Category: Modern Life

Advice for the 65-Plus Crowd

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Advice for the 65-Plus Crowd

Stay active as you age for a longer, happier life

Advice for the 65-Plus Crowd

Twenty-Three Tips for the Silver Sneakers Crew

By D. S. Mitchell

A friend of mine since high school sent me the following advice on aging.  I looked on the internet to find the source of the article and I was directed to a cemetery/mortuary site in California as the origin of the text.  For some reason I found that extremely funny. Post-Internment is not the time to worry about such things, I said to myself. Despite those feelings I did feel that there was some good information and thought it was worth passing on.  Although the following is not in quotes it has been authored by some unknown person other than me and I would gladly credit their work if I knew their name.

Twenty-Three Tips for the Over 65 Crowd

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You Might Be a Woman of a Certain Age

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HUMOR: You Might Be a Woman of a Certain Age

Humor: A Woman of a certain age

HUMOR:

You Might Be a Woman of a Certain Age…

By Anna Hessel

Barbie Blast From The Past

Well, ladies, I’ve been thinking a lot about women of a certain age.  What if we had Barbies to represent our generation:

  • Woman of a Certain Age Barbie – comes with a portable fan, itsy-bitsy tweezers, wrinkle cream, fashionable bifocals, AARP card, and a Dream Condo in a senior high rise. Pull a string and she has a hot flash.  This Barbie sports a few gray hairs in her blond tresses, maybe some stretch marks, fine lines, plastic cellulite (perhaps includes a tiny loofah and CQ-10 cream?), and her tatas are a bit lower.  Silver Fox Ken with grey at the temples and a middle-age crisis convertible, sold separately…
  • Botox Barbie – nothing’s different, her expression is still frozen…
  • Direct Marketing Maven Barbie – comes with BB cream samples and a pink Cadillac…
  • Journalist Barbie – comes with a tiny newspaper, folded to her favorite writer (I wonder who that would be?)…
You Might Be a Woman of a Certain Age…

All this talk of dolls brings thoughts of youthful memories from back in the day…

  • If you can remember crisp brown plaid dresses with Peter Pan collars and decorative buttons, purchased specifically for the first day of classes, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you can remember black patent Mary Janes, complete with white lace trim socks, and the blisters that accompanied them, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you went back to school sporting a summer tan from laying out in the backyard, courtesy of baby oil mixed with iodine, sipping a Tab in a webbed lounge chair beside a boom box, hair highlighted by Sun In, featuring oversize Foster Grants, and a wicker tote bag filled with a splash bottle of Jean Nate, a strawberry-flavored Bonnie Bell Lip Smacker, and a striped beach towel (mine was pink and white), you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you faced the first day of high school attired in Sergio Valente jeans and a ruffled blouse, resplendent with Great Lash mascara, Candie’s clogs, and a mood ring, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you put away your white shoes and purses after Labor Day, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you own a Wonder Bra and wonder what to do with it, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you have ever thrown a Wonder Bra at Englebert Humperdinck or Tom Jones, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you can remember the television going off late at night to the playing of our national anthem, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you ever ironed your hair with a small appliance made for clothes, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you ever used a Maybelline Kissing Potion rollerball, bubble gum flavor, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you call your nail tech a manicurist, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you ever used Jolene bleach, shaved your legs with a Flicker, or wore pantyhose from an egg, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you ever did a basic set with pink sponge curlers, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know what Dippity Do did, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you ever wore strawberry or lemon perfume, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you ever wore a wide-legged jumpsuit with a puka shell necklace and platform shoes, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you own an original lava lamp and beaded curtain, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know what Mr. Whipple squeezed, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know that Charlie is a fragrance by Revlon, not just a faceless gentleman from a popular TV show about three angels, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know who the Tidy Bowl Man is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you are of the opinion that Spanx is just another name for a girdle, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know who “Marsha Marsha Marsha” is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you think regenerative hydration therapy serum is just a fancy name for a face cream, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you buy every wrinkle cream promising results in a week and you still look the same, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know who Bobby Sherman is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you look forward to commercials featuring Tom Selleck and Joe Namath, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If your favorite TV shows have commercials for Medicare Advantage plans and you can remember when the episodes first aired, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you fall asleep during those commercials, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you call the paramedics and expect Bobby Sherman, Randy Mantooth, and Kevin Tighe to show up, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you think Rick Springfield, Henry Winkler, Billy Dee Williams, Danny Glover, Anson Williams, Billy Dean, Barry Williams, John Stamos, Erik Estrada, Patrick Stuart, Jeff Foxworthy, and President Biden are still sexy, you may be a woman of a certain age (and have excellent taste in real men)…
  • If your dream car is a Mercury Cougar or you just are a cougar, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If your idea of a wild Saturday night is a “Golden Girls” marathon, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  • If you know who Bobby Sherman is, you might be a woman of a certain age… (Did I already say this?)
  • If you need those designer Depends while reading this, you might be a woman of a certain age… (and I did my job right…)

