Category: Arts & Entertainment

Women of a Certain Age

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Women of a Certain Age:

Fashionista Edition

 

Women of a Certain Age:

Fashionista Edition

 

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

  1. If Chanel Number 5 is your go to fragrance, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  2. If Channel number 19 is your other go to fragrance, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  3. If you are aware Youth Dew started out as a bath oil, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  4. If you call Youth Dew perfume a bottle of Estee Lauder, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  5. If you remove one piece of jewelry before going out the door, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  6. If you ever shopped at Peck and Peck’s, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  7. If you own a Bergdorf Goodman sweater or dress, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  8. If you own short white gloves not in a winter fabric, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  9. If you own long gloves, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  10. If you splash on Jean Nate, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  11. If you use Vaseline around your eyes before going to bed, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  12. If you remember Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers and Ten-O-Six lotion, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  13. If your ever wore stirrup pants, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  14. If you ever wore shoulder pads, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  15. If you ever wore a body suit with snaps down there, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  16. If you own a slip or “girdle”, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  17. If you are glad to see skinny jeans go out of style, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  18. If you ever wore double belts, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  19. If you own a muff (get your mind out of the gutter, please), you might be a woman of a certain age.
  20. If you regret owning a real fur (I do; make a donation to an animal welfare cause and donate the fur item to a theater or museum), you might be a woman of a certain age.
  21. If you own clip earrings, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  22. If you own velcro curlers, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  23. If you ironed your “Long and Silky” hair with a clothes iron, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  24. If you had “Short and Sassy” hair, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  25. If you used Lustre-Crème Shampoo, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  26. If you match your hemline to your shoes, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  27. If you use a point system for jewelry and accessories, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  28. If you ever wore go-go boots, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  29. If you every wore bell bottoms that would make a sailor proud, you might be a woman of a certain age.
  30. If you wear pearls everyday, you might also be a fan of VP Kamala Harris and yearn for her to be president…

 

Girls’ School

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Girls’ School

Girls’ School

 

By John Curran

 

Hi, I’m Joe, the landscape gardener for this wealthy fat cat Washington, DC so-called power player and we are here on his beautiful estate out here in the Hamptons where he is fixing to have an evening get together for some other fat cats so called power players and their wives or servants in tow. And even though I do do house functions as well as tending to the grounds, Mr. C. has decreed that I make myself scarce for this particular gathering.

You see I am not one of those. I am just a regular ‘ol middle aged black guy from originally the deep south, Podunk, Alabama; and I know how to make myself scarce up here in the Hamptons, going invisible in million dollar shrubbery as the sun is going down over the million dollar horizon and the limousines are pulling up. I slip through the cracks, just a black man, they know what that’s all about, I guess. So, just Joe the gardener, making himself scarce. ‘An it just so happens my favorite hideaway is this cool little grotto type arrangement right outside of and underneath the dining room where the big cat gathering was gonna happen.

I tucked in there, I could hear everything, and I must say these white people just never come with a dull moment, its always entertaining. I sat right back down back up against the wall, last beams of sunlight streaming in on me, all warm and comfy, and took it all in ‘an most interesting it was, the proceedings. Early on I’d kinda’ thought this was gonna be like some big important kind of thing where the actual fate of the entire planet was gonna sorta depend on the state of these very important people’s digestion.

But no, seems otherwise, seems it was more like gonna be a party, with this comedian even, this guy, I’d heard his name, Mr. C. talking ’bout this guy, like serious. But no again, now it’s like this guy is actually the comedian, Hegseth his name I think, Pedro, ‘cept he prefers Pete, says no Pedro for Pete. One of his jokes I guess.

Anyway, there I am in position as where I can hear them arriving. And there’s the usual low murmuring thing rising now a bit in volume as more and more of ‘m pile. And then one more louder voice among the rest, damn they ain’t all even got seated in there yet, and this one guy, already starting in with a veritable non stop one liners and zingers demolition. And so I figured this must be the comedian ‘n he can’t even wait to get started and he’s getting into this theme of demolition like the way a good comic can milk a depressing subject for laughs sometimes for laughs and it becomes like a kind of therapy, facing up like to the bogeyman.

