Let Go of Compulsive Goal Setting

Let Go of Compulsive Goal Setting

Let Go of Compulsive Goal Setting. . . and be Happy

By D. S. Mitchell

 

Self Help

The other day, I was pawing through a box of books I had stored in the back of my closet and was trying to decide if they were something I should drop off at The Salvation Army or go to the trouble of pricing them to resell on Amazon. As I debated the question I came upon Stephen Shapiro’s 2006 self-help gem, “Goal Free Living: How To Have The Life You Want Now.”  It has been at least a decade since I read the book, but as I flipped through the pages I remembered it distinctly, and thought it would be a great reminder to pass on to my readers to help them enjoy the closure of 2025. If you’re a compulsive goal setter, burdened by could of’s, should of’s, and would of’s now might be the the right time to put all that baggage aside and take a new look at how we prioritize living our lives.

First Person

Stephen Shapiro is the first person that I can remember that gave me permission to release the religion of goal making that permeates our culture, and try to live without the restrictions  of a set of goals or rules for success. I have been told since I was a kid, that goals of all kinds, big, small, wildly ambitious were all within my reach. I just had to want that dream bad enough. The rule seemed to be,  if you can visualize it, you can have it; if you don’t know what you want  (can’t visualize it), you might as well be lost at sea without a life preserver.

Not So

Shapiro disputes this time worn American myth.  In fact, Shapiro argues that if you want to be happy in its most broad interpretation, you need to throw that “five-year plan,” and the “life-time to do list,” into the garbage can. Originally Shapiro was a motivational researcher.  While doing interviews with business leaders for a book he discovered that after interviewing 150 of the country’s most successful people and traveling over 12,ooo miles the most fulfilled people were also the most spontaneous,  and believe it or not, the least goal oriented. What?  How could that be true?  It goes against everything I’ve ever been taught.

Taking a Detour

After interviewing those 150 successful people in all fields of enterprise, from all parts of the country, Shapiro discovered that most of the successful people had taken a circuitous route to their eventual success, and it seems that the circuitous trip was what made the result, all the more satisfying. Shapiro became convinced that the key to happiness comes from checking out the back roads and detours, both literally and figuratively, without fear of changing course. Shapiro is convinced that following goals may lead a person to financial wealth, but there is a good chance that if you follow the plan unquestioningly you will lose yourself and potential happiness.

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Change Course


 Change Course, You’ll Feel Better

Change Course, You’ll Feel Better

 

By D.S. Mitchell

 

Lyin’ Eyes and Mouth

I could feel my blood boiling as I watched Donald Trump’s ugly orange face come into focus as Chris Hayes switches to Trump and a meeting of his billionaire cabinet. Holy Christmas! What a disgusting display of the ultra wealthy making disastrous decisions that effect the remaining 98% of us. Before he could even open his ‘lyin mouth, I sensed my blood pressure going stratospheric. Our tariff king say he’s tired of hearing about affordability and he doesn’t want to hear any more about such nonsense. “All fake news. Best economy in history.”  I could only tolerate about 2 minutes of his crap and con before I switched the channel to Cold Case Files where at least in the end the family always  gets an answer.

Ranting and Raging

After about 10 minutes of ranting and raging instead of calming down I was actually ramping myself up about something that I had little power to change. I remembered my psychology classes and implemented long proven ways to relax; deep breathing, meditation, or stepping away from the drama. I guess in the case of Trump I need a better distraction than a 2 decade old TV show. The only message here is don’t let the current political situation cause you physical or emotional distress. Deep breathe.

Outraged and Angry

Between the wars in Ukraine, Gaza, Sudan, Nigeria, the rollbacks of human rights, mass shootings, cuts to Medicaid and Medicare, ACA subsidies, the extreme weather events, it is easy to feel outraged, overwhelmed, and in many ways helpless and hopeless. As I’ve grown older I have learned that even in the darkest places, the human spirt can find light and hope when we come together.  Do what you can in your neighborhood. Feed a hungry person, volunteer at a shelter or the local hospital, speak up for human rights, voting rights, start  a pod cast or a website, and be sure to protest.  You might not be able to effect events in Gaza or Ukraine but you can help someone in your community, and that local action makes a big difference to you as the giver, and to those who benefit from your contribution of time, energy, or money.

Powerful Positive Emotions

Giving and volunteering triggers powerful positive emotions known as “helpers high.”  When we help others dopamine and oxytocin flood our brain, reducing stress, boosting happiness, and creating feelings of purpose, self worth, and connection while also enhancing empathy and energy. As we become more connected to our community, we shift focus from our personal struggles and worries to helping others.  Like Hillary said, “We’re Stronger Together.”

Erotic Thriller Series


  Embracing the Spider

Fire Mountain Books is proud to announce the publication of EMBRACING THE SPIDER. EMBRACING THE SPIDER is the dramatic conclusion of the Spider Series.

