Category: Arts & Entertainment

Be Your Own Valentine-Humor

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Be Your Own Valentine-Humor

By Anna Hessel

It’s That Time Again

The cold and blustery days of February are here, once again bringing one of my favorite holidays, Valentine’s Day. Of course, reminders are everywhere.  Just like pumpkin spice in the fall, this month brings us heart-shaped everything, from butter knives to nail files, and the phrase “Be Mine” is emblazoned on nearly every surface of retail establishments.

A Heart Shaped Pizza

This year, my husband and I will be celebrating by attending a screening of my favorite film, “Legally Blonde”, at the library, followed by the requisite romantic dinner, or maybe we’ll opt for a heart-shaped pizza – mine just might be topped with a pair of heart-shaped gold earrings.  Of course I have my story ready, “Honey, I found them by accident, really; I mean I wasn’t snooping in your sock drawer, or coat pocket – I was looking for the heart-shaped butter knife, and just happened upon them”.

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GUT INSTINCTS IN 2020-Humor

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Gut Instincts in 2020-Humor

By Anna Hessel

Good Intentions

Well, we are a month into the new year. I suppose we are all keeping our healthy New Year’s resolutions; or perhaps they have gone awry?  I find more often than not good intentions dealing with weight loss, visiting the gym, or other health-related  resolutions, by this time of year have hit the back burner.

Times are a Changin’

Cafe Latte

The power of mocha lattes cannot be denied.

Gut health seems to be big on the resolution scale this year.  Back in the day, it was rather unladylike to discuss one’s guts, unless, of course, you were prepping fish.  The times, they are a changin’, since it is now quite stylish to converse about your innards.  I’m sure that mine are pretty and pink, happily filled with mocha latte, with maybe a few probiotics thrown in for good measure.

Fashionable Friends

My dear fashionable friend L.J., has taken an unusual interest in my gut health this year. She has gone so far as to suggest that I embrace ginger. L.J. recommends I take some ginger root and steep it in boiling water giving me a yummy little elixir that will do truly exemplary things for my mocha latte-challenged gut.  Should I have the guts to actually drink this ginger miracle, I’m sure my system would dance an Irish Princess jig.

Following Through

I did actually go so far as to buy the ginger root, which looks like the dried up root stump of a dead bush.  It now sits on the pantry shelf, taunting me – my gut reaction is to use it the next time we have sushi.  My gut instinct tells me perhaps a simple cup of tea with a Krispy Kreme jelly doughnut chaser should perhaps replace the ginger culinary potion.  Mind you, I’m not speaking of an exotic fig twig kumquat pomegranate purple berry blast tree bark tea – but an uncomplicated cup of chamomile laced with honey, drunk with one pink-polished pinkie extended.

Stand Up

Perhaps my gut advisor, the rather debonair L.J. will join me in a simple respite of Earl Grey, or orange pekoe.  I think I will just resolve to stick to non-GMO, preservative-free, low-sodium, plant-based, meatless-Monday, actual-dairy, high-protein, real food in 2020 with a once-a-day multivitamin thrown in to top it all off. With that recipe I will allow my insides to take care of themselves. Furthermore I resolve to make frequent trips to the pool for water aerobics, to have the guts to stand up for my convictions, and of course, I’ll do it all with style…..

Anna Hessel is a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists

Want more Anna Hessel? She’ll be back, Calamity News and Politics loves her too.

Minority Identity in Mainstream Art & Culture

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Minority Identity:

In Mainstream Art & Culture

By Trevor McNeil

#OscarsSoWhite

Minority identity in mainstream art and culture is often illusive. Everybody wants to be seen. Everyone wants to be recognized. Now in the age of branding, group identity is held up as the most important part of a person. As such, the notion of “Media Representation” has become a hot topic in recent years. The #OscarsSoWhite campaign has highlighted the issue.  As with most things however, not every situation is the same and there needs to be some nuance.

