Category: Cate Rees-Hessel

“Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History”

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“Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History”

March is Women's History Month. Let's celebrate the many accomplishments of our sisters.

“Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History”

 

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

Vote, Vote, Vote!

As we celebrate Women’s History Month, let’s all remember to vote blue in order to keep women safe. I must, of course, stress the significance of this year’s theme: “Women Who Advocate for Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion.” 2024’s presidential election must go down in history as a victory for our nations female population, with a vote for President Biden and our first female VP Kamala Harris. Our president has fought to preserve women’s rights, he wrote the Violence Against Women Act, and reinforced his commitment to our issues during his awe inspiring state of the Union address. Joe Biden is a a pro-choice man of God who treats women with respect. His wife Dr. Biden is an empowered woman of faith.

Two Steps Forward…

This year’s Oscars, also during this historic month, has the “Barbie” movie nominated for Best Picture but we have a long way to go, since the movie’s star and producer failed to be nominated for Best Actress. Barbie joins the ranks of female hero films like “Legally Blonde”, “Miss Congeniality”, “Princess Diaries”, “The Miracle Worker”, “Sophie’s Choice” and “Norma Rae”, to name a few. We must not back down in our fight for equal rights. Ladies of all nationalities, races, cultures, and socio-economic backgrounds are celebrated during March, as we join hands across our country to recognize the very important role all women play in history.

A Seat at the Table

From the beginning of time, the Bible and other literary works have recognized the strength of women. From childbirth to picket lines, women have shown they are powerful. Mothers, homemakers, doctors, lawyers, journalists, factory workers, service employees – all play significant parts in American history. Gloria Steinem said, “Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That’s their natural and first weapon. She will need her sisterhood.” Shirley Chisholm, the first black candidate for a major-party nomination for President of the United States and the first woman to run for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination, declared, “If they don’t give you a seat at the table, bring a folding chair.”

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Black History Month May Be Over, But Black History Never Is . . .

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Black History Month May Be Over, But Black History Never Is…

Black History Month celebrates the contribution of black citizens to world culture

Black History Month May Be Over, But Black History Never Is…

 

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

A Dark Past and Present

We celebrate Black History, annually each February. During the month we reflect, appreciate, and acknowledge people of color and their rich history. In 2023 the Black History theme was “Black Resistance,” focusing on the struggle African Americans have endured, both in the past and continuing today. Oppression, injustice, repression, racism, exploitation, suppression, maltreatment, and disadvantage are still shockingly present in today’s society. White privilege is regretfully, appallingly alive within the ultra-conservative community. We may have moved passed black performers using different hotels, restaurants, and restrooms during artistic tours but a startling number of atrocities still continue to occur.

Art for Artists Sake

The 2024 Black History Month theme was “African Americans and the Arts. This year’s theme was a different vibe than previous years but the message was equally important – we need to value the arts and encourage these great artists to thrive. The focus this year has been the celebration of the incredible black artists that have enriched our lives over the years through classic performances on the stage, screen, radio, television, music and concert. Dramatic and creative professionals in the spotlight and the many more working hard behind the scenes compose the vast number of Black artists we salute. We make every effort to not just celebrate those in the mainstream of culture but the large number of less well known but equally talented individuals that comprise this community. Black History month may be coming to a close for another year but African history in the arts lives on.

Black Makes Beauty

2024 was also the 18th year of the UNI African American Read-In. The Read-In was once again a significant part of  Black History Month activities. To broaden participation many activities occurred on line for students. Theaters, schools, and libraries across the country held special events to honor Black artists and artisans during the month by reading aloud of many of the great books, plays, and poems of black artists.

Life Ain’t Over Yet

Celebration of Black history should be 365 days a year, not just one month. Respect and equality, not just in the arts but in all areas of life. Housing discrimination still exists,  mortgage and rental applications being denied disproportionately, and higher interest rates in African American communities, as do food deserts, with grocery stores that offer fresh, healthy choices avoiding opening or continuing operations in communities of color.

Dreamers

Activists such Dr. Martin Luther King. Jr. and John Lewis fought decades ago for civil rights that are still being denied today. Black pioneers in the arts, such as Nina Simone (whose birthday is appropriately February 21st ), Maurice White, Josephine Baker, and Mahalia Jackson (to name just a few) were very instrumental in paving the way for future artists to be treated with dignity. As Dr. King said in his “I Have a Dream” speech, “With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.”  And Mahalia Jackson sang, “If I can help somebody, as I travel along; if I can help somebody, with a word or song…” – she broke significant ground for the African-American musicians who followed.

