implicate the Ukraine in the 2016 election tampering instead of the Russians. Both goals are outrageous and corrupt. Nothing serious enough to have an impeach hearing over.  WTF?  Sorry, I can’t think of anything more serious than election fraud.  Back in a minute, I have to hurl.

Overturn Valid Election

Seriously!  Back to AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!  I’m on the back porch, screaming. The Republican idea that the entire Trump impeachment process is to overturn an election is a fairy tale.  Why on earth would anyone with a brain think Pence is a prize?  We all want to get rid of Trump so we can have someone even worse?  I hear this stupid argument day in and day out. I guess I’m wondering why America would want to overturn an election.  The Dems could have just ignored all the crimes and waited until the election if that was the goal.  Let’s get it straight, Trump was impeached because he’s a cheat, a criminal, and a dumb ass clown.

Loyalty to Trump Not U.S.

What the F!  One of the criticisms I have of the House Manager’s prosecution is that no one mentioned that the witnesses against Trump are Republicans.  Most of them Trump appointees.  Trump is so ‘effn dumb.  All of the audio, video and eyewitness testimony has been filed by Republicans.  Trump is the kind of boss that would make me spend all my time devoted to malicious compliance.  All while looking for a better job.  The idea that even being a lifelong Republican isn’t important because your loyalty now has to be to Trump.  Trump only.  If you haven’t kissed the royal ring, and the royal ass you aren’t Trumpian enough. Seriously, we are looking at cult behavior.

The Ecstasy

Whatever the outcome of the Trump impeachment hearing, this has been an extremely damaging scenario for the president. Day after day new information is leaked to the media pointing to Trump’s guilt and I presume this will continue ad nauseam until he is out of office. I call it the scandal a day presidency. So there is definitely some good with the bad in this whole drama.  Sometimes I just think if we just sit back and wait Trump will accidentally confess to something even Republicans believe is impeachable.  “Hey, Donald!  I found some more rope, you want some?”

Twitter

The Trump impeachment has sent the president’s Twitter account into overdrive.  He has been spouting idiocies on his Twitter feed for years but the recent ones are a joy to behold.  I enjoy watching him embarrass himself day after day with poor grammar, lousy spelling and idiotic ramblings,  When I’m tired and can’t sleep, I read Trump tweets instead of counting sheep.  Then when I do fall asleep it’s with a smile on my face.  What a moron!  By the way, he has tweeted Schiff, Pelosi and Bolton are all “going to pay for their part in the Trump impeachment”.  His Twitter feed is full of threats, hate and lies.

Obstruction Shenanigans

His recent admission that “we have all the material.  They don’t have the material,” is scary. He is talking here, about evidence. This is an admission of obstruction of Congress. Trump has made obstructing the impeachment process into an art form.  It really scares me that the Republicans are willing to aid the president in suppressing the voices of fact witnesses.  Especially since they have to throw so many loyal Republicans (Vindman, Sondland, Bolton, Mattis, Kelly) under the bus to protect the President.

Comedy Gold

The Trump impeachment is comedy gold for the late night comedians  As you can see, I’m trying to keep a good sense of humor until the next election.  Trump isn’t going to be removed from office until then.  Hopefully, this is Trump and his Republican followers last hurrah. We will have to wait for the last laugh until Trump is out of office and the Congress has been cleansed of the Trump cultists, but I believe it is coming.  I know most Americans can’t keep focused on anything for more than a week, but I am hopeful that, on this issue, the issue of Trump’s character will be the major topic in the 2020 election.  There is a price for ignoring the 63% of Americans who wanted witnesses called and documents presented.  The majority of Americans wanted to see an actual trial. Vote and make sure we, the People, have the last laugh.

The Trump Impeachment Trial

Now we come to the impeachment trial phase and Republican obfuscation.  Republicans say they have no need for documents or witnesses.  They heard the House testimony and it’s not enough.  They’re going to acquit Trump.  With that in mind, new evidence, such as the phone records by Lev and Igor and Bolton’s book revelations are being blatantly ignored.  So annoying.  Join me in my prayer that Mitch McConnell, Rand Paul and Lindsey Graham develop anal warts.

The Fallout

Republicans are playing with impeachment fire.  The arrogance of the Republican lawmakers is alarming.  They are literally willing to ignore, and in some cases bury the evidence, but the public is not.  Since 51-56% of Americans believe Trump should be impeached and removed from office the Republicans risk losing their Senate majority in the upcoming election.  All in all this could be a very good year for Democrats and November may give them the House, Senate and the Presidency.  If we don’t F it up!

David L. Shadrick is a regular contributor to Calamity Politics. 

 

GUT INSTINCTS IN 2020-Humor

Gut Instincts in 2020-Humor

By Anna Hessel

Good Intentions

Well, we are a month into the new year. I suppose we are all keeping our healthy New Year’s resolutions; or perhaps they have gone awry?  I find more often than not good intentions dealing with weight loss, visiting the gym, or other health-related  resolutions, by this time of year have hit the back burner.

Times are a Changin’

Cafe Latte

The power of mocha lattes cannot be denied.

Gut health seems to be big on the resolution scale this year.  Back in the day, it was rather unladylike to discuss one’s guts, unless, of course, you were prepping fish.  The times, they are a changin’, since it is now quite stylish to converse about your innards.  I’m sure that mine are pretty and pink, happily filled with mocha latte, with maybe a few probiotics thrown in for good measure.

Fashionable Friends

My dear fashionable friend L.J., has taken an unusual interest in my gut health this year. She has gone so far as to suggest that I embrace ginger. L.J. recommends I take some ginger root and steep it in boiling water giving me a yummy little elixir that will do truly exemplary things for my mocha latte-challenged gut.  Should I have the guts to actually drink this ginger miracle, I’m sure my system would dance an Irish Princess jig.

Following Through

I did actually go so far as to buy the ginger root, which looks like the dried up root stump of a dead bush.  It now sits on the pantry shelf, taunting me – my gut reaction is to use it the next time we have sushi.  My gut instinct tells me perhaps a simple cup of tea with a Krispy Kreme jelly doughnut chaser should perhaps replace the ginger culinary potion.  Mind you, I’m not speaking of an exotic fig twig kumquat pomegranate purple berry blast tree bark tea – but an uncomplicated cup of chamomile laced with honey, drunk with one pink-polished pinkie extended.

Stand Up

Perhaps my gut advisor, the rather debonair L.J. will join me in a simple respite of Earl Grey, or orange pekoe.  I think I will just resolve to stick to non-GMO, preservative-free, low-sodium, plant-based, meatless-Monday, actual-dairy, high-protein, real food in 2020 with a once-a-day multivitamin thrown in to top it all off. With that recipe I will allow my insides to take care of themselves. Furthermore I resolve to make frequent trips to the pool for water aerobics, to have the guts to stand up for my convictions, and of course, I’ll do it all with style…..

Anna Hessel is a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists

Want more Anna Hessel? She’ll be back, Calamity News and Politics loves her too.