I Can Hear Her Breathing

I Can Hear Her Breathing

I Can Hear Her Breathing

By Karen Tate

 

“Another world is not only possible, she is on her way.  On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.” – Arundhati Roy

 

When I read that quote for the first time, the breath caught in my throat and the hair stood up on the back of my neck as I remembered….

I had been invited to Wisconsin to present at a weekend workshop which turned out to be a more than wonderful experience.  I went thinking I was just going up there to teach women the workshop material, but the sharing and activities I participated in were a beautifully reciprocal dance.  Besides the bonding and the fun, issues I had never quite been able to banish from my psyche had dispersed in the safety of the ritual the night before and I was feeling light and open and gloriously happy and fulfilled.

As the weekend came to a close and the time to drive back to the airport was drawing near, I grabbed a few moments of solitary time behind the dormitory where we were staying located about 100 yards off serene and shining Lake Michigan.  Between the lake and the dorm, trees had been planted in a circle, with barely two to three feet of space between their trunks, and inside the circle was a bench.  I was drawn within the circle desiring a few moments of quiet contemplation in what felt like Nature’s embrace.

As I sat there, enjoying a cool breeze on my cheeks, glimpsing the reflection of the sun on the lake between the tree trunks before me, I suddenly realized I heard a rhythmic breathing.  In and out.  In and out.  Where was it coming from?  In my mind, I began a process of elimination.  I held my own breath for a few moments thinking perhaps here in this small space among this odd configuration of trees I was hearing the echo of my own breath, but no, it wasn’t me.  I looked around to make sure there was no one else there, perhaps just beyond my initial line of light.  No.

I wasn’t hearing the incoming tide of the lake.  I sat there mesmerized as I listened.   No, this sound was coming from this very spot where I sat.  Dare I even utter the next thoughts that crossed my mind?  In this circle of trees, it was as if  I were sitting within the body of Goddess and I was hearing Her breathing  This was incredulous, but I was going to go with it and  just listen, feel, and  receive. I soaked in the magic of this sacred place.  The hair stood up on back my neck and arms.  I felt that familiar cold chill up my spine and my tears turned into sobs of joy.  What an emotional experience!

In hindsight, many of us might speak in metaphor, as perhaps the novelist and activist Arundhati Roy is speaking above, about Gaia or the coming new paradigm of the Sacred Feminine, but this was different.  This experience went beyond metaphor or even feeling inspired in some natural landscape.  This wasn’t merely equating the ebb and flow of the ocean tides with Her breath as we attempt to personify Her and embrace Her mysteries.  This felt as if it were another phenomena of a dimension I had yet to experience.  Was I crazy to even contemplate hearing the inhaling and exhaling…..of our Mother?  Well, sometimes we just have to shut off that left-brain and just feel Her incredible gifts!  Those few minutes sitting in that sacred grove near that beautiful lake will no doubt be some of the most profound and magical minutes of my life.   Thank you, Mother.  Thank you for that precious gift… I can hear you breathing!

How to be a Feminine Feminist

How to be a Feminine Feminist

How to be a Feminine Feminist

Editor: I love it.

 

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

I have always been both a girly girl and staunch feminist – a true Elle Woods, from Legally Blonde fame. Below are a few ways to embrace your inner princess without sacrificing your feminist being:

  1. Wear something pearl everyday for Kamala, the woman who should be President.
  2. Read anything written by Gloria Steinem while getting a pedicure.
  3. Suggest a showing of “Legally Blonde” at your local library (next year is the 25th anniversary…).
  4. Invite friends over to watch the “Barbie” movie and everybody wear pink.
  5. Show your Ken some affection and I don’t mean the doll.
  6. Run for office wearing pretty dresses and, if you can walk in them, a pair of Prada pumps.
  7. Always look your best – when you feel confident you are taken seriously.
  8. Remain well groomed at all times.
  9. Encourage other ladies – call each other beautiful, sexy, and sisters.
  10. Know beauty comes from within.
  11. Recognize beauty comes in all shapes, colors, sizes, ages, and ethnicities.
  12. Don’t go after someone else’s significant other – if you can’t keep a love interest, ask yourself why.
  13. A blush and quiet giggle are okay if followed by an intelligent wisecrack.
  14. Never belch or pass gas in public – you don’t have to be rude to sit at the boys table.
  15. Turn the boys table into the women’s table with your intelligence and wit.
  16. If the guys don’t give you a seat at the table, follow the wisdom of the immortal Shirley Chisolm and bring a folding chair (mine is pink).
  17. Nail biters most often don’t win – keep them groomed.
  18. Take a bubble bath while reading law journals.
  19. Remember Adam and Eve both disobeyed God, not just Eve. As a favorite comic of mine would say, “Where’s the dude?”
  20. Channel Geraldine Ferraro.
  21. Watch “Clueless” in celebration of its 30th anniversary – “as if” Trump actually won the election. “My bad” NOT, because I didn’t vote for “The Donald” – I proudly voted Harris-Walz.
  22. Volunteer for a female candidate’s campaign, as long as they’re not a Trump supporter.
  23. Host a tea for a feminist organization, serving cucumber cream cheese sandwiches and lemon scones on floral china.
  24. Never let them see you sweat – hide your tears from those that mean you harm.
  25. Watch a WNBA game.
  26. Join NOW and campaign for girls and women in sports – go to bat for them.
  27. Be a Ms. even if you’re a Miss or a Mrs.
  28. Stand up for yourself and other women – it’s all about internal sisterhood.
  29. God gave us emotions – they are normal. Don’t be afraid to show them, but don’t let anyone use them against you.
  30. Buy some bad ass lipstick and earrings.
  31. Accessorize and put your pretty game face on.
  32. Dance like everyone is watching.
  33. Drink a mocha latte.
  34. Get a facial or do one at home.
  35. Go to a thrift store for some retail therapy and look for some vintage issues of MS magazine, Vogue, Elle, and Glamour, then do a reading swap with friends.
  36. Read “Whiskey in a Teacup” by Reese Witherspoon.
  37. Have a Reese Witherspoon movie marathon and include both “Legally Blonde’s.
  38. Watch reruns of “That Girl” because Marlo Thomas is an empowered feminist.
  39. Watch reruns of “Murder She Wrote” because J.B. Fletcher was a well-dressed, well-mannered bad ass.
  40. Campaign for Kamala Harris to take her rightful place in the Oval Office in 2028.

 

 

Trump’s Mental Illness Has Not Improved

Trump’s Mental Illness Has Not Improved

Trump’s Mental Illness Has Not Improved

 

By D.S. Mitchell

 

Way Back Then

Way back, in 2016, twenty-six thousand (26,000) psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers signed a petition stating that Donald Trump has a “dangerous mental illness, and is not fit to lead the United States.” Dr. John Gartner, formerly of  Johns Hopkins University, now in private practice, stated that he felt he “had an ethical responsibility to warn the public of Donald Trump’s mental illness.” Well, not only have the American people ignored the information from the experts, but they have elected this crazy idiot twice. So, who are the crazies? While that is a serious matter, I’m not prepared to address that here today. What I want to talk about the danger of a man like Donald Trump holding any elected office, much less president of the United States.

Letter To The Editor

In a Letter to the Editor, NY Times, 2/09/2017, Charles M. Blow stated that Trump through his speech and actions demonstrates an inability to tolerate any views, or opinions that differ from his own. “His words and his behavior suggest a profound inability to empathize. Individuals with these traits distort reality to suit their psychological state, attacking facts and those who convey them.”

Prone To Gross Exaggeration

The Editorial Staff of Psychology Today threw their sizable weight at the argument, citing “the dangers of his obvious narcissistic personality type and the offensive behaviors that accompany it.”  Behaviors include, but are not limited to, “condescension, gross exaggeration (lying), bullying, jealousy, fragile self-esteem, lack of compassion, and a view of the world that is an “us vs them” view. And the constant boasting, with the overtone that he is the smartest guy in the room, “I’m smarter than the generals.” Or, his classic, “he’s a total loser.”

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Life is Like the Lazy River

Life is Like the Lazy River

Life is Like the Lazy River

Editor: When everything seems to be crashing around you, maybe all you need is a few days on the Lazy River.

By Karen Tate

I felt like I was holding on by a thread after my husband’s heart attack.  I found myself a caretaker while working a full-time job, dealing with our out-of-touch employer, editing my new manuscript for my publisher, keeping my radio show on the air and trying to pay the bills – then the opportunity to spend a couple days floating on the Lazy River at a resort in Las Vegas presented itself.