Labor On

2025’s Black History Month theme, will be “African Americans and Labor,” celebrating, recognizing, and highlighting the very compelling impact of Black workers on American society.  We need to draw attention to their productivity with the broadest outlook, providing versatility and intuitiveness, a vision of Black culture throughout the ages.

You Might Just Be a Woman of a Certain Age

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You Might Just Be a Woman of a Certain Age – Again…

If you remember seeing this baby new, you are a woman of a certain age

You Might Just Be a Women of a Certain Age – Again…

Editor: Our society loves giving descriptive monikers to the various generational age groups. The beginning of the 20th century gave us the Greatest Generation (1901-1924), and the Silent Generation (1925-1945). most representatives of these two age cohorts have now passed. Currently, the largest age group in the United States are the Baby Boomers; Boomers I (born between 1946-1954) and Boomers 2, sometimes known as ‘Generation Jones’ (born between 1955-1964). After the boomers came the Gen X’ers (born between 1965-1979), the Millennials (born between 1980-1994), Generation Z (born between 1995-2010), and finally Generation Alpha (born between 2010 and 2025). Every generation has its unique memories, see if any of Cate’s memories trigger a smile.  

By Cate Rees-Hessel

  1. If you have ever had a Lilt home permanent…you might be a woman of a certain age.
  2. If you used Bonnie Bell Ten-O-Six lotion as a teenager…
  3. If you know what Ten-O-Six lotion actually is…
  4. If you have spun the bottle…
  5. If you know why the bottle spins…
  6. If you played post office at a party, long before DeJoy played with the post office…
  7. If you used a clothes iron on your hair and still have hair…
  8. If you ever Naired for short shorts…
  9. If you wore double belts, shoulder pads, or cloisonné earrings…
  10. If you still rock big hair and tweeze your eyebrows…
  11. If you have had a half moon or glass manicure…
  12. If you know what a half moon or glass manicure is…
  13. If you remember Perry Mason’s first case…
  14. If you played the game “Dream Date” and got the dud…
  15. If you think Patrick Stuart is sexy…
  16. If you think Eric Estrada is sexy…
  17. If you think Rick Springfield is sexy…
  18. 18. If you think President Biden is sexy…
  19. If your workout routine involved a shaker weight or a ThighMaster (RIP Suzanne Summers)…
  20. If you owned a Fonzie pillowcase…
  21. If you know who the Fonz is…
  22. If you know who the Bay City Rollers were…
  23. If you have put a tiger in your tank…
  24. If you know what TV show had a dog named Tiger…
  25. If you know who Sam the butcher was…
  26. If you watched the pilot for Murder She Wrote when it first aired…
  27. If your Velcro rollers got stuck in your Dippity-do hair style…
  28. If you own multiple sets of hot rollers…
  29. If you own pink sponge curlers…
  30. If you know what curlers are…
  31. If Lady Clairol is an old friend…
  32. If you ever used Freeze hairspray but now use Biofreeze…
  33. If you know the lyrics to the song that starts out “There She Is”…
  34. If you know who Bert Parks was…
  35. If you gave it a ten because you could dance to it…
  36. If you still have a tube of Great Lash mascara in your purse…
  37. If you knew Morris the cat when he was a kitten…
  38. If you refer to fat-free milk as skim milk…
  39. If you refer to Spanx as a girdle…
  40. If you refer to your bra as a brassière…
  41. If your sports car wore a bra…
  42. If your first car was T-bird…
  43. If you had “fun, fun, fun” until your daddy took it away…
  44. If you take a Jell-O mold to every potluck you attend…
  45. If you took home economics in high school…Home what you ask?
  46. If your high school high score earned you a Betty Crocker pin…
  47. If you ever received a Betty Crocker Home Legion pin for your distinguished service in homemaking…
  48. If you know Tickle deodorant came in citrus, herbal, floral and unscented…
  49. If you used Tickle unscented so it didn’t clash with your strawberry perfume…
  50. If you used Tickle unscented because it clashed with your sweet Honesty perfume…
  51. If you knew Connie Sellecca was the official spokesperson for Tickle deodorant…
  52. If you’re tickled pink at my mention of Tickle deodorant…
  53. If you refer to sex as a pickle tickle…
  54. If you don’t understand why it’s called pickle ball…
  55. If you refer to blush as rouge…
  56. If you own a teasing comb…
  57. If you ever ratted your hair…
  58. If you know where Gidget went…
  59. If you ever watched the Mike Douglas show and knew who his co-hosts were…

If 59 is your actual age, or you’re in the neighborhood, you are a woman of a certain age…

Martin Luther King, Jr: A Short Profile

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Martin Luther King, Jr: A Short Profile

The life and legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr.

