OPINION: While Trump Moves Out, Let’s Smile

Time we stopped and smiled

OPINION:

While Trump Moves Out, Let’s Smile

D. S. Mitchell

While Donald Trump continues to fight the 2020 election results he is taking on the Republicans as well as the Democrats. There are plenty of us grabbing our pearls and wondering if he is going to be able to pull off his intended coup. I am praying he and his allies fail. But, I am not convinced. His behavior has become a national outrage. You LOST stupid. Move on. For God’s sakes, the state of Georgia has now counted and certified the election result three times! The American people told Trump in  a big way, “We are done with you. Goodbye. Get lost.”

As we kick Trump out of the people’s house we might want to come up with a few things to smile about, cause the next couple weeks are probably going to get dirtier and uglier than the last four years.  Here’s 35 good reason to smile while we watch as the U-Haul trucks load up the Orange Golfer’s personal affects.

1.) Sandra Lee’s Semi-Homemade cook book series  2.) “Doing” lunch  3.) Blowing bubbles  4.) Saturday night Roller Derby  5.) Popeye cartoons  6.) Aquariums  7.) Tug boats  8.) Winning 9.) Tootsie Roll Pops  10.) Costco food samples  11.) Fitted sheets  12.) Window seats  13.) Spa Day  14.) KoolAid  15.) A freshly sharpened pencil  16.) Chasing rainbows  17.) Day hikes  18.) NASA 19.) Birdhouses 20.) Caves  21.)  Beach bonfires  22.) Song birds  23.) Hot fudge sundaes  24.) Balconies  25.) Gymnastics  26.) Playing Frisbee with the dog  27.) Windsurfing the Columbia Gorge 28.) Clam Chowder in a bread bowl  29.) The shape of water 30.) Indian summer  31.) Hot tea  32.) Wishing on a star  33.) Baskets of Geraniums  34.) Toddler’s in snowsuits  35.) Secret family recipes.

I’m happy now. Hope you found something to smile about. I pray this will all be over soon and all we will see is Trump’s diapered ass in our rearview mirror.

https://www.calamitypolitics.com/2017/10/08/29-things-to-make-you-smile/

“It’s Entertainment” 12/06/2020

“It’s Entertainment” with David Shadrick 

“It’s Entertainment,” ‘Old People, New Comedy’

The “It’s Entertainment with David Shadrick” video cast is back again. Today’s feature focuses on comedy and the purveyors of laughs. ‘Old people, New comedy’. Dave is “the old guy” he is talking about. Enjoy. DSM

Brad Williams /John Stamos 

Brad Williams is a little person, but he brings big laughs. Watch Brad on YouTube. Thanks Brad!

Humor: 10 Places We’d Like To Haunt

HALLOWEEN HUMOR:

10 Places We’d Like To Haunt

By D. S. Mitchell 

I was talking to David Shadrick recently and asked him what he wanted done with his remains after he died. Dave said he wanted to be buried. I volunteered that I wanted to be cremated. Dave asked me if I believed in ghosts. I told him, no. He laughed and said he wondered what it would be like to be able to haunt whatever place or whatever person you wanted. 

We could make this a party game, I thought. The only rule is that participants must say the first thing that comes to mind when asked, “where do you want to haunt?”

The following are some places we decided we wanted to haunt.

#1)  Area 51

#2)  The Nestle’s Chocolate Factory

#3)  Bicycle seats

#4)  Disneyland

#5)  Food Network Studio

#6)  Marvel Studio

#7)  WWE dressing room (Roman Reigns, yes!)

#8)  The VA Help Desk

#9)  The International Space Station

#10) Shower Rooms at the local college

Happy Halloween 2020!

 

HUMOR: The Perils Of Pumpkin Spice

HUMOR: The Perils of Pumpkin Spice- 

It’s Not Everything Nice

By Anna Hessel

  

Falling Leaves

The air is turning cooler, the trees are a beautiful kaleidoscope of bright, harvest-toned colors, and with this a bevy of everything pumpkin spice.  I am more of a cute sweater, ankle boots, apple cider donuts, and taking pictures of fall foliage type of person.  I really don’t need pumpkin spice candles, air fresheners, Oreos, milkshakes, cakes, butters, jellies, iced tea, marshmallows, bread crumbs, cereal, oatmeal, pancakes, toaster pastries, deli meat, cheese, lotions, soap, shampoo, facial wash, hair mousse, muscle rub, shoe polish, toilet bowl cleaner, dog biscuits, cat food, kitty litter, glass cleaner, laundry detergent, fabric softener, cologne, after-shave, lip balm, nail polish, cuticle remover, mascara, floor wax, drain cleaner, toothpaste, or super glue.  I’ve even seen a pumpkin spice pandemic face mask – really?