And this guy at least was coming on with it good, he actually sounded a little drunk but damn sure wasn’t stopping him until someone yells out, like a heckler would do, saying, “So Pete, tell us about the girls’ school.” And then, right then, the Pete guy, the sorta comedian, well I could hear as his whole voice tone speaking thing had bouncy along so like suddenly became more like the hissing of some reptiles I have encountered as he says back to the heckler, “okay pal, I guess you were there huh, ’cause ya sound pretty girlish to me. Well, I’m sorry I missed ya, ha ha. And man,  it got quiet in that room, and afterwards nobody was laughing much at all. White people, Lawd, I’m saying, I ain’t never gonna figure them out.

Women’s History: Making a Better Future

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Women’s History: Making a Better Future

Women’s History: Making A Better Future

By Cate Rees-Hessel & Wes Hessel

 

History In The Making

As Women’s History Month heads toward it’s close, we look to the theme for 2026: “Leading the Change: Women Shaping a Sustainable Future,” highlighting women who work towards sustainable improvement in economics, environment, and society. Hand in hand is the International Women’s Day (March 8th, now celebrated for 115 years) theme for this year: “Give To Gain,” reminding us that sharing multiplies time, talents, and treasure for all.

Women In Front, Push Back

Mark Twain is quoted as saying, “Behind every successful man, there is a woman.”  Behind every successful woman is one or more women who succeeded before them, breaking ground and building up new progress. Right now arch-conservatives are trying to roll back women’s rights decades, if not centuries – we need to remind all that every human is here and worthy because of at least one woman, and likely countless more. And the advancements made by women are deeper and broader than one may think. For instance, most of us know of Madame Curie, and her ground-breaking radiation work. But what about Tabitha Babbitt, a Shaker who came up with the prototype for the circular saw? Or Nancy Johnson, who patented the original hand-cranked ice cream freezer?

Intrepid Inventors

Josephine Cochrane created the first dishwasher to achieve commercial success, with the first use of water pressure to scrub. Sarah Boone improved the portable ironing board to the familiar wedge shape of what we use today for our pressing engagements. Alice H. Parker created the first natural gas central furnace.

Men Don’t Have A Monopoly

Elizabeth Magie gave us “The Landlord’s Game,” the forerunner of what we now know as probably the most recognized board game ever, “Monopoly.” In its design she made social commentary on property owners of her time in their treatment of tenants and materialistic priorities, as well as the benefits of home ownership.

Science This!

The first female scientist hired by GE, Katharine Burr Blodgett, developed the first method to put one-molecule thick coatings onto glass or metal, making possible non-reflective glass, which is used for lenses on common items such as eyeglasses, cameras, microscopes, and other optics, as well as picture frames and the like. She also invented screens during World War II to protect troops from toxins in smoke.

Even More Data

In 1944, data processing pioneer Grace Hopper worked with Howard Aiken to create the Mark I computer at Harvard, then later came up with the computer slang “bug” and its companion, “debug”, after finding an errant moth had caused a system problem; she was also on the team that developed COBOL. Architect Eleanor Raymond collaborated with biophysicist Maria Telkes to build the first home heated by solar power in 1947.

She Didn’t Just Play A Spy…

Hedy Lamarr didn’t rest on her acting laurels – her work with George Anthiel in 1941 created a “Secret Communication System” that depended at least in part on frequency-hopping for security. Initially created to make torpedoes less vulnerable to jamming, these innovations and further work on her part gave us the beginnings of “spread-spectrum” technology, which became the basis for fax machines, cell phones, GPS, Wifi, and other related wireless communication advances.

