GUT INSTINCTS IN 2020-Humor

Gut Instincts in 2020-Humor

By Anna Hessel

Good Intentions

Well, we are a month into the new year. I suppose we are all keeping our healthy New Year’s resolutions; or perhaps they have gone awry?  I find more often than not good intentions dealing with weight loss, visiting the gym, or other health-related  resolutions, by this time of year have hit the back burner.

Times are a Changin’

Cafe Latte

The power of mocha lattes cannot be denied.

Gut health seems to be big on the resolution scale this year.  Back in the day, it was rather unladylike to discuss one’s guts, unless, of course, you were prepping fish.  The times, they are a changin’, since it is now quite stylish to converse about your innards.  I’m sure that mine are pretty and pink, happily filled with mocha latte, with maybe a few probiotics thrown in for good measure.

Fashionable Friends

My dear fashionable friend L.J., has taken an unusual interest in my gut health this year. She has gone so far as to suggest that I embrace ginger. L.J. recommends I take some ginger root and steep it in boiling water giving me a yummy little elixir that will do truly exemplary things for my mocha latte-challenged gut.  Should I have the guts to actually drink this ginger miracle, I’m sure my system would dance an Irish Princess jig.

Following Through

I did actually go so far as to buy the ginger root, which looks like the dried up root stump of a dead bush.  It now sits on the pantry shelf, taunting me – my gut reaction is to use it the next time we have sushi.  My gut instinct tells me perhaps a simple cup of tea with a Krispy Kreme jelly doughnut chaser should perhaps replace the ginger culinary potion.  Mind you, I’m not speaking of an exotic fig twig kumquat pomegranate purple berry blast tree bark tea – but an uncomplicated cup of chamomile laced with honey, drunk with one pink-polished pinkie extended.

Stand Up

Perhaps my gut advisor, the rather debonair L.J. will join me in a simple respite of Earl Grey, or orange pekoe.  I think I will just resolve to stick to non-GMO, preservative-free, low-sodium, plant-based, meatless-Monday, actual-dairy, high-protein, real food in 2020 with a once-a-day multivitamin thrown in to top it all off. With that recipe I will allow my insides to take care of themselves. Furthermore I resolve to make frequent trips to the pool for water aerobics, to have the guts to stand up for my convictions, and of course, I’ll do it all with style…..

Anna Hessel is a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists

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Minority Identity in Mainstream Art & Culture

Minority Identity:

In Mainstream Art & Culture

By Trevor McNeil

#OscarsSoWhite

Minority identity in mainstream art and culture is often illusive. Everybody wants to be seen. Everyone wants to be recognized. Now in the age of branding, group identity is held up as the most important part of a person. As such, the notion of Media Representationhas become a hot topic in recent years. The #OscarsSoWhite campaign has highlighted the issue.  As with most things however, not every situation is the same and there needs to be some nuance.

Fear of a Black Planet

The #OscarsSoWhite campaign had a legitimate point to make. The point being, most Academy Award nominees/winners have traditionally been white. Those numbers make no sense. There is now, and always has been, a giant reservoir of talented and creative people of color working in the arts. So why are people of color so poorly represented in the awards department, I wondered.   I believe that particularly in terms of acting, there is the ever looming issue of tokenismTokenism dramatically affects the dynamics, by limiting the type of roles offered to black actors. The hipster cabby. You know the image.

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Simple Life Lessons From My Mom’s Kitchen

Life Lessons From My Mom’s Kitchen 

By D. S. Mitchell

Life Lessons and Distant Memories

At the time of this writing, my mother has been dead for 32 years. But, every time I go into the kitchen she is there waiting for me, or more truthfully, she comes with me. She is not there in a bodily form of course, but from my heart and distant memories she emerges and pats me on the shoulder, and kiss’ my cheek.

The Chemistry of Memories

I don’t understand the chemistry of memories, but I am sure that every time I bring out her hand-typed recipe book, she hums her little work song and reminds me that she is always with me. As I remember the times I spent cooking with her; whether it was making dinners, prepping picnics, devising scrumptious desserts, or savory breads, I learned a great deal more than cooking tips. I now realize it was in my mother’s kitchen that I grew into the woman I am, where I learned the things that are most important in life.

Apples Everywhere

The Apple Quake is my all-time favorite cake, topped with my most favorite frosting. In the 1950’s everybody knew somebody that had fruit trees. It seems most people in today’s busy world forego fruit trees when they plan their landscaping. Without the fruit trees busy people don’t need to feel guilty because they have left the fruit rotting on the ground unwanted and unused.

