Category: Arts & Entertainment

Whoa, Dave!

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Whoa, Dave!

Some days just start off bad and just get worseWhoa, Dave !

I was on Facebook when I saw this post from an old friend and thought I should repost Dave’s story,

“Well I’m in the emergency room now. Ugh!! 😢 Today was not a good day at all. I decided to go horseback riding, something I haven’t done in awhile. It turned out to be a big mistake!
I got on the horse and everything started out fine. Nice and slow, but then we started moving a little bit faster. Before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go, racing pell-mell across the field. I couldn’t take the pace and fell off. I caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. It wouldn’t stop. I hit my head, banged up my back and elbow, pretty good and tore my pants half off me !

Thank goodness the manager at the bake shop came out and unplugged the machine. But, she had the nerve to take the rest of my change so I wouldn’t ride the Elephant or Motorcycle. I was also banned from the Merry-go-round.”

How many of you actually read what I wrote? If you did, paste for someone else to get a laugh!
I had to. Just had to lol!!

Thanks Dave Johnson, for the laugh.

The New Space Race

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The New Space Race 

The competition in space is a looming threat to peace on earth.

The New Space Race

By D. S. Mitchell

 

Back To The Moon

The U.S. touched down on the moon and did a walk about, planted a flag, collected a pile of rocks and came back home. That was way back in 1969. With that landing the U.S. effectively won the space race of that era against it’s saber rattling, cold war enemy, the Soviet Union.

The Vision

NASA’s  new moon program is called Artemis. Artemis 1 orbited the moon and returned with loads of information, but did not carry human beings. The vehicle landed safely in the Pacific Ocean after a 42 day mission. In the Artemis 2  phase NASA plans to send astronauts to the  moon and return them safely to earth. A colony will be built over a period time where astronauts will visit and stay for weeks at a time.

Two Primary Goals

The goal is to establish a continual human presence on the moon. In the NASA plan a space station orbits the moon and a base camp is established on the surface; all fueled by small nuclear reactors.  The goal is basically two fold. One is to mine the minerals on the moon and two is to test whether human beings can live in space for months, potentially years, safely. NASA’s ultimate goal is to use the moon as a staging site for its race to Mars.

NASA’s SLS Rocket

The SLS rocket has cost over $93 billion to develop. The SLS is the most powerful rocket ever built, taller than the Statue of Liberty, and capable of carrying 27 tons of cargo. The big drawback of the SLS is that they can only be used once, making them inefficient. By contrast the super-heavy launch vehicle Starship, being built by Elon Musk’s SpaceX for use as the lunar landing vehicle is re-useable.

 What Role Does SpaceX Fill

SpaceX beat out Blue Origins, owned by Jeff Bezos to provide the lunar lander for Artemis 3, in a contract worth $3 billion dollars. Starship will ferry astronauts from their Orion capsule orbiting the moon down to the surface. But so far the SpaceX rocket has not been tested. Needless to say if SpaceX can’t deliver on time the whole project will be set back accordingly

Moon Geography

The Apollo astronauts landed at the equator. The Artemis astronauts will land and explore the South Pole, which features steep mountains as well as deep crevices that hold water ice. The Chinese have announced their plan for an exploratory mission  to that same region. It looks like it might get crowded up there.

Lunar Diversity

In 2022 the Chinese and the Russians agreed to co-operate in building a joint lunar base.  China sent a rover to the moon surface in 2013. They plan over the next decade to send at least three more rovers to the  moon,  their goal is to eventually land astronauts in the early 2030’s. The Chinese and the Russians are our rivals and the tensions here on earth could easily be transported off planet. Bill Nelson, NASA administrator highlighted tensions by accusing the Chinese of stealing U.S. secrets, at the same time the Chinese are deploying spy balloons over our country. In addition to the government missions, both Blue Origins and SpaceX intend to fund private venture missions of their own, separate from NASA. Capitalism at it’s finest.

Artemis Accords

NASA is partnering with the UK, the EU, Canada, and Japan to build a lunar space station. The U.S. has taken the lead in establishing a legal framework for international lunar co-operation. The Accords were written by NASA and the U.S. State Department. Twenty-one countries have signed the pact, most importantly two have not, China and Russia, calling the pact  “colonialist” paving the way they say for the U.S. and her allies to “loot” the moon’s resources before anyone else can get there.