Martin Luther King, Jr: A Short Profile

Editor: It’s been nearly 60 years since the assassination of Dr. King. In those intervening years the Robert’s Court has spent a lot of time whittling away at the rights enshrined in the 1965 Voting Rights Act, until quite literally it is a shell of it’s previous authority. It is imperative that the Congress pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act and the Freedom to Vote Act. Our voting rights are in serious jeopardy and these two landmark pieces of legislation will once again guarantee voting rights for all American citizens, red, white, black, yellow, and brown. It is time for this country to live up to the promise that all men (and women) are created equal.

By Cate Hessel, Wes Hessel and D. S. Mitchell

Birth to Death

Martin Luther King, Jr. the acknowledged face of the 1960’s Civil Rights movement in the United States, was born on January 15, 1929, in Atlanta, Georgia. King, was murdered by a sniper while standing on the balcony of the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tennessee, on April 4, 1968.

Pastor and Activist

King was a pastor and social activist. It was under his leadership that segregation of African Americans in the South and other parts of the United States was ended. King throughout his life promoted non-violent tactics, much like Gandhi in India. He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964.

Comfy Middle Class

Martin grew up in a comfortable middle class home. His parents were college educated. Both his father and his maternal grandfather were Baptist preachers and had pastored the prestigious Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta. The family lived on Auburn Avenue, at the time one of the most prosperous black areas in the country.

College at 15

In a special World War 2 program, intended to boost college enrollment by admitting promising high school students to college early, 15 year old Martin was admitted to Morehouse College in 1944. At Morehouse, King pursued medicine and law. By his senior year, at his father’s urging, he decided to enter the ministry. King’s mentor at Morehouse College was the college president, Dr. Benjamin E. Mays. Dr. Mays was a theologian and “social gospel” activist.

The Social Gospel Movement

The “social gospel movement” began in the 1920’s. Practitioners believed in applying Christian ethics to social problems. The foundational belief of the Social Gospel Movement was that salvation could be attained by helping others. Committed to fighting racial inequality, Mays denounced the black community for “complacency” in the face of oppression. He pushed the leaders of the black church into social action, by accusing them of emphasizing the hereafter, instead of the here and now. King heard the call to service, and after his own experience in the north one summer, he swore to fight the evils of  segregation.

Never Alone

Dr. King,  was not alone in the struggle. Although MLK stands out among the leaders of the 1960’s civil rights movement in the United States he was just one of many.  Other members his leadership team, or the “big six” as they were known, were James Farmer, A. Philip Randolph, Roy Wilkins, Whitney Young, and John Lewis.  During his life Martin Luther King was both heralded and condemned.

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Dr. King Still Speaks To Us . . . .

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Dr. King Still Speaks To Us…

Martin Luther King Day is the third Monday of each year. A time we remember a great man and the unending struggle for equal rights.

Dr. King Still Speaks To Us…

 

By Cate & Wes Hessel

 

The Late Great Dr. King

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., stands out among the leaders of the black civil rights movement in the United States.  Other members of the “Big Six” who walked alongside Martin were; James Farmer, A. Philip Randolph, Roy Wilkins, Whitney Young, and John Lewis.  But Dr. King, or MLK, as many refer to him, has become the face of the 1960’s civil rights movement. During his life Martin Luther King was both heralded and condemned.

He Still Speaks To Us

Dr. King’s eloquence still speaks to us, calling us to continue the fight for what is right and just.

The Bible – God’s word

Above all, MLK was a preacher. His belief in the ‘promise’ is rooted in the Scriptures. He spoke from – the Bible.  That foundation is most apparent in the following:

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

“But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.”

“Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve.  You don’t have to have a college degree to serve.  You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve.  You only need a heart full of grace.  A soul generated by love.”

And one paraphrased from his namesake, reformist Martin Luther:

“Live like Jesus died yesterday, rose this morning, and is coming back tomorrow.”

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2024’s Worst New Year’s Resolutions

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2024’s Worst New Year’s Resolutions

Cate has been going through her list of resolutions for 2024. Enjoy the fun.