Create Like It’s 1966

1966 was a bellwether year – in it Marie Van Brittan Brown came up with and patented the first closed-circuit TV security system, and also during it Stephanie Kwolek invented one of the most important synthetic fabric fibers there is – Kevlar. She created it in the process of working on strengthening material for auto tires, which it is used for, as well as brake shoe linings, boat hulls, flame-resistant clothing, and other composite materials. But its most well-known use is something countless law enforcement and military personnel are thankful for – the bulletproof vest.

Dr. Jackson, Dr. Jackson…

The first black woman to receive a M.I.T. PhD, Shirley Jackson, helped develop modern communication technologies such as touch tones, call waiting and caller ID, and fiber optic cables, in addition to solar cells. And she was the first woman to head one of the major technological institutions, in her case Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute.

They Figure In

Since this is about women in history, we cannot bypass the great figures of the ages. Explorer Sacagawea, original First Lady Dolley Madison, abolitionist Sojourner Truth, women’s suffrage advocate Susan B. Anthony, famed authors Louisa May Alcott and Harriet Beecher Stowe, Red Cross founder Clara Barton and fellow super-nurse Florence Nightingale, aviatrix Bessie Coleman and Amelia Earhart, poet and author Julia Ward Howe, civil rights activists Rosa Parks and Coretta Scott King, just to name but a very few…

Wells, Wells, Wells…

Women typically have to be multi-taskers – many took this to levels of great feats. Ida B. Wells was a women’s rights and civil rights activist (one of the founders of the NAACP), while also wearing the hats of teacher and investigative reporter, particularly focused on the horrors of lynchings. She, working with Frederick Douglass and other African-American leaders, orchestrated a boycott of the 1893 Columbian Exposition, since Blacks were not permitted to enter the exhibit areas. Ms. Wells also advocated for school integration, and helped found many African-American clubs, particularly for women of color.

Working It In

Contemporary to Ida B. was housing reformer, women’s suffragette, social work pioneer, and political administrator Jane Addams. Harriet Tubman made a career out of multiple jobs – in addition to her famous slavery freedom trips, she was a spy for the Union, an abolitionist, and a political advocate.

Multi-mavens

Multiple talents aren’t just a precedent of years gone by – what about actress, director, and producer Penny Marshall? Or dancer, choreographer, singer, and reality talent judge Paula Abdul? Queen Latifah handles music (including songwriting), acting, and producing equally well.  You don’t have to be too swift to know the name Taylor (Swift or Dayne). While we’re on the subject of entertainment, we can’t forget Cher and Madonna. Then there’s the lifestyle mavens such as Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray, and Ree Drummond. And, of course, there’s one lady we only need one word for: Oprah.

Sporting It

Great women of sports also abound. Mildred Ella “Babe” Didrikson Zaharias excelled in baseball, golf, track and field, and basketball. In the 1932 Summer Olympics, she received two gold medals for track and field events, then became a golf professional, and went on to win ten LPGA major championships. In 1951 she was inducted into the World Golf Hall of Fame, and she was married until her death in 1956 to George Zaharias. Babe is seen as a lady ahead of her time.

They Have the Drive

Ms. Zaharias has been followed by other outstanding female athletes, such as Swedish professional lady golfer, Annika Sörenstam. She has received numerous awards, including H.M. The King’s Medal, AP Female Athlete of the Year 2003-2004, Bob Jones Award, and the Presidential Medal of Freedom. And who could forget Nancy Lopez’ precedent setting career.

Tennis Anyone?

The tennis dynasty of the Williams’ sisters is one of near domination of a particular sport. And before them was the legendary Billie Jean King, who even beat out Bobby Riggs in the much watched “Battle of the Sexes,” in 1973.