High Praise For “Chasing The Spider”

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High Praise For “Chasing The Spider” 

High Praise For “Chasing The Spider”

By D. S. Mitchell

*****  “I loved how fast paced and sexy this book was. I could not put it down until the end. I can’t wait for the next adventure.”  Megahan W.

***** “Really good story with gritty dialogue and intriguing pace.”  Roselyn T.

***** “I loved it. I couldn’t put it down until the last page.” Anita M.

***** “I couldn’t put it down. I had to know what was coming next. I don’t read a lot but this book just kept me glued to the page.” Mark S.

***** “What was coming next kept me reading.” Som G.

***** “Ever so sexy. Great fun.” Ellen B.

Available on Amazon Books and Kindle ebooks

Here’s the link to the book:

https://www.amazon.com/Chasing-Spider-D-S-Mitchell-ebook/dp/B08GM4R13W/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=chasing+the+spider+d.+s.+mitchell&qid=1603675636&sr=8-1

Sports Quotes Just For Laughs

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Sport Quotes Just For Laughs

Pro athletes have a way of making us laugh. Sport quotes.

Sport Quotes Just For Laughs

D. S. Mitchell

Official Play Day

I am officially declaring, today a play day here at the office. It’s great sometimes, being the boss, even if it’s only me, and Rocky. Rocky, my stalwart partner in crime is a blue and white Budgie. I have been trying to teach him to talk. So far he has mounted a full campaign of resistance. Thinking about political theory, political science, political reality, political bullshit, is about as frustrating as trying to teach my budgie to talk. So I have decided there will be no political discussion, today. There will be no analysis, there will be no relevant comment, other than what a few athletes have had to say over the years about some weird shit. So, here goes. . .

He Said What?

Mike Tyson:  Responding to a question about his retirement plans:  “Fade into Bolivian, I guess.”

Joe Theismann: “The term genius is inapplicable to anyone in this game.  A genius is Norman Einstein.”

Pedro Guerrero:  About his relationship with the press, “Sometimes they write what I say, not what I mean.”

Chuck Nevitt:  On why he appeared nervous:  “My sister is having a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an aunt or an uncle.”

Yogi Berra:  “It gets late early out here.”

George Foreman:  “There’s more to boxing than hitting.  There’s not getting hit, for instance.”

George Roberts:  “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

Tug McGraw:  “Always root for the winner.  That way you won’t be disappointed.”

Don King:  He (Chavez) speaks English, Spanish, and he’s bilingual.”

Dizzy Dean:  The doctor X-rayed my head and found nothing.

Bill Cowher:  On whether the Steelers bent NFL regulations: “We’re not attempting to circumcise the rules.”

David Thompson: “Ball handling and dribbling are my strongest weaknesses.”

Dizzy Dean: after a 1-0 game, “The game was closer than the score indicated.”

Michael Jordan: “I never lost a game, I just ran out of time.”

Thanks Rod L. Evans, Ph.D. taken with permission from his book, Tyrannosaurus Lex.

HUMOR: Let’s Find Something To Smile About

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 HUMOR: Let’s Find Something To Smile About

Times are tough, sometimes you just need to make time to smile

HUMOR: Let’s Find Something To Smile About

By D.S. Mitchell

 

Back At the Computer

I am back at the computer working on a new post for my www.calamitynewsandpolitics.com website.  Before I started this website, I worried that I wouldn’t have enough to scream about, but I’m finding that I could probably do half a dozen posts a day related to the B.S. and dangerous misinformation but I thought, before I start a fresh rant on the collapse of American democracy and other issues of importance to Western Civilization I should deliver something positive and uplifting.

So, dear hearts here are twenty-five things to make you smile:

  1. Touching toes in the night
  2. Sunsets over water
  3. Wraparound sunglasses
  4. The Science channel
  5. Kite flying contests
  6. The Muppets
  7. Astronauts on Mars
  8. Blowing the paper wrapper off the straw
  9. Winning at Poker
  10. A dog’s cold nose on your hand
  11. Barhopping on a Saturday night
  12. Old jeans that fit just right
  13. Your lover’s voice
  14. The clatter of skis being loaded for vacation
  15. The rumble of a train as it passes
  16. Walking in the rain
  17. The imagination of a six year old
  18. Margaritas at midnight (or any time, for that matter)
  19. Finishing the Sunday crossword without cheating
  20. A morning walk
  21. The smell of a new car
  22. Roller skating
  23. Your First grade teacher
  24. A sexy book
  25. Daddy’s smile