Pumpkin Spice Overload

What ever happened to plain old pumpkin pie, smothered in a half-can of Fat Free Reddi Whip?  I honestly don’t find the necessity to drink pumpkin-flavored java – make mine a decaf, skim, mocha latte, please, to sip while enjoying a pumpkin pedicure and a pumpkin muffin.  Perhaps a slice of homemade pumpkin bread with buttercream frosting, however, I prefer to brush my teeth with something minty fresh, not tasting of sugar and spice, that is certainly not nice.  If I tried to serve Purina pumpkin spice to my cats, they would simply hiss and turn over their bowl.

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HUMOR: Abolishing “Age Appropriate” Attire

HUMOR: Abolishing “Age-Appropriate” Attire

By Anna Hessel

Looking Back

 I’ve been spending some time reflecting on 2020 – what a disaster!  I am, however, very proud of the fact that I kept almost all of my New Year’s resolutions so far for this year: to buy more shoes, drink more mocha lattes, and I certainly hope I was of service in some way to God and humanity.  I graciously invited Mr. Louboutin and Mr. Choo to join Mr. Blahnik in my closet.  I drank so many skim decaf black mocha lattes that both our local Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts have each dedicated a chair in my honor.  A pandemic summer without the pool is as good a time as any to reflect on old memories as we look forward to new ones.

Reality Check

One such memory came to mind when I was sorting through my brand-new shoe acquisitions.  This remembrance is from some years ago, when one of my all-time favorite cable television “reality” shows did a nationwide tour with a stop at a local area mall.  The program was TLC’s “What Not to Wear”; I still have a collection of old VHS tapes of numerous episodes from the show’s 10-year run.  From 2004 through 2013 (I began watching in the second season), I relied on style experts Clinton Kelly and Stacy London to educate, inform, and entertain, with realistic, thought-provoking, and sensible fashion advice.

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HUMOR: For Whom The Bell Tolls

HUMOR: FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

“Calamity News and Politics believes in free speech no matter what your opinion. We however, do not think it is okay to threaten or insinuate harm to someone who disagrees with your opinion.  Stop bullies. Stand up for free speech.” (Editor: D. S. Mitchell) 

T.K. McNeil

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Death. One of the greatest fears in life. Though still not quite as much as public speaking. As Jerry Seinfeld pointed out, according to the statistics, more people would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy. Or, as another notorious brain box once said, “life is beautiful, death is peaceful, it is the transition that can be troublesome.”

When A Writer Gets A Death Threat

You might well be wondering why the change? When did Calamity’s resilient humorist switch over to gallows humor? First of all, it’s not recent (as my essay “Dark Candy” will attest). Second, I’ve had  reason to meditate on the dead recently. Introspection brought on by betting some very creative death threats.

Not What You Think

I am used to criticism. You have to be when you write for a living. You can’t appeal to everyone and that is fine. Even if they fall short of Dorothy Parker in terms of their retorts. Things go pear-shaped when criticisms and retorts are replaced by violence and threats. This is why death threats can be so effective. Just the threat of violence is often enough. The issuing of a Fwata can be as, if not more, effective than an assault with machine-guns. As happened to British Novelist Salman Rushdie and the Charlie Hebdo offices respectively. There are few faster ways to silence someone than threatening to do it permanently.

Trump Card

Political violence is nothing new. The majority of assassinations in the last century or so were of a distinctly political flavor. Even in the last few years things have been amping up. It has come to the point where there are fist-fights and machine-guns at political rallies. There are even fatalities. Such as the death of Heather Heyer in Charlottesville. Trump has made many changes to the national fabric. Making it dangerous to engage in political discourse is one of the worst.

Heathen!