Yes, it was in the hottest part of summer in Las Vegas, but anything was better than being in the office where I could not shake off my boss’ demoralizing words.  I thought our performance for the last thirty years in his employ buffered us from the angst and vulnerability so many workers were feeling these days, but no.  His reply to my query if my husband could expect sick leave during this health crisis kept echoing in my ears.  “I don’t want to pay Roy for sitting home on the couch!”  (I didn’t yet know about disability.) It took all my strength to refrain from hoping in his next life he came back as a fruit fly, a migrant worker picking strawberries or the guy who cleans out port-o-potties.

So we packed up the car and headed for Las Vegas and the Lazy River.  Days of floating in quiet contemplation was just what I needed to recharge my batteries and have a moment to think about something besides stents, pills, and doctors and how overwhelmed I was feeling.

At first, the Lazy River just allowed, allowed, allowed me to be, with no pressure.  I could drift with no place to go but round and round, softly, gently, and quietly.  Even the kids sharing the Lazy River were not a source of aggravation.  It was peaceful and my brain could click off for a few hours.

As the hours turned into days, I began to feel like myself again and before I knew it the creative juices were flowing and this Lazy River became a source of inspiration.

Sometimes we can just float along in life, easily avoiding the chaos all around us, without having to put forth much effort to avoid turbulence.  We see others around us going under but somehow we’ve managed to catch the current that just steadily pulls us along out of harm’s way.  We may be lucky enough to continue like that for a bit, but sooner or later we’re going to brush up against the rocks.  We might even find ourselves feeling water-boarded as we are unable to avoid getting sucked beneath rapids and struggle to the surface gasping for air.   If we’re lucky, in the next few times around the bend, we might be able to catch our breath.  We feel lucky to maneuver ourselves away from the crushing weight of the waterfalls, large and small, we see along the journey.

As we go round and round, with each turn of the wheel, we learn to adapt.  We discern how to place ourselves so that we float along in the most stable position possible.  We stretch and strengthen our muscles to avoid the rocks and rapids.  We keep an eye on the horizon so we might manage to make our way around log jams.  We wear protective covering to ward off direct hits we might not avoid along the way.  Sometimes if we look for them, gifts will present themselves during the journey, and it is so important to be ready to embrace those moments in gratitude.

Sometimes that Sacred Travel Story is nothing more than a short jaunt to a hotel outside Las Vegas where you can get off the hamster wheel, disconnect from the mundane world for a bit, breathe, and listen to that voice within.  We have all the answers inside ourselves.  We just have to slow down, cut out the distractions and tap into that inner voice. It may sound cliché but its true.

 

**Remember to look for and grab the joy that exists between the rain drops!**

Older and Wiser

Older and Wiser

Enjoying life is important to staying happy and healthy

Older and Wiser

By Cate Rees-Hessel with Wes Hessel

The Last 3 Weeks

The last three weeks have been torturous for Democrats. Joe Biden, one of the greatest presidents of the last 100 years has been under fire because he’s old. The drumbeat to pass the torch to the next generation became too loud to ignore and he has stepped down and endorsed his Vice President, Kamala Harris. Well, we just wanted to remind folks that many people do their best work well into their 80’s.

Age is Just a Number…

Folks in their 70’s, 80’s, and beyond are still going strong. Here are 80 examples of individuals still rockin’ it; capable, determined, and resilient:

  1. Betty White was entertaining audiences until the age of 99 – this Golden Girl let nothing stop her.
  2. Dick Van Dyke – still vital and funny at 98.
  3. Carol Burnett – still as lovely as ever and doing MeTV promos at age 91.
  4. Barbara Eden – pretty as a picture at 92.
  5. Mary Kaye Ash – was still keeping her skin care empire in the pink at 83.
  6. Patrick Stewart – as sexy as can be and still captain of his ship at age 84.
  7. Engelbert Humperdinck still has the pipes to croon the most romantic songs and tour at 88.
  8. Kent McCord (Jim Reed on “Adam-12”) at 81 is still doing voice overs, and involved in the Screen Actors Guild; he and his bride have been married 62 years.
  9. Clara Peller – she brought us the iconic “Where’s the Beef?” line forty years ago, starting her acting career at the age of 81; prior to that she was a manicurist and beautician for 35 years.
  10. Eric Estrada – as handsome as ever, still acting, and assisting law enforcement to help keep children safe at age 75.
  11. Robert Redford – good looking and active activist at the age of 87; as part of his very lengthy resume, he had a role in two Marvel films, the most recent in 2019.
  12. Randolph Mantooth, age 78, and Kevin Tighe, 79 – they continue to advocate for EMS and paramedicine, which their acting work helped create, and recently were working on producing a paramedic reality show.
  13. Rick Springfield – sexy, handsome and tearing up concert stages at age 74
  14. Angela Lansbury – was still acting, beautiful, and elegant at age 97 before she passed away in 2022.
  15. Julie Andrews – beautiful, regal, and still going strong at 88.
  16. Carol King – the phenomenal lady is still lovely and melodic, entertaining audiences at 82.
  17. Barbara Hale – known to many as Della Street, was still very vital at age 94.
  18. Della Reese – an ordained minister and actress until age 86.
  19. Anthony Fauci – now age 83, sustained us through the COVID crisis; director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases for 38 years until 2022.
  20. Jonas Salk – director of the virus research lab at the University of Pittsburgh Medical School when he created the polio vaccine; at his Salk Institute, he was diligently working on an AIDS vaccine until his death at age 80.
  21. Stanley Sacks – at age 100, has been practicing law for 75 years in Norfolk, Virginia.
  22. Warren Buffet – he has complained he doesn’t pay his fair share in taxes; at 92, and has been CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, number 7 on the Fortune 500 list, for nearly 60 years.
  23. Roger Penske at age 84 has been CEO for 25 years at Enterprise Products Partners.
  24. Joe Grier, at 99, is working full time at Victory (a Planter Company), making molds for awards and trophies.
  25. Mike Nussbaum – Had the pleasure of sharing appetizers with him at a Chicago Shakespeare reception; at age 99 he was the oldest working actor in America.
  26. Sara Dappen – per oldest.org, at age 92, finally retired from McDonald’s.
  27. Michelin Star sushi chef Jiro Ono – still active at age 97.
  28. Dolly Saville – at age 99, retired from her work as a barmaid at Britain’s Red Lion Pub.
  29. Jim Clements – in Essex, England, worked in the office of a security firm until age 100.
  30. Irving Kahn – retired from investment banking at age 109.
  31. Eileen Kramer – still dancing as a performing ballerina at age 108 – check her moves out on Youtube; she began dancing over 80 years ago in 1943.
  32. Senator Dianne Feinstein – retired last year at the age of 90.
  33. Walter Bingham – at age 99 was the oldest working journalist, in Israel; a heroic Holocaust survivor.
  34. Governor (Republican) Kay Ivey is running the state of Alabama nearing age 80.
  35. Buddy Guy – still touring, singing the blues at age 88.
  36. Dolly Parton – been performing since 1956, this beautiful lady is 78.
  37. The legendary Victor Borge continued to perform until his passing at age 91, having done so for 83 years.
  38. Magda Olivero – opera diva still belting out arias at 96 years old.
  39. Margaret Tunes – was still singing age 104; an African-American beauty that made her Met debut at age 55.
  40. James Ivory – director and screenwriter; won his Academy Award at age 89 in 2018.
  41. George Takei – strident activist, writer, and actor, 87.
  42. Barry Manilow – sensational singer/songwriter; still touring at age 81.
  43. Pope Francis – living a life worthy of Christ, while overseeing the Catholic Church at 87
  44. Robert Di Nero – actor, including recent Oscar nominee for “Killers of the Flower Moon”, father, and family man, recently on the cover of People Magazine, at 80.
  45. King Charles – monarch of the United Kingdom and cancer fighter at age 75.
  46. Lou Zambelli – at 87, still works 7 days a week at the family fireworks plant of the Zambelli pyrotechnic dynasty, manufacturing custom specialty shells (per the company’s website).
  47. Mel Brooks – still active producer/director at 97 years young.
  48. Quincy Jones – continues to produce music at age 90.
  49. Berry Gordy – producer and Motown founder, still going at 94.
  50. Al Pacino – still sexy as ever at 83.
  51. James Earl Jones – still intoning that signature bass in acting at 93.
  52. David Attenborough – another icon at age 97
  53. Michael Caine – still a silver fox at 90.
  54. Martha Stewart – the lifestyle maven, still creating and absolutely beautiful at 82.
  55. Joan Collins still stunning at 90.
  56. William Shatner – 93 and literally out of this world (in sub-orbital space) just 3 years ago, the oldest person in space.
  57. Kim Novak – still lovely and working at age 91.
  58. The “Hart to Hart” favorites still shine – Stephanie Powers at 81, and Robert Wagner, recently active in a recurring role on “NCIS”, at 94.
  59. Willie Nelson – still making music at 90.
  60. The two remaining of the Fab Four – Ringo Starr, 83 and Paul McCartney, 81.
  61. Gene Hackman – still can hack it at 94.
  62. Rita Moreno – full of energy at age 92.
  63. Morgan Freeman – the legend, active actor at 87.
  64. Gena Rowlands – still full of life at age 93.
  65. Eva Marie Saint – one of my favorite actresses; absolutely beautiful, gracious, and talented at 99.
  66. Clint Eastwood – age 93, ‘nuff said.
  67. The powerhouse pair, Lily Tomlin at 84, and Jane Fonda at 86 – both still activist and actors.
  68. Chuck Norris – 84.
  69. Tippi Hedren – vivacious vigor at age 94.
  70. Bob Newhart – still playing the ultimate straight man at 94.
  71. Robert Duvall – acting at 93.
  72. Keith Richards and Mick Jagger are both 80 – still tearing up the stage…
  73. Buzz Aldrin may no longer be in orbit but still active at 94.
  74. Ellen Burton – very pretty and present at age 91.
  75. Joel Grey – still the incomparable man, also at 91.
  76. Ruth Westheimer – continued to prove a good sex life keeps you young, up until her recent passing at age 96.
  77. Senator Bernie Sanders – still advocating for American people at age 82.
  78. Harrison Ford – ever the rakish rogue, now just the silver fox version, continuing his career at 82.
  79. Hellen Mirren – the perennial great actress, who was on the runway during Paris Fashion Week this past October, now 78.
  80. Judi Dench – another ground-breaking female, who had even taken on the classically male role of James Bond’s boss “M”; won an Oscar two years ago, still working at age 89.