Back to the Fight

Now that we’ve had five minutes of smiles its time to get back to the fight. We have lots of work to do; stop the relentless gun violence, end state’s whittling away of our voting rights, stop anti-democratic gerrymandering that provides power to those who do not have voter support. We must halt the actions of John Robert’s  monumentally corrupt Supreme Court. Time to impeach Clarence Thomas and any other Justice that is in bed with the billionaires. And closest to my heart, the restoration of a woman’s right to choose, by the codification of Roe. We can do it all, we just need boots on the ground working toward these goals. Join the fight for democracy.

OPINION: What’s In A Name?

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OPINION: What’s In A Name?

OPINION: What’s In A Name

The Brett Favre legacy is not looking good, as he faces scrutiny over welfare fraud

By D. S. Mitchell

Say His Name

What do you think of when you hear the name Brett Favre?  Until a week ago, I never thought of Brett Favre one way or another. I’m more into basketball, myself. I knew he had played in the NFL for the Green Bay Packers, and I’d obviously seen pictures of the old dude, he was a football icon.

The Internet

From the internet I found the following statistics. In the 15 years spanning 1992-2007, Favre was synonymous with the Green Bay Packers and was their most legendary quarterback. During that time, he led the team to two Super Bowls and became the first and only NFL player to win three consecutive AP MVP awards.

  • 3× Associated Press MVP (1995, 1996, and 1997; the last shared with (Barry Sanders)
  • 11× Pro Bowl pick
  • 6× First- or Second-team All Pro choice
  • 1990’s NFL All Decade Team
  • NFL 100th Anniversary All-Time Team
  • Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame (2015)
  • Pro Football Hall of Fame (2016)

Lots of It

I then looked up his financials, on the internet of course. It is estimated from his player contract days with Green Bay alone, Favre earned more than 140 million dollars. This apparently, does not include money from other teams he played for, or endorsements and licensing fees. His net worth today is estimated to be well over 100 million dollars. So why does a guy with buckets of money need to steal from welfare recipients? The answer of course is that he did not ‘need to steal’ money from anybody. But, Mr. Favre with a 100 million dollars in the bank decided it would be okay to steal from starving kids in his home state of Mississippi.

Conclusion

Put away the Brett Favre jerseys and the Green Bay Packer pendants from his glory days and call out Brett Favre for what he is, a cheat, and a liar, and possibly a criminal. Brett Favre used his power and influence to redirect money from Mississippi welfare recipients to the construction of a new volley ball stadium, at his alma mater, Southern Mississippi. Just so you understand this, Brett Favre, millionaire football icon, decided it would be okay for a bunch of impoverished kids in Mississippi to miss a couple meals, so his daughter could play volleyball in a fancy new stadium.

**Mr. Favre states he repaid the 1.1 million he diverted from poor kids. But, he didn’t pay back interest. If the scam had not been uncovered, I’m sure Mr. Favre would have not repaid  a nickel. I think it is time that the U.S. government hold states accountable for delivering welfare money to those most in need, not rich football icons.

Grillin’ and Chillin’ Safely

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Grillin’ and Chillin’ Safely

Grilling is great summer fun, but here are a few tips to make your grilling safe

Grillin’ and Chillin’ Safely

Some practical tips for BBQ safety

By Anna Hessel

 

Wish There Was S’More

As we mourn the end of summer, I find myself once again fondly remembering summers gone by.  S’mores around the campfire were a summer staple – today, s’mores have lost some of their magic since  they are now on labels for beverages, Pop-Tarts, breakfast cereals, and even lip balm.  What’s next, s’mores casserole?  I actually own an indoor tabletop s’mores maker. Yes, they really have such things.  But, it isn’t quite the same thrill as finding that perfect dirt covered stick on the the ground and wiping it off on your pant leg and shoving a marshmallow on it.

Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer

Summers at the lake included the perfect little store, complete with a cooler of Coca-Cola bottles, and its matching Coke bottle opener attached to the wall. Sweet nostalgia; before there were sweetened beverage taxes to think about, or plastic bag charges.  My Aunt Irene had a talent for popsicle-breaking – she would break a banana quiescently frozen confection perfectly down the center.  Also in those days Oreos were Oreo flavored; they didn’t taste like waffles with syrup, red velvet, pumpkin spice, or even birthday cake.  Our environment was not yet destroyed, so if there was such a thing as sunscreen, almost nobody used it. Instead – baby oil and iodine gave us golden tans. Of course, I’m not advocating this now. Current research indicates such behaviors may have caused cancer in many women of my generation; not to mention ex-ray treatments for teenage acne. Flip-flops were called thongs, not bikinis – swimsuit bottoms actually covered our bottoms.  There was no need for waterproof cell phone holders – because there were no cell phones. . .hours at the pool or lake with accompanying boombox, slid happily away.

Hot Time, Summer In The City

We got ready for summer movie dates at the drive-in by setting our hair with a goopy concoction called Dippity-Do and then wrapping sections of hair around empty frozen orange juice cans, or in some cases, beer cans. I hear  you can still get that product on Amazon. In those days, mousse was a chocolate dessert, not a hair product.  Pink flamingos, despite their color, were considered tacky, not haute decor.

Serving Dinner

An American flag, a potted geranium, and a welcome mat were all the outdoor decoration we needed, in those days.  The redwood picnic table held heaping platters of corn-on-the-cob and slices of watermelon.  Tomatoes came from my uncle’s garden, and were perfect on hamburgers, and toppers for cool salads.  Summers were simpler then; a time to relax and renew.  Well, I am going to be going in my usual direction and reach out to the local supermarket for a package of buns, and then I will be going in a different direction to my favorite nail salon for my mani-pedi, because when I reach out, I do it in style…

Chill And Grill

Summer, of course, also means, at least for my better half and his dad, that it’s time to fire up the grill.  My hubby is in his culinary element, the Bobby Flay of our patio.  Decked out in a chef’s hat (received from a Pillsbury promotion), and his “Kiss the Cook” apron (a birthday gift from yours truly), my spouse is ready to smoke up the neighborhood.

Order Up!

No gas grills for my guy; nothing says summer like the taste of lighter fluid on a chicken thigh.  I watch the action from my favorite Adirondack chair, an iced mocha latte at hand, as I bear witness to a wide variety of foods disappearing under the hood of his shiny blue Weber kettle grill.  Tuna steaks, salmon burgers, hotdogs, skewers of various vegetables, watermelon, peaches, and even a foil wrapped banana stuffed with chocolate and butterscotch chips; we can’t eat a summer meal that does not bear grill marks.  Carrying my favorite Pioneer Women platter aloft, tongs strapped to his belt and man’s best friend at his heels, just in case something were to fall off that tray, my loveable grill master cooks with style…

Grill Without Fail

And while you’re all grilling with style, make sure you are cooking safely.  Whether you choose charcoal or gas, these tips assembled by my husband, Wes Hessel, can make you the grill master of safety when you cook outdoors this season:

  1. Start safe by selecting your meats or seafood just before checking out at the store, putting them in a separate section of the cart, and have them bagged individually in plastic to avoid cross-contamination.
  2. Keep your items to cook in the refrigerator until right before you put them on the grill, or if you are grilling away from home, use a well-insulated cooler and ice or cold packs to keep the food temperature below 40 degrees.
  3. Wash your hands before and after working with raw meat or seafood or if soap and water are not available, use a hand sanitizer of at least 70% alcohol. Use separate cutting surfaces for raw meat or seafood, dispose of any leftover marinade or sauce which was in contact with raw meat or seafood, and use a fresh, clean plate for prepared foods.
  4. Use a meat thermometer to make sure items you are cooking reach safe temperatures, per the CDC:
  • 145°F – whole cuts of beef, pork, lamb, and veal (standing time of 3 minutes at this temperature)
  • 145°F – fish
  • 160°F – hamburgers and other ground beef
  • 165°F – all poultry and pre-cooked meats, like hot dogs
  • After grilling, keep the food at 140°F or warmer until it’s served
  1. Keep your grill surface, drip trays, and the like clean to avoid grease fires
  2. Be careful not to put too much food on the grill at one time.
  3. Avoid direct contact of the flame to the food – there is strong evidence that flames touching food can create carcinogens. Indirect cooking methods are a smart way to avoid this risk.
  4. If your grill is gas, regularly check for leaks with a light soap and water solution, and certainly never turn gas on with the lid closed. If a flame goes out, turn off all the gas and wait five minutes with the lid open before relighting.  If you smell gas while grilling, immediately get away from the grill and keep everyone else away, then call your fire department.
  5. If your grill is charcoal, regularly empty the ash pan/receptacle.
  6. If you are using a “starter fluid” such as lighter fluid, always place it on the coals before they are lit. NEVER put starter fluids or any other flammable on a burning fire.  Better yet, use an electric fire starter or charcoal chimney to get your grill going.
  7. Charcoal and propane are for outdoor use only.
  8. Your grill should never be closer than 10 feet to your home or garage; for those of you living in multi-family dwellings, keep the grill well away from any entrances or fire exits.
  9. Avoid placing the grill under building overhangs made of wood-based materials or overhanging branches, nor near deck railings.
  10. Décor is pretty but must be kept away from the grill.
  11. A fire extinguisher should be kept close, and be sure you are familiar with its proper use. If you are not comfortable using one, if a fire occurs, immediately call 911.  A spray bottle of clean water for minor “flare ups” will not cause harm to the food on the grill.
  12. Never leave your grill unattended, even for a minute, especially if there are children or pets around, and do not let them get closer than three feet to the grill. When you are finished grilling, turn off the gas (if applicable), close the lids, and any vents to completely extinguish the fire.  Always make sure the grill is completely cold before properly disposing of used coals and ashes.