Do Something…

We can continue to commemorate women’s history in various ways:

  1. Involve yourself with female supporting groups that empower girls and women
  2. Create a brand-new book or movie club on-line, or join an existing one
  3. Treat a special lady that you receive inspiration and friendship from to a mocha latte, lunch, or bouquet of flowers
  4. Invite female entertainers, speakers, writers, and other professionals to online events
  5. Utilize all social media outlets to encourage women
  6. Utilize intersectionality to understand women of all walks of life
  7. Take an online class that enlightens women’s history
  8. Help involve children and teens in art, writing, performing, and reading women’s history related material
  9. Support STEM/STEAM initiatives targeted at encouraging young women in science and creative pursuits
  • Write a play, article, song, book, or poem about women, or read one

Color Purple And White

Let’s all wear purple, the international color which symbolizes women, and white, which represents women’s suffrage, to highlight those ladies who have contributed and continue to do so. We will keep using our voices for the advancement of female equality. For more information, visit www.nationalwomenshistoryalliance.org, www.internationalwomensday.com, and www.womenshistorymonth.gov. In the words of Elle Woods, “What? Like it’s hard?”

The Legends of St. Patrick

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The Legends of St. Patrick

 

The Legends of St. Patrick

By Wes Hessel

 

Irish You Were Here…

Hello from Chicagoland, where we take our “wearing o’ the green” very seriously; green river, anyone? And I don’t mean the soft drink… Today, with the coldest St. Patty’s (or is that St. Paddy’s?) in about 60 years (the low was in the mid-teen’s this am; no, there isn’t any climate change – NOT!), our thoughts turn to the saint whose day we celebrate, separating fact from fiction.

Lady First…

But first, we mention the other saint commemorated on March 17th, patron saint of cats and their people, gardeners, travelers, widows, and the mentally ill, St. Gertrude of Nivelles. So if you’re having a rodent problem, a prayer to her might be in order…

Not A Pat Answer

As is typically true with so many real world historical figures whose life story is expanded to epic proportions, St. Patrick was a man who did many significant things that historians primarily agree on. The tales and traditions which surround him, however, are the stuff of legend, though they may be rooted (one almost literally) in an aspect of fact.

The Beginning Is A Very Good Place To Start

It is generally accepted that Patrick was a man who lived in the fifth century, born in the area of Britain under Roman control, who went to Ireland when he was in his mid-teens.  In his semi-biographical treatise, “Confession of Saint Patrick”, Patrick wrote that he was kidnapped by Irish pirates when he was 16 and taken to Ireland as a slave.  He went on to write that he escaped six years later, and eventually made his way home to Britain.  Some years after, he had a vision which he believed was God calling him back to Ireland, where he went to serve as a Christian missionary.

The Stuff That Legends Are Made Of

The first of the St. Patrick legends is probably just an amplification of the plausible idea that he taught about the Holy Trinity using a common three-leaf clover, the shamrock.  This triple-leafed plant has long since been the main symbol of St. Patrick’s Day, and by extension, Ireland. The second folklore was that the patron saint of the Emerald Isle had banished all snakes from the country – evidence suggests that Ireland never had any snakes to begin with. The third tale is about the saint’s reputed carriage of an ash staff on his journey from his home to return to Ireland to minister.  Patrick’s practice, it was said, is that he would thrust his staff into the ground at the place where he would speak about Christianity – one such stop dragged on for so long, it is said, that his walking stick took root.

Celebrate Safe…

Whatever you may believe, raise a glass (Guiness, perhaps?) to the saint associated with the land of blarney, beer, and beauty (not necessarily in that order). Thank you, St. Patrick, for inspiring countless generations with your work to spread the message of a loving God and the green of life.

Moving On

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Moving On

Moving On

 

D. S. Mitchell

 

I went to 27 different grade schools, and it probably won’t surprise you; I’ve been married five times. The only reason I’m confiding these tidbits of ancient information is to cue you to the fact that I’m no stranger to packing up the car and moving on.

So, now you ask, “are you going somewhere?”

“Aahhh, yes, and as always, I have no idea where.”

I came to the charming Southern Oregon town of Grants Pass in 2022, lured by an older double wide mobile home on a beautiful lake front lot. I bought it and have been loving it ever since.

So, now you ask, “why would you leave; if you love it?”

