Valentine’s Day Humor
Valentine’s Day Humor
By Anna Hessel
The Wonder Years
The cold days of February bring thoughts of one of my favorite holidays, Valentine’s Day. Some of my fondest memories involve Valentine’s fun. We all remember when we were growing up getting those tiny Valentines in their little white envelopes placed in a big wooden box on the teacher’s desk. Each year my miniature Valentines had a different theme: puppies, kittens, Barbie, and of course, princess. My earliest Valentine’s memory is my kindergarten campaign to provide trousers for that little guy with the bow and arrow, since it was cold outside. Those timeless teddy bears with pink and red bows, and heart-shaped boxes of candy covered in ruffles, bring back many teenage memories.
Flying Hearts ACA
Of course, I have a few specific Valentine’s memories: one in particular was actually after Valentine’s Day: I snatched up all the clearance conversation Sweetheart candies as I had just won the Miss American Sweetheart Pageant, and decided tossing boxes of stale Sweethearts during summer parades was a classy thing to do – this idea was short-lived, however, thanks to that guy on the corner with the sunglasses on his head. I’m still amazed at how far a pair of shades can travel when they come in contact with an airborne box of conversation hearts.
Gourmet Jewelry
My favorite Valentine’s memory was when my husband and I were found by an adorable black terrier in our condo parking lot on a particularly cold Valentine’s Day. We named him Cupid, and he was a part of our family for over 17 years. In more recent times, Valentine’s Day has been celebrated by my spouse’s penchant for hiding expensive jewelry in food. My first diamond cocktail ring arrived in a dish of carrots because it was a “1 carat” ring. My engagement ring was presented, much to the delight of the charming waitress at Red Lobster, in a plate of mussels – my husband’s theory was since pearls come in oysters, diamonds can come in mussels.
Ladyfingers
Another diamond ring embedded in Tiramisu (ladyfingers…) appeared at our favorite Italian restaurant. A sapphire ring came atop a cupcake; my diamond and sapphire wedding set was encased in a miniature pink gumball machine. Hmm, I wonder what I’ll find topping our heart-shaped pizza this year (hint, hint…). Fortunately, I never broke a tooth on or ingested any of these gifts so I don’t have any trips to the emergency room stories to share.
Can He Take a Hint?
Now if your significant other isn’t a foodie romantic, and you don’t receive bracelets or earrings in side dishes or desserts, then perhaps a few well-placed hints will get you the goodies you desire this Valentine’s Day. If you do seek something sparkly, put a jewelry catalog in his toolbox. Or if you’re like me, a gift certificate for a mani-pedi is a perfect present – I suggest placing a flyer from your favorite salon in his sock drawer.
Don’t Forget The TV Remote
If a romantic dinner is on your wish list, wrap coupons from a favorite place to dine out around a six-pack of beer and secure it with a pink ribbon. My personal favorite hint, sure to work every time, is to tape a business card from the local flower shop on the TV remote control – he’ll never miss that. No matter how you end up celebrating, may your Valentine’s Day be blessed with style…
Spring cleaning readies our homes in much the same way the spirituality of spring renews our souls. Many of us find major house cleaning to be therapeutic. Washing down walls, scouring the oven, shampooing carpeting and furniture, beating the rugs, flipping the mattresses, vacuuming draperies, polishing the silver, making light fixtures sparkle, and washing windows to let the sun shine in. By the way, vinegar works wonders cleaning glass. The physical labor of a good house cleaning can be invigorating and uplifting.
