Category: Humor

Let’s Get Off the Couch

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Let’s Get Off the Couch

Let’s Get Off the Couch

By D. S. Mitchell 

 

One to the Solar Plexus

Trump’s 2024 election victory hit me like a Mac truck. I wasn’t just physically devastated; I was psychologically traumatized. All those rallies, all those meetings, all those phone calls, all those yard signs, all those donations; all for nothing. Quite truthfully, that first week after the election I huddled on the couch with my Teddy, a soft blankie, and a fifth of Johnnie Walker within easy reach. What now? I worried.

BS and Bluster

I didn’t have to wait long for my answer. It’s clear, Trump’s solution to high meat and egg prices is to seize Greenland, annex Canada, institute tariffs on our two biggest trading partners Mexico and Canada, send American troops to secure the Panama Canal, from what we are not sure of, and then Trump’s desire to take over Gaza from Israel. With billions in investment capital and an army of bulldozers Trump states he will turn the rubble of Gaza into the “Riviera of the Middle East”. Of course the displacement of the 2.14 million Palestinians is illegal and Trump himself admits that  U.S. military intervention may be required. Before the uproar over that absurdity quieted down, Trump told Ukrainians that they needed to be ready to guarantee the supply of more rare earth metals in exchange for our continued support in their fight against Putin.

Google On

Until this week, lawmakers, even Democrats, have been telling us to please just relax, Trump won’t be able to do any of these things; it’s just the old guy hyping the unpredictable and outrageous to keep us all off balance and unsure of what to do in response to his reckless disregard for our laws and our institutions. Well, Google took him seriously, and so have the oligarchs in waiting. Google announced it will change the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. The richest people in the country are lining up to give financial support to the Orange One. Talk about bending the knee and kissing the ring. What I’d say, we have here is bending of the knee and kissing the ass. I don’t think we have time to sit back and wait, they are moving through the government departments with a wrecking ball.

Critical Action

Get up off the couch, drop the Teddy, put the bottle of Johnnie Walker down and start calling your friends and neighbors. It’s up to us to form an effective response to Trump’s lawless approach to government. Let’s get moving, we have a democracy to save.

Women of a Certain Age-January 2025

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Women of a Certain Age-January 2025

Women of a Certain Age – January 2025 

By Cate Rees-Hessel

  1.  If you call Lean Cuisine a TV dinner, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  2. If you know who Papa Bauer is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  3. If you are no longer young but still restless, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  4. If you ever wore curlers under a scarf to the A&P, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  5. If you ever shopped at the A&P, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  6. If you ever wore a Peter Pan collar, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  7. If you know what a Peter Pan collar is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  8. If you ever wore Mary Janes and know that Mary Jane was Lucy’s sidekick, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  9. If your hair was ever as big as Texas, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  10. If you are a fan of Fred Waring and the Pennsylvanians, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  11. If you can name the tune that starts out “Hey, Hey”, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  12. If you ever carried a plastic rain bonnet in a small pouch in your purse, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  13. If you ever owned a collapsible drinking cup (mine was pink), you might be a woman of a certain age…
  14. If you feel undressed without a hat, pearls, and gloves, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  15. If you call fat-free milk, skim milk, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  16. If you still use a Day Runner and physical address book, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  17. If you ever baked a tunnel of fudge cake for the holidays, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  18. If you ever owned Sarah Coventry jewelry, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  19. If you know who Sarah Coventry is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  20. If you call flight attendants, stewardesses, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  21. If you call administrative assistants, secretaries, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  22. If you know what razor company’s name says “Merry Christmas”, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  23. If you ever had a pet rock, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  24. If you ever did a Zoom do, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  25. If you ever received a Whitman Sampler for Valentine’s Day, you might be a woman of a certain age…

A Woman of a Certain Age: Political Edition

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A Woman of a Certain Age :

                      The Political Edition…

 

A Woman of a Certain Age:

                     The Political Edition…

 