These guidelines will keep the rest of your grilling season safe and enjoyable.  I wish you all a safe remainder of summer, full of sunny days and style.

59 Things to Smile About

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59 Things to Smile About

Let's talk about smiles today

59 Things to Smile About

 

By D. S. Mitchell

 

1.) The roll of thunder and the flash of lightening

2.) The sound of crows calling
3.) Grandma’s 1940 aluminum cake carrier
4.) Having a flower budget
5.) Toddlers in sandboxes
6.) Homemade tamales
7.) Fresh baked apple pie
8.) Big Sur
9.) Fire trucks all red and shiny
10.) Liquor in crystal decanters

11.) Walking the dunes
12.) Tillamook cheddar cheese
13.) Sails in the wind
14.) Still saving my change in a piggy bank
15.) Making church steeples with my hands
16.) Finding a parking space at the front door
17.) Making Cannabis truffles
18.) Eating Cannabis truffles
19.) A ‘she-shed’ for the garden
20.) Waltzing in the Pittock Mansion ballroom
21.) Scrabble on a rainy Sunday

22.) My Alma Mater, Portland State University, Portland, Oregon
23.) Daddy’s cherished gray ‘Bogie’ Fedora
24.) Snowmobile races
25.) 501’s and a leather jacket
26.) The art section at Goodwill
27.) Lake life
28.) Ping Pong basement championships

29.) Making floral bouquets from flowers collected from the yard
30.) High school football games
31.) White cotton shorts
32.) Being nice when someone calls you vulgar names on Twitter
33.) Astoria Sunday Market, on a sunny day
34.) A drive up mailbox
35.) A dog

36.) A cat
37.) Fresh baked bread
38.) First day of school
39.) Last day of school
40.) Wainscotting
41.) Cheese fondue with little bread squares
42.) Having read every book on the shelf
43.) Shiny oak floors
44.) First ski week-end
45.) A Blue Heron in the marsh

46.) Walking hand in hand with a child
47.) Wrapped peppermints in a glass dish
48.) Making pictures out of clouds
49.) Old photo albums
50.) Peanuts and popcorn at the ball game
51.) Oversize reckless, passionate modern art pieces
52.) Never feeling older than 17
53.) Powell’s Books, Pearl District, Portland, Oregon
54.) Spring wildflowers

55.) White curtains, blowing gently on a summer breeze

56.) Looking at childhood pictures in an old photo album

57.) Catching crawdads with my grandson

58.) Lunch with the girls

59.) Snuggling and cuddling with someone special

I hope some of my reasons to smile, made you smile. Tomorrow, Calamity News and Politics will be back covering the Washington, D.C. hotplate, and I doubt  there will be many reasons to smile in that environment.