Buy Local

I am so glad to see a slow but growing movement in this country to bring fresh unprocessed foods back to the American table. God bless each person that rises up and demands safe, local food sources. Read about it. Get concerned. Get involved. Demand, Fresh & Local.

 APPLE  QUAKE

  • 3 eggs
  • 2 cups white sugar
  • 1 cup olive oil
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 2 to 3 tsp. cinnamon
  • 1 tsp. baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp. salt
  • 1 to 2 Tb. vanilla
  • 5 green apples, washed but unpeeled
  • 1/2 cup walnuts

Directions:

In a large bowl combine eggs, sugar, olive oil and vanilla with a mixer.

In a separate bowl combine flour, cinnamon, soda, and salt; when well blended add to the egg mixture. Lastly, add walnuts to the cake mix and blend together gently. Spread the thinly sliced apples over the bottom of the greased glass baking dish.  Pour batter over the apples.  Batter will be very thick. Place the batter into the sides and corners first, and then into the center. Let the batter sit for about five minutes to make sure that the batter is evenly distributed before placing it in the pre-heated oven. Bake: in a 350 degree oven for 1 hour. Remove from oven and cool thoroughly. Frost: generously with cream cheese frosting. Refrigerate: left overs.

MOM’S  CREAM  CHEESE  FROSTING

  • 8 oz. softened cream cheese
  • 2 1/2 cups sifted powdered sugar
  • 1/2 cup softened salted butter
  • 1 to 2 Tbs. (or more) lemon juice to taste

In a medium bowl cream together the cream cheese and butter until smooth. Mix in lemon juice, gradually stir in powdered sugar, beat until smooth. Frost cake.

Somewhat Vague

The measurements for cinnamon, vanilla, and even the lemon juice for the frosting are somewhat vague, I admit, but there is a lesson here. LIFE LESSON: As my mother would say, “be generous”,  especially if you like a particular flavor.  I think that is wise.  If you like something-always be generous in its use.  When you believe in a cause, give generously of your time. If you love someone, give generously of your kindness and respect. If you are dedicated to a project then generously donate your money. What you love and believe in deserves your generous contribution of time, energy, and yes, even money.

**The name Apple Quake came from my young pronunciation of cake. Cake, quake–get it?

Resolutions For The Next Decade

Resolutions For The Next Decade

By Anna Hessel

Resolving for the New Decade

Happy 2020!  This start of a new decade makes me ponder the tradition of New Year’s resolutions.  Hopefully, we are all resolving to show peace to all, abolish intolerance, and offer acceptance to those who are different from us.  I realize many of us have personal resolutions to enrich and better our own lives, but I think there are times when we must be resolute in our compassion to pray and work to fulfill the needs of others.

Where We’ve Been

In the latter half of the past decade, we have regressed from working to provide health care for all Americans, to legislation designed to repeal the Affordable Care Act. We’ve gone from sanctuary cities to children in cages at our southern border. We’ve gone from the establishment of affordable housing to the greatest percentage of homelessness in American history.

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10 Ideas To Help Relieve Depression

10 Ideas To Help Relieve Depression

By David L. Jones

Depression Has Taken Over My Life

It’s Dave, here. I have for the last month been living at the bottom of a black hole. I have spent all day in bed with the comforter pulled tight over my head.  I won’t lie to you, depression has taken over my life.  Feelings of immeasurable sadness, hopelessness and utter emptiness are consuming me. This time of year is always a struggle for me, but this winter has been excruciatingly painful.

A Dark and Windowless Room

The only reason I have found the strength to pull the comforter off my head and pull up a chair to my computer and start writing, is that hopefully sharing my story, can help someone else that has found themselves trapped in a dark, door-less, window-less room.

Four Generations of Suffering

A friend of mine who also suffers from depression offered me some advice recently. She reports at least four generations of depression, alcoholism, and suicide in her family. She told me that when she begins to experience depression she refuses to give herself permission to suffer.

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How Low Will Trump Go?

How Low Will Trump Go?

By D. S. Mitchell

The Era Of Trump

I try not to let my emotions guide my typing fingers. But in the era of Trumpism, I find it harder each day to follow that self admonition. While the House of Representatives were calling for Yeas and Nays on two Articles of Impeachment, the gutter snipe, sometimes called President of the United States, Donald J. Trump was revving up 10,000 supporters at a rally in Battle Creek, Michigan.