By Cate Rees-Hessel

  1. If you campaigned for Shirley Chisholm, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  2. If you know who Shirley Chisholm is…
  3. If you brought a folding chair to the table…
  4. If you campaigned for Mondale/Ferrara…
  5. If you’re not going back…
  6. If you voted against Reaganomics…
  7. If you know what Reaganomics is,  just think “trickle down.”
  8. If you think President Biden is a hottie…
  9. If you think Donald Trump is a hottie, ewwwww – you actually need a comprehensive eye exam, at the very least…
  10. If you’re not going back…
  11. If you stood on street corners in the sun and rain to fight for ERA, reproductive freedom, going to bat for girls in sports…
  12. If despite your aches and pains, you are still willing to stand on street corners in the sun and rain again to fight for ERA, reproductive freedom, and girls/women in sports…
  13. If you can remember when women couldn’t get credit in their own names…
  14. If you voted for Jimmy Carter…
  15. If you’re not going back…
  16. If you subscribed to Ms. Magazine…
  17. If you know who Gloria Steinem is…
  18. If you’re old enough to be JD Vance‘s mother or grandmother, but glad you aren’t…
  19. If you thought we would finally see a women President after years of fighting for a female when Hillary Clinton and Kamala Harris gave it their all…
  20. If you’re not going back…
  21. If you want your daughters, granddaughters, and great-granddaughters to have equality and inclusion…
  22. If you quote Eleanor Roosevelt, Roslyn Carter, or Jackie Kennedy Onassis…
  23. If you think Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone…
  24. If you remember that awful day in Dallas when President John Kennedy was assassinated…
  25. If you’re not going back…
  26. If you were a founding member of NOW…
  27. If you remember Watergate…
  28. If ever wore a POW/MIA bracelet…
  29. If you are a “childless cat lady”…
  30. If you have ever been barefoot and pregnant, but your daughters and granddaughters are wearing shoes because you fought for freedom…
  31. If you ever declared, “we are young, good looking, we’ll be there”, and you’re empowered because you were there…
  32. If you’re not going back…
  33. If you attended Woodstock or Live Aid…
  34. If you participated in Hands Across America…
  35. If you never joined a protest in your youth but felt compelled to do so during Trump’s original term, please do so again…
  36. If you campaigned against the swimsuit competition in the Miss America pageant…
  37. If you’re not going back…
  38. If you supported Vanessa Williams when the scandal broke…
  39. If you thought Party Hearst might have possibly been not guilty…
  40. If you feel “Hell no, we won’t go” bubbling from your soul, because we are “NOT GOING BACK”…

Deals No One Bought, Or Should Ever Buy

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Deals No One Bought, Or Should Ever Buy

Trump is selling everything from sneakers to water.

Deals No One Bought, Or Should Ever Buy

By Cate Rees-Hessel with Wes Hessel

  1. That damn Trumpy Bear from late night television.
  2. Trump Vodka – we have enough Russian piss to deal with…
  3. Tacky gold sneakers that are certainly not Chucks.
  4. JD Vance hair care kit (clarifying shampoo definitely not included) – his hair isn’t the only thing that is oily…
  5. Donald Trump Chia head.
  6. MAGA (made proudly in China) red hat – watch for the tariff exception…
  7. Anything souvenir to do with the Trump inauguration.
  8. A 2024 calendar (election sold separately)…
  9. Beaded Trump head earrings – yes, I actually saw these hideous creations online…
  10. Earrings made of safety pins – they won’t help hold our nation together (or fix any of the gross damage)…
  11. Fake pearl toilet paper earrings left over from 2020. We all have enough crap to deal with…
  12. Trump’s memoirs for bathroom reading – should you receive this as a “gift” and run out of toilet paper, be prepared for a hefty plumbing bill…
  13. Anything from the boxes in the Mar-A-Largo bathroom.
  14. A membership in the JD Vance Barefoot and Pregnant Society.
  15. Putin puppet theater, complete with an orange-haired marionette.
  16. Red neck ties (read that any way you want)…
  17. “Fail to the Chief” remix recording, sung by Hershel and the Hillbillies..
  18. Vintage Apprentice bored game
  19. Box set of “The Apprentice” on VHS
  20. Cat and dog dinnerware.
  21. Deportation vacation.
  22. Commemorative brick from the fallen border wall.
  23. Trump garbage truck.
  24. Big Mac gift certificate.
  25. McDonald’s French fry machine replica toy used by Donnie boy – most parents prefer educational toys…
  26. McDonald’s Not Happy Meal with a toy Trump figurine.
  27. Anything designed by Melania.
  28. Fake blood pellets left over from the Donald’s fake assassination attempt.
  29. Trumpo-monopoly game – missing the Get Out of Jail Free card
  30. Autographed Trump mug shot – wait a minute, this I might buy…
  31. Vance and Trump candle set – um, hold on…
  32. “My Pillow” anything.
  33. Pussy cat stuffed animal that hisses when you grab it (caution: kitty also has claws…)
  34. Locker talk handbook for creepy old men.
  35. Orange toupee.
  36. A video of “The Donald” swaying to a 45 minute 1960’s music playlist.
  37. JD Vance non-fashion doll.
  38. 34 guaranteed felony escape gift certificates…
  39. Toy Trump Train – no self-respecting tree would have that thing underneath it; besides, personally I’m still ridin’ with Biden…
  40. Anything signed by the blasphemous Donald – I have no respect for anyone who scribbles on the Word of God, nor does the Scriptures need anyone’s endorsement, especially from someone consistently breaks the majority, if not all, of the Ten Commandments…