Imagine my surprise when the messages wishing me fiery death and parking tickets came not from my copious political writings. What really ticked off the loonies was my writing on the more fringe aspects of culture. Particularly those dealing with religion as well as subject the religious think they have a right to weigh in on. I am not someone who can stand to see people getting kicked for no reason. An attitude which has seen me speak up on behalf of everyone from Wiccans to Metalheads to independent porn producers  and modern LaVeyan Satanists. The last of whose ideology is basically atheism with a floor show, which they will be the first to tell you. While I am sometimes rather critical of those who persecute such groups, my goal is always to foster greater empathy. Even for people you might think you have nothing in common with.

Can’t Type Straight

Yet this has somehow lead to me being labeled, let me check my notes here, a “satanic, sinful, goat-f**king, god-hating, misogynist, pro-free market, baby killing, apostate who will suffer the righteous wrath of the faithful before enduring the eternal fires of hell.” I would have sent a reply but I was laughing so hard I couldn’t type straight.

 

HUMOR: No Laughing Matter The Defamation of Clowns

HUMOR: NO LAUGHING MATTER

The Defamation of Clowns

By I.B. Freely

Wokeness

“Representation.” A major buzzword in the modern media landscape. “Wokeness” has become the name of the game, with little resistance. Much like how Mussolini managed to take-over all of Italy without a shot being fired. Just marched in and took the seat of power. Looking very stylish while doing so.

Exceptions

Inclusion has become job one on film sets and at publishing houses.  Oppressed minorities fighting damaging stereotypes of the past. Ones which saw African-American actors not being  taken seriously until Sidney Poitier, except for the ones who were. Women didn’t have it much better, acting mostly as foils, motivation or “eye-candy.” Except for the ones who weren’t. Muslim thespians, meanwhile, are still dreamily  nostalgic for 1980s and early-1990s. When terrorist and villain roles were reserved for Brits, Germans, Russians, Irish Republicans and Jeremy Irons.

The Ignored

Despite the leaps and bounds made in terms of “representation”, there are still some crushed under the shiny, black jackboot of prejudice. Groups who even self-proclaimed liberals and SJWs (Social Justice Warriors) think absolutely nothing of mocking and vilifying. Only adding to the pain and violence visited upon the down-trodden and ignored.

Clowning

Once  a position of great respect, the vocation of clowning requires a post-secondary education to practice. The ancient vocation serving as the inspiration for one of opera’s most iconic roles. The truly tragic Pagliacci, defined in the 1980s by none other than Luciano Pavoratti. Ask your parents.

Not The Same

Sadly, the humble clown, who only ever wanted to make people happy, has plummeted in terms of social regard in recent centuries. Not only mocked, their name becoming a term of insult, it has become socially acceptable to portray members of the clowning community as the ultimate evil.

A Trend

While rarely recognized as such, the slanderous stereotype of “killer clowns” have been a horror staple since 1980s. Pennywise, the big bad in Stephen King’s novel It, is the granddad of the killer clown trope in horror. A trend continued in the 1988 “cult classic” Killer Klowns from Outer Space. A so-called “funny” horror film, which is really little more than vile, anti-clown propaganda from fade in to credits roll. Such foundations being the framework upon which everything from Halloween costumes to the crime against music known as The Insane Clown Posse are hung.

Culturally

The original “scary clown” archetype in popular culture, presenting the practitioners of the royal art as painted faced psychopaths, is The Joker. First appearing in Detective Comics (DC) in 1940, The Joker has developed into the most feared and hated character in modern culture. Presented evil as the night is long and twice as scary. Try that with any other recognized minority and just see how fast you get curb stomped in the metaphorical.

To The Rescue

There is hope however. A group of reasonable adults with no obsessive or reductive tendencies at all, no sirree bob, have formed the Organization for Representation of Clowns or O.R.C. Let us hope these brave freedom fighters can help address a grave crime against humanity that has gone on for far too long.

HUMOR: Doc Trump’s Traveling Medicine Show

HUMOR: Doc Trump’s Traveling Medicine Show

HUMOR: DOC TRUMP’S TRAVELING MEDICINE SHOW

By I.B. Freely

Panacea

COVID-19 got you down? Worried about the long-term effects of the most toxic and contagious viral infection since Spanish Flu? Fear not citizen! Doc Trump’s Traveling Medicine Show has the cure for the most common ill of our age. And he should know, they don’t come much more common than frat-boy-in-chief.

