25 Ways to Repurpose . . .
those Trump Inaugural Tickets
Trump’s Wooden Nickel Grift Continues
Editor: Like with all things; Trump has sold a large group of Americans on his endless grift-Trump University, Trump Steaks, Mugshot T-shirts, Trump Bibles, and of course now the infamous ‘souvenir’ inaugural tickets. What follows are a few good ideas from our friend Cate Hessel on how to best deal with those commemorative tickets.
By Cate Rees-Hessel
Because the Trump inaugural was moved indoors the tickets for the much larger outdoor venue previously scheduled were not honored, and the Trump reps suggested that the holders of the cancelled event tickets should consider the worthless tickets as “commemorative” souvenirs. Well, well, well. No surprise there. I have come up with a few ideas on how to utilize them, other than the obvious “stick them where the sun fails to shine.” Another example of how “The Donald” treats his followers. Just ask the cops how they feel about the pardoning of nearly 1600 January 6th rioters, many of whom had pleaded guilty to beating, tazing, and spraying the police with pepper spray and other noxious products. Back to the commemorative tickets, to be quite honest, I simply can’t understand why anyone would have wasted their money on those damn tickets; they were worthless to begin with, because who would want to attend this farce of inauguration. So read on if you possess one of these worthless mementos, or if you are just interested in various methods of repurposing them…
- Are you out of toilet paper? Oh, wait, the TP shortage was during Trumpty Dumpty’s first term. Besides they would clog the sewer lines…
- Do you have a fireplace or outdoor fire pit? Burn, baby, burn…
- Rip them into confetti for the next Trump impeachment.
- Are you out of kitty litter?
- Did you run out of doggy pick up bags?
- Give them to your toddler along with a pair of safety scissors, crayons, and an explanation about stranger danger.
- Toothpick substitutes? Let’s face it, if you actually wanted to attend the inauguration, you might appreciate this idea.
- Use them to instantly “repair” household items; like under that wobbly table leg. This technique fixing household items is quite similar to how Trump handles our nation’s issues – by jerry-rigging everything, at best. Warning: this type of repair never lasts…
- Fill up file thirteen.
- Recycle them. Oh, wait, Republicans don’t recycle anything but bad ideas.
- Frame the lyrics of, “What a Fool Believes” and carefully scotch tape the tickets to the artwork and hang it behind your favorite chair.
- Donate those commemorative souvenirs to the nearest dumpster. Oh, wait a minute – waste companies won’t accept items from toxic sources…
- Put them in a Carrie Underwood CD case.
- Put them in a Village People CD case – right by “Macho Man”…
- Accidentally, or if you’re reading this; it will probably be on purpose, burn them while holding up a lighter at a Carrie Underwood or Village People concert.
- Auction them on Ebay with a starting bid of less than zero.
- Display them on a very low shelf with your Trumpy Bear, Trump whiskey, mugshot T-shirt and gold high top sneakers.
- Send them to the Oval Office to have “The Donald” autograph them, so he has something non-blasphemous to scribble on – don’t forget to include a check…remember, he’ll take the green from rich and poor.
- Tape them to your bathroom mirror to remind yourself to stop wasting money on worthless junk.
- Put them in a time capsule with a note detailing about the worst president in history.
- Use them as a bookmark for any Republican publication – they are of equal value after all.
- Use them to stop a bathroom water leak (the idea of them was all wet already).
- Show them to us Democrats – we need a good laugh…
- Take them in your luggage when visiting the Gulf of America or Canada, our 51st state; I’m sure
- Use them as a “Get Out of Jail Free” card when playing Trumpopoly…