Aahhh, because somewhere deep inside me there is a malfunctioning gene. A gene that will never let me be stay in one place; no matter how well things seems to be going. In fact, the better that things seem to be going all the better reason to move on. Sounds a bit crazy, doesn’t it? Well, I think you’d be absolutely correct. Unhinged, perhaps? Spoiled? Entitled? Probably all of those things and a few more unflattering descriptors, when the truth is known.

On the other hand, in two capitols thousands of miles apart, two sociopathic heads of state show their willingness to throw their soldiers and citizens into their psychopathic conflict. A war with no purpose, other than to keep Bibi out of jail and the Epstein files out of the headlines. A war that conservatively is costing the United State a fuckin’ billion dollars plus per day. That ought to make your hair stand on end as you wait in the unemployment office for an interview, or you struggle over how to pay for groceries, or fill the gas tank. A fuckin’ billion dollars a day; while rural hospitals are closing across this country. Again while Trump and Bibi burn up a billion dollars a day Health and Science Universities across the United States are experiencing dramatic federal funding cuts. Outrageous, scandalous an unbelievable middle finger to civilized nations.

For the last week I have watched near 24/7 coverage of Donald and Bibi’s War against Iran. It is here I want to say that despite all my malfunctioning genes and general bullshit over the years my craziness has never cost one person their life; certainly not 185 school girls, leveled  a city, destroyed oil fields and stored reserves,  or sank ships and their crews at sea. Why aren’t these two guys in jail or a padded cell? How does it happen that these two men, both criminals, run two of the most powerful countries in the world? Where are the restraints? What went wrong in the election? Right now we have two of the most dangerous men in history threatening the world military and economic stability.

Trump while raving illogical “short term pain and long term gain,” he and his brother in pain are  running wild with Tomahawk missiles and endless bombing raids against Iran. If congress can’t stop them, the American people and the Israeli public CAN halt this despicable activity, but that requires action. Action on the street. Protests. Screaming our damn heads off. Time to put the American people first, that means affordable housing, access to child care, universal health care, basic income, and superlative public education.

It’s time for the few remaining sleeping Americans to come out of the MAGA coma and see Trump for what he is. Show your disapproval for this president and his fuckin’ foreign wars. Register for the No Kings Protest, and turn out with whistle, drum and sign, March 28, 2026. A goal of 10 million Americans on the street will move even psychopaths to change course. Come on America, PROTEST!

 

Free the Snake River

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Free the Snake River

Free the Snake River

By D.S. Mitchell 

 

Continuous Legal Action

For nearly 40 years the Native American tribes, who consider the salmon part of their spiritual and cultural identity, conservation and fishing groups, and the states of Oregon, Washington, and Idaho have waged a legal battle against the federal government to ensure protections for migrating salmon. The migrating salmon are killed in large numbers by the massive dams that have been constructed along the Columbia and Snake Rivers, most particularly four dams on the lower Snake River.

Biden Agreement

In 2023, things began to look up when in a landmark deal the Biden Administration paused the legal action in favor of finding long term solutions; in fact, promising to spend more than a billion dollars over the next decade to restore salmon viability while boosting tribal clean energy projects. The historic agreement was torpedoed in 2024 when Trump came back into office, declaring the agreement “radical environmentalism,” sending the multiple plaintiffs back to court.

Federal Judge Steps Up

On 2/25/26, U.S. District Judge Michael Simon, in Portland, Oregon, lamented what he described as “a disappointing history of government avoidance and manipulation instead of sincere efforts at solving the problem.” Oregon and other plaintiffs had asked Simon to lower the levels of reservoirs behind the dams, which proponents argue would help fish move through them faster and increase the amount of water spilling past them which can help the fish pass over the dams instead of through the dam’s turbines. The Trump administration on the other hand sought higher reservoir levels.

