OPINION: Trump Is No Jesus

OPINION: Trump Is No Jesus

Trump is a destroyer not a builder and he certainly is no Jesus.

OPINION: Trump Is No Jesus

 

By D.S. Mitchell

 

Hard to Imagine

When I was a kid I never imagined we would one day have a president of the United States that would shamelessly rent rooms for profit to Saudi princes and Chinese spies, at a hotel he owned, just down the street from the White House. While Trump was overcharging international dictators and oligarchs for hotel accommodations, his daughter Ivanka was in China securing profitable trademarks for her many high ticket items. And, that’s just the small stuff. The X-president’s son-in-law seems to have pulled off the biggest grift of the Trump era. When Jerad Kushner, who served in the Trump administration as a senior adviser, walked away from public service he had a 2 billion dollar check in his  pocket from the Saudi’s to fuel his private equity firm. Of course that 2 billion does not include the 100’s of millions of dollars handed over to Kushner by the rich and powerful leaders of Qatar and the United Arab Emirates for that same equity firm.

Now and Then

Since Trump has been out of office he has continued the grift. The fact that the former president of the United States is willing to hold up a bible in one hand, he’s selling for $59.99, and a  pair of gold lame high top sneakers he’s selling for $399.99 in the other hand, is an embarrassment to the office he once held and is once again seeking.

Sold Out

If you somehow missed out on the limited number of the gold high tops he was hawking, you still have a chance at the regular red and white sneakers for $199.  Trump ‘Victory’ perfume and the cologne version come boxed for the small pittance of $99. The made in China, dime store quality rubbish just doesn’t stop. He’s got the Trumpy bear for $40 bucks and believe it or not, you can pick up a Trump Chia head for $19.99. And holy cow, the MAGA hats are selling for $50 at Trump’s on line store; and they’re not even autographed. I know for a fact, you can pick up one of those red baseball caps for $12.99 on Amazon. And, wait for it-they even have gold colored ear buds. Because next to green the Donald is all about the gold.

Beware the False Prophet

For those who think Trump is doing God’s work, even as he spews hate and lies, attacks immigrants, and women, I say, get thee to a closet and study the word. AI created images of Trump with Jesus hovering over him, or sitting next to him, have been showing up on the internet for months. Now, these heretics are merging Christ’s image with that of Trump, depicting them as a single entity. Such images were once a rarity, now they are becoming commonplace.

I‘m Angry

I can tolerate the grift, when we are just talking about Chia heads and gold sneakers, but damn it-this whole recent nonsense of Trump pretending to be a Christian to suck up to the evangelicals is D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G.  The very thought of that Godless, lying, rapist, bigot, wrapping himself in the glory of Jesus, is unforgivable. He is a heretic, a blasphemer, and a false Messiah. Where are the pastors, the priests, and the people who know the words of the bible? Wherever you are, I am calling on you to take a stand against this abomination. It is time to speak up and speak out against this outrage.

 

A Trunk of Trump Junk

A Trunk of Trump Junk…

Donald Trump seems to have an endless number of items he likes to attach his name to. Here are a few parody samples

A Trunk of Trump Junk

 

By Cate Rees-Hessel and Wes 

China Sin-drone

Until Donald Trump no other presidential candidate or former “head” of state has ever hawked made-in-China, dime store quality, over priced rubbish.  For starters, we’ve got the Trumpy Bear, the MAGA hat, a Chia pet, and My Pillow. On this next one my dog would lift his leg: the ugliest gold high top never surrender sneakers ever created. I’m surprised there is no fake vomit or whoopee cushions in this collection of no-class trash. For those who missed it on The View, Rita Moreno made us all smile when she described a Trump sandwich, seen on a menu at a New York City deli: two slices of white bread (presumably all crust and likely stale), full of baloney, with a very small pickle; darn, it ruins gherkins for me. In case, Trump needs some ideas for a new grift product; I’ve come up with at least 36 ideas for Trump merchandise (with a smidge of input from the spouse…)

36 Ideas For Trump Merchandise

  1. A Trump mug shot, with double bonus autographed photos of Kid Rock and Roseanne Barr.
  2. MAGA hair tonic – turns hair neon orange while destroying any remaining brain cells Trumpsters might have.
  3. Putin’s Puppet – Trump on a string.
  4. Melania Botox in a box – you too can look like a washed up plastic Hustler centerfold.
  5. Melania Barbie – NOPE. NO WAY, NO HOW. (after all, Mattel has excellent taste – they brought us the Barbie movie-and decades of fantastic characters (toys).
  6. Grumpy Trumpy doll – voodoo perhaps…
  7. The Donald Disinfectant spray for when you grab ’em by the p—-.
  8. Big Mac erasers – I was just wondering if we could erase his face?
  9. American History for Dummies book.
  10. Trump motion lotion – just ewwwwww…
  11. Box set of The Apprentice on VHS.
  12. Trump toupee – it speaks for itself, complimentary mango orange tan cream included.
  13. Robe and slippers from Trump Hotel – likely made by child labor…per Melania’s instructions.
  14. Trump face dart board – now this I would buy; bullseye!
  15. “Steal the Election Game” – because it never happened in real life.
  16. Recording of “Fail to the Chief” – this should include a bonus track of the late Helen Reddy’s “Ain’t no Way to Treat a Lady” and “I am Woman” (hear me roar…)
  17. Revolutionary War-era airport parking permit.
  18. Trump kitty litter – because he is full of it.
  19. Trump Bobble-head toilet bowl brush – enough said…
  20. Trump toilet paper – maybe not, don’t want it touching my rear end.
  21. Trump deodorant – because he stinks.
  22. Poster of all American Presidents photos with a question mark in 45’s slot.
  23. Trump Troll doll.
  24. Trumpy election flask – because you have to be drunk to vote for him.
  25. Trump orange suit – for that matchy, matchy look…I understand there are matching sandals.
  26. Trump-monopoly – go straight to jail, do not pass go.
  27. Trump hemorrhoid cream – because, some have said, he is a significant pain in the rump.
  28. Humpty Trumpty puzzle – sat on a wall, had a great fall, and all the king’s men would not put him back together again (my spouse commented that this isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and he wouldn’t shell out for it).
  29. Interchangeable photo cube – choose the faith of the book he carries upside down, outside of a house of worship he never attends.
  30. Well, there is no way we can produce a Trump pet rock because his followers would throw them at the Capitol building.
  31. MAGA mixed nuts gift pack.
  32. An inflatable life-size Trumpy – pull his string and the government shuts down.
  33. This year instead of a Vote for Trump yard sign-go all in with his new twelve foot tall inflatable Trump balloon; great for your front yard.
  34. Trump’s Chumps T-shirt (my husband came up with this one).
  35. Melania ball and chain silver plated jewelry set.
  36. President Biden doll pushing a dumpster containing all this garbage…