 

 

Don’t Do It-Suicide Is Permanent

Don’t Do It-Suicide Is Permanent 

Depression is treatable, suicide is not. Please stay.

Don’t Do It-Suicide Is Permanent

Editor: This is an updated version of an article first posted on this site on 12/06/2021. Depression is on the increase in the United States and right along with it suicide. If you are in distress, reach out, ask for help, call a friend,  or dial #988, the National Suicide Hot Line.

D. S. Mitchell

Just The Facts

If you are between 15-35, suicide is the second leading cause of death for your age group.  For all age groups, suicide is responsible for more deaths than murder and natural disasters, combined.  Men take their own lives four times as often as women. Many men sadly would rather be dead than seem ‘weak.’ In 2020, 17 veterans committed suicide every day.

Those Left Behind

As you can see by the statistics, suicide is not a rare, or in any way an isolated event. It is very real and definitely permanent, and it leaves those who are left behind, in utter despair. For them the suicide event is plagued by stigma, guilt and self-recrimination. The most common question from those left behind is, “what could I have done differently?”

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10 Ideas to Help Stay Positive

10 Ideas to Help Stay Positive

Long term friendships help us get through the difficult times.

10 Ideas to Help Stay Positive

By D.S. Mitchell

 

Dark Times

I don’t know about you, but the last couple years have been tough for me emotionally and spiritually. The political discord, the social division, the gun violence, the melting glaciers, the slaughter of 12,000 innocent children in Gaza, the Trump presidency, the anti-Semitism, the growing religious intolerance, and the loneliness and hopelessness of the COVID-19 pandemic have taken their toll. I know I am not alone in my distress, so because of that I decided to pass on a few things I learned while working in both Crisis and General Psychiatry at a large teaching hospital.