The Size of Texas

The Columbia River Basin is approximately the size of Texas and was once the world’s greatest salmon producing river system with 16 stocks of salmon and steelhead. Today, four are extinct and seven are threatened or endangered. Another iconic Northwest species, the Orca or killer whale, who are dependent on salmon are starving. Almost 50% of the chinook salmon in the Columbia River Basin previously came from the Snake River and her tributaries.

The Dams Are The Problem

Salmon habitats in the Snake River Basin remain in good shape. The dams are the problem, removing them is the single greatest opportunity to restore salmon to the NW. The habitats are there including over 5,500 miles of cool clean streams, many in protected wilderness areas. Federal fisheries experts concluded in 2022 that removing the lower Snake River dams is “essential” to any serious plan for salmon recovery.

How Dams Hurt Salmon Runs

The dams harm salmon in numerous ways, including forcing the salmon into turbines, warming the slow moving water in the reservoirs to intolerable high temperatures, while dramatically slowing the young salmon’s journey to the Pacific Ocean. Before the construction of the dams juvenile fish reached the Pacific in two or three days from the upper Snake River, pushed along by the river’s swift moving currents. Today, the journey past the eight dams literally takes weeks, during which time the young fish are exposed to multiple predators and other dangers.

What Experts Are Saying

Fishery experts from Oregon, Idaho, and Washington found that the removal of four dams on the lower Snake River and restoring the ecological health of that section of river “is the single largest step we can take to increase salmon abundance for orcas at critical times of the year.” These dams produce low value hydropower which can be replaced with renewable energy sources and energy conservation.

Popular Myths

There are five popular myths that keep coming up when discussing changes to these dams. The dams in question on the lower Snake River are Little Goose, Ice Harbor, Lower Monumental, and Lower Granite and on the Columbia River The Bonneville, The Dalles, John Day and McNary.

MYTH 1: We Need the Hydropower

Most all power produced by the Snake River dams is produced mostly in the spring when demand is low and lots of hydropower is available. Most of the year the Snake River Basin flows are much lower than in the Columbia River Basin because of drier regional conditions, thus producing very little energy in summer and winter when it is needed the most. Replacing the Snake River dams with renewable energy that generates power at crucial times could result in $69-$143 million per year of energy value above and beyond what the lower Snake River dams provide. Financially the removal makes sense. The hydropower turbines are 50 plus years old and need continuing and extensive maintenance; and will soon require replacement, estimated at more than a billion dollars. These pending upgrade costs add risk to BPA’s competitiveness and make no sense with the lower cost of renewable energy.

MYTH 2: We Need Them for Shipping

An early purpose of the dams was to facilitate barge navigation through the lower Snake River accommodating the shipment of grain and other agricultural commodities. What used to be is not today’s reality. Today the locks that allow passage through the lower Snake River dams are 5 decades old and need maintenance and rebuilding which makes no economic sense considering that river shipping has declined by over 70% in favor of rail transport.

MYTH 3: We Need Them for Irrigation 

These dams provide minimal irrigation. Only one of the four dams even provides water for irrigation, and for only a handful of irrigators; 92% of the irrigated lands are managed by only nine land owners. Irrigation options are available, such as adjusting intake pipes to pump water from river level rather than reservoir level and increasing depths of current wells.

MYTH 4: The Dams Provide Flood Control

The lower Snake River dams are all “run-of-river” dams and are not designed for flood control. It is true that many of the Columbia River Basin dams provide important and necessary flood control for risky areas like Portland, Oregon. However, the Snake River dams in question do not provide flood control and were never intended to provide flood control.

MYTH 5: The Dams are Needed for the Economy

The fact is that there are many more benefits from removing the dams than keeping them. (1)The restoration of Snake River salmon will be a big help for NW fishing economics. Experts estimate an added 1 million spring chinook salmon annually. (2) The native peoples paid a big price when these dams flooded tribal lands and choked off fisheries. It would be a good time to honor tribal treaties and restore the cultural and economic value the tribes surrendered when the dams were built. (3) Hydropower should be replaced with modern solar and wind generation, energy efficiency, along with demand-response technologies that will create jobs. (4) Local investment to reduce the impact of the dams removal; such investments include added rail capacity for grain shipping and riverfront improvements in Clarkston, WA, Lewiston, ID, and other effected communities.

