How Woo and Small Talk Can Improve Your Life
“There are no strangers here, only friends I haven’t met yet.” WB Yeats
By D.S. Mitchell
I Have a Friend
My friend Dave was blessed with an abundance of WOO. People endowed with WOO enjoy the process of connecting with new people, and in turn helping people connect with one another. WOO is an acronym for Winning Others Over. My friend gets all happy faced when he meets someone new and makes a connection with them. He loves the challenge of breaking the ice and starting a conversation with anybody, anywhere, at seemingly any time; whether its the guy next to us at the ball game or the plumber fixing our clogged drain. Dave needs to make that human connection. I, on the other hand, am not so inclined, but after 40 years of friendship, Dave has taught me a few things about meeting new people and actually enjoying the benefits of small talk.
Not So Social
Don’t get me wrong; I’m definitely not shy, but I am an only child, raised by older parents; and sometimes considered “quiet.” I tend to hold back, getting a measure or ‘feel’ of the situation; waiting for someone else to initiate the conversation. As I have learned from Dave, that is unacceptable in the world of WOO. In fact, it’s taken time, but Dave has proven to me over and over again; that a brief conversation with someone unknown to me or barely known to me, can boost my energy level, enhance my mood, and keep me smiling for hours. Small talk, he swears contributes to a sense of community-a sense of belonging, a sense of well-being, and most importantly it gives us a sense of connection to the world around us-it proves we are alive and functioning.
Maximizing the Benefits
“People like you a lot more than you think they do,” Dave tells me. “Maybe so, maybe not,” I say with a pout. “Keep talking,” being his primary advice, “talk to anybody within the sound of your voice,” he laughs. “We all have that little negative voice in our head, telling us to hide in the corner, but don’t do it! You’ve got WOO just decide to use it,” he encourages me.
Ahead of the Scientists
As it turns out, Dave may be way ahead of the science. I have read, only recently, that conversing with a wide variety of people as often as you can will maximize your happiness. Really? How so, I ask. According to recent studies, scientists have learned that chatting with co-workers, the barista at Starbucks, the Uber driver, a fellow dog walker, the person ahead of you at the pharmacy, can maximize those benefits of improved mood, and zest for life, I mentioned earlier.
Brevity Embraced
The word is out, there is a hell of a lot of benefit from multiple brief conversations during the day. Stopping to tell your neighbor about your poor tomato crop, or bringing up last night’s Trailblazer game with your mail carrier can, according to new theory, be part of what makes us thrive. Those seemingly insignificant daily encounters apparently provide important psychological and physical benefits. So, it sounds pretty easy, no long night deep dives into our psyche with our best bud, but rather multiple daily interactions of reaching out and sharing tiny moments of human contact is basic to human happiness.
Small Talk
David loves the challenge of meeting new people and has devised numerous devices to initiate small talk. I truly believe he could walk into any gathering and feel at ease engaging with anyone in the crowd whether that’s Joe Biden or the college kid down the street. He just knows what to do or say, and he brings a visible energy to his interactions. He’s a practitioner of the old adage, “There are no strangers, only friends I haven’t met yet.” (William Butler Yeats)
Lessons He’s Taught Me
Lesson #1 You’re circling the punch bowl at your neighbor’s 25th anniversary party and you spot someone you want to engage with. The fact that you are both at the party gives you obvious background information. So you might ask your target, “Are you friend or family?” Or, “How do you know the happy couple?” “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Dar.”
Lesson #2 If you notice someone wearing a gorgeous outfit or a striking piece of jewelry tell them how much you like the item. Don’t be surprised if your compliment elicits the story of how they came into possession of said item(s). People love talking to people that approve of them in some way.
Lesson #3 Conversational land mines are everywhere so stay away from the big 4; religion, politics, work, and relationship status. Imagine yourself at a college mixer, try something like, “What do you do for fun when you’re not studying?”
Lesson #4 Don’t short change people conversationally. If someone asks how its going, don’t limit your response to one or two words, but instead give them a thread, that if they want to continue to chat, they have some material to work with. You might say, “I’m doing great. I’m volunteering at Habitat for Humanity and it just gives me an awesome sense of pride. Every day I wake up invigorated. How about you?”
Lesson #5 Sometimes, the conversation simply dries up, but exiting the conversation with grace may seem more difficult than it truly is. The best escape technique, according to Dave, is to introduce the person you’ve been speaking with to someone new, and then excuse yourself, “to find our hostess.”
Conclusion
You don’t need to fully embrace Woo to benefit from many of its practices. Brief, pleasant exchanges with people you don’t know or barely know can enhance happiness, mood, energy, and overall satisfaction with life. A willingness to meet new people (no matter how briefly) and engage in some small conversation is guaranteed to improve both your physical and mental health. So, go ahead, I give you permission to initiate a conversation in the check out line at Walmart. As an older adult female I suggest that you initiate conversations with women with small dogs or small children. I’m not suggesting anything other than you don’t want to give a strange guy the wrong idea. Other than that grandmotherly caution; socialize away.