I’m Grinding My Teeth

I am grinding my teeth. I am so angry. The pundits on cable “news” keep saying people are becoming “numb” to Trump and his ghastly and despicable behavior.  I must be in the minority, because each day of his presidency I become more agitated and enraged. I cannot believe anyone can continue to support the constant lies, insults, bullying, cursing and disregard for law that Trump demonstrates every single day.

Some Is Planned And Deliberate

Obviously, Trump learned a few tricks about keeping the public’s attention, during his years as a reality TV star.  So, I accept some of the Trump chaos as deliberate and planned.  His constant banging of the drum, is like a spoiled child banging the damn thing until, the observer takes the drum, covers their ears, or just leaves the room. In fact, it seems to me that the Republicans have been more effected by political numbness than any Democrat.

The Dingell Legacy

John David Dingell, Sr. was elected to the House of Representatives from Michigan’s 15th District in 1932. The Sr. Dingell served until 1955, when he died in office at the age of 61. The state of Michigan held  a special election and his son, a young WWII veteran, John David Dingell, Jr., was elected to fill his father’s vacated seat. John Dingell, Jr. would go on to serve longer than any other house member. Mr. Dingell, Jr. retired in 2015 after serving an amazing 59 continuous years.

A History Of Public Service

Carrying on the saga of service by the Dingell family, Debbie Dingell, wife of the retired Representative picked up the banner and ran for the House in the same Michigan’s #15th District. She won easily. Together the Dingell family has up to this time served 87 years in Congress representing the people of Michigan. John Dingell, Jr. is an icon in Michigan.

For Two Stumbling, Bumbling Hours

When Donald Trump lurched like an over-fed gorilla on to the podium at Battle Creek, his face had been smeared with heavy orange makeup. His upper lip was beaded with sweat.  He looked and sounded like a man off his psychiatric medications. For two stumbling, bumbling hours he lied, he raged against impeachment, the Democrats, Nancy Pelosi, the dead John Dingell, Jr., and his widow, Debbie Dingell. Another low point, but certainly not as low as Trump has proven himself willing to go.

A List Of The Insulted Dead Grows

The list of dead people Trump has attacked include not only the longest sitting Representative in history, John Dingell, but many others of heroic and iconic status. How can we forget his rants and insults hurled at the deceased Senator John McCain. Or, the insults Trump directed at the family of dead green beret, Sgt. La David Johnson and their family friend Congresswoman Frederica Wilson.  The most scurrilous and continuous have been against the Pakistani-American-Muslim parents of US Army hero, Captain, Humayun Khan.

A Hollow Core

One thing we know, for certain, is that Donald Trump is a coward. His rude rants, his assaults and insults have become so frequent, and so outrageous the American public is forced to either overlook the behavior, or leap like trained frogs from one scandal to the next. Each Tweet, each speech, revealing the hollow soul of an immoral and corrupt man.

Covering Their Faces

But, what about those surrounding and supporting him? You see them, looking down, shuffling their feet, turning away, giggling stupidly. Turning away, seems the most consistent response of his followers. Others are choosing to cover their faces with brown paper bags. My question is, at what point, if ever, will they refuse to remain silent?

Evangelical Support Base Challenged

There was a small break in the “I see nothing, I hear nothing, I say nothing” mantra when last week, a moderate Christian publication, “Christianity Today” challenged the white Evangelical Christian community to support the impeachment and removal from office of Donald J. Trump. The editor’s at “Christianity Today”, three years into Trump’s presidency, finally ask their reader’s when is enough, enough? The response to the article was limited, despite the author appearing on many cable news channels to explain the magazine’s stance.

What’s Rachel Have To Say?

So, back to the CNN, MSNBC pundits. Are they right about the numbing of America? Are we after 240 years witnessing the last death shiver of American democracy? Will our democracy die because the citizenry is too fatigued to fight back against an immoral wanna be dictator. God save us, if we don’t have the backbone to reach out and snatch that fucking drum away from the spoiled brat creating havoc where ever he goes.

**Merry Christmas, A bountiful New Year, and Happy Impeachment to all the friends of Calamity News and Politics.

 

5 Ways To De-Stress The Holidays

5 Ways To De-Stress The Holidays

By Anna Hessel

It’s That Time of Year

With the holiday season upon us, thoughts of festive decorations, holiday baking, twinkling lights, caroling, sleigh rides through the snow, mistletoe, hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows, Menorahs, Nativities, “The Nutcracker”, Hallmark movies, and “A Charlie Brown Christmas” are at the forefront of our minds.