Fear of a Black Planet

The #OscarsSoWhite campaign had a legitimate point to make. The point being, most Academy Award nominees/winners have traditionally been white. Those numbers make no sense. There is now, and always has been, a giant reservoir of talented and creative people of color working in the arts. So why are people of color so poorly represented in the awards department, I wondered.   I believe that particularly in terms of acting, there is the ever looming issue of tokenism.  Tokenism dramatically affects the dynamics, by limiting the type of roles offered to black actors. The hipster cabby. You know the image.

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“There Ain’t No Sunshine”

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Lily The Dog

“THERE AIN’T NO SUNSHINE”

LILY DOG   May 2007-November 2019

My dog Lily, died this week. She was a rescue dog. You know; the shelter dog you give a home to, and then find out you were the one that got rescued. LOL. Lily has been my sidekick and best bud for the last decade. Lily was always good for a run on the beach. She was not a fetch and return kind a dog, but she would run until she collapsed.

There was never one time that I needed her that she wasn’t there. I’m not so sure I was as responsive to her needs as she was to mine. But, that’s a familiar story between us and our four-legged companions.

In this montage of Lily and Inara, Shaun Smith is heard singing, “There Ain’t No Sunshine, When She’s Gone”. Lily’s job was to look sad and lonely waiting for her buddy Inara to come back home. I thought she did a good job, in her first starring role. (Just silly shit when you have nothing more productive to do with your time).

It looks like me and Inara will be singing, “There Ain’t No Sunshine, When She’s Gone”. Rest in peace, Lily. We’ll be missing you.

D.S. Mitchell

Athletes Say The Damnedest Things

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Athletes Say The Damnedest Things

D. S. Mitchell

Sunday Mornings

Another lazy, Sunday morning at www.calamitypolitics.com No surprise, say you. I am officially declaring, ‘Layed Back Sunday’. It’s great sometimes, being the boss, even if it’s only me, Dave, Jane and our office support dog, Lily. Thinking about political theory, political science, political reality, political bullshit, on a daily basis tends to sour anyone’s personality. But, not TODAY!

Play Day

I’ve declared it an official ‘play day’. If you are a baseball, soccer, wrestling or football fan you are one of millions of fans, nationwide. Sports figures can be heroes, villains, martyrs and often, comedians. And some of them are damned funny. Intentionally, or unintentionally. Today, there will be no political discussion, there will be no analysis, there will be no relevant comment, other than to read what some well-known athletes have had to say about the state of things. So, here goes:

Athletes Say The Damnedest Things

Mike Tyson:  Responding to a question about his retirement plans:  “Fade into Bolivian, I guess.”     Joe Theismann: “The term genius is inapplicable to anyone in this game.  A genius is Norman Einstein.” Pedro Guerrero:  About his relationship with the press, “Sometimes they write what I say, not what I mean.”   Chuck Nevitt:  On why he appeared nervous:  “My sister is having a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an aunt or an uncle.”    Yogi Berra:  “It gets late early out here.”    George Foreman:  “There’s more to boxing than hitting.  There’s not getting hit, for instance.”   George Roberts:  “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”   Tug McGraw:  “Always root for the winner.  That way you won’t be disappointed.”    Don King:  He (Chavez) speaks English, Spanish, and he’s bilingual.”    Dizzy Dean:  The doctor X-rayed my head and found nothing.    Bill Cowher:  On whether the Steelers bent NFL regulations: “We’re not attempting to circumcise the rules.”

Thanks again, Rod L. Evans, Ph.D. quotes taken from his book, Tyrannosaurus Lex.

Join the Resistance. Support 2020 Democratic candidates by volunteering your time and your money. Make your progressive voice heard. Don’t you dare sit home and complain. Get off your butt and get Democrats elected across the country.

Trump, A Dictionary, And An Idea

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By D. S. Mitchell

Game Day

I know it is nearly July but it is another rainy day at the mountain, so I’ve got time to play some games. All I need to do, to get a break at Calamity Politics, is take it.  I’m not in the mood to be serious today. I had thought I was going to write an in-depth, thought-provoking, political post about the Iranian threat. However, I’ve changed my mind, for the moment anyway.