For Giving Tuesday (or any other time), support any or all of these or other progressive organizations, by giving what you can or by volunteering. In the wise words of Michelle Obama, this holiday season and beyond, “do something”…

The Christian Left: https://donorbox.org/friends-of-tcl

The Progressive Jewish Fund (PJF): https://www.nif.org/get-involved/ways-to-give/pjf/

Democratic National Committee (DNC): https://democrats.org/

The Barack Obama Foundation: https://www.obama.org/

MoveOn: https://front.moveon.org/

The Lincoln Project: https://lincolnproject.us/

National Organization for Women (NOW): https://now.org/

Planned Parenthood: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/

ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/

Southern Poverty Law Center: https://www.splcenter.org/

Wildlife Conservation Society (formerly World Wildlife Federation): https://www.wcs.org/

The Humane Society of the United States: https://www.humanesociety.org/

American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA): https://www.aspca.org/

PETA: https://www.peta.org/

Sierra Club: https:`//www.sierraclub.org/

National Audubon Society: https://www.audubon.org/

World Food Program USA (WFP – part of UN): https://www.wfpusa.org/

Feeding America: https://www.feedingamerica.org/

March of Dimes: https://www.marchofdimes.org/

Doctors Without Borders: https://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/

UNICEF: https://www.unicefusa.org/

The United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR): https://www.unrefugees.org/

The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Amnesty International (AI) USA: https://www.amnestyusa.org/

 

Cosmo, The Talking Crow Comes To Town

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Cosmo, The Talking Crow Comes To Town 

Introducing Cosmos. The talkative crow from Oregon.

Cosmo, The Talking Crow Comes To Town

Editors Note: While I was scrounging around looking for a Thanksgiving story I came across the story of Cosmo the Talking Crow that I reported on back in 2021. Cosmo (or maybe it’s Connie) brought a smile to a lot of people’s faces. So here, once again, is Cosmo’s story of a bad Thanksgiving vacation.

 

Oregon State Police called in on a foul mouthed crow 

By D. S. Mitchell

Down State Noise
Normally, the goings on in Grant’s Pass, Oregon, never gain the attention of the big city folks of Portland, Seattle, or LA.   Last week however, we here on the west coast got a bit of a smile as we learned about the antics of a rogue, rough talking, four letter word tossing, crow.  You read that right.  A crow. As the story goes, out of the blue a friendly, albeit attention seeking crow, showed up in town.  According to reports the first place the crow was spotted was on top of the Planet Fitness building, where he would talk to people entering and exiting the facility. Drawing both laughter and a raised finger or two.
Moving On
Apparently dissatisfied with the Planet Fitness digs our talkative and colorfully articulate bird looked around for friendlier faces.  He seemed to find what he was looking for when he found the Allen Dale Elementary School in late November.  It didn’t take long before he was the resident mascot. The news became public when Naomi Imel, an assistant at the school called in the story to the Oregonian on 12/09/2021. Lizzie  Acker 503-221-8052, lacker@Oregonian.com was the featured reporter who followed up on the feathered friend story.

