Holiday Reflections and Inflections

Holiday Reflections and New Year’s Inflections

Holiday Reflections and New Year’s Inflections

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and Kwanzaa, everyone. I have been thinking about unique holiday gifts this season, not the same old, same old. A classic carol came to mind as I began to ponder unusual presents…

Too Much of Good Things?

“On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree. ” A cute, quiet little birdie in a tree the bears fruit, a gift that keeps on giving – Amazon does have everything.

On the second day, “two turtle doves” – doves signify peace, very appropriate for the season and our often crazy world.

The third day brings us more birds, “three French hens” – no offense to those birds, but French perfume would suit my tastes a bit better.

The fourth day. “Four calling birds”, more avian gifts – it’s getting just a bit crowded in here, and surely the neighbors will call the cops with all the squawking…

“Five golden rings” – jewelry! Much better, thank you.

Day six geese, even more feathered friends – they are a-laying on my best holiday quilt and making quite the mess. My true love is getting on my last nerve…

The seventh day, swimming swans – what’s with all these birds? Perhaps a pair of tickets to see Swan Lake would be a more appropriate present?

Number eight, maids milking – I do enjoy an ice cold glass of fat free milk, and who can’t use the services of a good maid, but this is kind of overkill…

“Nine ladies dancing” – please refer to number seven, tickets to the ballet – thank you.

“Ten lords a leaping” – what the heck kind of goofy gift is this? These clumsy dudes are scaring my pets and destroying my home decor.

“Eleven pipers piping” – I met a very understanding police officer, courtesy of my next door neighbor…

Phew, we made it to the last day, a full dozen drummers, drumming up even more noise. and I am seriously considering taking out a restraining order. Perhaps my true love should have purchased a gift card for a massage and pedicure, much more my style…

New Year, New You…

And then, of course, Happy 2025. Hopefully, we are all resolving to show love and kindness to others, this year and always.

Resolute!

I realize many of us have personal resolutions to enrich and better our own lives: for example, I resolve to buy more shoes and drink more mocha lattes – I believe in making resolutions that I know I can keep.  Hopefully, my husband has resolved to be a bit more careful with the outside mirrors on our Mini Cooper; this will certainly improve his wellbeing. I, in turn, could resolve to allow him to sleep indoors, since our puggle Sasha misses the use of her house.

Food for Thought…

Of course, I realize resolutions can come in many different forms. Perhaps many of you might be traditionalists, for instance, resolving to lose weight. As a plus-size princess, I have learned to be comfortable in my own skin, but I do advocate healthy eating and exercise.  We can all resolve to eat healthier by avoiding processed foods, preservatives, and sodium intake.  I am resolving to stick with Meatless Mondays and enjoy a wide variety of fish – our cat Prada applauds this part of my resolution.

Stretch Yourself

If you are anything like me, exercise needs to be fun – a stroll through the dog park, or a dance class at the park district or local studio can help one reach my fitness goals.  I certainly hope you dance in the coming year, but whatever you resolve to do, remember to do it with style.

Old Long Since

On a more serious and reflective note, we remember a beautiful version of “Auld Lang Syne” by Celtic Woman; it got me to thinking about that New Year’s Eve favorite – many artists have sung it, including a lovely rendition by Barry Manilow. The song actually derives from an old Scottish poem – I never really thought about the lyrics much except to have always considered them to be just a bit depressing. “Should auld (old) acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind”. There are many old acquaintances that I truly care to remember and remain acquainted with. Those who are no longer here, the reminiscence can be rife with sadness, yet oddly comforting. Some whom have gone on and many whom still remain in our lives, of course, don’t always bring happy memories.

Greet Someone Different Than You

Several years ago, we attended a fabulous Kirk Franklin concert on New Year’s Day. Mr. Franklin talked about saying hello to someone you didn’t know, as well as not taking certain people into the new year with us. Truth be told, there are certain folks I don’t care to take into the next minute with me. Getting rid of toxicity in our lives can often be the best resolution we can make – heartbreaking as it can be, sometimes a clean break is for the best.

Forgive, But Not Forget…

The Lord teaches us to forgive, but forgiveness does not mean to carry another person’s bad behavior with us through the coming months. Let bygones be bygones but do so with wisdom – maybe that is what this song is trying to communicate. When our hearts are heavily burdened, it’s time for a spiritual and emotional renewal.

Those who Forgot History, Doomed Us to Repeat It

The phrase, “Let go and let God” comes to mind, however, as we enter 2025 we are forced to take “The Donald” with us, much to the disappointment of many of us. With 49.5 per cent of the vote it is clear Trump did not receive a mandate to do anything. Less than half the electorate chose a repeat term of terror by the orange-haired former “occupant” of the Oval Office; but we must endure in resistance with the help and hope of the Lord. We will “take a cup of kindness yet” and have a stiff drink from it, as we offer God’s grace and walk away from those that don’t enrich our lives, because self-care has style…

 

The Twelve Days of Covid Christmas

The Twelve Days of Covid Christmas

The holidays bring fun but also stress and anxiety.

The Twelve Days of Covid Christmas

Here are some new lyrics for the holiday favorite, “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” please feel free to just sing-a-long.

 

By Anna Hessel

The Twelve Days of Covid Christmas

The First Day – Where’s The Partridge?

  • On the first day of Christmas
  • My true love sent to me
  • ONE pear scented gel hand sanitizer

The Second Day – No Turtle To Slow This Dove Down

  • On the second day of Christmas
  • My true love sent to me
  • TWO bars of Dove antibacterial soap
  • And ONE pear scented gel hand sanitizer

The Third Day – What, No Hens?

