HUMOR: The Perils of Pumpkin Spice-
It’s Not Everything Nice
By Anna Hessel
Falling Leaves
The air is turning cooler, the trees are a beautiful kaleidoscope of bright, harvest-toned colors, and with this a bevy of everything pumpkin spice. I am more of a cute sweater, ankle boots, apple cider donuts, and taking pictures of fall foliage type of person. I really don’t need pumpkin spice candles, air fresheners, Oreos, milkshakes, cakes, butters, jellies, iced tea, marshmallows, bread crumbs, cereal, oatmeal, pancakes, toaster pastries, deli meat, cheese, lotions, soap, shampoo, facial wash, hair mousse, muscle rub, shoe polish, toilet bowl cleaner, dog biscuits, cat food, kitty litter, glass cleaner, laundry detergent, fabric softener, cologne, after-shave, lip balm, nail polish, cuticle remover, mascara, floor wax, drain cleaner, toothpaste, or super glue. I’ve even seen a pumpkin spice pandemic face mask – really?
Pumpkin Spice Overload
What ever happened to plain old pumpkin pie, smothered in a half-can of Fat Free Reddi Whip? I honestly don’t find the necessity to drink pumpkin-flavored java – make mine a decaf, skim, mocha latte, please, to sip while enjoying a pumpkin pedicure and a pumpkin muffin. Perhaps a slice of homemade pumpkin bread with buttercream frosting, however, I prefer to brush my teeth with something minty fresh, not tasting of sugar and spice, that is certainly not nice. If I tried to serve Purina pumpkin spice to my cats, they would simply hiss and turn over their bowl.