 

 

Summer Sun and Fun

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Summer Sun and FunPink Flamingo Get a Lot of Attention

Summer Sun and Fun

By Anna Hessel

 

It’s Not Over ‘Til It’s Over

As summer comes to its close, here are some fun reflections and sage advice on how to enjoy the remainder of the season…

Everybody In The Pool…

The opening of our local water parks and pools proved to be much fun; I can’t help but notice the difference between how men and women prepare for a day at the pool.  Since a week in Tahiti to get in the right mind set is a bit unrealistic, women begin with a mani-pedi, bikini wax at the European Wax Center, and a stop for beachy waves at their salon of choice.

Shop ‘Til You Drop

Of course, a trip to the favorite shopping center is in order (including the requisite stop at Starbuck’s for a mocha latte) to choose several new swimsuits, swim skirts, swim coverups, sundresses, two pair of designer sunglasses, toe rings, ankle bracelets, sandals, flip-flops, an attractive beach tote with a pretty scarf tied to the handle to carry it all in (mine is pink), a sun umbrella (mine is pink), beach towels from Big Lots (mine are pink), and a straw sun hat from the local millinery boutique.

Just A Few Sundries

Next comes the cosmetics: sunscreen in various levels of SPF, clarifying shampoo,  dry shampoo, volumizing conditioner, hair mousse, papaya body wash, hyacinth body scrub, coconut almond moisture bath bar, cucumber melon moisturizing spray, Tiki Beach body spray from Bath & Body Works, deodorant/antiperspirant, pre-tan accelerator, after-sun lotion, spray-on lotion, cocoa butter hand cream, pina colada flavored tinted lip balm with SPF, waterproof mascara, waterproof blush, bronzer, BB cream with SPF, lavender mint moisturizer, Avon Skin So Soft, makeup remover, grapefruit toner, day cream, eye cream from Rodan + Fields, mandarin orange body butter, peach foot cream, body firming lotion, talc-free powder, mint mouthwash, travel size toothbrush and whitening toothpaste, waterproof brow gel, Clinique Chubby Stick in Cherry, Band-Aids (mine are Hello Kitty – they were out of pink) , antibacterial wipes, hand sanitizer, brush, comb, curling iron, flat iron, hot rollers, blow dryer (mine is Hello Kitty and pink), water bottle (mine is pink), waterproof smartphone cover (mine is pink), headphones (mine are pink), fresh unmentionables (may I mention, mine are pink), wash cloth, fingertip towel (mine is guess what color? Pink!), loofa, and shower pouf (mine is pink).

Read On…

Add in some quality reading material, including the Good Book, the latest issue of Elle, Glamour, Cosmo, Good Housekeeping, a Harlequin “Love Inspired” romance, a Legally Blonde novel, and of course, something by Debbie Macomber.  Now if you are a mom, taking your children to the pool, the above list will most likely triple in size, adding healthy and fun snacks (just don’t eat them on the pool deck), a bevy of swim toys, water wings, and lots of Little Swimmers Diapers for the littlest ones.

All That Truck

As my husband was getting out the hand truck to take my teensie beach tote to the car, all the while muttering something about hernias and the kitchen sink missing, I snuck a peak at his beach bag: last year’s swim trunks in a plastic grocery sack from Walmart; you gotta’ love a man with style…

Waxing Eloquent

Of course, one of my favorite parts of summer is a trip to the full-fledged water park; this means a major hair removal spree – winter allows us to only shave to the knee.  I tried on my new swimsuit and looked like an orangutan wearing tube socks.  I better add a Brazilian wax to my pedicure on the beauty prep list.  I often wonder, why this waxing is not referred to as Australian or the Cuban wax?  Let’s just refer to it as a bikini wax, shall we?

Packing Light

As I am packing my new tote bag for the park (mine is pink with matching princess beach towel), I notice my husband is packing his plastic grocery bag.  In goes an old Spiderman beach towel, his brand-new swim trunks (his are light blue with orange pineapples emblazoned on them), a faded purple T-shirt, and green flip-flops for his feet.  He adds a Cubs hat in their trademark dark blue to this cheeky ensemble.