2024’s Worst New Year’s Resolutions

By Cate Rees-Hessel 

Editor: At the beginning of each year many of us examine our lives and in many cases decide we need to make some changes; thus the New Year’s Resolution List.  So with that said, here are Cate’s 2024’s worst New Year’s Resolutions.  

  1. Resolving AGAIN to lose weight – this is the most common resolution. It lasts until maybe mid-January most of the time. I no longer bother to resolve to do this, I just resolve to eat healthy, stay hydrated, and exercise.
  2. Resolving to join a gym but never visiting there – canceling can be a major hassle.
  3. Resolving to get a permanent eyeliner and lip liner tattoo. Nope. I’ve resolved to get up ten minutes earlier in the morning to line my eyes and  sometimes I  even skip the lip liner.
  4. Resolving to get plastic surgery or Botox in order to appear younger. I instead will embrace the beauty of aging.
  5. Resolving to clean out your closets, ridding yourself of any and all junk. A good idea but overwhelming if you decide to do it all at once – try doing it in smaller sections.
  6. Resolving to never, ever, ever again, drink, soda, alcohol, or expensive coffee beverages. Let’s face it, not going to happen – just remember moderation is the key here.
  7. Resolving to only drink diet soda. Are you aware of the chemicals in those?
  8. Resolving to play the lottery. Don’t gamble on this one – just start a savings account instead.
  9. Resolving to give your boss a piece of your mind – this is the same as resolving to join the unemployment line.
  10. Resolving to be adventurous. Skinny dipping in winter, bungee jumping over a frozen lake, twerking in public – this is called stupidity.
  11. Resolving to accept as many blind dates as you can – this is also called stupidity.
  12. Resolving to drunk text your ex on New Year’s Eve or maybe Valentine’s Day – this is called beyond stupidity.
  13. Resolving to stop reading the labels at the grocery store. Since the majority of boxed, canned, frozen, and even alleged fresh foods are GMO these days, this is not a wise resolution. Preservatives, artificial colors, and the like don’t make for a happy New Year, either.
  14. Resolving to start jogging 5 miles a day. No, just no – start slow and stay safe. Maybe a walk around the block today and two blocks tomorrow.
  15. Resolving to skip COVID vaccine boosters. You will have plenty of time to read the books you are resolving to read while you’re in quarantine, presuming you are not in a hospital on a ventilator. Whatever you do, don’t binge watch the last six seasons of the “The Apprentice” – you are already sick.
  16. Resolving to dance like nobody is watching in front of a window – no, nope, not good-somebody is always watching.
  17. Resolving to give that creepy date a second chance; after all Valentine’s Day comes shortly after New Year’s. I think not – this won’t end well; creeps just get creepier.
  18. Resolving to conquer your fear of heights by taking flying lessons or trying a zip line. My fear is that this too will not end well.
  19. Resolving to invest half of your paycheck in cryptocurrency. You may want to rethink this one, because the last I heard all those hot cryptocurrency guru’s are serving 99 to life.
  20. Resolving to take pickleball lessons, learning to play the tuba, or enrolling in a circus arts course at the community college- think these over before you shell out any money. I think you’d be alright with the pickleball classes, but I’d definitely forget the tuba training and the high wire act.
  21. Resolving to be a do it yourself plumber – once again, this can’t end well.
  22. Resolving to vote Republican. Don’t go there – ever… No, not ever.
  23. Resolving to buy a boxed set of “The Apprentice” on clearance at Walmart and binge watch it. First of all, why would anyone do such a thing and secondly, why are all those lousy old videos still around? Because they’re lousy of course.
  24. Resolving to never again attend a multi-tiered market party no matter the hype, to find out why, see below.

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Call Me Cate, An Adoptee Moves On

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Call Me Cate, An Adoptee Moves On 

I was adopted. They changed my name and now I have changed it back to my birth name

Call Me Cate, An Adoptee Moves On

 

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

A New Beginning…

As I’ve passed another milestone birthday, my thoughts have wandered to my birth.  I was privately adopted as a newborn by an older couple that were never meant to be parents.  Through DNA testing and the state of Pennsylvania finally opening original birth certificate availability to adoptees a few years ago, I have been blessed with finding my biological family.  I now have multiple siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, and their families. My cousin Michelle has become one of my dearest friends; she has encouraged me to reach out to my new kin, and maintains our family tree with the accuracy of a brain surgeon – a truly amazing lady. There are so many branches, my one BFF joked my cuz is the “Director of Forestry”…

Oh Yeah, I Blend…

My adopted family was abusive and ashamed of my multi racial ethnicities.  I, on the other hand, am thrilled to be an Irish, Italian, Iberian, Iraqi Jewish Christian.  I was cheated out of growing up with sibling camaraderie and arguments, but I do have dear friends that have become my family.  My spouse and I are truly grateful.