A New Game

As I opened the dictionary laying on the table, I got an idea for a new game. Wow. I just invented a new game. At least I think it’s a new idea. I believe I can write a spontaneous, weird and crazy story, using a well-known politician and his family as the centerpieces of that silliness. The idea is that I will use all the words on whatever dictionary page falls open, in the order the words appear on the two open pages.

So, here we go. My source is the “Everyday America English Dictionary”, Edited by Richard A. Spears, et al.  NTC (National Textbook Company) 1987.  Pages 130-131.

Daddy Knows Best

Donald Trump dropped the fountain pen on the desk, and asked, “What’s for dinner tonight?”

“Some form of fowl that Donald Jr, bagged when he was on safari in Texas,” Ivanka answered.

“You are a fox,” Big Daddy Trump gushed, leering suggestively.

“Stop it, Daddy.”

“Do you know what fraction of the federal budget is being spent on Jr.’s security detail?  Some reporter asked, and I had no idea.  Do you know?”

“Oh, Daddy, don’t worry about such stuff.  Just stamp it TOP SECRET,  and if that ‘fake news’ lady asks again, you just tell her it’s, classified.”

“Of course, of course. You’re right, sweetie.  I have more power in my twitter finger than ANYONE in the world!  Especially some ‘fake news’ reporter.”

“We should have that finger insured.  What if there’s a fracture?  It would be a disaster,” she said shaking her head in self-confirmation.

“Careful, Daddy, that glassware is very old and very, very fragile.  Michelle Obama called that glassware historic.”

“Historic?” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

Daddy, please, stop juggling the glassware.”

“Damn!  I don’t know why there’s no carpet in here?  You’d think, the designer would have figured out that somebody might drop something once in a while.  Bad design. Really, Bad.  Bad.”

“Daddy there’s a piece missing.  Do you see the last fragment somewhere?  Maybe we can get Melania to glue them back together.”

He bent down, picked up a large chunk of the broken glassware, and handed it to Ivanka.

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Three Days Off-Grid, Me and The Mueller Report

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Three Days Off-Grid:

Me and The Mueller Report

By D.S. Mitchell

Ocean Diver

My bags were packed and loaded in the car for an off-grid get away

My bags were packed and loaded in the car for an off-grid get away at the Oregon coast.

The beach house was reserved. My bags were packed and loaded into the car. The plan was to pick up my favorite partner in crime at 10:oo a.m. for a few days away from Castle Gerimortis. The ad promised off grid quiet. No cell phones, no television, no internet. I went to bed eagerly anticipating the time away. I woke up about 3:30 a.m. from a dead sleep making ocean diver sounds that reminded me of the song, Aqualung.  After coughing up half of my right lung, or maybe it was my left lung, I laid back on the bed and focused on my funeral plans.

Too Hot To Handle

My cheeks were on fire, and the back of my hand was singed as I touched it to my forehead. Maybe I should take my temperature? Where had I put the thermals? No, the thermostat.  No, no, the thermometer. Where had I put the thermometer?

Dog Clippers And Souvenirs

Remembering that I haven’t had a fever in at least 20 years made me question if I even owned a thermometer. After stumbling about the bathroom in fevered confusion, pulling drawers in and out. I finally found the damn thing in the bottom of the drawer with the dog clippers, and a souvenir from a 420 celebration three years ago. It was one of those glass and mercury affairs that they haven’t made since Woodstock.

OMG

After cleaning with soap and water I stuck the old glass stick in my mouth and waited. I knew I’d need to wait at least three minutes for a result. Such co-ordination of knowledge and action failed me. With fiery anticipation after a mere minute, I pulled the thermometer from my mouth. OMG it had already registered 100.9. Oh, no. Now I had to shake it down and start all over, because I knew my true temperature must be much higher.

Waiting For The Rapture

I went back to my bedroom, located my cell phone and set the timer. I laid down on the bed. Remembering the school nurse always said, “keep your lips closed tight.” Following that advice from childhood I laid there waiting.  When the phone beeped, I jerked it from my mouth and turned it over on its side, adjusting it to the light I saw a reading of 101.6. I put the thermometer on the bedside table and closed my eyes, waiting for the rapture.