  • On the third day of Christmas
  • My true love sent to me
  • THREE French couture face covering masks
  • TWO bars of Dove antibacterial soap
  • And ONE pear scented gel hand sanitizer

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The “Real” Twelve Days of Christmas

The “Real” Twelve Days of Christmas

The “Real” Twelve Days of Christmas

By Anna Hessel

I figured we could all use some humor this holiday season; this Christmas will be a bit different.  We had to rearrange our living room to accommodate the tree and social distancing.  Sort of a pandemic feng-shui, you might say.

The First Day

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree…  A most unusual gift but I do love fruit and the little birdie is pretty cute, too; I am logging onto the Food Network Kitchen site for a tasty pear tart recipe.  Perhaps birdseed included in the lovely present would have made sense…

The Second Day

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…two turtle doves and another partridge in a pear tree.  Perhaps my dear true love did not realize that turtle doves and partridges don’t get along, who knew?  And still I have received no birdseed from my dear one.  The partridges pecked at my fingers when I decided to choose a pear for lunch – maybe they are possessive of the pears because they lack birdseed.

The Third Day

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…three French hens, two more turtle doves, and yet another partridge in a pear tree…  Apparently, my dearest true love is most fond of fowl.  Still no damn birdseed, and apparently French hens do not care for pears…

The Fourth Day

On the fourth day of Christmas, my “true” love gave to me…four rather noisy calling birds, another three of those blasted French hens, two more turtle doves, and still another of those ridiculous fruit-bearing trees containing another partridge; my apartment resembles the aviary house at the zoo.  Birdseed, where the hell is the birdseed?

The Fifth Day

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true “love” finally bought some damn jewelry, five lovely golden rings, none of which even remotely resembles an engagement ring in any way, all five of which turned my fingers green; of course, included with the cheap mass merchandiser rings, my alleged true love included another pear tree with of course an additional partridge, another couple of the turtle doves, thrice more of the ill-mannered hens and, of course, four of the calling birds, who make me want to call the local bird refuge.  I injured my ankle ducking the flying menagerie when I returned home from Walmart, where I exchanged the five rings for birdseed…

The Sixth Day

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true like gave to me…even more freaking birds, six geese a-laying eggs in every square inch of my living room; I would love to give my true “love” a goose egg.  As if I don’t have enough of them, four more calling birds, three more French hens, two more turtle doves, and even another big tall, gangly a$$, pear tree with, yep, you guessed it, a partridge.  I have invited the local bird watchers society to tea – perhaps they would like to each choose a bird to take home, gratis….

The Seventh Day

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true “friend” gave to me…what else, more feathered friends, not a lovely gift basket containing a bath bomb and fragranced lotion, like the ones mocking me as I stand in line buying more birdseed at Walmart; nope this time, in addition to another blasted tree, more hens, calling birds, doves, and one more partridge, I am the “blessed” recipient of seven swans that are a-swimming in my bathtub – perhaps this is why I have yet to receive a moisturizing bath bomb.  Certainly an extra-strength lavender air freshener, or even a pumpkin spice room spray, would be most welcome in here…

The Eighth Day

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true acquaintance gave to me…the entire gaggle of birds, another tree, and eight much needed maids to clean the bird droppings and smashed pears from my carpet.  But noooo, these alleged maids came to milk the eight adorable goats eating up my lawn; has my true “love” never heard of Hickory Farms?  A mini summer sausage and a cheddar cheese wheel would be lovely with all these pears and did I mention, goose is on the menu this Christmas?  I wonder, can French hens be served with a pear stuffing and creme fraiche glaze?

The Ninth Day

On the ninth day of Christmas, that guy gave to me…on top of the nine ladies disco dancing in my kitchen, eight more useless maids, more golden rings to exchange for birdseed, more assorted birds, and another freaking tree…..perhaps I shall break up with my true “love”…

The Tenth Day

On the tenth day of Christmas, my frenemy gave to me…yep, you guessed it, another flock of birds, more maids that don’t clean a thing, additional dancehall divas, the requisite fruit tree, and now there are ten men in tights jumping all over my home – one of them has a turtle dove on his head and another knocked over two pear trees and a lamp.  Maybe a membership at the local zoo would have been more conducive?

The Eleventh Day

On the eleventh day of Christmas, that idiot gave to me…the entire lot of birds, maids, more divas of the dance, leaping lords, another tree, and if it wasn’t noisy enough in here, we now have eleven pipers piping – perhaps a subscription to an online dating service would have been a much more welcome gift…

The Twelfth Day

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true enemy gave to me…yet another pear tree, the entire collection of flying friends, more useless maids, and other plethora of pitiful pipers, dancing divas, and lords a-leaping.  Thus far these clumsy oafs have broken another lamp, a vase, and the one pear tree that I had strung with Christmas lights.  Included in this final round of the worst assemblage of Christmas gifts in the history of holiday giving, I now have twelve drummers drumming adding to the deafening racket in here.  My couch is covered in bird droppings and green fruit.

And More..

My cat has a suspicious hen feather in her mouth.  I have received a citation from the city for an excessive animal population.  My landlord has served me an additional pet deposit demand.  The leaping lords have run off with the milk maids, leaving me with a yard of goats, one of which is chasing my Chihuahua, and another just ate my porch furniture.  Along with a squawking array of birds are rotting fruit trees and a migraine the size of Texas.  I am considering a holiday restraining order.  Next time my “true” love had better go to Jared.