A Few Things I Trust More Than Trump

A Few Things I Trust More Than Trump

A Few Things I Trust More Than Trump

Editor: Thanks for the laughs

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

  1. Dollar store teeth whiteners
  2. The rhythm method
  3. Any cosmetic made in China. That goes for dog food, too.
  4. Used car salesmen
  5. Diamonds from “we might be some jewelry sellers .com”
  6. Unsolicited telemarketers that call at dinnertime
  7. Eat whatever you want and lose weight diets
  8. Unfiltered tap water from Flint, Michigan
  9. Get rich quick schemes
  10. Televangelists, especially …
  11. Food with a 1998 expiration date
  12. “But I just want to cuddle”
  13. The odometer wasn’t set back
  14. It’s fifty percent off- Today Only
  15. It was only driven on Sundays to church by a sweet old lady and her cat
  16. Sushi from a fast food establishment
  17. Chicken salad from a gas station
  18. Giving a drunk the keys to the wine cellar
  19. A date with Bill Cosby
  20. Convenience store restrooms
  21. Tom Brady offering to help with a dead battery or flat tire
  22. A pet piranha or shark
  23. A North Korean peace plan
  24. Casey Anthony as a baby sitter
  25. Retreaded tires
  26. Day old unrefrigerated scrambled eggs
  27. Four for a one dollar deli sandwiches
  28. “No, that does not make your rear end look big”
  29. My ex-boyfriend
  30. My husband’s ex-girlfriend
  31. “Of course my boobs are real”
  32. A rabid bat
  33. An appliance bought on FB Marketplace
  34. A flight on “We Might Just Make it This Time” Airlines
  35. A drive-through root canal
  36. This shot might pinch just a little
  37. Anyone I don’t know messaging me about weather conditions because I have a beautiful smile
  38. You win a million dollars if you pay a small fee
  39. The check is in the mail (who even uses checks anymore?)
  40. The house comes with a brand new roof and furnace
  41. The United States healthcare system
  42. The prince formerly known as Andrew
  43. The seven “real” Rick Springfield’s and assorted Dolly Parton’s messaging me on X
  44. Only one treatment will remove 8 inches off your thighs for just $29.99
  45. Concierge at Trump hotels
  46. Brain surgery guided by AI
  47. “I will pay you back with interest”
  48. A social media scammer that just happened to come across my profile
  49. A 25 year old prophylactic
  50. Mail order from late night television little blue pills