Holiday Stress

However, holiday stress is often a painful, and very real issue at this time of year. Religious and cultural celebrations, such as Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and the ushering in of the New Year, can quickly become more hectic than joyful. Don’t get trapped into thinking that parties and gifts are the only way to celebrate the holidays. Keeping perspective is helpful. There are ways to alleviate the stress, strain and cost.

A Christmas of Another Color

Statistics show that suicides are at an all-time high during the holiday season, as well as familial tensions; the idea of “Blue Christmas” is the truth for many.

Blue Christmas Services

Faking joviality makes no sense. If you are at a painful point in your life, you are not alone. At this time of year there are millions experiencing loss, loneliness, illness, or depression. The sadness is recognized by many churches and some have opted to hold “Blue Christmas Services” where they offer comfort, hope, and healing to those who are struggling with these, or similar issues.

Winter Solstice

These devotions, with peaceful music in a calming atmosphere help soothe folks who are frazzled during the Yuletide. Many times “Blue Christmas” is an evening of reflection for the longest night of the year (winter solstice), around the 21st of December. The shorter days and lack of sunlight can even lead to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD is a category of major depression that emerges in the winter months.

5 Things We Can Do To Relieve Stress

There are many easy ways to avoid the trap of seasonal stress, strain, and ensuing depression:

1. Avoid visiting your family if it causes fights or jeopardizes your mental or emotional well-being, avoid spending time with them.
2. Go for it. Enjoy the cup of eggnog, eat that Christmas cookie, and ignore snarky comments about your weight or calories. That’s what New Year’s resolutions are for.
3. Stop creating debt. It is not necessary to overspend or create debt to let your loved ones know how much you care. Hand-made presents, or a gift of your time, will be cherished more than an expensive, store-bought item by those who truly care about you. Don’t forget to give yourself a small gift that you can afford.
4. Take care of your health: stay hydrated, eat fresh fruits and veggies in addition to the
party fare. Drink alcohol and caffeine in moderation, add a cup of a seasonal herbal tea to help relax. Enjoy the out-of-doors, if weather permits. Get a massage; take a hot bath by candlelight.
5. Relax. Stop striving for perfection. None of us are perfect – simply enjoy what you are able to do.

Give Peace A Chance

Holidays were not created to cause stress. They evolved to celebrate faith, friendship, family, fun, and hope for an often tired and seemingly hopeless world. They are not meant to be aggravating or tension filled.

Relax

Please relax. Hopefully the tips I have suggested will help you enjoy the holidays. I wish you a bless holiday season.

 

The Last Goodbye

The Last Goodbye

By D.S. Mitchell

As we hurry through life, we meet many people. Some are just a touch on the sleeve, quickly forgotten, while others become part of the fabric of our lives. Becoming enmeshed in the life of another person can be a good thing, but just as often it can be a bad thing.

When a once healthy relationship sours, whether after five years or forty, we are often left confused about what happened. In other cases, we know exactly what happened and wonder why we let ourselves continue a relationship that was not only unhealthy, but harmful to us, for as long as we did.

With the holidays coming at us like Richard Petty heading into a straight away, I am cleaning out my relationship closet. Sometimes the holidays magnify everything that you know is wrong with that broken friendship.

But for a thousand reasons, you keep fussing with it, nurturing it, feeding it; hoping it will surge back to life. Sometimes it does fire back to life, but usually the relationship is on life support by this time and is sputtering toward extinction. The end-time; being the only unknown.

Let me explain. I am a rescuer,  I mean, a rescuer on steroids. The worse the situation; the bigger my cape. I have spent most of my life working as an RN. Most of my nurse buddies have the same affliction.

I guess when I think about it, it makes sense. Nurses want to make everything and everybody better.  We’ll fluff and buff, arranging everything just so. That personality quirk might be okay in the hospital, but when carried into life it can be painfully unsuccessful.

In my case, the end came last weekend. After knowing Dave for 35 years I am finally done.  I have severed all communication. I cannot and will not resume the relationship. His illness has reached a point that I can no longer be of any help. In fact, my involvement may be contributing to his worsening symptoms.