Beyond Zombie-dom

I must have passed out from lack of oxygen to the brain. At 8 o’clock I was summoned back from zombie-dom by a fit of coughing severe enough to loosen my back teeth.  Apparently, death was not as close as I had hoped. My fever seemed to have broken and I found myself staring out the window as dry-mouthed as a desert wanderer and as tremulous as a puppy who had just missed the newspaper. I wondered if I could stand up. Maybe I should at least wait until the latest round of the chest splitting coughing passed. Once the most recent coughing spasm subsided, I was ready to stand.

Sun And Surf

Mustering the strength of a college freshman headed to Virginia Beach for Spring Break I forced my feet to the floor and was reassured that the spinning room had not effected the solidness of the planks under my feet.  I may not be a college freshman, but the thought of sun and surf urged me forward.  I slipped on a black T and canvas colored shorts. The outside temperature at the mountaintop was hovering at 40 degrees, but I have a great heater in the car. I debated my ability to drive. I guess we would soon find out. The next thing I see is Dave grinning at me, saying, “Hey, Sweetie.”

OTC

With Dave behind the wheel we left Portland weirdness for the promise of sunshine on Oregon’s Emerald Coast. The “southern” coast in my vernacular. Our destination, Yachats. Pronounced, Ya-hots. It is usually warmer and less windy than the much closer northern Oregon beach towns of Seaside and Cannon Beach. I bury my head in a pillow and cough my way from the 217 on-ramp to the I-5 Interchange.  I had loaded my makeup bag with a shitload of over-the-counter medications scavenged from my medicine cabinet. Airborne cough drops, Tylenol, sips of cherry Robitussin, Vitamin C gummies, Airbore immune support gummies, and a Super B-complex supplement whose tablets smell like a 5 day old decomposing corpse.

Sea Breeze Cottage

Sea Breeze cottage had a great view of the ocean

Sea Breeze cottage had a great view of the ocean

Nearly four hours later I open my eyes as Dave turned into the driveway of Sea Breeze cottage. The cabin, although sitting on the east side of 101, has a lovely surf view, and the charm of a cottage built over a summer vacation by dad and junior in 1950. Dave the man, unloaded the car, while I wandered uselessly supervising the placement of every suitcase, and pillow.  I grabbed another handful of Vitamin C gummies and fussed and complained as he nodded and grimaced.

In It Goes, Out It Goes

I had read in a medical textbook several years ago that it is impossible to overdose on Vitamin C because your body cannot store the vitamin, any excess Vitamin C is automatically excreted through the kidneys. So, no worries.  Eat away I decide. There does seem to be significant anecdotal evidence supporting high doses of Vitamin C to shorten cold symptoms. At this point I’d try anything, including experimental drugs.

Just The Ticket

That first night at the cabin I fell asleep with little effort. Self-medication in this case appeared to be just the ticket.  My fever broke and I woke up shivering on a damp sheet. Dave was banging doors and proclaiming dog walking time as I shifted from my world to his. Was I imagining it, or could I actually breathe through my nose? I gave it a second attempt.  Hell, yeah. Now if I could just rid myself of that paper crackling sound my chest made every time I took a breath.

A Tug A War

When Dave got back to the house, he launched into a story of animal vs man. He said he would be driving into town now if the dog hadn’t put up an extraordinary fuss when it looked like the morning walk would be delayed. He described a leash tugging affair between a 180 lb man in caffeine withdrawal and a 10 lb demon with a biological urge. The 10 lb demon had won the battle. The image brought a smile to my face.

No Coffee

“Hey,” he said, “you look better. But, you sound like hell. I was going to let you sleep and drive into town and get a coffee, but now you’re up. Feel like a drive? There’s no coffee in the cabinet and we didn’t bring any.”