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You Might Be a Woman of a Certain Age

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More of the Famous, “You Might be a Woman of a Certain Age”. . . 

More of "Women of a Certain Age."

More of the Famous “You Might be a Woman of a Certain Age”…

By Cate Rees-Hessel

  1. If you ever had clear plastic enclosed furniture and got stuck to it while wearing hot pants, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  2. If you wore Charlie perfume when it originally came out, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  3. If you know Youth Dew Bath Oil came before the perfume, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  4. If you know what Youth Dew is and who still makes it, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  5. If you ever used Tinkerbell cologne, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  6. If you ever used Tinkerbell wash-off nail polish, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  7. If you had a little doll in a plastic perfume bottle, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  8. If you ever had a Dawn doll, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  9. If you ever had a Chrissy doll, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  10. If you had an original Alan or Midge doll, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  11. If you remember Growing Up Skipper – yes, her boobs grew (see the ”Barbie” movie for a demonstration), you might be a woman of a certain age…
  12. If you know who Spike the dog is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  13. If you know who Dennis Rodman is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  14. If you know what Terry Bradshaw’s occupation was before he became an actor, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  15. If you had day of the week panties, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  16. If you are ready to throw your Spanx at Sir Tom Jones, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  17. If you are ready to throw your Depends at Sir Tom Jones, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  18. If you are ready to throw yourself at Sir Tom Jones, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  19. If you ever had a beeper, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  20. If you watched Saturday morning cartoons growing up, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  21. If you ever ran through the sprinkler as a child, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  22. If you ever caught fireflies and put them in jar with blades of grass and a metal lid with punched holes, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  23. If you ever went berry picking, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  24. If you remember Mr. Ed or Here’s Lucy, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  25. If you ever had a metal glider on your porch, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  26. If you had a wicker laundry hamper with a flower accent, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  27. If you ever had a rubber bathing cap with a brightly-colored flower, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  28. If you ever had wax lips or bottles with a sugary beverage in them, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  29. If you ever chose your Christmas presents from the Sears Wish Book, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  30. If you ever shopped at Sears, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  31. If you ever shopped at Radio Shack, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  32. If you ever shopped at Zayre or Venture, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  33. If you ever ate a breakfast brownie from a box, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  34. If you ever had a Swanson frozen dinner with the metal tray, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  35. If you ever had a little tub of ice cream with a flat wooden spoon, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  36. If you ever had orange drink in a miniature milk carton, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  37. If you or your child ever had a baby crib with an animal applique, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  38. If you ever had an original Spirograph, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  39. If you ever had an original Lite Brite, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  40. If you ever spent any Saturday nights at Blockbuster, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  41. If you know who the Great Pumpkin is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  42. If you ever saw a flashing blue light right after hearing, “Attention K-Mart shoppers…”, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  43. If you ever consumed Sugar Babies, Bazooka, Mary Janes, Lemonhead, or Chico Sticks, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  44. If you ever called a radio station to play your request and dedication on the air, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  45. If you know who Casey Kasem is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  46. If you know who Wolfman Jack is, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  47. If you know what musical House of WAXX is from, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  48. If you ever met the Flintstones or the Jetsons, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  49. If you ever smelled Jovan Musk Oil, English Leather, High Karate, or Aqua Velva, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  50. If you know Mikey hated everything, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  51. If you ever had Jiffy Pop, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  52. If you ever owned an avocado green electric fry pan, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  53. If you ever repaired a run in your stocking with clear nail polish, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  54. If you ever wore a Frank Mazzendrea design, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  55. If you ever wore an original Norma Kamali garment made of sweatsuit fabric, you might be a woman of a certain age…

You Might Just Be A Childless Cat Lady

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You Might Just Be A Childless Cat Lady

JD Vance's comments about childless cat ladies is abhorrent.