I finally recognize he is worse for me than pneumonia. No tears, no anger, just acceptance and relief. When the burden of another person’s mental illness becomes too heavy to drag another inch you have to put the burden down. There should be no guilt. At this point, your only goal should be to preserve your own mental well-being.

The only reason I am sharing this with the world is that I thought it might help someone else who is struggling with mental illness in a relationship.  I know you hear it repeated, but there is a great deal of truth in being able to put yourself first.

Maybe not always, but at some point if you can’t be number one, you won’t be able to help him, or you. No matter that it is Christmas, somethings can’t wait to end. Sometimes the last goodbye is the sweetest, the most honest, and the most necessary.

**I have no safety concerns with Dave. He is  a non-violent person. That is not always the case with those suffering from a mental disorder. The assumption in my article is that the person you are separating from is under the care of a psychiatrist or nurse practitioner and has made no recent suicide threats, or threatened your life.

If the person in question has made recent threatening statements, please let the person’s mental health providers know about the situation and involve them immediately. And, yes, in some extreme circumstances the police may become involved. Don’t under any circumstances put your safety at risk.* *

11 Easy Holiday Weight Loss Tricks

All the goodies at the holidays can challenge any weight loss program

All the goodies available at the holidays can challenge any weight loss program. Here are 11 easy tricks to  help you stay on your healthy eating program. The holidays don’t automatically spell weight gain.

11 Easy Holiday Weight Loss Tricks

By D.S. Mitchell

I’m standing in the grocery store check-out line reading the magazine headlines when the December 9, 2019, ‘Woman’s World’ catches my attention. Their busy cover page announces, “The #1 Keto Trick for Women (It helped Tina lose 341 lbs, without surgery)”.  I have toyed with trying the Keto diet, and I couldn’t resist the teaser, and found myself tossing the magazine on to the conveyor belt.

Lovin’ Woman’s World

I love ‘Woman’s World’, because it is cheap, it has an easy to read format with lots of pictures and almost always features a weight loss trick or two for the ‘always dieting’ crowd. Once home, with feet up on the ottoman, I search for the article on Tina’s dramatic 341 lb weight loss story. Before I get to Tina’s story I landed on, “Tiny tweaks that melt pounds”.

Tiny Tweaks

As I read the “Tiny Tweaks” article I thought the ideas were great and thought they were worth passing on to my blog readers, especially with the holidays upon us and the constant temptation of homemade cake, cookies, pies and candy.

  • Afternoon Snack: A recent study found that by shifting a morning snack of an apple or a handful of nuts to the afternoon could give dramatic weight loss results. The reason the study suggests is that there is a bigger time span  between lunch and dinner, than between breakfast and lunch. The snack gets us through the long afternoon and that healthy snack prevents overeating on those holiday treats.
  • Weigh Daily: Weighing in every morning is a good way to reverse sneaky weight gain trends. In fact, researchers in Finland found that people who weighed daily at the same time each morning shed more weight than other test subjects.
  • Pay With Cash: I loved this one. When you go grocery shopping, always plan to pay with cash. A study in the Journal of Consumer Research found that paying with cash actually reins in the impulse junk food purchases. Researchers explain that the “pain of paying with cash” makes people less likely to splurge on unhealthy extras. Awesome. I know this tip will work for me.
  • Add a sprinkle of salt:  This tip comes from British researchers who discovered that women who add a bit of salt to their vegetables will increase their intake of the green goodies by as much as 70%. It seems that using the flavor enhancer can actually cause us to start craving vegetables in as little as three days. Who knew?
  • Red Wine: A glass of red wine in the evening can help you lose weight. It seems the polyphenols in red wine “help the body process excess blood sugar before it can be turned into fat. Investigators discovered that women who sip one glass of red wine daily are “30% less likely to experience weight problems than teetotalers”.
  • Rearrange Pantry: If you must have high calorie indulgences in the pantry try rearranging their position on the shelves. Experts suggest storing high calorie treats on the right side of the shelf and good for you snacks, such as dried fruit and nuts on the left. In this case, researchers at University of South Florida, tell us that the reason is that the brain is wired to read numbers from left to right. Fascinating. When a person sees foods displayed this way we are subconsciously reminded that the foods on the left are healthier for us.
  • Turn On Soft Music: This one surprised me, but at the same time it made sense. Before you sit down to eat, find a soft music channel and let it play throughout the meal. You will find you eat less and enjoy it more. The best part is Psychological Reports found most people will eat 175 fewer calories per meal; which is an easy way to shed 15 pounds a year.
  • Seek Encouragement From A Friend: It seems if you feel you are at risk of diving face first into the office buffet you should take a minute and text, or call a friend or loved one, about your weight loss progress. Duke University scientists say that exchanging words of encouragement reminds and reinforces your goals. Such reinforcement doubles your odds of sticking to your healthy living plan and helps you lose up to six pounds a month.
  • Recall A Happy Moment: Happy thoughts help us stay on track. Researchers at Cornell, suggest that when cravings strike, recall a positive memory. Apparently, being in a positive frame of mind switches off the desire for instant gratification of a chocolate or calorie heavy treat and encourages healthier choices.
  • Chop It Up: Before gobbling down that Hersey’s bar, take a minute and break it up into small pieces. Scientists at Arizona State University say cutting sweets into “bite-size bits tricks your brain into thinking your eating more than you are, triggering the release of appetite-taming signals”.
  • Count To 10: Remember the old saying, “count to 10 before you speak”. In this case, it is “count 10 before you eat”.  Harvard researchers discovered that people who are able to count to ten (or any simple ritual) before eating that piece of cake or chocolate bar are able to consume much fewer calories than those who just dive in. Why? Repeating familiar behaviors or “rituals,” stimulates the part of the brain that controls self-discipline.