A Spoonful of Toxin

Far beyond mere ‘science,’ this galaxy-brained very stable genius can know if a  treatment will work just by ‘feeling it.’ The pandemic will soon be a thing of the past. Even if Doc Trump has to poison half the population to reach this seemingly lofty goal, which is really no more than his god-like job’s worth. Besides which, as any Dread Pirate worth their cocaine powder knows, a little bit of poison helps build up immunity.

No, Really, Go Drink Bleach

Crowning the tippy, tippy top off Doc Trump’s list of brilliant, perfect, foolproof cures is humble bleach. It obviously kills bacteria, so it must utterly obliterate viruses, right? Viruses and bacteria are exactly the same thing, after all. Don’t let the biased infectious disease “experts” fool you. The skull and crossbones warnings jugs are really more of a guideline, than a hard and fast “truth.” It has even been promoted by a baptist preacher, a group known to have never lied or even exaggerated about anything at any point in the 6,000 year history of the earth, who was kind enough to give a demonstration on how to inject bleach up one’s nose.

Some Light On the Matter

Imbibing cleaning products not your thing? The quacks are all agreed that the use of ultraviolet light is an effective treatment for COVID-19. The only real stumbling block is that said light would have to to be used on the molecular level. The president said it on TV so it must be true. Never mind that he has been caught in upwards of 20,000 lies in the last four years. Criticizing a president for dishonesty is like chastising an assassin for a lack of empathy.

Science, I Guess

For the superstitious types who will insist on having some ‘scientific evidence’ behind their miracles, Doc Trump has you covered as well. Whole heartedly supporting a wonder drug known as Hydroxycloroquine. A real actual, malarial drug, the name of which only sounds like a fatally toxic aquarium cleaner. So read the labels carefully, as the drug in its proper form poses absolutely not health repercussions or draw-backs whatsoever. Aside from the occasional fatal massive heart-attack. Then again, the higher the death rate from heart-attack and accidental poisoning the lower the COVID infection rate will be. A result  sure to landslide the smartest man in the world right back into the Oval Office. Not that has anything to do with the price of coke in Columbia.

All Natural$

Natural remedies are also very important when it comes to battling COVID-19. Doc Trump’s Traveling Medicine Show is in full support of making the magical plant Oleandrin widely available as a health supplement. As well as pushing the FDA to officially name it a cure for COVID-19. The fact that the plant in question is so toxic that a single leaf can send a rottweiler to join the Choir Invisible is just a technicality. As no doubt stated by MyPillow.com founder Mike Lindell during the White House meeting he was granted. The fact that Lindell was fined $1,000,000 for false health health claims regarding his pillow notwithstanding. Perhaps they could suggest cyanide or night shade next.

 

HUMOR: He Who Laughs Last

Donald Trump brings little intentional humor, but a whole lot of unintended laughs and gaffs

HUMOR: He Who Laughs Last

By Trevor K. McNeil

A Mystery Wrapped In An Enigma

There are mysteries that have yet to be revealed to mere mortals. Like, how do they get the caramel in the Cadbury Caramilk bar?  Or, how much wood would, indeed, a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck, could, in fact, chuck wood? Another mystery of gargantuan proportions, is how someone as unabashedly baffoonish and obscenely unqualified as Donald J. Trump, could be elected to the highest office in the land. “Leader of the Free-World” a bit too arrogant and, well, bullshit, to be taken seriously. There are many theories. Some crack cocaine nonsense, while others more reality-based; though the reality may be much stranger than anyone ever suspected.

An Honest Man

If you ask a Trump supporter why they like him, they are likely to say some version of “he’s a great businessman” despite him having gone through bankruptcy six times. Or, perhaps, “he’s an honest man in a den of thieves,” despite Trump agreeing to pay 25 million dollars to plaintiffs for seemingly illegal activities in the Trump University case. Common sense seems to have no effect on the electorate when it comes to Donald Trump. He has become a joke, and the joke seems to be on the United States. But who cares, at least he’s not a politician. The general distrust of “establishment politicians” goes back to the founding of America. Even George Washington, the pillar of Americana, as blasphemous as it may now seem, was often lambasted during his life. The cartoonists of his time, choosing to point their poisoned pens at him as often as at any other mortal man.

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