You Might Just Be a Childless Cat Lady

By Cate Rees-Hessel

We need the childless cat ladies’ vote in this important 2024 election. Here are twenty-four reasons you might just be one of us ladies:

  1. If you realize your own worth, you might just be a (childless) cat lady…
  2. If you own adorable feline(s) and/or canine(s) and treat them like children because they are your furbabies, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  3. If you show your love for children in other ways: auntie, teacher, foster parent and so forth, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  4. If you understand the pain of infertility but still support reproductive freedom, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  5. If you hiss, growl, and instinctively put claws out when you hear the names JD Vance or Donald Trump, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  6. If you proudly support Momola Kamala Harris and Tim Walz, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  7. If you realize what a complete moron JD Vance is, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  8. If you love a good cat reel or meme, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  9. If you dressed as Catwoman at the last costume party you attended, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  10. If you support animal welfare organizations, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  11. If you recognize locker room talk for the abuse it is, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  12. If you can’t be grabbed – we have claws and we’re not afraid to use them, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  13. If you will donate kitty litter to the next Trump rally, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  14. If you believe in woman’s rights, equal pay, ERA, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  15. If you despise sexism, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  16. If you want the world to be a better place for all daughters, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  17. If you believe in sisterhood, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  18. If you read Cat magazine, not National Affairs, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  19. If the sight of the Donald makes you want to cough up a hairball, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  20. If you want all children male or female to thrive, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  21. If you are a Democrat, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  22. If you wish you had a ball of string to strangle the Trumpy Bear that’s been advertised on television, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  23. If you bought a Trumpy Bear for your cat to use as a scratching post or chew toy, you might just be a childless cat lady…
  24. If you can be a playful kitty when the mood strikes, you might just be a childless cat lady…

Come on childless cat ladies, we can meow with the best of them. Our votes count, our lives have meaning, and frankly we are as cute as kittens…

Women of a Certain Age-Yet Again…

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Women of a Certain Age – Yet Again…

Women of a Certain Age-Yet Again…

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

  1. If you had a latch hook shag rug in colors of orange, yellow, and chocolate brown, you might be a woman of a certain age…
  2. If you had a macrame plant hanger and a bead curtain in your first apartment…
  3. If you remember some of the shows on “When Radio Was” when they originally ran…
  4. If you know exactly what “You’ll shoot your eye out” means…
  5. If you ever sent or received a telegram…
  6. If you read Dennis the Menace or Mary Worth comic strips in a print newspaper…
  7. If you still read and enjoy a print newspaper…
  8. If you wore puka shells…
  9. If you used Short and Sassy shampoo and conditioner…
  10. If you remember the advertisement that read, “The only important things you wear are your jeans and your hair”…
  11. If you remember “Curlers in your hair, shame on you”…
  12. If you own curlers that don’t heat up or plug in…
  13. If your boyfriend had a Mustang muscle car…
  14. If you know who “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha” is…
  15. If you ever ate in a Pizza Hut with a salad bar…
  16. If you recall when bell bottoms and platform shoes were in fashion…
  17. If you ever bought a cup of coffee for a quarter, or even 50 cents…
  18. If you remember “You deserve a break today” and “At McDonald’s, it’s clean” commercials…
  19. If you ever got change back from a dollar at McDonald’s…
  20. If you ever shopped at a five and dime store…
  21. If you know what a five and dime store is…
  22. If you ever ate at a Woolworth restaurant…
  23. If you remember the original dollar stores…
  24. If you paid six dollars for your first concert ticket…
  25. If you ever wore gloves and a hat on a regular basis…
  26. If you remember Woodstock the concert, not just the bird…
  27. If you remember “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want too…you’d cry too if it happened to you”…
  28. If you still own leg warmers and a double skinny belt…
  29. If you miss big hair, beehives and Aquanet…
  30. If you long for Dippity Do and DEP…
  31. If you ever used a hairspray called FREEZE…
  32. If you owned a smocked tunic top to wear over jeans…
  33. If you still wear Jean Nate body splash…
  34. If you still wear Sweet Honesty perfume…
  35. If you ever used Youth Dew bath oil…
  36. If you still use Prell Shampoo…
  37. If you love a good “Skybar”…
  38. If you know what a “Skybar” is…
  39. If you still bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan (of course, the bacon you bring home is still less than your male counterpart)…
  40. If you saw an Alfred Hitchcock film in a theater…
  41. If you remember theaters that had only one screen…
  42. If you would give anything for a Tab on ice…
  43. If you know what a Tab is…
  44. If a flower behind your ear was an elegant touch…
  45. If you know the lyrics to all the Carol King and Carol Bayer Sager songs…
  46. If you remember original Orange Julius drinks and Dilly Bars…
  47. If you know exactly what “One Adam Twelve” means…
  48. If you support and respect the older gentleman that authored the Violence Against Women Act and gave us our first female VP…
  49. If Dr. Jill Biden is your role model…
  50. If you weathered the rain and the sun marching for Girls in Sports, reproductive freedom, and ERA…

Calamity’s Favorite Quotes

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Calamity’s Favorite Quotes:

Calamity’s Favorite Quotes:

“Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.”