Now that you are armed with these dietary tricks, hopefully you can get through the holidays without feeling either deprived, or guilty. Happy holidays.

Holiday Decorating

Holiday Decorating

Holiday Decorating

Yes, I admit I am guilty of a bit of tawdry tastelessness when it comes to holiday decorating, but my spouse has me beat hands down.

By Anna Hessel

Its hard to believe the holiday season is already here. As we prepare to celebrate, who can forget decorations? Sometimes I wish my husband would. Don’t get me wrong, I love a tasteful wreath on the door and a holly berry candle glowing on the mantle. And this year, thanks to my recent DNA test, we will be including a menorah along with the family creche. My significant other, however, is not a Clinton Kelly when it comes to holiday embellishment.

As I sit watching a Hallmark Christmas movie, I glance up in unmasked horror to see my spouse, attired in a Santa hat and flashing Christmas tree tie, hanging a string of bells on the bathroom doorknob. Curious, but cautious I enter the powder room, which he has transformed into a winter wonderland, as in, “I wonder what the heck happened to my bathroom?”

Gone are the tasteful lace-edged fingertip towels and gold-edged ceramic soap pump. In their place, is Hallmark’s ‘Jolly in the John’. Jolly is a talking snowman, holding a plunger, telling our guests they “look a little flush” and singing the “Potty Song”. My husband loves this little guy as much as he loves his Saab. Jolly doesn’t come alone. Joining good ol’ Jolly is his pet reindeer, another Hallmark creation, sporting a roll of toilet paper on one of his antlers. And, rounding out the tacky trio is Mr. Jolly’s “wife”, a plastic snow woman soap pump.

A purple garland now adorns the shower curtain rod, and the shell toilet seat has been covered with a giant Santa face, gloved hands covering his eyes. Do you blame him?  He has replaced my attractive celery green with chocolate-brown polka-dots bathrobe with a latch hook creation of eight tiny reindeer, a rather unfortunate garage sale find. As I turn to flee this holiday horror I nearly knock over hubby who is nailing mistletoe above the ‘necessary’ room’s door.

Taking refuge on the couch I resume my paused holiday-inspired film. I take a fortifying gulp of
my mocha latte and I watch suspiciously as my husband makes his way to the kitchen. There is a devilish glint in his eye, and our bell-collared pug, Maggie, follows close behind. In my better(?) half’s hands I can see he is carrying a pair of Rudolph pot holders and a Grinch tea towel. Visions of plastic glitter sugar plums strung on the stove dance in my head, threatening a migraine.

Did I mention, our cats, Zoe and Latte, are wearing kitty-sized elf ears? Does murdering a spouse still hold a life sentence?

I am the first to admit I have one of those aluminum trees (mine is pink), and a hodge-podge of sentimental ornaments. Yes, I am guilty of  a bit of tawdry tastelessness, but over the years my spouse has acquired a plethora of assorted kitschy Christmas items, right down to the glow-in-the-dark snowman boxers. I do not lie.

We have certainly decked the halls with a unique bevy of holiday decor, but always in the theme of “peace on earth and goodwill toward men.”

I married a man with style…and a love of garage sale finds.