Cultivating Hope and Joy

  1. Feeling awful? Now might be a good time to start practicing Gratitude. Gratitude is quite simply an acknowledgement that we are thankful for everything and we are content with it. Contentment leads to happiness the researchers tell us. I suggest you find one small thing that’s good about every day, no matter how bad the day may seem.
  2. Create Daily Routines that you look forward to. The brisk early morning walk with a friend where you can breathe fresh air and build a relationship. A late afternoon cup of tea in your favorite mug in a favorite spot. I love my back deck  which looks over a beautiful lake in Southern Oregon. The multisensory experience is joyful, you smell it, you taste it, you see it. Savor the anticipation of those pleasurable times that you create each day. I elevate it to a ritual.
  3. “Take a walk,” is great advice for both your physical and mental health. Even small amounts of exercise can elevate your mood. Make sure you engage in some form of physical activity a couple times a day. Set your phone ringtone to announce exercise time. How about scheduling a ‘play day’ once a week where you become a kid again. Blow bubbles, bring out the hula hoop, skip rope, ride your bike.
  4. Music creates my mood and I know I’m not alone. Set up a playlist loaded with upbeat tunes you love and turn it on when your spirits falter.
  5. Make small connections with as many people in a day as you can. A few words with the barista, a comment about the Trailblazers to your neighbor, will brighten your mood and give you a sense of connection to the community.  Those brief interactions are much more therapeutic than previously thought, and play an important role in our sense of wellbeing. Another way to bring yourself out of a slump is to call a loved one.
  6. Help someone. Helping others, or getting involved in a cause that is important to you can improve your sense of wellbeing. Look for a way to give back; plant a tree in the park, donate blood, contribute to an online fund raiser for your favorite candidate. Volunteerism is a joyful thing.
  7. Identify 25 things that make you happy. Put the list on your phone so if you hit a bad spot you can look at it and be reminded of the things that make you smile.
  8. Allow yourself to be positive about the future.
  9. Determine a goal that you want to accomplish. Not something you have to do, but rather something you want to do. And then do something each day to get you closer to your goal. That’s how I wrote my first novel. One day at a time.
  10. Pet a dog; yours or someone else’s. Pets open the door to social opportunities. I cannot think of one time that I’ve taken my dog for a walk that someone hasn’t asked to pet her, or just stopped and made small talk. Plus, there is something comforting about cuddling with a dog.

I hope that some of the ideas I shared will help you get through some tough days with a little more hope and a lot more joy.

 

Creating Your Legacy

Creating Your Legacy

Leaving your legacy and how we contribute to the world is different for each of us.

Creating Your Legacy

Editor: In southern Oregon we have a local publication that circulates to about 100,000 customers called the “Sneak Preview.” It’s an awesome circular that provides valuable local information; both historical and current. Steve Roe, (Roe Motors) our Grants Pass, Oregon, Buick and GMC dealer writes for the publication. I find his articles interesting, informative, and usually inspiring in some way. I didn’t call him and ask about using a portion of his recent article on legacy building, but I will definitely do that tomorrow. Thank you, Steve Roe for your commitment to family and community. D. S. Mitchell

Leaving A Meaningful, Lasting Legacy (an excerpt from Steve Roe’s, March 1, 2024, Sneak Preview  article.)

By Steve Roe

The dictionary defines legacy as “the long lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or of a person’s life.”

Leaving your legacy and how we contribute to the world is different for each of us. We want to know that our life matters to others. Once we know what we want our legacy to be, we can start  building it by living in a way we want to be remembered. Leaving a legacy is limited only by our imagination and what is valued by others. Our generosity can include:

  • Donate: Giving your time, talent, and treasures depending on what matters to you. It can be as big or small as you want because every cent or minute really does matter.
  • Mentor: Being a resource to others in our community that may need guidance or a listening ear.
  • Volunteer: There are dozens of ways to help others by volunteering. It can be a great way to bond with our families and teach others the value of giving back.
  • Pay it Forward: With only a little effort, you can brighten someone’s day. Little gestures can go a long way. Doing kind things for others can help them while giving you that great feeling of giving.

There are a lot of people in need and a little kindness accompanied by a smile can be a big help.

Woo and Small Talk Can Improve Your Life

Brief, pleasant exchanges with people will enhance your mood and elevate your sense of well-being

How Woo and Small Talk Can Improve Your Life

“There are no strangers here, only friends I haven’t met yet.” WB Yeats

By D.S. Mitchell

I Have a Friend

My friend Dave was blessed with an abundance of WOO. People endowed with WOO enjoy the process of connecting with new people, and in turn helping people connect with one another. WOO is an acronym for Winning Others Over. My friend gets all happy faced when he meets someone new and makes a connection with them.  He loves the challenge of breaking the ice and starting a conversation with anybody, anywhere, at seemingly any time; whether its the guy next to us at the ball game or the plumber fixing our clogged drain. Dave needs to make that human connection. I, on the other hand, am not so inclined, but after 40 years of friendship, Dave has taught me a few things about meeting new people and actually enjoying the benefits of small talk.