Support For Salmon Recovery Is Growing

Leadership for salmon recovery in the Snake and Columbia Rivers is growing exponentially. It is time to remove these Snake River dams and allow the Snake River restoration. Unfortunately, as long as Trump is in office that is an unlikely scenario. When we vote it is important to include environmental activity in our voting calculus.

Sources: Portland Oregonian, February 26, 2026 and the Sierra Club Restoration Campaign Bulletin 2024.

 

 

The Trump Stench

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The Trump Stench

The Trump Stench

 

Editor: When I read Cate Rees-Hessel’s 50 Things She Trusts More than Trump I was motivated to do a bit of a take off on her piece. Forgive me, I couldn’t help myself. Here are just a few of the thoughts that came to mind as I read her piece.

By D. S. Mitchell

 

  1. We can thank our own Agent Orange for all the environmental deregulation.
  2. Left over unrefrigerated milk found in the WH pantry. Bobby’ll drink it! Bobby’ll drink it! We hope.
  3. MOLD WARNING. Not all mold forms are deadly just the smelly toxic orange variety.
  4. I heard Greg Bovino and Pam Bondi are offering at home body piercing. Och, och, och. Show me your papers!
  5. The government was forced to get supersized Porta-Potties for DHS ‘cuz Kristi Noem and Cory Lewandowski do everything together.
  6. The smell of an outhouse on a hot summer day, has nothing on the Trump White House.
  7. Got stomach acid? I’ve been told the Trump store is running a special on gold sprayed Rolaid packets.
  8. Dirty diapers found in the bushes at Mar-a-Lago’s front gate, apparently left following an Epstein memorial party.
  9. Puppy pee pads? OMG! Where’d they bury that poor puppy? I bet Kristi knows.
  10. The foul odor of used Kitty Litter lingers persistently in the air after every Cabinet Meeting.
  11. A box of sexually transmitted disease video tapes found at the Trump Tower after an Epstein memorial training.
  12. A bag of torn prophylactics found with the video tapes. What do you think? I say party favors.
  13. The stench of a dumpster on a hot summer day smells much like the image of Corporate America taking the knee for their revered Mango Mussolini.
  14. The fermenting odor of the Epstein Files permeates every space Trump enters. You don’t want to get caught in any tight spaces with DJT.
  15. Windmills are killing whales and causing cancer Donald tells us, but he’s got clean coal and Venezuelan oil for us.
  16. The ghosts of the demented Ronald Reagan and the criminal Richard Nixon have nothing on the crazy ass Mafioso king pin currently running our country.
  17. Trump has been given a second term to rape and rob the people of the United States. There’ll be no more emergency PayDay loans for Donnie Boy, now it’s direct hand-to-hand-cash in the billions from the Middle East dictators and potentates and who knows who else.
  18. Some rumors never end, especially the one about how Melania lost her virginity to an ICE agent who dummied up an Einstein visa for her ‘extraordinary intellectual abilities’. How bad does that smell; it’s been rotting in Melania’s closet since 1996.
  19. Trump is a publicly diagnosed power-mad narcissist demanding his name be placed on government buildings and that an arch be built with his name emblazed on it, all while threatening to withhold monies for already allocated major projects unless he gets his monuments. The only monument I want to see Trump’s name on is the one in the above photo.

