Animal Witticisms
Animal Witticisms
Editor: Alexis de Tocqueville came to America from France in 1831. He was a young, wealthy, aristocrat, budding writer, social observer, and philosopher. He went on to author one of the most definitive studies of America and her people ever written, “Democracy in America.” While touring the young country, he noted numerous uniquely American traits; two carry-overs from those long ago times were, the “intent self-interest” of the average American, and secondly, that Americans are “not a happy lot.” Well, that reassures me; nothing much has changed in the last nearly 200 years. Americans do however, have witty road signs to change that scowl to a smile. Here we go:
By D.S. Mitchell
Silly Road Signs
- Holly Ridge Veterinary Hospital: I used a spot remover on my dog . . . . He disappeared.
- Highland Road Animal Hospital: My alarm doesn’t have a snooze button . . . . It has paws.
- Grants Pass Vet Clinic: Someone made a joke about my three-legged cat . . . . Major faux paw.
- Washoe County Veterinary Services: Against animal testing. They get nervous and mark all the answers wrong!
- Portland Veterinary Clinic: Q: What animal has more lives than a cat? A: Frogs, they croak every night!
- St. Joe’s Veterinary Hospital: Free belly rubs with each exam . . . . Sorry, pets only!
- Carroll County Veterinary Clinic: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to see it . . . you can bet a chihuahua 500 miles away will bark at it.
- Seaside Animal Clinic: Our dog swallowed a bag of scrabble tiles . . . . the vet is checking him out, no word yet!
- Sandy Animal Clinic: Why was the cat sitting on the computer? . . . . To keep an eye on the mouse!
- Warrenton Veterinary Hospital: For a man to truly understand rejection . . . . he must first own a cat.
- Astoria Paw and Claws: Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? . . . .Too many cheetahs.
Well folks, enough of that shit. Have a great day. Be glad you’re an American. We may have our problems, but we’ve got the veterinarians to keep us smiling.