Close To Criminality

Hearing the call to action we headed up Highway 101 to Yachats “city” proper.  A rustic timbered bistro sat on the ocean side of the highway beckoning us in. When we stepped inside, I was disappointed. The building sat right on a cliff overlooking the exquisite beauty of the Pacific Ocean and the builder had put the kitchen where the picture windows should have been. I would say such an act is close to criminality. We skipped the croissants and breakfast bars and paid for two coffees to go.

Reams Of Paper

As I watched Dave putting his sixth coffee creamer into his coffee cup I was distracted by a television playing in an adjacent room. I walked to the threshold where I could get a better view of the TV screen. A Breaking News story was playing. The sound was turned off. From what I could see ABC news chief anchor, George Stephanopoulos, was sitting at the news desk with a group of men and women. The gathered group was shuffling and reshuffling reams of white papers covered with multiple yellow stickies. I could see other pages were blacked out and lay discarded on the desk.  “The Mueller Report” banner ran in red under the action. I stood gawking at a silent screen.

Fucking Friday

I stepped back, turned, and grabbed Dave by the arm to get his attention, nearly upsetting his coffee cup. “Fuck, Dave. No cell phone. No streaming TV.  We are fucking Robinson Crusoe and Friday”. My voice, harsh from two days of coughing, was rough-edged and irritable. The couple at the table next to the window looked in my direction, but looked away quickly when I sent a laser-eyed response to their unwanted attention.  Sometimes people just know, when it is best not to engage, or comment, and I approved of their renewed interest in their food.

“No Amenities Beach”

Dave, obviously taken back, said nothing. Apparently, he too was reluctant to engage, or comment on public madness. Climbing back into the rig, I continued, “No I’m fucking serious, what the hell are we doing at the beach? Not even a regular beach. We are at No Amenities Beach.  Why these three days, of all days, do we decide it would be cool to go off grid? We never go off grid! OMG, off grid. Off grid!  If I wasn’t the editor, I’d fire my fucking ass.”

Ruminating

I continued ruminating as we headed south, “How the fuck could this happen? The hottest news story of the last century and we are in the fucking middle of Nowhere Beach.”

A Little Wisdom

Dave turned toward me and said carefully, “Look, the sun is shining, the coffee is good, we are in one of the most beautiful places on earth, and there are at least 300 VHS movies back at the cabin. Time to forget Calamity Politics, Trump’s tragic opus, the Republicans and the Russians. We can save the Republic tomorrow, Wonder Woman.”

Two Bracelets

I clicked my two gold bracelets together and winked at my bearded chauffeur, “Thanks, Steve Trevor. There is always tomorrow.”

 

Government Censorship: Trump Threats To Censor SNL Threatens Us All

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OPINION:

Censoring SNL Threatens Us All

By David L. Shadrick

Trump’s Legacy

It has been my position to let things unfold as they will and allow history to be the final judge of the Donald Trump legacy. I find it hard to criticize the splinter in his eye with the log in my own bulging out so obviously.  However, the suggestion by Trump, that Saturday Night Live scripts should be subjected to government censorship because they are “lobbying efforts” by the Democratic Party has to be addressed. He has gone too far.

Satire as Tradition

The idea that anyone who disagrees with Trump’s position must be silenced is so anti-American that I feel I must  speak out.  Satire should never be the target of government censorship, it is a tradition of protest as old as government itself.

Bits and Pieces

Trump spends more time attacking the press and the media than he does the world’s worst autocrats; men known to kill and torture reporters and citizens alike. In fact, recently a Washington Post reporter, Jamal Khashoggi, was lured by Saudi Arabian officials into  a Turkish embassy where he was attacked and sawed into disposable pieces while alive, and distributed all across Turkey. If it’s okay to kill a reporter, how far are we away for killing a comedian?

My Complaint

What I’m complaining about here isn’t Trump’s politics, it’s the idea that a leader should never have to listen to criticism.  No president, conservative or liberal, should have any say in what comedians do to exercise their free speech. Yes, Trump’s attacks on Alec Baldwin are childish and moronic. But Trump has learned to weaponize his attacks and since he has become president he brandishes the power of the presidency with unrestrained hate and anger. Trump’s constant incendiary rhetoric against the media and the press are doing real damage to the country. Now his attacks are creating a new threat, government censorship of a comedy show.