Ladies of a certain age, we may forget where we left our car keys or grocery list, our eyebrows might be over-tweezed, our bottoms may be a bit lower, but we will always have unique style…

*I’d like to say a special thank you to my favorite comedian Jeff Foxworthy, who was the inspiration for this article.

https://www.calamitypolitics.com/2020/09/13/humor-abolishing-age-appropriate-attire/

 

 

Benefits Of Working From Home

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There are numerous financial benefits from working from home

Benefits Of Remote Work

D. S. Mitchell

Pandemic Adjustments

The vision of going to work has changed for many of us during the COVID-19 pandemic. Working from home may continue for many workers as we move out of the pandemic and back to normalcy. A Harvard Business School study reported that more than one third of the companies surveyed believed that post-pandemic work environment will include an increase in remote work.

Savings Coming

The shift to at-home work can have long term positive financial advantages. Such possible benefits could include such things as:

  1. Reduced transportation costs. Over even a short time you can spend a lot of money commuting back and forth to the work place. The average commuter typically spends $2,000 to $5,000 annually. This includes gas, car maintenance, public transportation costs and other related costs according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
  2. Lower insurance premiums. Auto insurance premiums are partially based on miles driven. If you no longer travel from home to work and back again you should potentially save money.
  3. Lower lunch costs. Eating at restaurants, or visiting coffee shops while at work can add up fast. It is easy to imagine saving $50 to $100 per week by working from home.
  4. Lower clothing costs. I’m not suggesting you work in your skivvies but there are definitely ways to relax your wardrobe when working from home. Not to mention reducing laundry and dry cleaning expenses.
  5. Lower child care costs. Child care costs can be high. Working from home should reduce those expenses dramatically.
  6. Increased time. Working from home can save hours of time spent on the bus, train, subway or in your car. Spend it recklessly or wisely it’s your choice, but working from home should give you more of it.

It is not hard to imagine saving as much as $5,000 each year by working from home. If this new phenomenon becomes the norm you should think about saving or investing this potential windfall.  Edward Jones suggests two possibilities to make the most of this extra money. One, build an emergency fund containing at least one year of emergency cash. Two, an IRA or a similar employer-sponsored plan could provide an approximate $97,000 ($2,500) to $200,000 ($5,000) after 20 years at 6% interest.

https://www.calamitypolitics.com/2019/10/16/energy-saving-tips-that-cost-nothing/

 

Household Helps: Cleaning Schedule

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Cleaning Schedule

By D. S. Mitchell

Helpful Hints

I love saving helpful hints. You know the stuff you see on the side bars of Good Housekeeping. I’ve had some things saved so long they may have been written in cuneiform. These little hints and helps are often preserved written on the back of an envelope, or a crumpled magazine page I snatched from a magazine at my doctor’s office. I have an entire filing cabinet drawer memorializing “helpful hints”.