If you loved 365 Days and couldn’t put down the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, we promise that you will also love Chasing the Spider, Stalking the Spider, and Embracing the Spider. Erotic Romance, Erotic Thriller, Billionaire Romance, Unbridled Passion, Provocative Thriller.  Seduction guaranteed.

Guernica

Guernica 

Guernica 

By John Curran

 

I knew him in the years after that, he never would speak about it until the one day, and then it all came pouring out ….

Morning, the little fishing village. Columbia, the Baha de Santa Maria, and all the fishing boats were lined up on the beach, going nowhere, as it had been for two weeks now. No fishing, no trade, no tourists, no nothing. The word was there was death from the skies. The big nation, Estados Unidos, was raining deadly missile strikes on the single boats traveling across the open Caribbean. For what reason, who knows. Drugs they say. There were verified accounts from reliable sources up the coast. The people were afraid and didn’t know what to do. People here are dependent on their boats. With a boat you can do many things. Without one there is nothing.

One day my friend told me he’d had enough of the fear. There was a special mission. A little donkey had been born. A very special little donkey; the offspring of his own donkey from an arrangement he’d had with a special amigo down the coast, an old old friend. The little donkey had been the product of Dave the Great and his buddy’s hot little mare, Juanita, in return for a steady supply of corn. And so now he’d got the word, come get the cute as buttons newborn and bring plenty corn. And so with that, my friend loaded his boat.

Everyone said he should not do this. Not now. The fear was very strong, there had been sightings now, military ships, fighter aircraft. Another boat blown up, somewhere, nobody knew exactly where, or for what, they only knew all were killed every time, and no one took any blame nor gave any  explanation.  His young wife, Gabriella, she pleaded, the children cried, the fear of all now was very strong. Yet still he loaded his boat. Plenty bundles of corn. You could almost say it was bundles of something else. But no, just corn, plenty corn. And so he prepared. They chided, they begged, “No, no, not to risk it now. And for what? A baby donkey?! But no, not to be dissuaded, “Give the bastards an inch, they take your souls,” he would say.

And so at the last his wife Gabriella and the oldest boy came too. He could not tell them no, what could he do. And so they set out. A wonderful bouncy ride. The boat was not large but it would handle plenty bundles of corn and three people father mother and son, on a short run of just a few leagues down the coast. It happened coming back. They had the baby donkey, the cutest little thing, there with them, hobbled and bewildered. My friend would say even then he knew, this would grow into one fine strong animal. Ah, but such was not to be.

Just short of back home they were hit. My friend was thrown, ejected. For some reason he’d been in the far stern when the missile hit, up front. All he heard were the screams, all he remembers seeing as he hit the water was the enormous fireball and a flying head, disembodied, crossing his vision like some macabre scene from Hell. And it was not until now that he could tell it, to me, finally. We were in front of that painting that we’d come to see, and he said “yeah, that’s it. It was just like that.”

The painting was Guernica. On that bench in front of that painting we sat for a long time and he cried and he cried, did my friend. That was a long time ago. I remember him well.

 

Time To Break For A Smile

Time To Break For A Smile

Time To Break For A Smile

By D.S. Mitchell

Things have been dark around here the last few posts, so I think its time to give ourselves permission to smile. First, the shellacking of Trump in last night’s multi-state elections gives me hope. At least 60% of the American voters disapprove of Trump and his activities. People are paying attention and they don’t like Trump’s lawless, blatant, corruption, DOGE, soldiers on our streets, masked ICE thugs disappearing people, tariffs, inflation, foreign policy, and they are sending a powerful message to Trump’s White House. Open the damn government. Continue SNAP; and on and on, and on.

So, folks, let’s lighten the mood and here are 25 things that always make me smile. How about you? Make your own list. Smiling with a grateful heart is an important part of happiness.

25 Things That Make Me Smile

1.) Winning.

2.) Putting pennies in a jar, and watching it grow.

3.) Being smart.

4.) Acting stupid.

5.) Living in a vacation town, in the off-season.

6.) Blackened hot dogs. Yum. Yum.

7.) Slow dancing.

8.) Pyramids of tea sandwiches.

9.)  Knowing when its time to work; and when its time to play.

10.) Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter.

11.) Edibles.

12.) Raindrops hitting a pond.

13.)  Cookbooks with food stains on favored recipes.

14.) Front row seats.

15.) Rational thinking; easier said, than done.

16.) Following the Estate Sale signs.

17.) Giving.

18.) Sharing.

19.) Sharing childhood remembrances with a childhood friend.

20.) Order over chaos.

21.) Wild strawberries peeking up in the flowerbeds.

22.) Prime Days.

23.) Self-debates.

24.) Mail-in voting.

25.) Legalized cannabis.