I Don’t Know Him

Upon arrival at the water park, I pretend I don’t know my spouse of 31 years.  I receive a sympathetic glance from a well-coordinated woman whose husband is attired in a red, orange, and yellow Hawaiian shirt from three decades past, faded green trunks, and argyle socks with sandals.  He proudly pulls a T-shirt announcing “My kid went to Florida and all I got was this lousy shirt” from his paper grocery sack.  I smile and give a knowing nod to his attractive wife, taking comfort in the knowledge that my man has style…

Fly In The Flamingos

Of course, COVID had caused havoc with summer pool season 2020-2021 to be non-existent, so I was extremely grateful when swimming establishments re-opened last year. I am fully vaccinated and boosted and I am always more than ready for some fun in the sun.  Last season, however, patrons had to provide their own chairs; this fact sent me on a search for two matching loungers, a task that proved more difficult than I imagined.  I finally found a duo at a mass retailer, but the individual chairs were at separate locations.  To my chagrin, the set’s motif featured pink flamingos.  My favorite color, yes, but the graphics of the cartoonish form of the tall birds, not so much.  Back in the day, plastic flamingos were not considered the most elegant of décor, but now, there is a sea of them wherever I look.  They are all the rage – they have become the pumpkin spice of summer.

Don’t Be An Angry Bird

Don’t get me wrong, actual live flamingos are very cool birds.  But too much of a good thing is, well, too much.  I have seen flamingo everything: beach totes, towels, swimwear, sunglasses, pool floats, drinkware, dinnerware, neon-lit sculptures, solar yard lights, mailbox covers, flags, shower curtains complete with matching beak rings, earrings, robes, PJ’s, slippers, bedding, mani-pedi nail designs, and even out-of-season Christmas tree ornaments, just to name a few.  A wooden sign reminds me to be a flamingo standing tall, finding balance, getting your feet wet, to keep on digging until you find what you’re looking for, to remain flexible, support your flock, and of course, always be “fla-mazing”.  Now I will admit I have a tin plaque on my rear patio that announces one must, “Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons”.  But to be quite honest, the entire flamingo craze escapes me.

Mine Is Pink, His, Well…

Since my lounge chair coordinates with my solid pink beach bag, towel, and flip-flops, I have somehow convinced myself that this sun chair purchase is whimsical.   My other half, although disappointed that he did not receive a navy and white striped beach lounger for his birthday, secure in his masculinity, he is making do with pink flamingos.  A glance in his direction shows he is extracting his old faded red and blue Spiderman beach towel from his plastic grocery bag, to spread across his pink flamingo chair, making us even more of a spectacle at the water park. As I lower my ample derriere to lounge upon the faces of 100 unsuspecting fake flamingos, I can’t help but wonder what in tarnation has happened to style…

The Dog Days of Summer

It’s hard to believe summer will soon be coming to an end – August, for me, means a wedding anniversary trip to yet another water park, one of the advantages of being married in the “dog days” of August.  This got me to thinking why we refer to the summer heat as “dog days”.  Our cats actually agree with our dog that they don’t like the heat, either.  I decided to do some research – in other words, I Googled it – to find that the phrase has nothing to do with doggies languidly sleeping in the shade.

Barking Up The Wrong Tree?

In reality, dogs are not involved at all per se – the origins of the phrase take us all the way back to ancient times in Rome and Greece; the star Sirius, a part of the constellation Canis Major, is called the “dog star”, and is the brightest shining in the waning summer sky.  It was considered the greater dog, which moved in the direction of the sun.  The star group normally can only be seen during the winter, but the Romans and Greeks were aware that the constellation, and the dog star itself, traveled towards the sun during the late summer, therefore called this time period the “dog days”.

The Phrase That Pains

This explanation led me to ponder about some other often-used phrases, which I must admit I find annoying.  The one which bothers me the most is the overused term “reach out” – in my opinion, reaching out is something one would do to aid their fellow man such as baking a cake for a sick neighbor or helping someone to change a tire.  Reaching out, to me, really has nothing to do with a call to the cable company, the bank, or my insurance agent.  Another rather silly nouveau cliché is the profound “it is what it is”; well, duh, it isn’t what it isn’t…  That made no sense, even to a blonde – please feel free to email your explanation.  I also find the phrase “we are moving in a different direction” particularly appalling, especially when used to terminate a long-term and loyal employee.  Back in the day we simply said, “you’re fired!”, because “it is what is”, and this reference has nothing to do with the dreaded Donald.

Until it Ends

Soon my fevered brain will be challenged  by the ridiculousness of pumpkin spice lattes, Santa decorated boxer shorts, and PJ’s emblazoned with Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, but until I fold up my pink beach towel and slide it into my little pink tote for the last day at the waterpark, let’s have some fun.