                                                                                                                                 Unknown

Women of a Certain Age-The Next Generation

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Women of a Certain Age-The Next Generation…

You may be a woman of a certain age if you used hair curlers

Women of a Certain Age –

The Next Generation…

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

  1. If you ever had a man in a boat in your toilet tank…you might be a woman of a certain age.
  2. If you ever drank a Tab…
  3. If you ever wore hose from an egg…
  4. If you ever wore a $5 dollar tube top from Woolworths…
  5. If you know what was on the lunch menu at Woolworth’s Restaurant…
  6. If you ever ate lunch at Woolworth’s Restaurant…
  7. If you ever ate at a lunch counter…
  8. If you know what a lunch counter is…
  9. If you ate a chocolate Popsicle (nope, not a Fudgesicle) …
  10. If you know what stairs up, stairs down means…
  11. If your first tablet was an Etch A Sketch…
  12. If your tablet is made of paper…
  13. If you ever wore a floral maxi…
  14. If you ever owned a poodle skirt…
  15. If you ever had a tiger in your tank…
  16. If you know who had a dog named Tiger…
  17. If you can recall the Brady Bunch wedding…
  18. If you owned a Schick Love Light…
  19. If you know what a Love Light is…
  20. If you owned a turntable, eight-track, or cassette player…
  21. If you know what a turntable, eight-track, or cassette are…
  22. If creamy ever creamed, you…
  23. If you ever used an Avon Funburger…
  24. If you know what an Avon Funburger is…
  25. If you ever mixed blue eye shadow with water…
  26. If you wore blue eye shadow…
  27. If you used peach peppermint Lip Smacker…
  28. If you owned a Cinnabar Frost lip color pencil…
  29. If you owned anything Estee Lauder in an aqua turquoise case…
  30. If you used tinted Clearasil…
  31. If you wore Clinique Pore Minimizer makeup…
  32. If you carried a disposable lighter for your eye liner pencil in your purse…
  33. If you think “Zoom” is a TV show from the 70’s, not an online meeting portal…
  34. If you ever had a cream pack…
  35. If you know what a cream pack is…
  36. If you can finish this line and name that tune: “Hey, Hey…”
  37. If curlers in your hair caused you shame…
  38. If you still own curlers…
  39. If you ever drank from a garden hose and lived to tell about it…
  40. If you only think of pickle as a food, not a sport…
  41. If “who wears short shorts” is not you anymore…
  42. If you have ever been a Lustre-Crème Shampoo girl…
  43. If you think turkey neck is a soup ingredient…
  44. If you still, make turkey soup…
  45. If you move slower than a sloth…
  46. If you think Alexa and Siri are among your bridge game partners…
  47. If you still play bridge…
  48. If much of your wardrobe came from the mall and department stores, not Amazon…
  49. If you think Robert Redford is sexy…
  50. If you own white gloves that aren’t for winter…
  51. If you call your purse a pocketbook…
  52. If you can name all four of the Golden Girls…
  53. If you can remember when Hallmark was only cards…
  54. If you remember when Olay was Oil of Olay…
  55. If you ever used a rotary dial or push-button landline…
  56. If you know what a landline is…
  57. If you watched Luke and Laura’s wedding…
  58. If you remember “The Guiding Light” and Bauer burgers…
  59. If a section of your closet is dedicated to shoes you can only sit in…
  60. If you know “Shake and Bake” is not a new variation of Hot Yoga…
  61. If you husband owns a leisure suit…
  62. If you owned an original Barbie doll…
  63. If your Barbie dream house had cardboard furniture…
  64. If you can remember when Barbie was just a fashion doll, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  65. If you always realized he’s “just Ken”, you might be a woman of any age…