Choose Carefully

When I was adopted, my birth name was completely changed.  This irks me; a name at birth should remain through a lifetime.  Hopefully parents will take this into account before choosing overly unusual names.  What we are called should be special, and should be treated with reverence.  When we brought home our most recent lovable Puggle, we kept her beautiful name Sasha.  In Hebrew it means defender of mankind.  I will admit we changed our new kitten’s name from Hazel to Prada – one of my two spiritual mothers was a Hazel, that name being exclusively hers. Besides our cat is a constant reminder for my husband to buy me a Prada purse.

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Festive Food For Thought

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Festive Food for Thought

Pumpkins spice and peppermint sticks every where you look.

Festive Food for Thought

 

By Cate Rees-Hessel

Food for Thought

I hope everyone is having a joyous holiday season, shopping and preparing your favorite foods. Unlike many people, I enjoy grocery shopping; during a recent trip to the market I discovered some unusual edibles for the festive table. Imagine, if you can; unicorn pudding, Oreo and Warhead candy canes, sweet cinnamon Kit-Kats, white peppermint Twinkies, “Wintermint DingDongs” with ice blue filling, a reindeer-faced slice and bake cookie set complete with antlers and a red nose. There was a whole clearance aisle full of all things pumpkin spice, and a large selection of goods inspired by the movie “Frozen” – to this I say “Let It Go”…

Bake Someone Happy…

I admit it, I’m ready to bring back the Christmas’s of my childhood. Let ‘s bring back Christmas cookies made from scratch, and Jiffy Pop for our Christmas special viewing party snacks. We actually had to wait for our favorite programs like “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”, “Frosty the Snowman”, and “Rodgers and Hammerstein ‘s Cinderella”. These were actual classic TV shows, not a DVD in a player, or streaming any time I wanted to see it. These were a big deal. The networks advertised them for a month before the holiday. We’d invite friends over to watch these timeless holiday shows, because they were only shown once a year. I am a Hallmark movie kind of girl, but I miss the anticipation of those annual events.

Mmmmm, no…

We baked cupcakes, and set out a bowl of M & M ‘s – not jalapeno, thai coconut, coffee, hazelnut, caramel, crispy honeycomb, English toffee, chocolate marshmallow, white chocolate peppermint, white pumpkin pie, milk chocolate glow-in-the-dark, or even mint – we had plain and peanut, still my favorites. Hot chocolate was made with cow’s milk and the flavor was chocolate, with maybe a few marshmallows thrown in, and a dollop of Ready-Whip. There was no pumpkin spice, or peppermint anywhere is sight.

Snow Joke

We didn’t ask the musical question, “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” We just went out and built one, complete with carrot nose, lumps of coal for the eyes, and a tattered plaid scarf. Even the holiday commercials on television were festive; my favorite was always the Norelco shaver gliding over the white hills like a snowmobile, with the catch phrase, “even our name says Merry Christmas”.

“Pop”-ular Games

The toys under our trees both delighted and educated – I was the Julia Child of lightbulb cuisine; our “notebook/tablet” was an Etch-A-Sketch – stairways up, stairways down, and stacked boxes. We had Lite-Brites, Barrels of Monkeys, Spirographs, Bride Barbies, Tiddlywinks, and the game Trouble with the Pop-O-Matic – we thought that was cutting edge technology. Some of my favorites were Suzy Cute in her yellow plastic crib, Chatty Cathy, the Dawn doll’ s beauty pageant and beauty salon, Mrs. Beasley, and of course, I had a Swingy doll (mine was decked out in pink and orange) – (batteries not included).

Don’t Sweat(er) It…

Life was slower-paced, and we made our own fun and beautiful memories; we didn’t feature “ugly” Christmas sweaters, but wore green velvet dresses with red ribbons in our hair and shiny black Mary Janes on our feet. Christmas balls went on the tree, not on our apparel, and the coffee table candy dish was filled with ribbon hard candies. I wish you and all those you love a holiday season to remember; Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, and may your New Year arrive in style…

 

Deck the Halls, Not the Husband

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Deck the Halls, Not the Husband

While I love classy, my husband is attached to tacky.