Rolodex Mind

John S., my second husband was a very organized fellow. He had a schedule for nearly everything. You know, those things a conscientious hubby tends to do around the house. He kept track of oil changes for the cars, Spring window washing, furnace filter changes, gutter cleaning. You get the idea. Anyway, I often miss his “already done” attitude toward household tasks. When I saw this household cleaning schedule I just knew I had to have it….and pass it on, of course.

When Lights Come On

Seriously, without this list how would you know that the coffee maker that I haven’t cleaned since I took it out of the box should have been cleaned every day.  That I should be cleaning the mirrors weekly but instead I clear them after they steam up from the shower with my bath towel.  Monthly cleaning includes maintenance on the vacuum cleaner instead of changing the bag when the light comes on.  Ovens aren’t cleaned when you want your deposit back, you’re supposed to do it every 3 to 6 months.  And finally, I’m pretty sure that none of my homes have ever been pressure washed, let alone annually.

Now you can refer to this list in order to better ignore important tasks around your home too!

Enjoy your weekend checking off chores on your cleaning schedule.

 

The Paradox of Our Time

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By D. S. Mitchell

Some who know the Moorehead story may object to my publication of “The Paradox of Our Time (Age)”.  Because, there is a devastatingly ugly back story about Dr. Moorehead.

Nose-dive

Moorehead was the leader of a congregation totaling more than 6,500 followers. In 1998 Moorehead was arrested in Florida for indecent exposure in a public bathroom. When his Florida arrest hit the newspapers back in Seattle, his life took a nose-dive.  It wasn’t long before 17 men came forward with allegations that the good reverend was guilty of sexual abuse. Moorehead resigned in disgrace. It appears he avoided jail time because of statute of limitation issues. However, his condemnation of modern times remains with us.

Choose Your Source

Over the years the authorship of this essay has been hotly debated.  It has been attributed to many sources, including comedienne George Carlin, an anonymous Columbine high school student and even the Dali Lama.  Carlin vehemently denied the authorship before he died. In fact, he trashed the piece calling it, “a sappy load of shit”.

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Really Dumb Sport Quotes

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Really Dumb Sport Quotes

D. S. Mitchell

“Layed Back Tuesday”

It’s another play-day at Calamity Politics. No surprise, says the reader. I am officially declaring, ‘Layed Back Tuesday’. It’s great sometimes, being the boss, even if it’s only me, and Rocky. Rocky, my stalwart partner in crime is a blue and white Budgie. I have been trying to teach him to say, “Hello, Mama,” but to no avail.  Thinking about political theory, political science, political reality, political bullshit, is about as frustrating as trying to teach the bird to talk. So I have decided there will be no political discussion, today. There will be no analysis, there will be no relevant comment, other than what a few athletes have had to say over the years about some weird shit. So, here goes. . .

Just for laughs.

Mike Tyson:  Responding to a question about his retirement plans:  “Fade into Bolivian, I guess.”

Joe Theismann: “The term genius is inapplicable to anyone in this game.  A genius is Norman Einstein.”

Pedro Guerrero:  About his relationship with the press, “Sometimes they write what I say, not what I mean.”

Chuck Nevitt:  On why he appeared nervous:  “My sister is having a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an aunt or an uncle.”

Yogi Berra:  “It gets late early out here.”

George Foreman:  “There’s more to boxing than hitting.  There’s not getting hit, for instance.”

George Roberts:  “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

Tug McGraw:  “Always root for the winner.  That way you won’t be disappointed.”

Don King:  He (Chavez) speaks English, Spanish, and he’s bilingual.”

Dizzy Dean:  The doctor X-rayed my head and found nothing.

Bill Cowher:  On whether the Steelers bent NFL regulations: “We’re not attempting to circumcise the rules.”

David Thompson: “Ball handling and dribbling are my strongest weaknesses.”

Dizzy Dean: after a 1-0 game, “The game was closer than the score indicated.”

Michael Jordan: “I never lost a game, I just ran out of time.”

Thanks again,

Rod L. Evans, Ph.D. taken from his book, Tyrannosaurus Lex.