Trump is a Crybaby

The threats and tantrums coming from President Trump over an SNL skit prove he can’t take a joke.  This isn’t a Conservative phenomenon, it’s a Trump thing.  Both Bushes loved the lampooning, the elder Bush even invited Dana Carvey to the White House, specifically to make fun of him!  Only Trump feels he should use government censorship to stop the mean kids from teasing him.

Only The Good

Trump now wants to pressure and censor networks into saying only good things about him.  Using Presidential power to threaten free speech and practice government censorship because you are thinned thin skin is unsettling. It is just part of a long pattern of attacks on the press by Trump. His twitter attacks against the media as the “enemy of the people” and propagators of “fake news” is dangerous.

Political Leaning

I just wonder if Donald Trump understands how government censorship could affect FOX News.  If SNL can’t promote Liberal views it follows that FOX can’t promote Conservative views.  It doesn’t matter how you lean politically, everyone has the First Amendment to the Constitution to protect expression of their opinion, no matter how stupid or funny.  In reverse, everyone has the right to respond to stupidity.

A Wall Across The Border Of Criticism

To President Trump everything is an attack.  If the message doesn’t follow the Trump line, an overblown and inappropriate response is all Trump seems to have as a plan.   That plan of attack includes use of government censorship.

The Influence of Roy Cohn

The strategy was one advanced by old Trump ally and personal attorney, Roy Cohn. Cohn was a nasty, vile, attack dog  of an attorney. For twenty years Cohn was That Trump’s chief hatchet man. Cohn’s motto was “attack, counter attack, and never apologize”. This philosophy would include government censorship and might work for a pugnacious casino owner, but as president of the United States it is a failed strategy.

Just Spell My Name Right

Another Cohn fundamental belief embraced by Trump to this day is the belief that all publicity is good. Put those beliefs together, and we have potential dynamite. It is all about the moment. Of course, Trump’s overblown and inappropriate response is Roy Cohn theatrics at its best. Threaten  potential government censorship enough times loudly enough and he is likely to garner loud support from his hypnotized supporters.

Grow A Pair!

Finally, grow up, Donny!  If you don’t want to hear negative comments you shouldn’t look for them.  Don’t watch SNL. It is not required. If you don’t want to have your feelings hurt, don’t watch the show. But, if you decide to watch, laugh and learn. If you don’t like what the New York Times writes, don’t read it. It’s time for you to man up, grow some grapefruits and leave your threats of government censorship in the back of your head instead of the tip of your tongue, or your tiny twitter fingers.

 

WE CAN STOP THE KILLING.

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Adding Up The Dead

We at www.calamitypolitics just keep adding up the numbers of lives lost to gun violence in America on a near daily basis. We can’t be the only ones horrified and appalled. At some point it will sink in; we need gun control. We cannot continue wasting these beautiful young lives. Let’s have some common sense conversation–D. S. Mitchell

 

Martin Luther King, jr. 1929-1968

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Quotes of Martin Luther King, Jr.

By D. S. Mitchell

Celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr.

The third Monday of each January we celebrate MLK Day. Today we celebrate the life and legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr. A man who died too soon. Today is a great day to re-read some of his most well-known quotes. Be inspired.

Quotes Of MLK

“The time is always right to do what is right.”

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

“So even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream.”

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

“Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.”

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.”

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

“I am not interested in power for power’s sake, but I’m interested in power that is moral, that is right and that is good.”

“A right delayed is a right denied.”

“The moral arc of the universe bends at the elbow of justice.”

“Whatever your life’s work is, do it well. A man should do his job so well that the living, the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.”

“We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now.”

“Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

“I want to be the white man’s brother, not his brother-in-law.”

“There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

“If physical death is the price that I must pay to free my white brothers and sisters from a permanent death of the spirit, then nothing can be more redemptive.”

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”