 

Deck the Halls, Not the Husband

 

By Cate Rees-Hessel

 

New Family Traditions

I like classic, classy things; my husband, on the other hand adores the tacky. Currently, he  is in a decorating frenzy, and that scares me. As we prepare to celebrate, who can forget decorations? I sometimes wish my other half would. Don’t get me wrong, I love a tasteful wreath on the door and a holly berry candle on the mantle, and this year, thanks to my recent DNA test, we will be including a menorah along with the family creche, however, my other half is not quite a Clinton Kelly when it comes to holiday embellishment.

Another Holiday Move

I look up from a Hallmark Christmas movie, and to my horror I see my spouse, attired in a Chicago Cubs Santa hat and a flashing Christmas tree tie, hanging jingle bells on the bathroom doorknob. Apparently, there are no safe places from his holiday mania. I cautiously enter the powder room, which has been transformed into a winter wonderland, as in I wonder what the heck happened to my bathroom.

Hang Up the Mistletoe…

Gone are the lovely blue lace-edged fingertip towels and the matching ceramic soap pump. Replacing these tasteful items are Hallmark’s Jolly in the John – really? My husband loves this little guy as much as he loves his Mini – and joining good ol’ Jolly is his pet reindeer, another Hallmark creation, with a roll of toilet paper decorating one of his antlers. Rounding out the tacky trio is Mr. John’s “other half”, a plastic snowwoman soap pump.

And the Toilet Seat

A purple garland adorns the shower curtain rod, and the shell toilet seat is now covered with a giant Santa face, gloved hands covering his eyes (do you blame him?). My attractive celery green with chocolate brown polka-dots bathrobe has been replaced with a latch hook creation of eight tiny reindeer, a rather unfortunate garage sale find. I turn to flee this holiday horror to find my other half nailing mistletoe above the necessary room door.

Merry Migraine!

I resume watching the previously interrupted holiday-inspired film, I take a fortifying sip of my mocha latte as my husband makes his way to the kitchen with a devilish glint in his eye, our jingle bell collared puggle Sasha in tow. My better (?) half is carrying a pair of Rudolph pot holders and a Grinch tea towel. What desecration could he be up to? Visions of plastic glitter sugar plums strung on the stove dance in my head, threatening a migraine. Did I just see our cat Prada wearing kitty-sized elf ears? Over the years my husband has acquired a plethora of kitschy Christmas items, right down to, cover your eyes, glow in the dark snowman boxer shorts, which he actually wears to bed. Does murdering a spouse still rate a life sentence?

Jolly in the John

As I said, one of his favorite pieces of seasonal décor is Hallmark’s “Jolly in the John”; normally I’m a Hallmark kind of girl: love the movies, cards, and ornaments, but I have yet to make friends with good ol’ “Jolly”. A plastic snowman holding a plunger who sings the potty song “Who’s Gotta’ Go”, and informs bathroom visitors they “look a little flush”; in my opinion, he’s gotta’ go. My spouse proudly places him atop the toilet tank, accompanied by his “snowwife”, a plastic lotion dispenser in the shape of a snowwoman, and their beloved pet, another Hallmark creation, a reindeer adorned with a roll of toilet paper on one antler. This “charming” trio has replaced my tasteful glass vase, containing vintage gold and silver Christmas balls.

A Special (Dis)appearance

Ironically, strange things have befallen Jolly – he keeps coming up missing, and stranger still, it only occurs when my hubby isn’t home. I have no idea how Jolly ended up in the bushes-apparently he must have fallen out of the window. I didn’t realize our dog could throw up the sash; lucky for us, our neighbor found him and brought him to our door. My other half then found him in the trash can-I have no idea how he got there, either. He was lovingly washed down and put back and in his place of honor, behind the throne.

Pack It In

Most recently, Jolly turned up at the local thrift store, buried in a box of old clothes I had donated. Lucky for us, that same helpful neighbor volunteers at the resale shop. My husband happened to be in there seeking out more tacky, I mean whimsical, holiday decorations, so the snowman has returned home. I guess I just have to accept that good ol’ Jolly is my husband’s way of decorating. We have certainly decked the halls with a unique bevy of holiday décor, but always in the theme of “peace on earth and goodwill toward men”; yes, Virginia, I married a man with style…