 

 

50 Things I Trust More Than Trump

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50 Things I Trust More Than Trump

50 Things I Trust More Than Trump

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

  1. Toxic waste since “The Donald” is the worst agent orange
  2. Decades old unrefrigerated milk
  3. Mold
  4. At home body piercing
  5. Porta Potties
  6. The smell of an outhouse
  7. Stomach acid
  8. Dirty diapers
  9. Puppy Pee Pads that have been cleaned by running then through a sprinkler
  10. Gently used tampons
  11. The smell of used kitty litter
  12. Venereal disease film strips from junior high
  13. The local listed sex offender – likely joins Trump on the Epstein list
  14. Used car that was driven once a week to church by a little old lady
  15. A broken prophylactic
  16. Yellow snow
  17. The stench of a dumpster on a hot summer day
  18. A T- shirt and shorts on a cold winter’s day
  19. Cancer causing windmills
  20. A Tesla, maybe? This is a close race
  21. Three Mile Island
  22. A raging bull
  23. My father-in-law
  24. GMO and artificial colors in my food
  25. Carmel color
  26. A Yugo
  27. Craig’s list
  28. Corporate America – maybe not…
  29. Big pharma, big banks, and insurance carriers – well…
  30. Tonya Harding’s advice on how to win friends and influence people
  31. Marjorie Taylor Green charm school
  32. A $1.39 bikini wax
  33. Utility companies
  34. Payday loans
  35. A root canal with out a nerve blocker
  36. A rumor Melania was a virgin before her nuptials to “Donny boy”
  37. A car engine and brake pads from a junk yard
  38. The National Enquirer
  39. Online degree from Elon Musk University
  40. Temu quality
  41. Botox from a tattoo parlor
  42. Interest rates under this administration
  43. Haircut from a first day of beauty school student
  44. Running out of gas on a first date
  45. Nixon’s ghost
  46. Reagan’s ghost
  47. A TV bought from the back of a van
  48. A decade old disposable razor
  49. Home perm kit from a dollar store
  50. My ex-boyfriend

Hints Your Valentine Might Not Be A Romantic

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Hints Your Valentine Might Not Be A Romantic

Hints Your Valentine Might Not Be A Romantic

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 Here are 14 warning signs your date isn’t Cupid-approved:

  1. His idea of a romantic evening out involves a monster truck rally or tractor pull.
  2. He drops a hint that maybe you will be getting something sparkly and he gifts you a roll of ‘Sparkle’ paper towels.
  3. Instead of a heart shaped box of chocolates you get an expired granola bar with a left over Christmas bow on it.
  4. He spends half the evening comparing you to his ex (you need to run away screaming).
  5. He brings an old college chum that happens to be in town along on your date.
  6. He lives with his mom.
  7. He tells you to wear your paint clothes and ratty old sneakers on your date.
  8. He wears paint clothes and ratty old sneakers on your date.
  9. He keeps staring at his reflection in every glass surface he passes.
  10. Every gift he gives is stamped “made in PRC.”
  11. He arrives for your date with no gift and an explanation that the Dollar General had already closed.
  12. He brought an open half drunk bottle of wine for your romantic evening at home.
  13. His Valentine’s Day present is a re-gift from Christmas.
  14. A romantic dinner with this guy involves a bucket of chicken and a can of beer.

More food for thought:

In recent weeks, I have seen a number of ads for un-Valentines celebrations and I find it disparaging for such a beloved holiday. There is an old song entitled “What the World Needs Now is Love (Sweet Love)” – it goes on to say, “It’s the only thing, that there’s just too little of”; I agree. “Lord, we don’t need another mountain, There are mountains and hillsides enough to climb…” Yes, what the world needs now is love for our fellow men and women. Love for all humanity.

I know Valentines Day is about romantic love, but for this year let’s make it about love for all humankind, animals, and our planet. Let’s perform an act of kindness before we devour frilly pink and red heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and heart-shaped pizzas. A smile or a wave. Hold a door open for someone, send a card, hug somebody that needs it, agree to disagree with kindness. “Love thy neighbor as thyself”. Practice self love: take a break from social media, binge watch Hallmark movies with your significant other and your fur babies, take a bubble bath, get a massage and pedicure. Eat healthy, do some yoga, because as another tune teaches us, “love in any language, straight from the heart”, has style…