Not So Social

Don’t get me wrong; I’m definitely not shy, but I am an only child, raised by older parents; and sometimes considered “quiet.” I tend to hold back, getting a measure  or ‘feel’ of the situation; waiting for someone else to initiate the conversation. As I have learned from Dave, that is unacceptable in the world of WOO. In fact, it’s taken time, but Dave has proven to me over and over again; that a brief conversation with someone unknown to me or barely known to me, can boost my energy level, enhance my mood, and keep me smiling for hours. Small talk, he swears  contributes to a sense of community-a sense of belonging, a sense of well-being, and most importantly it gives us a sense of connection to the world around us-it proves we are alive and functioning.

Maximizing the Benefits

“People like you a lot more than you think they do,” Dave tells me.  “Maybe so, maybe not,” I say with a pout. “Keep talking,” being his primary advice, “talk to anybody within the sound of your voice,” he laughs. “We all have that little negative voice in our head, telling us to hide in the corner, but don’t do it! You’ve got WOO just decide to use it,” he encourages me.

Ahead of the Scientists

As it turns out, Dave may be way ahead of the science. I have read, only recently, that conversing with a wide variety of people as often as you can will maximize your happiness. Really? How so, I ask. According to recent studies, scientists have learned that chatting with co-workers, the barista at Starbucks, the Uber driver, a fellow dog walker, the person ahead of you at the pharmacy, can maximize those benefits of improved mood, and zest for life, I mentioned earlier.

Brevity Embraced

The word is out, there is a hell of a lot of benefit from multiple brief conversations during the day. Stopping to tell your neighbor about your poor tomato crop, or bringing up last night’s Trailblazer game with your mail carrier can, according to new theory, be part of what makes us thrive. Those seemingly insignificant daily encounters apparently provide important psychological and physical benefits. So, it sounds pretty easy, no long night deep dives into our psyche with our best bud, but rather multiple daily interactions of reaching out and sharing tiny moments of human contact is basic to human happiness.

Small Talk

David loves the challenge of meeting new people and has devised numerous devices to initiate small talk. I truly believe he  could walk into any gathering and feel at ease engaging with anyone in the crowd whether that’s Joe Biden or the college kid down the street. He just knows what to do or say, and he brings a visible energy to his interactions. He’s a practitioner of the old adage, “There are no strangers, only friends I haven’t met yet.” (William Butler Yeats)

Lessons He’s Taught Me

Lesson #1 You’re circling the punch bowl at your neighbor’s 25th anniversary party and you spot someone you want to engage with. The fact that you are both at the party gives you obvious background  information. So you might ask your target, “Are you friend or family?” Or, “How do you know the happy couple?” “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Dar.”

Lesson #2 If you notice someone wearing a gorgeous outfit or a striking piece of jewelry tell them how much you like the item. Don’t be surprised if your compliment elicits the story of how they came into possession of said item(s). People love talking to people that approve of them in some way.

Lesson #3 Conversational land mines are everywhere so stay away from the big 4; religion, politics, work, and relationship status. Imagine yourself at a college mixer, try something like, “What do you do for fun when you’re not studying?”

Lesson #4 Don’t short change people conversationally. If someone asks how its going, don’t limit your response to one or two words, but instead give them a thread, that if they want to continue to chat, they have some material to work with. You might say, “I’m doing great. I’m volunteering at Habitat for Humanity and it just gives me an awesome sense of pride. Every day I wake up invigorated. How about you?”

Lesson #5 Sometimes, the conversation simply dries up, but exiting the conversation with grace may seem more difficult than it truly is. The best escape technique, according to Dave, is to introduce the person you’ve been speaking with to someone new, and then excuse yourself, “to find our hostess.”

Conclusion

You don’t need to fully embrace Woo to benefit from many of its practices. Brief, pleasant exchanges with people you don’t know or barely know can enhance happiness, mood, energy, and overall satisfaction with life.  A willingness to meet new people (no matter how briefly) and engage in some small conversation is guaranteed to improve both your physical and mental health. So, go ahead, I give you permission to initiate a conversation in the check out line at Walmart. As an older adult female I suggest that you initiate conversations with women with small dogs or small children. I’m not suggesting anything other than you don’t want to give a strange guy the wrong idea. Other than that grandmotherly caution; socialize away.